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Sam Mar 2018
You know what's sad?
The fact that I spend my free time
Thinking of ways to hide
My sadness.

The fact that I have to think
Of an excuse for
Why my arm hurts
And bleeds.  

It's hard to hide the scars
Of my past
And my present
And my future.  

Knowing that a teacher could
Find my writing
And try to censor me

I'm sick of being told
That I can't say
What I feel because
It makes others uncomfortable.

I'm tired of being told
That I have to live
Because if I die
It will makes others uncomfortable
To remember me.

It's not really your decision
To decide if I live or die
It's mine
And I choose-
Sam May 2018
8 o’clock A.M.
I wake up
I stay in bed
“6 more hours.”
I sleep for 6 more hours
I wake up again

2 o’clock P.M.
Finally time to drag myself out of bed
I sit up
I fall back
Nauseated again
I lay down and stare at the wall
I’ve become accustomed to staring at that wall
I think of all the things I should be doing right now
Something productive
Not sleeping
I feel it again
Good ole’ gender dysphoria
I sob for two more hours
All while feeling nauseated

4 o’clock P.M.
I try not to throw up
It’s my worst nightmare
The weird thing is
That everyday I feel nauseated
But I never get sick
And I never feel better either
I try to sleep it off for a few more hours
This is the fourth day in a row that I’ve skipped breakfast and lunch
Not on purpose
I just forgot to feel hungry
It was covered by all the sick feelings

8 o’clock P.M.
I wake up
I eat dinner
I go to bed
I can’t sleep
I stay awake until 7 A.M.
I finally sleep for an hour
I wake up
Do it all over again

8 o’clock A.M
Sam Dec 2019
You are very neat
And you're cool, and kind, and sweet
The very neatest
Sam Apr 2018
This world is full of happiness
It's beautiful and alive
A wonderful work of art
So many happy people
So many things to be happy about

My world is full of sadness
It's ugly and dead
A destroyed work of art
Just a sad boy called Sam
So many things to be sad about

I want to live in the first world
But I can't escape my past
I think about it everyday
How I couldn't breathe
And how I never really will again

I'm sorry that I can't be a happy person
That's just not who I am anymore
I've come so close so many times
So many different ways
I'm drowning in my own world

There isn't an escape
This is just how it is I guess.
Sam Dec 2018
get out of my
stop giving me that cute smile and adorable look every time we talk
it really is just
killing me

i’m just so angrily in love
with you
and it hurts

your sweet little voice
and soft little play hits
make me yearn more and more
when i’m not around you

i can’t stop thinking about
how you put the blanket over our heads
and leaned in to me

you kissed my cheek
then I kissed your neck
then we just kissed

it made me more confused
because I can’t ever tell
if you want me
or if I’m just kidding myself

you would never admit it but
you’re so soft and tender
and could be the sweetest
like candy

you have no idea how angry I get
when I think of you
but you probably don’t think of me
because you’re too good for me

you need to just stop being
so ******* cute
and stop being
so ******* kind to me

****, man I hate when you do that
because then I can’t stop thinking
about you
and it’s hard

i wouldn’t say I’m actually
“in love”
but, I really do
like you a lot
ugh I really like him
so much
that it hurts my chest
to even think about it
Sam Jan 2019
I was so nervous to ask you out
But then you said yes
Then we started dating
And I couldn’t be happier
Then I decided to ask you to hang out
Just us two alone
But I was so nervous
You make me feel nervous
But in a good way
I get butterflies when I’m around you
But it feel so natural and nice
You said yes
That you could come over Saturday
And that day is tomorrow
And I’m scared
But I know we’ll have fun together
Because you always make it fun
And you always make me feel calm again
You really do
Ugh, sorry for all the annoying boyfriend posts. I’ll probably stop for a while.
Sam Mar 2018
My poems are ******
They're destined to be sad
No one's ever a fan
Because they're always so bad

No, not bad
Not nessissarily
Maybe I'm just mad
That I can't write hilarity

Sorry, my bad
It's not your fault
That these make me mad
It's all my fault

I really can't complain
Because in the end

I am the one who wrote them
I've come to realize that I shouldn't say these **** because I am the one who posted it. This really doesn't make sense, but in the end it's all about self expression, right?
Sam Aug 2018
Warmth used to fill me
With caring and passion
I would love seeing others glee
Their hearts are my fashion

I used to always try to make others happy
With jokes and soothing stories
I love others happiness madly
If they were pained, I’d be mourning

But as time grows on
I find myself not caring
About people and their own pain
About their suffering or happiness

And now I can’t seem to care
That people are suffering
Because if it doesn’t affect me,
Then it doesn’t matter
Idk why I’ve been feeling this way lately. Like obviously I care about my closest friends and stuff but sometimes I hear bad things and feel nothing. Like it’s not personally hurting or helping me so it’s not worth even caring about. Over the years I’ve struggled with wondering what is wrong with me that way. Idk it’s complicated. Also, the back half of the poem doesn’t rhyme for theme purposes. Much like life, I just don’t care.
Sam Jun 2018
Do you ever just know that you’re being annoying?
But like you don’t really care?
Cause mood.
Tonight’s mood.
Sam Feb 2018
My balloon is black
As black as night
Filling me with dread
A horrible feeling
That I'm sadly used to
I can see it now
The future of my black balloon
It is taken ahold of
By an evil being
And popped
I thought I felt bad before
But now it's much worse
Much worse
Much worse
It's so much more than dread
It's temptation
I'm tempted to end it all
But I can't seem to get out of bed
My body doesn't want to move
It's ironic how my depression
Is what saved my life
For another day
Another day
Another day
But it's getting harder
Harder to move
And harder to resist these  temptations
I'm about to pop
Like a balloon
A black balloon
My black balloon
Sam Sep 2018
I almost got into a car crash tonight.
Not the kind of almost that you would notice.
It was the kind that I think of over and over.
That I could **** myself.
Right then and there.
I was going to do it too.
Because it’s better than feeling.
I feel


That’s a lot
I didn’t even realize how bad I feel until just now.

But I’m fine
Really I’m fine.

Don’t ask me what’s wrong
The answer is obvious
But it’s also so incredibly hidden
That even I don’t know.

I have a good life
Even though it’s toxic.

I have good friends
Even though I’m a burden to them.

Maybe I should rethink that car crash

Maybe I shouldn’t have thought about how hurt my loved ones would be.

They’re always ruining my suicide.

The way they love me
The way they care about me
It’s so annoying.

I wish they would make it easier for me and just stop caring.

I know I’m loved by some people
I can tell

But that doesn’t mean that I’m loved by myself.

I’m so unhappy right now.

But I’m fine.
Idk what this is supposed to be. It was going to be a vent but I think I’ll make that into a separate one.
Sam Mar 2018
I had a dream
That she noticed me
That she smiled
And told me she’d walk a mile
If it meant that we could talk
And walk

But then that dream
It went into a horrible something
When she didn't come to school
For a whole week

Let me just say
I was terrified
To think that the girl I
So desperately want
Was going through something
That makes her sad

I begged and pleaded
To every god I know
To just let me take her place
To let me deal with the pain
So she can smile again

It isn't fair
That she has to experience
Something that takes her smile away
The beautiful smile that I look forward
To seeing everyday
When I get to school

She is beauty, she is grace
And she has the most beautiful face
And talents

What I wouldn't give
To sneakily hold her hand
Under the cover
Of a blanket we could share

For now I'll settle with the subtle flirting
And looking at each other
With those stupidly cute love eyes

I want to give her those love eyes

I guess I'm just a chaser

But I'm a chaser of a beautiful girl

Who doesn't deserve me
Wow I need help.
Sam Dec 2017
The universe is cracked.
Goes the world.
The poor, sad people here.
Oh, god why?
Why are we bound to these few limitations,
Of calm, loud pulsations.
They echo in my mind.
Calling out, "Just stop."
"Stop trying to make a difference."
"Stop trying to change our preference."

Your preference of what?
Of life?
Of your mind?

I've got news for you, kiddo.
I can do anything I want.
As long as it's legal.

Remember this:

The people who built the Titanic
Were experts.
But the person who built the arch
Was an amateur.

Don't tell me
That I can't make a

I already have.

Thank you.

But no thank you.
Ahhh this is a ****** mess.
Sam Mar 2018
I thought that I should try

To rhyme another rhyme

But all I can think instead

Is I just want to go to bed
Sam May 2018
Yesterday I found out
That you were into me
Just like I was into you
For two years I have wanted you
To call you mine
And then today I found out
That you didn’t want to be into me
That’s why you haven’t been talking to me
It’s just so difficult
I like you, you like me, why does it have to complicated?
Sam Mar 2018
I'm sick of being clean.
I feel like I'll slip up any moment.
Maybe now is that moment.
I'm sorry.
But I just can't take it anymore.
I need to feel pain.
I deserve to feel pain.
I know I promised I would come to you.
I promised I would talk to you instead.
I promised I would stay clean.
But little did you know,
That I was lying.
I'm laying in my own dirt.
And I'm sorry.
Sam Apr 2018
Every night I end up thinking
Of why the world did this to me
I have never understood the meaning
Of how on earth this could be

Why, oh why am I so upset?
Because all I feel is pain and misery
My body gives me existential regret
Why I was born this way will always be a mystery

Disphoria is full of dark thoughts
About how people can tell that I'm fake
I always wish this body would just rot
And reveal a new one that I won't hate

I don't have normal body issues
I just wish my chest was nonexistent
I have to reach for the tissues
To wipe away my tears of existence

Some boys are born with comfort
I was one of the unlucky few
I was born unready and contort
And there's nothing I can do

I'm so unhappy that it's scary
I feel like there's no escape
And not just my sadness or wary
But from my horrible, disphoric mindscape
Disphoria is a big part of my life. It's not one I want but I might as well express it.
Sam Dec 2018
Its too late,
It’s just too ******* late.
I just want to touch you.
Hold you.
Love you.
Talk to you.
Tell you I love you.
Sam Dec 2018
I finally got you
It feels like a lie
But really it’s true
I don’t want this to die

You really do want me
But I keep asking myself,
“How could this possibly be?”
It’s something I’ve always felt

God, you’re so smart
You knew all along
And now that our relationship has a start
I don’t want it to-

I can’t find another word for
Because I don’t want it to
Djksnxjnzns this is really poorly written and doesn’t rhyme at all and honestly probably shouldn’t considering the context of it but OH WELL I GUESS. Anyway, yeah I’m really happy with what’s going on rn and I’m really glad you don’t have HP cause you’d see my weird poems about you. <3
Sam Jun 2018
So I had a dream last night
I was at the doctor getting checked out for my nausea
And they did some tests
I found out that I had brain cancer
Specifically brain cancer

The dream switched to me having to tell my friends
They all left me
They didn’t want to deal with me
I had to quit band
And drama
And all my hopes and dreams went to ****
All within the span of a few days

But what’s worse is that when I woke up
I thought I was still sick
I thought it was all real
And I started to cry
My friends texted our group chat
They were all really nice
But when I think about the dream
I can still remember them leaving me
And it makes me want to cry

Before I even had the dream
I would sometimes think
That one day something could happen
And do all of these same things in real life
I would be dying
And they would leave me for real

And now I’m thinking that I could be predicting the future
I’m going to the doctor soon for my nausea and this dream happened and it made me really nervous.
Sam Feb 2018
I always have to work so hard for everything.
My money
My average grades
The parts in plays
And the hardest thing of all:
My happiness

Shouldn't we just be given happiness?
I guess not
Because I never just get it
I always have to earn it

****, it's hard to earn

I am so drained
Emotionally and physically
It's hard to keep my head up
Especially when I can't earn you

You are the only thing
The only person
That just gives me happiness
Like I've already earned it

Thank you.

Thank you for my happiness
And for the hilarious fights we have
And for the times we spend together
Even if you don't know how much it means to me

Just thank you
For not making me earn it.

Thank you.
Uh, a letter to my fave?
Sam May 2018
My life is one big mistake
I am always trying and failing
To get you out of my mind
It’s really hard to forget you
You’re just so great
But you don’t want me
Like I want you
I want my best friend back
I need you back
Is that so much to ask?
This is way too much
I can’t handle the fact
That you don’t want me
Even as a friend or more  
You never want to talk to me
It’s like you never even wanted to
In the first place
I thought I could get over you
But it’s harder than it looks
Much harder than I anticipated
Ugh, why is high school like this?
Sam Aug 2018
I used to have an addiction
And every night I would fuel it
The fires of my apprehension
And I still wanna do it

But now I’m trying to drown
Drown in a new addiction
This new one I found
Is no better, but no worse of mutilation

It all feels the same to me
Every night when I have withdrawals
I feel tears and then I just sing
I can feel how the scars crawl

Addiction is bad
But now it feels so good
It makes people mad
But I just want to do it

I have an addiction
And I’m only a few months clean
But I can feel myself slipping
On the waters of addiction
Sam May 2018
I feel gross.
Sam Apr 2018
I went into this thinking it would be slow
I never knew that I would quickly grow
To become so successful and mature
In the wonderful, beautiful art of theatre

Competition went by so quickly
And I got better and became more witty
It was rough and it was painful
It felt like I was being weighed down by an anvil

Then came the biggest competition
The very one I never thought I'd compete in
I was only an alternate
But that was a fate that I was happy to have met

I knew from the start that one way or another
My success would turn into a world of blunder
Sure, I have three more years
To learn to hide my pain and tears

I'm just a failure.
I know it's dumb, but I'm pretty depressed. Oh well.
Sam Mar 2018
Now this is a story all about how
My life had been flipped and turned upside down
Let's take a minute, just sit right there
I'll tell ya how I tumbled down the stairs

I was chilling with the fam
We were watching Voltron
When something happened
That made me go "WOT?!"

I thought it'd be funny
To pretend to throw
Myself down the stairs
I said "Down I go!"

I went down a couple
And then a few more
I never intended
To go all the way to the floor

I kept falling
Headfirst into each step
It was scary
But I couldn't get a grip

I tried to grab on
To the rail of the stairs
But all was a fail
As I couldn't hold on

I felt the hope slip
Out of my grip
As I fell down the stairs
Laughing to tears

Or was I crying?


It was pretty funny

Even though my friends didn't try to save me.
My last poem was really sad so here is a poem about something that happened to me recently. As scary as it was, it's pretty funny thinking back.
Sam Jun 2018
I ******* despise them.

They’re actually the **** of all carnival rides.

And they make my life hell.

But you rode with me.

And told me a story that weirdly actually calmed me.

And you played Gary Come Home for me.

So it wasn’t that terrible.

You’re a great friend.

I probably would have cried if you weren’t there. Thanks May.
Sam Sep 2019
We fight because we care
We don't fight often
But the rare times that we do
It always ends in
I love you

I love you.
I love you.
Sam May 2018


Do ya ever feel that way?

You probably have a few times in your life.

But have ya ever felt it CONSTANTLY?

I feel it.

Sometimes it’s for a few hours.

But a lot of the time, it’s all **** day.

ALL **** DAY.

I’m so uncomfortable all the time.

Because of NAUSEA.

******* NAUSEA.

Forgive me for being a little bitter.

I’m just a little<a lot>nauseated.
I’m so frustrated with my constant nausea feeling. Ugh.
Sam Feb 2019
How often do it be like that?
Only sometimes

Just kidding
All the time

We always have fun together
Even when we’re sad or mad

But we always get through it
And enjoy each other’s company and love

I really love you
With my whole **** heart

God, you make me feel safe
And loved

We always have fun
And that’s the best feeling

I love you
Sam Jan 2019
We talk
About so many things
Like how young we are
And now smart you are
Even our future
It gets so deep
Like the darkest debts
Of my soul
And I enjoy those conversations
But then it goes back to being light
It goes back to saying cute, dumb things
And I love those conversations too
A lot
They flow together so naturally
Like water, like water
Like beautiful art
It feels so natural
And unrehearsed
Just lifelike
And amazing
Thank you
Sam Dec 2019
Mother called for me to wake
I said: no
"It's noon!" Said mother
I said: boooo
"Work today!" She called
I said: never
"You can bake a cake!" She said
I said: okay, I'm up
Sam Dec 2018
You were so cute today
And yesterday
And even the first day I saw you

My first day at your school
I saw you and thought,
“God, who made you this way?”

Because you were so handsome
Wearing a denim jacket
And some jeans that fit you well

You looked so confident
So manly and sweet
I wanted to hug you

I just want to hold you close
Kiss you and whisper,
“God, who made you this way?”

I feel as if we have grown close
Closer than you have with most
Why is that?

Why do you hug me so much?
Why do you show me so much affection?
Why do I love it so much...?

I just want to pull you close
Give you love while I whisper,
“God, who made you this way?”

You are so beautiful
So handsome
So, unmistakably hot

In every way you have captured my attention
Your personality has pulled me in and it won’t let go
Your heart has connected to mine and now it pounds against my chest

Who made you this way?
Because they did good
You are good
I’m. Such. A. Freaking. Mess. Over. You. ****.
Sam Oct 2018
You stare at me in fear,
Is that my happiness or my tears?
Sam Feb 2018
I can't lie to you
I'm not happy
I haven't felt happiness
In a very long time

So when I get sick
I tend to overreact
Because it makes my
Depression enhance itself

Isn't it ironic
That the word "influenza"
Is funny yet scary
At the same time?

Isn't it funny to think
That we're all dying
But sickness makes us
Die faster?
Ummm yeah I'm really sick rn and that doesn't help depression soooo ye.
Sam Apr 2018
People say hatred is wrong

That it means you're as bad as the very one you hate

But I beg to differ

Why can't I hate her for torturing me as a child

And trying her very best to make me sad

Why can't I hate him for doing the very same

For doing anything he can to made me feel pain

Just because he can't hurt himself enough

I've grown to hate myself

And as bad as that is

I just can't stop

I've grown up with such a toxic set of siblings

I might as well be the first to go

That's what they've always wanted

When they tried to strangle me

I still remember how it felt

When they wrapped their hands around my neck

It hurt
This is pretty deep but oh well.
Sam Apr 2018
She’s mean
She’s annoying
She’s god awful

But she’s my sister
So I’ll only complain
Sam Dec 2017
The pain and fear
The constant knowing
I'm not who I want to be

People view me differently
They see the old me
The dead me

It hurts
I feel it
I feel all of it

I just want it to stop
I want to be ready
Ready to tell everybody

I'm not who you thought I am
I'm not who you have always known
I'm so, so very different

I can't bring myself to sat it
The very words I want to say the most
The three words that could most definitely change everything

I've always been so confident in myself
My decisions have never been for nothing
They have never been something of regret

But this time is hard
My friends will understand
But will everyone else?

I have to say it
I have to say
I have to
I have

Sam May 2018
You're stupid.
A bigot with nothing better to do
You just want to upset people
Because you got your ego crushed
You're just an
Sam Sep 2018
First you gain my absolute trust
Then you get close to my friend
Next you start dating her
Finally you emotionally manipulate her.

But guess what?
She’s actually fine
Because she knows what she’s gotta do
To help herself

You talk about being newly popular
But I bet you’re a scared little girl
A scared newbie
Who tried to hurt my friend

Just because you didn’t get your way
You decide to **** talk a group
Right after you knew they almost got hurt
And you didn’t care

But you expect everyone to drop everything
And help you when you feel hurt
I’m ******* done

Done with your *******
Done with your toxicity
Done with how you act to others
Done with you

You manipulative little girl
You’re only gonna get worse
I could see that from the moment I met you


Don’t ******* come back

You won’t be welcome
Sam May 2018
You see a lot of girls talking about their insecurities
But hardly any boys speak about theirs
It’s like we’re simply not allowed
Like it’s a rule that you can’t be open about your feelings
Well I am
I’m one of the few boys who are
I’m comfortable enough to talk about my uncomfort
And there’s a lot of it
Some boys can relate to girl problems
I relate to them all
I bleed every month
I’m uncomfortable with a lot of my body
I feel feelings
Everyone feels feelings
Girls are encouraged to talk about them
But what about us boys?
Can’t we be sensitive?
Because some boys are insecure
And we need to express it
Sam Feb 2018
I swear to god
These never make sense
But that's just me
Never making sense
It's not a style
It's just me
I don't try hard enough
I really never had
Because what's the point in trying
When you always think it's ****?
This is all ****
And I've accepted that
There's not a point
In getting my hopes up
That I'll ever do something good enough
For the world to look at and go:
"That doesn't actually ****!"
Because it does
I already knew this
I've known from the start
That starting this
Would bring out all of my thoughts
The ones I try my hardest to avoid
They're dangerous
These thoughts
They shouldn't be read
But here I am
Sharing them with you
You poor soul
Stop reading now
Or you'll regret it
Because I'll give you a reminder:
It doesn't get any better
You'll never get this moment back
You spent this time
Reading a ****** poem
That doesn't even rhyme
It doesn't even have a name
Sam Dec 2017
"It's not real."
"It's all up to you how you feel."
"You're so problematic."
They're all wrong.
Depression is real.
As real as you.
As real as me.
As real as the thing you love the most.
Depression doesn't make you sad.
It makes you afraid.
Of happiness.
Of sadness.
It makes you tired of feeling.
I'm tired of feeling.
I'm tired.
People who have never felt depression always say stuff like this.
Sam May 2018
I am a boy
I am NOT a girl
Don't try to tell me what you think you know
You're wrong
You're always wrong
Sam Dec 2017
What happened to the chicken when he tried to cross the road?
He died!

Isn't it funny?
Why aren't you laughing?
Tell me.

Tell me I made you happy with my lovely comedy.
I know I did.
I had to of.

So tell me.

I promise I won't get angry.
Not like last time.
That was scary, wasn't it?
The way I hurt you for making me sad.

Scary for you.
Your poor, defenseless soul.

I remember you laughed so much after that.
Or were you screaming?
I forgot.

This doesn't rhyme.
But frankly my dear, I don't care.

You will laugh with me.
Or face the consequences.

Either will be fun for me.
Sam Oct 2018
I am a lost boy
From neverland
Was always so sure of
Who I am

But one day
That all went down hill
Because I completely lost
My will to live

“Who are you lost boy?”
They say to me
“I don’t know anymore...”
They hear me say

But neverland is home
To lost boys like me
And lost boys like me
Are free

Until I understand
Who I really am
I will just try
And be me
I was trying to do a sort of remake of the Lost Boy song. I’ve been feeling lost as a person lately and I’m just trying to do what I can to get happy. Enjoy, I guess ?
Sam May 2019
I woke up the next morning and looked over
There he was right next to me
Laying awake and staring
His beautiful eyes looking deeply into mine
This was a wonderful way to start our day

Then I made him pancakes
He really loves when I bake for him
He said he wanted to bake with me forever
Like my little assistant
Baking is very important to us

We sat together on the couch and made plans for the day
A fun little trip to Walmart
We needed more baking ingredients
He said he wanted to make pudding and a cute little cake
I smiled and happily agreed

We ran our errands and went back home
I sat down and he threw himself at me
He trusts me so much to catch him every time
I always do my best to keep him safe
We cuddled for a while while watching baking shows

We joke and cook and kiss all evening
Then it’s time for a shower
We love taking showers together
We love taking care of each other
It’s the most wholesome thing

Then we get into bed
I hold him or he holds me
We make sure the other is okay
Then we talk and talk and talk
Until we fall asleep again

We constantly say “I love you”
We make each other gifts
We have a ton of ***
We are “that couple”
We are so, so happy with each other

But I think we both agree that our absolute favorite type of day
Is the mundane day
I absolutely love these days with my amazing man. He’s the first person I could say that I can do absolutely nothing with and feel like we’re having the time of our lives. This is to my love, mi amor, my sweetheart. <3
Sam Mar 2018
Some people will never understand
That going to bed is just so hard
How am I supposed to explain
Why I never get sleep
Or why I sometimes just stop trying

It never works
I've tried them all
I've done all the methods
And I've read all the articles
I still can't sleep

My friends all try to encourage me
To fix my sleeping habits
And stay as healthy as I can
I really appreciate them for it
But sadly, it's not as easy as they think

I've grown to realize
That even if I wanted to
I couldn't get my **** together
Because sleep scares me
It reminds me of every bad dream I've ever had

So why do I have a horrible sleeping schedule?
Why do I joke around that I'm a mess?
Why do I go to school with tired eyes?
What do I say when people ask my best friends name?
Who is the mastermind behind this madness?

My Best Friend: Insomnia

So, there you have it
Now you know
That sometimes
A lot of times
Some kids just can't sleep
Sam Feb 2018
Memes, memes,
What a wonderful thing!
They're funny, and punny,
And all around lovely!

But sometimes memes can be
They can be very, very
They can make you feel
They can make you feel

I am sad.
Sad that I grew to
Sad that I got to know
You beautifully, horrible

Garry, come home.
I couldn't help myself. @Mayo, Nel, and Mah
Sam Apr 2018
Sometimes I feel sick and tired.
It usually goes away after a day.
But lately I've felt worse.
I've felt nauseated.
I've felt like crying.
And all for what?

I thought it was just a depressive episode.
I thought I would feel better after a few hours of crying.
But I just feel worse.
I feel more sick and tired.
The feeling that I will throw up anytime won't go away.
Why do I feel this way?

I think it's because I feel so lonely.
I feel isolated from the world around me.
Yeah, I hang out with friends a lot.
But I never really feel there.
It's just so exhausting.
Why is this happening?

I've always wanted a pet.
To help me feel comforted.
And make me stop feeling lonely.
But sadly I can't have one.
And I will be alone for what feels like forever.
Why is the world so cruel?

My isolation follows me.
It's there when I wake up.
It's there when I'm with other people.
It's even there to tuck me in at night.
I still feel queasy.
Why is it so involved in my life?

Why am I asking so many questions?
Why is the light of the screen making my nausea worse?
Why can't I stop crying?
Why can't I think clearly?
Why do I feel so lonely?
I have felt really lonely for a long time now. I recently reunited with a cousin that I haven't seen in a while. She is probably one of the best and worst people I have ever conversated with. While she understands me in a way that no one else can, she also made me realize that I feel really lonely and sad all the time. I've been feeling nausea a lot lately as well. It *****.
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