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1.3k · Mar 2018
My Best Friend: Insomnia
Sam Mar 2018
Some people will never understand
That going to bed is just so hard
How am I supposed to explain
Why I never get sleep
Or why I sometimes just stop trying

It never works
I've tried them all
I've done all the methods
And I've read all the articles
I still can't sleep

My friends all try to encourage me
To fix my sleeping habits
And stay as healthy as I can
I really appreciate them for it
But sadly, it's not as easy as they think

I've grown to realize
That even if I wanted to
I couldn't get my **** together
Because sleep scares me
It reminds me of every bad dream I've ever had

So why do I have a horrible sleeping schedule?
Why do I joke around that I'm a mess?
Why do I go to school with tired eyes?
What do I say when people ask my best friends name?
Who is the mastermind behind this madness?

My Best Friend: Insomnia

So, there you have it
Now you know
That sometimes
A lot of times
Some kids just can't sleep
Sam Mar 2018
Now this is a story all about how
My life had been flipped and turned upside down
Let's take a minute, just sit right there
I'll tell ya how I tumbled down the stairs

I was chilling with the fam
We were watching Voltron
When something happened
That made me go "WOT?!"

I thought it'd be funny
To pretend to throw
Myself down the stairs
I said "Down I go!"

I went down a couple
And then a few more
I never intended
To go all the way to the floor

I kept falling
Headfirst into each step
It was scary
But I couldn't get a grip

I tried to grab on
To the rail of the stairs
But all was a fail
As I couldn't hold on

I felt the hope slip
Out of my grip
As I fell down the stairs
Laughing to tears

Or was I crying?

Nah

It was pretty funny

Even though my friends didn't try to save me.
My last poem was really sad so here is a poem about something that happened to me recently. As scary as it was, it's pretty funny thinking back.
1.1k · Feb 2018
Black Balloon
Sam Feb 2018
My balloon is black
As black as night
Filling me with dread
A horrible feeling
That I'm sadly used to
I can see it now
The future of my black balloon
It is taken ahold of
By an evil being
And popped
I thought I felt bad before
But now it's much worse
Much worse
Much worse
It's so much more than dread
It's temptation
I'm tempted to end it all
But I can't seem to get out of bed
My body doesn't want to move
It's ironic how my depression
Is what saved my life
For another day
Another day
Another day
But it's getting harder
Harder to move
And harder to resist these  temptations
I'm about to pop
Like a balloon
A black balloon
My black balloon
Sam Apr 2018
Every night I end up thinking
Of why the world did this to me
I have never understood the meaning
Of how on earth this could be

Why, oh why am I so upset?
Because all I feel is pain and misery
My body gives me existential regret
Why I was born this way will always be a mystery

Disphoria is full of dark thoughts
About how people can tell that I'm fake
I always wish this body would just rot
And reveal a new one that I won't hate

I don't have normal body issues
I just wish my chest was nonexistent
I have to reach for the tissues
To wipe away my tears of existence

Some boys are born with comfort
I was one of the unlucky few
I was born unready and contort
And there's nothing I can do

I'm so unhappy that it's scary
I feel like there's no escape
And not just my sadness or wary
But from my horrible, disphoric mindscape
Disphoria is a big part of my life. It's not one I want but I might as well express it.
642 · Apr 2018
Waiting Game
Sam Apr 2018
I tried to hide my feelings
By dating another girl

That was dumb and it didn't work
Because you're the only one I see

I can't hide my feelings
So I'll just stop trying

I'll tell you any chance I get
That you look wonderful

I'll tell you anytime I can
That you are wonderful

I'll make it so well known
That you're my one and only

I can't look at anyone else
The same way I look at you

You're one of a kind
And I wish I could give you the world

You are so close
Yet so far

So, I won't hide my feelings
I'll yell them to the world

In a peaceful voice
That only you can hear

You are my best friend
But I wish you were more

I can wait.
I'm such a freaking mess when it comes to this stuff.
547 · Apr 2018
Stomachache
Sam Apr 2018
My stomach hurts from the anxiety I feel everyday.
I can't possibly describe it any other way.
When I wake up from the two hours of sleep I had that night
I feel the pain creep in just like a bright light.
It shines it's darkness all around me
And whispers things that quickly drain my glee.
It makes my head and stomach ache.
It makes me think all the times I felt fake.
I get up and go to the bathroom
To look into my mirror of absolute doom.
It shows my face: exposed and pale
Because lately my state of mind has made me so frail.
I know it's a cliche emo thing to say
But why did my life have to end up this way?
546 · May 2018
A Day In The Life: Sam
Sam May 2018
8 o’clock A.M.
I wake up
I stay in bed
“6 more hours.”
I sleep for 6 more hours
I wake up again

2 o’clock P.M.
Finally time to drag myself out of bed
I sit up
I fall back
Nauseated again
I lay down and stare at the wall
I’ve become accustomed to staring at that wall
I think of all the things I should be doing right now
Something productive
Not sleeping
I feel it again
Good ole’ gender dysphoria
I sob for two more hours
All while feeling nauseated

4 o’clock P.M.
I try not to throw up
It’s my worst nightmare
The weird thing is
That everyday I feel nauseated
But I never get sick
And I never feel better either
I try to sleep it off for a few more hours
This is the fourth day in a row that I’ve skipped breakfast and lunch
Not on purpose
I just forgot to feel hungry
It was covered by all the sick feelings

8 o’clock P.M.
I wake up
I eat dinner
I go to bed
I can’t sleep
I stay awake until 7 A.M.
I finally sleep for an hour
I wake up
Do it all over again

8 o’clock A.M
544 · Dec 2017
"It's not real..."
Sam Dec 2017
Depression
"It's not real."
"It's all up to you how you feel."
"You're so problematic."
They're all wrong.
Depression is real.
As real as you.
As real as me.
As real as the thing you love the most.
Depression doesn't make you sad.
It makes you afraid.
Of happiness.
Of sadness.
It makes you tired of feeling.
I'm tired of feeling.
I'm tired.
People who have never felt depression always say stuff like this.
536 · Apr 2018
Hey Sisters
Sam Apr 2018
She’s mean
She’s annoying
She’s god awful

But she’s my sister
So I’ll only complain
524 · Feb 2018
My Passion
Sam Feb 2018
Memes, memes,
What a wonderful thing!
They're funny, and punny,
And all around lovely!

But sometimes memes can be
Sad...
They can be very, very
Bad...
They can make you feel
Upset...
They can make you feel
regret...

I am sad.
Sad that I grew to
Love.
Sad that I got to know
You.
You beautifully, horrible
Meme.

Garry, come home.
I couldn't help myself. @Mayo, Nel, and Mah
513 · Apr 2018
Hatred in the right
Sam Apr 2018
People say hatred is wrong

That it means you're as bad as the very one you hate

But I beg to differ

Why can't I hate her for torturing me as a child

And trying her very best to make me sad

Why can't I hate him for doing the very same

For doing anything he can to made me feel pain

Just because he can't hurt himself enough

I've grown to hate myself

And as bad as that is

I just can't stop

I've grown up with such a toxic set of siblings

I might as well be the first to go

That's what they've always wanted

When they tried to strangle me

I still remember how it felt

When they wrapped their hands around my neck

It hurt
This is pretty deep but oh well.
461 · Mar 2018
OG Emo
Sam Mar 2018
The word emo is used to describe someone who dresses dark and scary.
Or someone who hurts themself.
For me, it’s a word I use to describe my real emotions.
Emo = emotion
I am “emo” because I am emotional.
Sure, I joke around a lot.
I make fun of my own emotions.
I call myself emo just because I like wearing black.
But there’s a reason why I wear all that black.
I’m too afraid to be happy.
I’m don’t deserve to wear color.
I feel like I should always be grieving.
I feel like I don’t deserve happiness.
Why would I?
I always feel guilty for what happened back in the seventh grade.
I could’ve done more.
I could’ve been more useful.
That’s a lie.
I’m useless.
Worthless.
A terrible person.  
The point is that I am the original emo.
Not because I wear black.
But because I am emotional.
Does that make me human?
No.
It just makes me sad.
That’s as plane as it gets.
I’m just sad.
436 · Apr 2018
Nausea
Sam Apr 2018
Sometimes I feel sick and tired.
It usually goes away after a day.
But lately I've felt worse.
I've felt nauseated.
I've felt like crying.
And all for what?

I thought it was just a depressive episode.
I thought I would feel better after a few hours of crying.
But I just feel worse.
I feel more sick and tired.
The feeling that I will throw up anytime won't go away.
Why do I feel this way?

I think it's because I feel so lonely.
I feel isolated from the world around me.
Yeah, I hang out with friends a lot.
But I never really feel there.
It's just so exhausting.
Why is this happening?

I've always wanted a pet.
To help me feel comforted.
And make me stop feeling lonely.
But sadly I can't have one.
And I will be alone for what feels like forever.
Why is the world so cruel?

My isolation follows me.
It's there when I wake up.
It's there when I'm with other people.
It's even there to tuck me in at night.
I still feel queasy.
Why is it so involved in my life?

Why am I asking so many questions?
Why is the light of the screen making my nausea worse?
Why can't I stop crying?
Why can't I think clearly?
Why do I feel so lonely?
Why?
I have felt really lonely for a long time now. I recently reunited with a cousin that I haven't seen in a while. She is probably one of the best and worst people I have ever conversated with. While she understands me in a way that no one else can, she also made me realize that I feel really lonely and sad all the time. I've been feeling nausea a lot lately as well. It *****.
416 · Feb 2018
Earn It
Sam Feb 2018
I always have to work so hard for everything.
My money
My average grades
The parts in plays
And the hardest thing of all:
My happiness

Shouldn't we just be given happiness?
I guess not
Because I never just get it
I always have to earn it

****, it's hard to earn

I am so drained
Emotionally and physically
It's hard to keep my head up
Especially when I can't earn you

You are the only thing
The only person
That just gives me happiness
Like I've already earned it

Thank you.

Thank you for my happiness
And for the hilarious fights we have
And for the times we spend together
Even if you don't know how much it means to me

Just thank you
For not making me earn it.

Thank you.
Uh, a letter to my fave?
390 · May 2018
ERROR
Sam May 2018
(ERROR, ERROR, ERROR)
My life is one big mistake
I am always trying and failing
To get you out of my mind
It’s really hard to forget you
You’re just so great
But you don’t want me
Like I want you
I want my best friend back
I need you back
Is that so much to ask?
(ERROR, ERROR, ERROR)
This is way too much
I can’t handle the fact
That you don’t want me
Even as a friend or more  
You never want to talk to me
It’s like you never even wanted to
In the first place
I thought I could get over you
But it’s harder than it looks
Much harder than I anticipated
(ERROR, ERROR, ERROR)
Ugh, why is high school like this?
388 · Mar 2018
Chaser
Sam Mar 2018
I had a dream
That she noticed me
That she smiled
And told me she’d walk a mile
If it meant that we could talk
And walk
Together

But then that dream
It went into a horrible something
When she didn't come to school
For a whole week

Let me just say
I was terrified
To think that the girl I
So desperately want
Was going through something
That makes her sad

I begged and pleaded
To every god I know
To just let me take her place
To let me deal with the pain
So she can smile again

It isn't fair
That she has to experience
Something that takes her smile away
The beautiful smile that I look forward
To seeing everyday
When I get to school

She is beauty, she is grace
And she has the most beautiful face
Personality
Abilities
And talents

What I wouldn't give
To sneakily hold her hand
Under the cover
Of a blanket we could share

For now I'll settle with the subtle flirting
And looking at each other
With those stupidly cute love eyes

I want to give her those love eyes

I guess I'm just a chaser

But I'm a chaser of a beautiful girl

Who doesn't deserve me
Wow I need help.
326 · Sep 2019
Fights of love
Sam Sep 2019
We fight because we care
We don't fight often
But the rare times that we do
It always ends in
I love you

I love you.
I love you.
295 · Sep 2018
car crash
Sam Sep 2018
I almost got into a car crash tonight.
Not the kind of almost that you would notice.
It was the kind that I think of over and over.
That I could **** myself.
Right then and there.
I was going to do it too.
Because it’s better than feeling.
I feel
Sad
Depressed
Anxious
Scared
Tired
Unmotivated
Unwanted
Unneeded
Unnecessary

Woah

That’s a lot
I didn’t even realize how bad I feel until just now.

But I’m fine
No
Really I’m fine.

Don’t ask me what’s wrong
The answer is obvious
But it’s also so incredibly hidden
That even I don’t know.

I have a good life
Even though it’s toxic.

I have good friends
Even though I’m a burden to them.

Maybe I should rethink that car crash

Maybe I shouldn’t have thought about how hurt my loved ones would be.

They’re always ruining my suicide.

The way they love me
The way they care about me
It’s so annoying.

I wish they would make it easier for me and just stop caring.

I know I’m loved by some people
I can tell

But that doesn’t mean that I’m loved by myself.

I’m so unhappy right now.

But I’m fine.
Idk what this is supposed to be. It was going to be a vent but I think I’ll make that into a separate one.
285 · Oct 2018
the couch
Sam Oct 2018
Sometimes I try my best to avoid sleeping in my room.
I think it’s because I’m afraid that if I sleep in my bed, I’ll never want to get up.
And then I’ll slowly **** myself.
In a heap of my own depression and self comfort.
So I sleep on the couch.
Because it’s just not as comfortable.
So then I won’t want to die as fast.
This probably makes no sense.
283 · Mar 2018
-
Sam Mar 2018
-
You know what's sad?
The fact that I spend my free time
Thinking of ways to hide
My sadness.

The fact that I have to think
Of an excuse for
Why my arm hurts
And bleeds.  

It's hard to hide the scars
Of my past
And my present
And my future.  

Knowing that a teacher could
Find my writing
And try to censor me
Again.

I'm sick of being told
That I can't say
What I feel because
It makes others uncomfortable.

I'm tired of being told
That I have to live
Because if I die
It will makes others uncomfortable
To remember me.

Sorry?
It's not really your decision
To decide if I live or die
It's mine
And I choose-
270 · Mar 2018
Another dammed poem
Sam Mar 2018
My poems are ******
They're destined to be sad
No one's ever a fan
Because they're always so bad

No, not bad
Not nessissarily
Maybe I'm just mad
That I can't write hilarity

Sorry, my bad
It's not your fault
That these make me mad
It's all my fault

I really can't complain
Because in the end

I am the one who wrote them
I've come to realize that I shouldn't say these **** because I am the one who posted it. This really doesn't make sense, but in the end it's all about self expression, right?
263 · May 2018
Fucking Nausea
Sam May 2018
I’M FEELING IT AGAIN.

ALL THE ******* NAUSEA

Do ya ever feel that way?

You probably have a few times in your life.

But have ya ever felt it CONSTANTLY?

Every.
Single.
*******.
Day.
I feel it.

Sometimes it’s for a few hours.

But a lot of the time, it’s all **** day.

ALL **** DAY.

I’m so uncomfortable all the time.

Because of NAUSEA.

******* NAUSEA.

Forgive me for being a little bitter.

I’m just a little<a lot>nauseated.
I’m so frustrated with my constant nausea feeling. Ugh.
258 · Sep 2018
I’m about to get petty
Sam Sep 2018
First you gain my absolute trust
Then you get close to my friend
Next you start dating her
Finally you emotionally manipulate her.

But guess what?
She’s actually fine
Because she knows what she’s gotta do
To help herself

You talk about being newly popular
But I bet you’re a scared little girl
A scared newbie
Who tried to hurt my friend

Just because you didn’t get your way
You decide to **** talk a group
Right after you knew they almost got hurt
And you didn’t care

But you expect everyone to drop everything
And help you when you feel hurt
I’m ******* done

Done with your *******
Done with your toxicity
Done with how you act to others
Done with you

You manipulative little girl
You’re only gonna get worse
I could see that from the moment I met you

You
Terrible
Little
Girl

Don’t ******* come back

You won’t be welcome
255 · May 2018
Ripped Apart
Sam May 2018
I thought we were going to be best friends
For a really, really long time.
I thought that you would never leave
Especially without a warning.
And now it seems that you don’t want me
Anymore.
You don’t feel the need for me
Anymore.
I feel like a part of me has been
Ripped apart.
Apart from my body.
My heart.
I don’t know what I did
But I’m sorry.
Please come back to me.
I can’t seem to stop crying.
251 · Jul 2018
Set Up ?
Sam Jul 2018
I met my friends boyfriend today.
He could tell I was into girls.
As my friend was singing and being an amazing work of art,
He turned to me and said,
“Have you noticed how attractive her lips are?”
I felt so awkward.
Because I don’t see every girl that way.
Just some.
Just one.
But not her.
“I don’t look at her that way...”
I thought he was trying to imply that I did.
But why?
“I wasn’t trying to set you up or anything!”
The funny thing is that I didn’t even think he was
Until he said something.
Now all I can think
Is that he is bad.
But he’s not.
He’s great.
But he kind of scares me now.
What if he does it again?
What if he tries to make me seem like a freak?
He says the “***” word.
And that has changed my whole mood about him.
But he’s a good guy.
Maybe I’m just scared of yet another person.
Maybe I’m being over dramatic.
Or maybe not.
Not really a poem but my thoughts for the night. He’s cool and all but that made me really uncomfortable...
249 · May 2018
Ignorance
Sam May 2018
You're stupid.
S
T
U
P
I
D
A bigot with nothing better to do
You just want to upset people
Because you got your ego crushed
Again.
You're just an
Ignorant
Little
Boy.
UGH
246 · Feb 2018
Happy days
Sam Feb 2018
I can't lie to you
I'm not happy
I haven't felt happiness
In a very long time

So when I get sick
I tend to overreact
Because it makes my
Depression enhance itself

Isn't it ironic
That the word "influenza"
Is funny yet scary
At the same time?

Isn't it funny to think
That we're all dying
But sickness makes us
Die faster?
Ummm yeah I'm really sick rn and that doesn't help depression soooo ye.
238 · Mar 2019
Sun
Sam Mar 2019
Sun
~
The sun was bright
Shining my life with light
Then the storm came
Now there’s  just rain
~
I’m going through one of the toughest times I’ve gone through in a while. When will it end?
237 · Apr 2018
Untitled
Sam Apr 2018
I can't think of a title
So I'll just go to sleep for a while
It's better than crying
But not as affective as dying
As I lay here with tear stained eyes
Trying and failing to say my goodbyes
My sadness creeps through yet again
And pulls me down into a lifetime of pain

All in a matter of seconds
236 · May 2018
Number Cridic
Sam May 2018
I hate odd numbers
Unless they're the number 3
I love even numbers
Unless they're the number 2
I feel safe with numbers
Unless they're the number 1
3,2,1
3, because it's the perfect amount
2, because it's the only even prime (ugh)
1, because, like me,
It always feels
Alone
232 · Dec 2018
“Stop being so gay”
Sam Dec 2018
I heard that all night
They didn’t say it to be mean
They said it to point us out
To make it known
That we were, in fact
“Being gay”
For each other
Like a couple

You’re cute and sweet
Mean and rude
Weird  and dorky
Nerdy and geeky
You’re hot and manly
Charming and handsome
Smart and interesting
Strong and masculine

There are just so many things
That I can think about
As to why I really really
Really really really really like you
So many reason as so why
You are different
You are special
Not like anyone else I’ve ever known

You’re so cuddly with your friends
But more so with me
And I love it
I love that we can play fight
And be mean to each other
But in the end
I ask if you’re okay and vise versa
And we hold each other

Maybe we’re just two boys
Who are mainly into girls
And maybe we’re just two boys
Who are too weird to say it out loud
Maybe we’re just two boys
Who like to cuddle with each other
And maybe we’re just two boys
Who happen to be gay for each other

Our friends always say
“Stop being so gay”
To point out that we are
In fact “being gay”
Because we are
We’re always being pretty gay
For each other
And I ******* love it
Ugh I’m way too into you.
Sam Jun 2018
New routine:
Wake up, take two pills
Eat a sandwich
Write comedy
Take another pill
Eat another sandwich
Watch comedy
Take another pill
Eat another sandwich
Go to bed
Don’t sleep
Feel, instead of nausea, a weird rumbling in your stomach
Shake a little
Fall asleep in the morning
Wake up
Forget your pill
Have withdrawals
Feel terrible
New routine:
Feel terrible
Have anxiety over feeling terrible
Tremble in fear
Feel depressed
Leave the house
Forget the situation
Come home
Take a pill
Continue to feel terrible
New routine:
Prefer the nausea over this.
Ugh, I ******* hate this.
229 · May 2018
Insecurities
Sam May 2018
You see a lot of girls talking about their insecurities
But hardly any boys speak about theirs
It’s like we’re simply not allowed
Like it’s a rule that you can’t be open about your feelings
Well I am
I’m one of the few boys who are
I’m comfortable enough to talk about my uncomfort
And there’s a lot of it
Some boys can relate to girl problems
I relate to them all
I bleed every month
I’m uncomfortable with a lot of my body
I feel feelings
Everyone feels feelings
Girls are encouraged to talk about them
But what about us boys?
Can’t we be sensitive?
Because some boys are insecure
And we need to express it
222 · Mar 2018
Death of a writer.
Sam Mar 2018
I thought that I should try

To rhyme another rhyme

But all I can think instead

Is I just want to go to bed
214 · Aug 2018
Becoming a sociopath
Sam Aug 2018
Warmth used to fill me
With caring and passion
I would love seeing others glee
Their hearts are my fashion

I used to always try to make others happy
With jokes and soothing stories
I love others happiness madly
If they were pained, I’d be mourning

But as time grows on
I find myself not caring
About people and their own pain
About their suffering or happiness

And now I can’t seem to care
That people are suffering
Because if it doesn’t affect me,
Then it doesn’t matter
Idk why I’ve been feeling this way lately. Like obviously I care about my closest friends and stuff but sometimes I hear bad things and feel nothing. Like it’s not personally hurting or helping me so it’s not worth even caring about. Over the years I’ve struggled with wondering what is wrong with me that way. Idk it’s complicated. Also, the back half of the poem doesn’t rhyme for theme purposes. Much like life, I just don’t care.
211 · Dec 2017
Crack
Sam Dec 2017
The universe is cracked.
Crack.
Goes the world.
The poor, sad people here.
Oh, god why?
Why are we bound to these few limitations,
Of calm, loud pulsations.
They echo in my mind.
Calling out, "Just stop."
"Stop trying to make a difference."
"Stop trying to change our preference."

Your preference of what?
Of life?
Of your mind?

I've got news for you, kiddo.
I can do anything I want.
As long as it's legal.

Remember this:

The people who built the Titanic
Were experts.
But the person who built the arch
Was an amateur.

Don't tell me
That I can't make a
Difference.

I already have.

Thank you.

But no thank you.
Ahhh this is a ****** mess.
210 · Oct 2018
lost boy
Sam Oct 2018
I am a lost boy
From neverland
Was always so sure of
Who I am

But one day
That all went down hill
Because I completely lost
My will to live

“Who are you lost boy?”
They say to me
“I don’t know anymore...”
They hear me say

But neverland is home
To lost boys like me
And lost boys like me
Are free

Until I understand
Who I really am
I will just try
And be me
I was trying to do a sort of remake of the Lost Boy song. I’ve been feeling lost as a person lately and I’m just trying to do what I can to get happy. Enjoy, I guess ?
208 · Apr 2018
A happy world of sadness
Sam Apr 2018
This world is full of happiness
It's beautiful and alive
A wonderful work of art
So many happy people
So many things to be happy about

My world is full of sadness
It's ugly and dead
A destroyed work of art
Just a sad boy called Sam
So many things to be sad about

I want to live in the first world
But I can't escape my past
I think about it everyday
How I couldn't breathe
And how I never really will again

I'm sorry that I can't be a happy person
That's just not who I am anymore
I've come so close so many times
So many different ways
I'm drowning in my own world

There isn't an escape
This is just how it is I guess.
205 · Mar 2018
Dirty
Sam Mar 2018
I'm sick of being clean.
I feel like I'll slip up any moment.
Maybe now is that moment.
I'm sorry.
But I just can't take it anymore.
I need to feel pain.
I deserve to feel pain.
I know I promised I would come to you.
I promised I would talk to you instead.
I promised I would stay clean.
But little did you know,
That I was lying.
I'm laying in my own dirt.
And I'm sorry.
198 · Jun 2018
Ferris Wheel
Sam Jun 2018
I ******* despise them.

They’re actually the **** of all carnival rides.

And they make my life hell.

But you rode with me.

And told me a story that weirdly actually calmed me.

And you played Gary Come Home for me.

So it wasn’t that terrible.

You’re a great friend.

Thanks.
I probably would have cried if you weren’t there. Thanks May.
Sam Jan 2019
You ask me if I have any
I tell you I don’t know
But I would absolutely love
To figure it out with you
Together
185 · Jun 2018
Wounded
Sam Jun 2018
I have this small wound
It’on my left arm
Right above my hand
And it really makes me think
I think of all the things that can come from wounds
Like death
I’ve been thinking a lot about death
Because I don’t know where exactly we go
And it scares me
I end up thinking a whole through my brain
A wound in my head
Full of thoughts
“What will happen when I die?”
I just don’t know
And it hurts
Like a wound
Like a deep wound
Like a really painful wound
Of thoughts
I’ve been having an existental depression for like a couple weeks now, and I’m just not okay.
181 · May 2018
It's Ya Boi
Sam May 2018
Boi
Boy
I am a boy
Gorl
Girl
I am NOT a girl
Don't try to tell me what you think you know
You're wrong
You're always wrong
181 · Feb 2019
Fun fun fun with you
Sam Feb 2019
How often do it be like that?
Only sometimes

Just kidding
All the time

We always have fun together
Even when we’re sad or mad

But we always get through it
And enjoy each other’s company and love

I really love you
With my whole **** heart

God, you make me feel safe
And loved

We always have fun
And that’s the best feeling

I love you
<3
179 · May 2019
Mundane day; my pov
Sam May 2019
I woke up the next morning and looked over
There he was right next to me
Laying awake and staring
His beautiful eyes looking deeply into mine
This was a wonderful way to start our day

Then I made him pancakes
He really loves when I bake for him
He said he wanted to bake with me forever
Like my little assistant
Baking is very important to us

We sat together on the couch and made plans for the day
A fun little trip to Walmart
We needed more baking ingredients
He said he wanted to make pudding and a cute little cake
I smiled and happily agreed

We ran our errands and went back home
I sat down and he threw himself at me
He trusts me so much to catch him every time
I always do my best to keep him safe
We cuddled for a while while watching baking shows

We joke and cook and kiss all evening
Then it’s time for a shower
We love taking showers together
We love taking care of each other
It’s the most wholesome thing

Then we get into bed
I hold him or he holds me
We make sure the other is okay
Then we talk and talk and talk
Until we fall asleep again

We constantly say “I love you”
We make each other gifts
We have a ton of ***
We are “that couple”
We are so, so happy with each other

But I think we both agree that our absolute favorite type of day
Is the mundane day
<3
I absolutely love these days with my amazing man. He’s the first person I could say that I can do absolutely nothing with and feel like we’re having the time of our lives. This is to my love, mi amor, my sweetheart. <3
178 · Jan 2019
Writing about you
Sam Jan 2019
So sweet, so wonderful, so natural
You never let me feel scared
You talk to me about all my worries
And for that, I truly thank you

I love writing about you
Because It’s something happy to think of
You make me so happy
For that, I appreciate you

These happy works
Are what I want to write about more
So others can read them
And feel the same happiness you give me
I really hope you don’t get sick of me ahaha
165 · Dec 2018
Dontmakemefallinlove
Sam Dec 2018
Its too late,
It’s just too ******* late.
I just want to touch you.
Hold you.
Love you.
Talk to you.
Tell you I love you.
158 · Jan 2019
One month of loving you
Sam Jan 2019
It’s so crazy to think
That you would want to put up with me
For a whole month
And longer

I’m so glad I get to spend time with you
And hold you
And kiss your head
Every time you lean into me

The way you yawn and lazily move closer
You let me wrap my arms around you
And we stay that way for a while
Then you do the same for me

You hold me and make me feel safe
And warm
You’re so sweet
You’re so kind and loving

Thank you for loving me
For a whole month and more
Thank you for letting me love you
For hopefully many more months

<3
156 · Dec 2019
A haiku for you
Sam Dec 2019
You are very neat
And you're cool, and kind, and sweet
The very neatest
155 · Sep 2018
venti sized vent
Sam Sep 2018
I
Am
Over
Being
Your
Little
*******
*****

You are the current source of my
p a i n

The one who makes me want to
q u i t

You make me want to pack up and
l e a v e

Maybe one day I will so I can stop being a
b u r d e n

You
Can
Not
Control
Everyone’s
Mother
*******
Life

Excuse my language but you really do
s u c k

Why does it make you happy to see me in
p a i n ?

You can’t handle being told that you are
b a d  a t  s o m e t h i n g

That’s why you choose to do the same to
m e

Because
You
Love
To
Be
A
Toxic
*****
Sorry I curse a l o t in this, but I had to express my pain.
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