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Emir Aug 2
what makes you feel granted
manhandling my memories
stirring up my experience
diagnosing with no credentials
gaslighting feelings of fear
forcing to question what happened
mind entering a storm
chaos now runs free roam
flashbacks and dreams
dialogue and overwhelming voices
speaking over another
talking me into a box
leaving me there alone
he pulls the chain around it
and imprisons me with a lock

my teeth chatter when I’m anxious
body starts to shake
hands begin to clench
skin feels wave of heat
and I start to feel faint
stomach tells me I’m in danger
heart throbbing in concert with a clock
my face emotionless and stale
as I try to mask what puts me in more danger
of not feeling collected and vulnerable
trusted if I break a sweat they’ll see
make a sudden movement and touch
touch my soft skin marked with scars
I question which body part is next
as I sit in a freezing shock
that limits my movement
ability to think
and speak
as hands go and *****
I scream so loud
but nobody hears me
I am silent
lips unmoved
internal thoughts crying
there is so much to say
but I can’t get myself to speak
and I want those ***** hands off
but I can’t seem to move
body paralyzed
I start unpacking this to the darkness
never to be opened for my safety
throwing away the feelings
destroying what it felt like
is better than keeping it alive
so please
don’t touch me like that
had a traumatizing day.
Parin May 31
I was in my bed, thinking
about what had happened the previous night.
Just him & I,
or was it a dream?
A nightmare so dark,
that it left on me a permanent mark.
 
It was too horrifying to be a reality,
that it robbed me of my sanity.
Why did he do that to me?
Even though I screamed,
even though I begged him to stop,
even though I said no,
I begged him to let me go.
 
But he didn’t.
 
I can still feel his body pressing against mine,
I can still hear him say “shh, quite” from time to time.
He slid his hand under my shirt & up my skirt,
& oh lord he was such a pervert.
He explored my body as if his own,
he went places where I didn’t want him to go.
 
Why did he?
Weren’t my words clear to him?
It was like he couldn’t get enough.
I was a game to him,
which he liked to play rough & tough.
 
He was sadistic & dominant,
he was fiendish & relentless.
The disgust I felt is something I cannot explain,
something I won’t forget.
I need to be set free,
from this agonizing pain.

This incident has consumed me.
Made me lose faith,
made me lose trust,
as I felt severely violated.
My body feels violated.
It doesn’t feel like my own.
 
He left me in the blues,
he left my body bruised,
& my soul wounded,
my mind hurts too.
So I need to ameliorate,
the memory of that day,
that he made me rue.
 
For what has happened has happened,
I've got to move on,
from this tormenting incident,
which most won’t understand.
Which most won’t believe.
& I know I’ll be blamed for it,
even though I am the victim here,
as victim blaming will never disappear.
 
I’ve been left with permanent scars
That cannot heal,
emotionally & physically,
but this is something with what I have to deal.
  
One thing that I’ve learned is that I need to be careful,
& I need to be aware,
to protect myself from all the cruelty out there.
 
As it is my fault not his.
But why am I getting accused?
Of this abuse,
even though I had already refused,
even though I had said no,
yet he never stopped.
& yet I was blamed,
for no mistake of my own.
 
So I guess that there is nothing that I can do,
& nothing that I can say.
But these new descended demons in my head,
need to be tamed.
Please tell me how you all feel about this poem, especially because I wrote upon a very sensitive topic and I am a new writer.
thank you
Nola Leech May 15
MOM
When I’m sad all I think about is you
Sometimes I wish you were dead or I just wasn’t born to you
Because you told me you loved me so many times
And it wasn’t true
I trusted you to help me, I needed you to save me more than anyone in the world
But you abandoned me for him
You choose him over me
And that **** still messes with me
I can’t stop thinking about him touching me
And how even when you heard my story
You still wanted to be with him
It didn’t even phase you
When I was a cutter
And I begged you day and night to make me a doctors appointment
But you were too embarrassed to say anything
I screamed at you saying I’d end up killing myself if you didn’t do anything
Until I decided to overdose and you called your husband first to tell him I did this all because of a boy
A boy? You honestly thought I’d **** myself over a ******* boy? I tried to **** myself because your husband who knew me since I was seven, who was supposed to protect me
Was always touching my ***** and asking me to undress in front of him
And many more things you know happened but refused to admit
You knew before I told you but you didn’t care
And you stuck me in a psych ward for 9 days and didn’t even visit me once
You let your husband who molested me since I was 10 tell me that there’d be people who would try to cut me and hurt me
How it’d be the worst day of my life like I wasn’t scared enough
You didn’t let me talk to the one person who understood me because you were insecure that I loved her more than you
You were right I’ve always loved her more than you
Always
I don’t care that you don’t love me
Sure it’d be nice but I have enough
Even though that when I’m not on my meds or I’m sad I think of you
I don’t love you
I don’t want you
I shouldn’t want anything to do with you
I want a mom
I want my biological mom
But not you
The person you were supposed to be
The one who loved me
Not the one who lied to me
Not the one who didn’t believe me
The one I could laugh with
The one who said she’d do anything to protect me
But I guess those were all lies too, huh?
Just a depressed little poem about someone who didn't love me back.. It's whatever
Was I just the girl who wore too slutty clothes? Was I just an easy target? Was it my fault you did this? What did you do to me? Maybe I should thank you. Maybe it was fate. I want to try and battle my thoughts and question, but it all comes back to that car and pain. I think I figured it was because I was young, dumb, easy, and slutty. In reality, it was your fault. You chose to put your hands on a small fragile minor. You decided to put your fingers inside of a small innocent being. You had those nasty thoughts and ideas. You made the choice. You should have been in the correct state of mind to not touch, feel, and hurt a small child. Maybe it is my fault. I let you do it without knowing better or fighting back. Maybe I should be able to go places without flashbacks of you feeling me up and breaking down in a bathroom. Or be able to walk down the road without having pepper spray in my purse. Maybe I should thank you for what you did to me. You made me grow up and soon ruin my life with stupid habits. Having an addiction to *** and trying to act thrice my age. Maybe I was the stupid one and I should be the one in jail. Maybe one day you'll think back and regret it. I think maybe you should rot and rot and rot until one day you see the meanest man you'll ever see. This is for you. You know who you are. I hope one day I will have the guts to sit in front of you and tell you everything I want to say.   All I do is hurt good people now. You broke me. This is my farewell to you, you will never be able to find me or relatively be able to fix what you've done to me.
This is a message for him.
Anastasia May 1
Every blue moon
memories of you

You'd dismantled
my soul and expect me
to let go so I have
and yet I'm still damaged
beyond repair

I hope you can forgive me
for never being able to
dig a grave deep enough
to forget your soul-distorting
touches and lies

My heart will remain naive
and refuse to see
this inner reality of a world
you'd help me create,
decorated by self inflicted wounds,
where I'll always feel misplaced
Blackenedfigs Apr 27
Men are dogs;
You can hardly call yourself a brother
With no respect for a father's daughter: me.

A man of God are you?
Plead to him for forgiveness, for your wandering eyes
And unfaithful hands.

It is men like you who lust for me,
As if I'm to fulfill a fantasy
Or be your one time secret

I will never be anyone's one time secret.

If your sons had been born daughters
Wouldn't you want them to do the same?
ari Mar 29
from the ripe age
of 8 years young
i found myself with
too much access
to a dangerous place
where scary men lurk
to steal little girls like me
"you're beautiful," they'd say
"i love you"
"if you leave i will **** myself"
grooming me like a
villain's lapcat
luring me into a
fake love so that i may
be violated over and over again
conditioned to be a victim
of manipulative animals
who treat me, a child,
like a lover
"i've always liked younger girls,"
my brainwashed mind
blushing at the idea
that someone, somewhere
thought i was worthy of "love"
trigger warning for ******* mention
Alex Mar 4
If only you could see
/
I will never truly be free
/
After all of the damage
/
You've done to me
Alex Mar 4
Online I found a guy
He didn't look too bad
He lived only an hour away

He said he was 17
Only three years older than me

We made plans to meet up
I was excited
I was going to have *** for the very first time

I wasn't thinking about all of the dangers
I could've been kidnapped
I could've been murdered
I could have been put into *** trafficking
I am lucky I didn't get hurt
But on his way to pick me up

He said he was 19
Only five years older than me

I was scared
But there was no time to change my mind
At fourteen I lost my virginity
To a nineteen year old stranger

Afterwards I panicked
I confided in someone
And they reported the incident
I didn't mean to get him in trouble
But as the police were investigating

They said he was 27
Only thirteen years older than me
This is my story about online predators and I got really lucky because this could've ended a lot worse than it did. But I really hope this teaches people how dangerous talking to strangers online can be, and how the "it won't happen to me" mentality can end very badly.
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