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Dec 2019 · 106
GAH! ALRIGHT!! OKAY!!!
Sam Dec 2019
Mother called for me to wake
I said: no
"It's noon!" Said mother
I said: boooo
"Work today!" She called
I said: never
"You can bake a cake!" She said
I said: okay, I'm up
Dec 2019 · 156
A haiku for you
Sam Dec 2019
You are very neat
And you're cool, and kind, and sweet
The very neatest
Sep 2019 · 326
Fights of love
Sam Sep 2019
We fight because we care
We don't fight often
But the rare times that we do
It always ends in
I love you

I love you.
I love you.
May 2019 · 179
Mundane day; my pov
Sam May 2019
I woke up the next morning and looked over
There he was right next to me
Laying awake and staring
His beautiful eyes looking deeply into mine
This was a wonderful way to start our day

Then I made him pancakes
He really loves when I bake for him
He said he wanted to bake with me forever
Like my little assistant
Baking is very important to us

We sat together on the couch and made plans for the day
A fun little trip to Walmart
We needed more baking ingredients
He said he wanted to make pudding and a cute little cake
I smiled and happily agreed

We ran our errands and went back home
I sat down and he threw himself at me
He trusts me so much to catch him every time
I always do my best to keep him safe
We cuddled for a while while watching baking shows

We joke and cook and kiss all evening
Then it’s time for a shower
We love taking showers together
We love taking care of each other
It’s the most wholesome thing

Then we get into bed
I hold him or he holds me
We make sure the other is okay
Then we talk and talk and talk
Until we fall asleep again

We constantly say “I love you”
We make each other gifts
We have a ton of ***
We are “that couple”
We are so, so happy with each other

But I think we both agree that our absolute favorite type of day
Is the mundane day
<3
I absolutely love these days with my amazing man. He’s the first person I could say that I can do absolutely nothing with and feel like we’re having the time of our lives. This is to my love, mi amor, my sweetheart. <3
Mar 2019 · 238
Sun
Sam Mar 2019
Sun
~
The sun was bright
Shining my life with light
Then the storm came
Now there’s  just rain
~
I’m going through one of the toughest times I’ve gone through in a while. When will it end?
Feb 2019 · 181
Fun fun fun with you
Sam Feb 2019
How often do it be like that?
Only sometimes

Just kidding
All the time

We always have fun together
Even when we’re sad or mad

But we always get through it
And enjoy each other’s company and love

I really love you
With my whole **** heart

God, you make me feel safe
And loved

We always have fun
And that’s the best feeling

I love you
<3
Feb 2019 · 142
Take your pain away
Sam Feb 2019
He is sad and he said that all he wants to do when he’s sad is cuddle up next to me and sleep but he can’t do that cause you’re not supposed to sleep in your binder. But he’s only sad because of dysphoria. ******* dysphoria has the ******* audacity to get in my mans head again and I want to kick its ***. But I can’t cause I can’t even handle my own and I can only imagine how he feels. I just want to hold him and let him talk to me about all his feelings while we slowly fall asleep together, but we can’t even do that and that *****. I just want him happy. I have never loved someone so much that I would do anything to just take his pain away and put it on myself so it wouldn’t hurt him.
:(
Ugh, you don’t deserve all of this pain. I wish I could make it stop.
Jan 2019 · 158
One month of loving you
Sam Jan 2019
It’s so crazy to think
That you would want to put up with me
For a whole month
And longer

I’m so glad I get to spend time with you
And hold you
And kiss your head
Every time you lean into me

The way you yawn and lazily move closer
You let me wrap my arms around you
And we stay that way for a while
Then you do the same for me

You hold me and make me feel safe
And warm
You’re so sweet
You’re so kind and loving

Thank you for loving me
For a whole month and more
Thank you for letting me love you
For hopefully many more months

<3
Sam Jan 2019
You ask me if I have any
I tell you I don’t know
But I would absolutely love
To figure it out with you
Together
Jan 2019 · 178
Writing about you
Sam Jan 2019
So sweet, so wonderful, so natural
You never let me feel scared
You talk to me about all my worries
And for that, I truly thank you

I love writing about you
Because It’s something happy to think of
You make me so happy
For that, I appreciate you

These happy works
Are what I want to write about more
So others can read them
And feel the same happiness you give me
I really hope you don’t get sick of me ahaha
Sam Jan 2019
I was so nervous to ask you out
But then you said yes
Then we started dating
And I couldn’t be happier
Then I decided to ask you to hang out
Just us two alone
But I was so nervous
You make me feel nervous
But in a good way
I get butterflies when I’m around you
But it feel so natural and nice
You said yes
That you could come over Saturday
And that day is tomorrow
And I’m scared
But I know we’ll have fun together
Because you always make it fun
And you always make me feel calm again
You really do
Ugh, sorry for all the annoying boyfriend posts. I’ll probably stop for a while.
Jan 2019 · 103
funny yet deep
Sam Jan 2019
We talk
About so many things
Like how young we are
And now smart you are
Even our future
It gets so deep
Like the darkest debts
Of my soul
And I enjoy those conversations
But then it goes back to being light
It goes back to saying cute, dumb things
And I love those conversations too
A lot
They flow together so naturally
Like water, like water
Like beautiful art
It feels so natural
And unrehearsed
Just lifelike
And amazing
Thank you
Dec 2018 · 125
Dreaming
Sam Dec 2018
I finally got you
It feels like a lie
But really it’s true
I don’t want this to die

You really do want me
But I keep asking myself,
“How could this possibly be?”
It’s something I’ve always felt

God, you’re so smart
You knew all along
And now that our relationship has a start
I don’t want it to-

I can’t find another word for
“end”
Because I don’t want it to
Djksnxjnzns this is really poorly written and doesn’t rhyme at all and honestly probably shouldn’t considering the context of it but OH WELL I GUESS. Anyway, yeah I’m really happy with what’s going on rn and I’m really glad you don’t have HP cause you’d see my weird poems about you. <3
Dec 2018 · 165
Dontmakemefallinlove
Sam Dec 2018
Its too late,
It’s just too ******* late.
I just want to touch you.
Hold you.
Love you.
Talk to you.
Tell you I love you.
Dec 2018 · 141
Angrily in love with you
Sam Dec 2018
get out of my
H
E
A
D
stop giving me that cute smile and adorable look every time we talk
it really is just
killing me

i’m just so angrily in love
with you
and it hurts

your sweet little voice
and soft little play hits
make me yearn more and more
when i’m not around you

i can’t stop thinking about
how you put the blanket over our heads
and leaned in to me

you kissed my cheek
then I kissed your neck
then we just kissed

it made me more confused
because I can’t ever tell
if you want me
or if I’m just kidding myself

you would never admit it but
you’re so soft and tender
and could be the sweetest
like candy

you have no idea how angry I get
when I think of you
but you probably don’t think of me
because you’re too good for me

you need to just stop being
so ******* cute
and stop being
so ******* kind to me

****, man I hate when you do that
because then I can’t stop thinking
about you
and it’s hard

i wouldn’t say I’m actually
“in love”
but, I really do
like you a lot
ugh I really like him
so much
that it hurts my chest
to even think about it
Dec 2018 · 232
“Stop being so gay”
Sam Dec 2018
I heard that all night
They didn’t say it to be mean
They said it to point us out
To make it known
That we were, in fact
“Being gay”
For each other
Like a couple

You’re cute and sweet
Mean and rude
Weird  and dorky
Nerdy and geeky
You’re hot and manly
Charming and handsome
Smart and interesting
Strong and masculine

There are just so many things
That I can think about
As to why I really really
Really really really really like you
So many reason as so why
You are different
You are special
Not like anyone else I’ve ever known

You’re so cuddly with your friends
But more so with me
And I love it
I love that we can play fight
And be mean to each other
But in the end
I ask if you’re okay and vise versa
And we hold each other

Maybe we’re just two boys
Who are mainly into girls
And maybe we’re just two boys
Who are too weird to say it out loud
Maybe we’re just two boys
Who like to cuddle with each other
And maybe we’re just two boys
Who happen to be gay for each other

Our friends always say
“Stop being so gay”
To point out that we are
In fact “being gay”
Because we are
We’re always being pretty gay
For each other
And I ******* love it
Ugh I’m way too into you.
Dec 2018 · 78
sad over u
Sam Dec 2018
You were once my best friend
Then I wanted more
Then you wanted more
Then we talked about us
How we both wanted more
Then you lead me on
And you kept leading me on
For years
I was a fool
To think that you would actually want me
You didn’t see me as a real guy
No one does
You took my heart
You had my heart
For ******* years...
Then you broke it
You broke my heart
And didn’t feel a thing
You acted as if it was normal
To go from mutual love
To denying everything we felt
And that **** hurt
You had my heart
You broke my heart
Then I saw you tonight
And you acted as if you could get it again
No.
I’ve really been second guessing myself over this. I really like him, but with everything that happened with her, I’m afraid it’ll happen again...
Dec 2018 · 108
God, who made you this way?
Sam Dec 2018
You were so cute today
And yesterday
And even the first day I saw you

My first day at your school
I saw you and thought,
“God, who made you this way?”

Because you were so handsome
Wearing a denim jacket
And some jeans that fit you well

You looked so confident
So manly and sweet
I wanted to hug you

I just want to hold you close
Kiss you and whisper,
“God, who made you this way?”

I feel as if we have grown close
Closer than you have with most
Why is that?

Why do you hug me so much?
Why do you show me so much affection?
Why do I love it so much...?

I just want to pull you close
Give you love while I whisper,
“God, who made you this way?”

You are so beautiful
So handsome
So, unmistakably hot

In every way you have captured my attention
Your personality has pulled me in and it won’t let go
Your heart has connected to mine and now it pounds against my chest

Who made you this way?
Because they did good
You are good
I’m. Such. A. Freaking. Mess. Over. You. ****.
Nov 2018 · 86
The world will burn.
Sam Nov 2018
First California
Next the whole world
The fires grow stronger and stronger
Every single day
Fueling us with as much fear
As we have fueled the fire with oxygen
The world is rottin anyway
Maybe it’s good that we burn
Maybe that’s what we must do
To restore the earth to its former state
We must wipe ourselves out
In order to come back better
Or maybe we shouldn’t come back at all
Maybe we should die
And stay dead
Cause, considering everything happening,
On these horrible days of earth
The human race really does ****
Ugh the whole fire thing started off making me nervous. But now I’m just angry.
Oct 2018 · 285
the couch
Sam Oct 2018
Sometimes I try my best to avoid sleeping in my room.
I think it’s because I’m afraid that if I sleep in my bed, I’ll never want to get up.
And then I’ll slowly **** myself.
In a heap of my own depression and self comfort.
So I sleep on the couch.
Because it’s just not as comfortable.
So then I won’t want to die as fast.
This probably makes no sense.
Oct 2018 · 85
happiness, or sadness
Sam Oct 2018
You stare at me in fear,
Is that my happiness or my tears?
Oct 2018 · 210
lost boy
Sam Oct 2018
I am a lost boy
From neverland
Was always so sure of
Who I am

But one day
That all went down hill
Because I completely lost
My will to live

“Who are you lost boy?”
They say to me
“I don’t know anymore...”
They hear me say

But neverland is home
To lost boys like me
And lost boys like me
Are free

Until I understand
Who I really am
I will just try
And be me
I was trying to do a sort of remake of the Lost Boy song. I’ve been feeling lost as a person lately and I’m just trying to do what I can to get happy. Enjoy, I guess ?
Sep 2018 · 155
venti sized vent
Sam Sep 2018
I
Am
Over
Being
Your
Little
*******
*****

You are the current source of my
p a i n

The one who makes me want to
q u i t

You make me want to pack up and
l e a v e

Maybe one day I will so I can stop being a
b u r d e n

You
Can
Not
Control
Everyone’s
Mother
*******
Life

Excuse my language but you really do
s u c k

Why does it make you happy to see me in
p a i n ?

You can’t handle being told that you are
b a d  a t  s o m e t h i n g

That’s why you choose to do the same to
m e

Because
You
Love
To
Be
A
Toxic
*****
Sorry I curse a l o t in this, but I had to express my pain.
Sep 2018 · 295
car crash
Sam Sep 2018
I almost got into a car crash tonight.
Not the kind of almost that you would notice.
It was the kind that I think of over and over.
That I could **** myself.
Right then and there.
I was going to do it too.
Because it’s better than feeling.
I feel
Sad
Depressed
Anxious
Scared
Tired
Unmotivated
Unwanted
Unneeded
Unnecessary

Woah

That’s a lot
I didn’t even realize how bad I feel until just now.

But I’m fine
No
Really I’m fine.

Don’t ask me what’s wrong
The answer is obvious
But it’s also so incredibly hidden
That even I don’t know.

I have a good life
Even though it’s toxic.

I have good friends
Even though I’m a burden to them.

Maybe I should rethink that car crash

Maybe I shouldn’t have thought about how hurt my loved ones would be.

They’re always ruining my suicide.

The way they love me
The way they care about me
It’s so annoying.

I wish they would make it easier for me and just stop caring.

I know I’m loved by some people
I can tell

But that doesn’t mean that I’m loved by myself.

I’m so unhappy right now.

But I’m fine.
Idk what this is supposed to be. It was going to be a vent but I think I’ll make that into a separate one.
Sep 2018 · 103
Trees in the wind
Sam Sep 2018
I love watching the trees flow
When the wind takes them

I love listening to the sound of the leaves
When the wind picks up stronger, stronger

I love to see the trees move
As the wind continues to grow stronger, louder

I love the way the tree next to my house
Seems to get more and more closer to my room

I love to think about how any day, the tree could blow over and **** me.

I love to dream of the day something terrible takes my life.

I love to replace the word “love” with the word “fear”
Sam Sep 2018
You started in one place
And now you act like you want us to “burn”
Those are your exact words.
“Burn”
Remember where you ******* came from
Because we didn’t do anything to deserve this
Remember where you came from
Because one day, you might come back
And we will all have know what you said
And we will all show no friendship
You try to make an enemy of us
But we have more class
So don’t try to act like you’re amazing
When the next second you’re telling people how ****** you feel because you don’t get your way
I see right through you

Remember where you came from, kid.
Sep 2018 · 258
I’m about to get petty
Sam Sep 2018
First you gain my absolute trust
Then you get close to my friend
Next you start dating her
Finally you emotionally manipulate her.

But guess what?
She’s actually fine
Because she knows what she’s gotta do
To help herself

You talk about being newly popular
But I bet you’re a scared little girl
A scared newbie
Who tried to hurt my friend

Just because you didn’t get your way
You decide to **** talk a group
Right after you knew they almost got hurt
And you didn’t care

But you expect everyone to drop everything
And help you when you feel hurt
I’m ******* done

Done with your *******
Done with your toxicity
Done with how you act to others
Done with you

You manipulative little girl
You’re only gonna get worse
I could see that from the moment I met you

You
Terrible
Little
Girl

Don’t ******* come back

You won’t be welcome
Aug 2018 · 140
Every Night
Sam Aug 2018
I used to have an addiction
And every night I would fuel it
The fires of my apprehension
And I still wanna do it

But now I’m trying to drown
Drown in a new addiction
This new one I found
Is no better, but no worse of mutilation

It all feels the same to me
Every night when I have withdrawals
I feel tears and then I just sing
I can feel how the scars crawl

Addiction is bad
But now it feels so good
It makes people mad
But I just want to do it

I have an addiction
And I’m only a few months clean
But I can feel myself slipping
On the waters of addiction
Aug 2018 · 214
Becoming a sociopath
Sam Aug 2018
Warmth used to fill me
With caring and passion
I would love seeing others glee
Their hearts are my fashion

I used to always try to make others happy
With jokes and soothing stories
I love others happiness madly
If they were pained, I’d be mourning

But as time grows on
I find myself not caring
About people and their own pain
About their suffering or happiness

And now I can’t seem to care
That people are suffering
Because if it doesn’t affect me,
Then it doesn’t matter
Idk why I’ve been feeling this way lately. Like obviously I care about my closest friends and stuff but sometimes I hear bad things and feel nothing. Like it’s not personally hurting or helping me so it’s not worth even caring about. Over the years I’ve struggled with wondering what is wrong with me that way. Idk it’s complicated. Also, the back half of the poem doesn’t rhyme for theme purposes. Much like life, I just don’t care.
Aug 2018 · 123
NSFW
Sam Aug 2018
Sometimes, it feels fine.
Sometimes, it feel amazing.
Sometimes, it feels weirdly comforting.

But other times, it makes me feel sad.
Jul 2018 · 251
Set Up ?
Sam Jul 2018
I met my friends boyfriend today.
He could tell I was into girls.
As my friend was singing and being an amazing work of art,
He turned to me and said,
“Have you noticed how attractive her lips are?”
I felt so awkward.
Because I don’t see every girl that way.
Just some.
Just one.
But not her.
“I don’t look at her that way...”
I thought he was trying to imply that I did.
But why?
“I wasn’t trying to set you up or anything!”
The funny thing is that I didn’t even think he was
Until he said something.
Now all I can think
Is that he is bad.
But he’s not.
He’s great.
But he kind of scares me now.
What if he does it again?
What if he tries to make me seem like a freak?
He says the “***” word.
And that has changed my whole mood about him.
But he’s a good guy.
Maybe I’m just scared of yet another person.
Maybe I’m being over dramatic.
Or maybe not.
Not really a poem but my thoughts for the night. He’s cool and all but that made me really uncomfortable...
Jun 2018 · 77
References
Sam Jun 2018
Every single time
Every single day
I am reminded

Because apparently
Everyone loves to
Remind me
When exactly
You died

Thinking of a past event:
“Was that before or after your dad died?”

Um, WHAT???

Why can you just ask me
How old I was?

Why must you assume
That’s the only event I remember?

Trust me
I wish I didn’t have to

Maybe it’d be easier
If I was some sociopathic
*******

Then I wouldn’t always feel
Depressed
Or lonely
Or done

Maybe I’d be worse.

Because even I use the same reference:
“Was my dad already dead, or was he dying?”

Who the **** cares?

I was a fresh 13 year old.

I shouldn’t have to remember that.
Literally everyday I get reminded on purpose of that ******* Day. Christmas couldn’t have been worse.
Jun 2018 · 138
Biggest Mood
Sam Jun 2018
Do you ever just know that you’re being annoying?
But like you don’t really care?
Cause mood.
Tonight’s mood.
Sam Jun 2018
New routine:
Wake up, take two pills
Eat a sandwich
Write comedy
Take another pill
Eat another sandwich
Watch comedy
Take another pill
Eat another sandwich
Go to bed
Don’t sleep
Feel, instead of nausea, a weird rumbling in your stomach
Shake a little
Fall asleep in the morning
Wake up
Forget your pill
Have withdrawals
Feel terrible
New routine:
Feel terrible
Have anxiety over feeling terrible
Tremble in fear
Feel depressed
Leave the house
Forget the situation
Come home
Take a pill
Continue to feel terrible
New routine:
Prefer the nausea over this.
Ugh, I ******* hate this.
Jun 2018 · 198
Ferris Wheel
Sam Jun 2018
I ******* despise them.

They’re actually the **** of all carnival rides.

And they make my life hell.

But you rode with me.

And told me a story that weirdly actually calmed me.

And you played Gary Come Home for me.

So it wasn’t that terrible.

You’re a great friend.

Thanks.
I probably would have cried if you weren’t there. Thanks May.
Jun 2018 · 128
Dreams
Sam Jun 2018
So I had a dream last night
I was at the doctor getting checked out for my nausea
And they did some tests
I found out that I had brain cancer
Specifically brain cancer

The dream switched to me having to tell my friends
They all left me
They didn’t want to deal with me
I had to quit band
And drama
And all my hopes and dreams went to ****
All within the span of a few days

But what’s worse is that when I woke up
I thought I was still sick
I thought it was all real
And I started to cry
My friends texted our group chat
They were all really nice
But when I think about the dream
I can still remember them leaving me
And it makes me want to cry

Before I even had the dream
I would sometimes think
That one day something could happen
And do all of these same things in real life
I would be dying
And they would leave me for real

And now I’m thinking that I could be predicting the future
I’m going to the doctor soon for my nausea and this dream happened and it made me really nervous.
Jun 2018 · 185
Wounded
Sam Jun 2018
I have this small wound
It’on my left arm
Right above my hand
And it really makes me think
I think of all the things that can come from wounds
Like death
I’ve been thinking a lot about death
Because I don’t know where exactly we go
And it scares me
I end up thinking a whole through my brain
A wound in my head
Full of thoughts
“What will happen when I die?”
I just don’t know
And it hurts
Like a wound
Like a deep wound
Like a really painful wound
Of thoughts
I’ve been having an existental depression for like a couple weeks now, and I’m just not okay.
May 2018 · 229
Insecurities
Sam May 2018
You see a lot of girls talking about their insecurities
But hardly any boys speak about theirs
It’s like we’re simply not allowed
Like it’s a rule that you can’t be open about your feelings
Well I am
I’m one of the few boys who are
I’m comfortable enough to talk about my uncomfort
And there’s a lot of it
Some boys can relate to girl problems
I relate to them all
I bleed every month
I’m uncomfortable with a lot of my body
I feel feelings
Everyone feels feelings
Girls are encouraged to talk about them
But what about us boys?
Can’t we be sensitive?
Because some boys are insecure
And we need to express it
May 2018 · 131
EWWW
Sam May 2018
I feel gross.
May 2018 · 546
A Day In The Life: Sam
Sam May 2018
8 o’clock A.M.
I wake up
I stay in bed
“6 more hours.”
I sleep for 6 more hours
I wake up again

2 o’clock P.M.
Finally time to drag myself out of bed
I sit up
I fall back
Nauseated again
I lay down and stare at the wall
I’ve become accustomed to staring at that wall
I think of all the things I should be doing right now
Something productive
Not sleeping
I feel it again
Good ole’ gender dysphoria
I sob for two more hours
All while feeling nauseated

4 o’clock P.M.
I try not to throw up
It’s my worst nightmare
The weird thing is
That everyday I feel nauseated
But I never get sick
And I never feel better either
I try to sleep it off for a few more hours
This is the fourth day in a row that I’ve skipped breakfast and lunch
Not on purpose
I just forgot to feel hungry
It was covered by all the sick feelings

8 o’clock P.M.
I wake up
I eat dinner
I go to bed
I can’t sleep
I stay awake until 7 A.M.
I finally sleep for an hour
I wake up
Do it all over again

8 o’clock A.M
May 2018 · 263
Fucking Nausea
Sam May 2018
I’M FEELING IT AGAIN.

ALL THE ******* NAUSEA

Do ya ever feel that way?

You probably have a few times in your life.

But have ya ever felt it CONSTANTLY?

Every.
Single.
*******.
Day.
I feel it.

Sometimes it’s for a few hours.

But a lot of the time, it’s all **** day.

ALL **** DAY.

I’m so uncomfortable all the time.

Because of NAUSEA.

******* NAUSEA.

Forgive me for being a little bitter.

I’m just a little<a lot>nauseated.
I’m so frustrated with my constant nausea feeling. Ugh.
May 2018 · 236
Number Cridic
Sam May 2018
I hate odd numbers
Unless they're the number 3
I love even numbers
Unless they're the number 2
I feel safe with numbers
Unless they're the number 1
3,2,1
3, because it's the perfect amount
2, because it's the only even prime (ugh)
1, because, like me,
It always feels
Alone
May 2018 · 181
It's Ya Boi
Sam May 2018
Boi
Boy
I am a boy
Gorl
Girl
I am NOT a girl
Don't try to tell me what you think you know
You're wrong
You're always wrong
May 2018 · 249
Ignorance
Sam May 2018
You're stupid.
S
T
U
P
I
D
A bigot with nothing better to do
You just want to upset people
Because you got your ego crushed
Again.
You're just an
Ignorant
Little
Boy.
UGH
May 2018 · 390
ERROR
Sam May 2018
(ERROR, ERROR, ERROR)
My life is one big mistake
I am always trying and failing
To get you out of my mind
It’s really hard to forget you
You’re just so great
But you don’t want me
Like I want you
I want my best friend back
I need you back
Is that so much to ask?
(ERROR, ERROR, ERROR)
This is way too much
I can’t handle the fact
That you don’t want me
Even as a friend or more  
You never want to talk to me
It’s like you never even wanted to
In the first place
I thought I could get over you
But it’s harder than it looks
Much harder than I anticipated
(ERROR, ERROR, ERROR)
Ugh, why is high school like this?
May 2018 · 255
Ripped Apart
Sam May 2018
I thought we were going to be best friends
For a really, really long time.
I thought that you would never leave
Especially without a warning.
And now it seems that you don’t want me
Anymore.
You don’t feel the need for me
Anymore.
I feel like a part of me has been
Ripped apart.
Apart from my body.
My heart.
I don’t know what I did
But I’m sorry.
Please come back to me.
I can’t seem to stop crying.
May 2018 · 120
Pink Bandana
Sam May 2018
You looked so beautiful
In your pink bandana
With your earbuds in
Listening to k-pop
And eating starbursts

But you seem to not notice me at all.
May 2018 · 96
Difficult
Sam May 2018
Yesterday I found out
That you were into me
Just like I was into you
For two years I have wanted you
To call you mine
And then today I found out
That you didn’t want to be into me
That’s why you haven’t been talking to me
It’s just so difficult
I like you, you like me, why does it have to complicated?
Apr 2018 · 436
Nausea
Sam Apr 2018
Sometimes I feel sick and tired.
It usually goes away after a day.
But lately I've felt worse.
I've felt nauseated.
I've felt like crying.
And all for what?

I thought it was just a depressive episode.
I thought I would feel better after a few hours of crying.
But I just feel worse.
I feel more sick and tired.
The feeling that I will throw up anytime won't go away.
Why do I feel this way?

I think it's because I feel so lonely.
I feel isolated from the world around me.
Yeah, I hang out with friends a lot.
But I never really feel there.
It's just so exhausting.
Why is this happening?

I've always wanted a pet.
To help me feel comforted.
And make me stop feeling lonely.
But sadly I can't have one.
And I will be alone for what feels like forever.
Why is the world so cruel?

My isolation follows me.
It's there when I wake up.
It's there when I'm with other people.
It's even there to tuck me in at night.
I still feel queasy.
Why is it so involved in my life?

Why am I asking so many questions?
Why is the light of the screen making my nausea worse?
Why can't I stop crying?
Why can't I think clearly?
Why do I feel so lonely?
Why?
I have felt really lonely for a long time now. I recently reunited with a cousin that I haven't seen in a while. She is probably one of the best and worst people I have ever conversated with. While she understands me in a way that no one else can, she also made me realize that I feel really lonely and sad all the time. I've been feeling nausea a lot lately as well. It *****.
Apr 2018 · 547
Stomachache
Sam Apr 2018
My stomach hurts from the anxiety I feel everyday.
I can't possibly describe it any other way.
When I wake up from the two hours of sleep I had that night
I feel the pain creep in just like a bright light.
It shines it's darkness all around me
And whispers things that quickly drain my glee.
It makes my head and stomach ache.
It makes me think all the times I felt fake.
I get up and go to the bathroom
To look into my mirror of absolute doom.
It shows my face: exposed and pale
Because lately my state of mind has made me so frail.
I know it's a cliche emo thing to say
But why did my life have to end up this way?
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