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6.1k · Sep 8
Lostling Sep 8
The greatest tragedy
Is that I'll keep loving you
Knowing you won't love me the same
But still hoping anyways
tòng: pain
3.5k · Sep 19
The Great Performer
Lostling Sep 19
There is a stage that no one sees,
built from open arms and steady smiles
The audience, the world, they notice not
The Great Performer amongst them.

He hides his puppet behind curtains,
the curtains made of little things
like silence, shame, a flinch, a tug of sleeve
its screams drowned out by applause

When the mask slips and someone looks,
when light finds what the fabric hides,
the performer straightens, bows, and keeps the act;
a gentle smile—an apology
The world’s greatest actor doesn’t need a stage…
2.7k · 3d
Unsent IV
I want you to fix me

The way you gave me life
I want you to hear me

Behind all the lies
I want you to hold me

But guess I’m too old
I wanted to tell you

But fear is too cold
I want your approval

But that flame is dead
I want you to save me

Before I am too
Written by the little boy in the attic. He wants to disappear.
Don’t tell anyone.
2.1k · May 6
Insecurities
Lostling May 6
I try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
And try
But still
I'm not
Enough
Sometimes I catch a glimpse of the person in the mirror and wonder what anyone sees in them
2.0k · Sep 16
Mist
Lostling Sep 16
I cried
But no tears fell,
Frozen by the winter air

Bound by frost
Bound by guilt
Bound by darkness

It carried a lonely chill
That settled in my bones
Forever there

Just like me in my grave
Cradled in the arms of death
Why would I want to leave?
Down Day
2.0k · 4d
Memory
That night
It was
Us three

Two voices
Speaking. One
Sat silent

Us existing,
Talking, being
Apart, together.

I miss
Your voice
And you
This poem was writtin by the little boy in the attic, he has so much more to say but no way to say it
1.8k · Sep 13
Clique
Lostling Sep 13
I always hated them--
how they left me behind the curtains,
worthless, unseen, forgotten

So when you told me
I was part of one,
shame flooded the courners of my soul

And yet, so did joy;
spreading like a warm fire.
Finally, a place where I belonged.
The thing that brings my joy is the thing that erases people, the same way I was erased. Far. Too. Many. Times.
1.1k · Sep 14
The Man Who Lived
Lostling Sep 14
The Captain
taught a man to live
and live he did
for a night
till bitter snow
fell on his tongue
as he swallowed feelings on his tongue
his lips had kissed the summer's dream
a budding dream
chained down by blood
yet for a single shining breath
the world was his oyster
and the oyster was in his hands
and now remains so
forever
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." Henry Thoreau. Just finished watching Dead Poet's Society, I'm crying but I haven't felt this alive in so long.
995 · Mar 5
Red Ink
Lostling Mar 5
Black and blue marks
On my arm—
Ink, of course. What else?
Words, thoughts, feelings, fears
Written, smudged, then erased.
Leftover streaks,
They wash away
With a smidge of soap and water.
And yet…
I can’t help but remember
When I wrote
With mechanical pencils
And staple bullets
Instead of ballpoint pens
And gel ones.
When I watched the ink,
A gorgeous shade of rubies,
Trickle
Down to my wrist
Like a rivulet of lava.
Now, the fire has long faded
Leaving white ashes
That won’t come off
“It was a cat that did it.”
965 · May 10
A poem for my mother
Lostling May 10
Your guiding hands are always there
To catch me when I fall.
Soft combs through my tangled hair
Hugs, a protective wall.

Your strength's a roaring lioness,
Your heart burning so bright,
Fighting through the crushing stress.
You burn away the night
Happy Mother's Day!
946 · Aug 12
Rea Rose II
Lostling Aug 12
The days of truth or dare
Sparked then faded
Into smoke

Daily
Turned to scarcely
And helplessly
I watched you flicker

Things were just getting better
You came back!
Then disappeared
All together

Now
I watch the suicide numbers
Rise
And fear that you’re one of them

I never wished you happy birthday
That Sunday
Like I promised I would
Did I?
Her gmail and patron page are both gone.
921 · Jun 8
Too Much
Lostling Jun 8
Ping
4 unread messages from contact: Cookie Monster

Ping ping
173 unread messages from group chat: cat gang

Ping ping ping ping
392 unread messages from group chat: secret society

I'm drowning
In the words
Toomuchtoomuchtoomuch
Shutting down...

Mute chats?
Yes
Mark all as read?
Yes

Click
If I leave people on read, this is why.
917 · Apr 28
Streak Broken
Lostling Apr 28
It's funny how
It's easier to open my skin
Then to open my mouth
And ask for help
=/
#sh
905 · Aug 25
Drowning
Lostling Aug 25
My head’s
Six feet
Underwater

I’m trying
Hard
Not to drown

Bubbles
Trailing
From my lips

You’re
The air
Keeping me alive
I love my friends so much
3 more days to the 28th
858 · 7d
A Broken Song
If I wrote a song about me
The intro would be a happy melody.
I’d miss a couple chords
Hum some notes a little too sharp
But it’s okay

The first verse would be laughter
Dancing through the sun’s rays
White keys beneath my fingers
Playing the major

The second verse would fog over
minor notes bleeding through
each wrong sound a confession
I prayed no one would hear

The chorus would unravel
Restless chords, circling, choking
A violin played with shards of glass

The third verse would be filled with screaming
Raw and jagged
Into the void where I hoped to disappear
The fourth would fade into silence
And the fifth would hollow to a ghost

Then the devil's interval would loop, waiting for the next line
With each passing day I feel less and less present (Down Day)
845 · Jul 31
Can't
Lostling Jul 31
Can't eat
Can't sleep
Can't stop crying
Can't breathe
Can't live
Can't do dying
Can't write
Can't read
Can't scream aloud
Can't choose
Can't break
Can't shut down
Can't fly
Can't fall
Can't let them know
Can't speak
Can't stay
But still can't go
I don't -ing know what to do anymore
839 · Jul 7
Watch your mouth
Lostling Jul 7
Measure every word,
Every use of punctuation,
Every emoticon and emoji
Down to the smallest gram

Think twice. No--
Thirteen times,
Before opening your mouth.
And dont talk too much or you're self centred

Check every message, comment.
Nothing too harsh
Nothing insensitive
Nothing that might scare them away
Or tarnish their view of you

Write
Delete
And rewrite
Then quickly send before you chicken out
I love chatting and interacting with you guys but sometimes I overthink
823 · Feb 1
Lost and Found
Lostling Feb 1
Always searching
For a reason

Always looking
For a sign

Always seeking
For an answer

Always hunting
All my life

But…

What If
I’m the one who’s lost?

What if
I need to be found?

What if
I’m the one who’s dying?

What if
I’m the one who’s drowned?

Nah… that’s impossible
Loves helping others but never asks for help because they’re convinced they can do everything and don’t need help if they try hard enough? Couldn’t be me.
734 · Aug 14
I'm Fine
Lostling Aug 14
I'm

Falling apart and rotting away
Insecure, lost, with nowhere to stay
Nothing worth loving, an echo to ****
Endlessly crying on my window sill
Just tired today
668 · Feb 1
Aging
Lostling Feb 1
As I grow older
There were more big problems
Overshadowing the small ones
And so I stopped tending to those small things

Like brushing teeth
Or going for walks
Or bathing
Or eating
Or sleeping

Huh… I think I might be dying
Under great stress, people sometimes forget to take care of themselves. So if you’re one of these people, take a short break and drink water or go for a walk around your neighbourhood. These might seem small, but they’re still important.
660 · Aug 6
Never Blooming For Me
Lostling Aug 6
For the gardener
Tends to his roses
He waters them
At the day's dawn
They budded
Beneath his fingers
But only bloomed
At the touch of the fawn
It's not intentional, and I know they never mean to make me feel unwanted
But insecurities and lack of self worth does things
660 · Feb 1
Anonymous
Lostling Feb 1
If I speak my mind
Behind a blank mask,
I do not own the thought
I do not speak my mind
657 · May 12
Unsent II
Lostling May 12
I love you
Perhaps one of the greatest tragedies
632 · Jan 31
Balloon
Lostling Jan 31
Lost and lonely I drift

Wandering through hazy days

Looking for the chubby little fingers

That used to tug me around with laughter
Short poem. I was sad.
627 · Apr 18
Midnight
Lostling Apr 18
Tick... tock...
Tick... tock...
Silent, the world sleeps
Tick... tock...
Tick... tock...
Stars observe the veil of days
Tick... tock...
Tick... tock...
As child watched from bed
Tick... tock...
Tick... tock...
Can't sleep
595 · Feb 10
To stay awake
Lostling Feb 10
Rest did not come find me last night
Instead I laid wide awake staring at the ceiling

Now exhaustion sits on my shoulder
Smirking and taunting me

So I pop a coffee sweet
Bitter alertness rolls over my tongue

But exhaustion returns, a sly fox
Dragging my eyelids down, stealing my strength

So I take another sweet
This one just as bitter as the last

The day crawls by and once again,
The wold is getting fuzzy…

Another one swallowed
And soon, I’ll need to buy a new supply
(As sleepless nights siphon from my soul, caffeine’s the tape that keeps me whole. At least just for the day)
590 · Mar 17
Resignation
Lostling Mar 17
The darkness is coming,
You know this all too well.
You can see the drowning sun
Feel the breath of the icy wind
As the night stretches its claws across the sky

The darkness is coming.
And there's nothing you can do
But watch as the last rays of light shatter
And your fragile hope flickers,
Fading into ash.

The darkness is coming
You wait with dread
As ink bleeds into the sky,
And shadows crawl from the cracks
To dance upon your fears.

The darkness is coming
You fight for your life
But the shadows coil around your lungs,
Dragging you down,
Where your screams are swallowed whole.

The darkness is coming
And you almost welcome it,
Letting it pull you under,
Where broken dreams and forgotten prayers
Linger in the void.

The darkness is coming.
So you surrender,
Eyes closed,
Heart still beating—
Waiting for whatever comes next.
551 · Sep 1
Hiding
Lostling Sep 1
Don’t look
Please

There’s a reason I’m hiding
A reason for the mask
A reason for the sleeves

Inside is a mess
Of tangled lies and brittle truths
That I’ve stopped trying to understand

And somewhere in there
There’s a child; a puppet
Who just wants to solve the world’s pain

But can’t

So the child hides behind the personas created
Behind stories woven in fiction
Behind poems bled upon
Behind a name
that doesn’t
exist
Stop looking
There’s nothing more to see
547 · Mar 4
Lasting Shadows
Lostling Mar 4
As a child
I hid under my covers,
Fearing the monsters of the night
Lurking beneath my bed.

But now they live in my mind,
Crawling through the cracks,
Festering— even in the sun’s warmth.

No blanket can shield me.
No lamp, no lullaby.

I close my eyes
But still, they linger.
The worst monsters
Aren’t under our beds
But inside us
541 · Jul 2
What a pain
Lostling Jul 2
The puppet said to the sun,
“Never shine upon me.”
And then it said to the clouds,
“Do not hide me from the light.”
And then it gnashed its teeth at the sky, saying,
“I never asked to be seen
I never asked to be hidden
I only asked to be free.”
Freedom is hard.
535 · Feb 10
Nothing’s New
Lostling Feb 10
Stuck in a time loop
Of endless days with only false ends in sight
Filled with papers
That cut me up and down
Till I’m once again a coward
Wanting the easy escape
Just to break the cycle
Just to make the pain stop
Forever
I hate school and I don’t know what to do.

(Though time may pass and sessions change, it wavers not, this lasting pain)
533 · Jun 27
New friends
Lostling Jun 27
I treat new friends
Like one night stands
Convince myself that they,
Like so many others,
Will leave.

Give them a glimpse
Of who I am--
Pre planned parts of my heart.
Never too much,
Never close enough
For them to take root and stay.

I take the thrill
Of someone new;
Their taste sparks on my tongue
Until I throw it all away
When the morning comes

I treat new friends
Like one night stands
And leave before they do
I'm a very social person and have met a lot of people whom I could have been close to had I not run.
525 · Mar 2
A Path Divided
Lostling Mar 2
If I betray my freedom
I betray myself,
Becoming a stranger in my own skin
Quietly echoing the voice of the crowd.
But if I betray the rules,
Break free and stray from the paved path,
I betray my comrades
I betray the people I lead
If I break free, I stand alone in exile
But if I conform, “I” do not exist anymore
523 · Jun 16
A Poem For My Father
Lostling Jun 16
Birds fly
So do I--
Lifted by your hands.
Paper *****,
Wrestled falls,
Laughter with no end.

Scars earned,
Lessons learned,
Gearing me for life.
Always here,
Support clear,
Pillar of my life.
He gives so much it feels like I'll never be able to repay him. One day when I get a stable job, I wanna get him a motorbike =))

Happy fathers day!
(Yes I am a say late T.T)
514 · Apr 13
Seashell
Lostling Apr 13
Seashells hold echos
Of life beneath waves
Hold one to your ear;
Listen, can you hear their story?
I used to think seashells would whisper secrets to those who would listen in the language of waves
497 · Jul 18
Stop it
Lostling Jul 18
Roses are red
And so is my blood
You made cuts romantic
But it’s not called love
I hate when it’s romanticized, like what do you mean it’s an “aesthetic”???
#sh
491 · Feb 20
TooLoudTooLoudTooLoud
Lostling Feb 20
The claps
Explode inside my ears, thundering blanks of noise
The cheers and chatter
Whispers
Mutters
Rush into my ears like seawater, and I can't help but drown...
Static.
Static everywhere, wires zinging and zapping,
Skewer my brain and blend it into froth
Pouring out of my eyes as I squeeze them shut.
And as the frost rushes through my spine, into my lungs,
Curling its claws around my throat,
My screams for silence are just that.
Where you hear commands
I hear abuse
Where you hear applause
Only gunshots ring out for me

(Never touching uniform groups again)
471 · May 31
Sheltered Walkways
Lostling May 31
As I walk down the path well well-worn
I find myself
Missing the caress of droplets
On my arms,
The quiet murmur as they reconciled with the ground--
sha.... sha....
The cold puddles slipping into socks
And the memory of your umbrella
As we danced in the rain.
I love walking in the rain. It's hard to do that when everything has become so sheltered...
470 · May 9
What is Poetry?
Lostling May 9
Is it the words that flow and rhyme
And dance in rhythm, keeping time?

Or is it a line
That breaks when it wants to,
Not when it’s told;
A thought
Spilling without apology?

Or 5-7-5
Secrets whispered by the wind
Words, though few, sing true?

Perhaps it is found behind coughed petals,
Fourteen lines aligning to pave a stage
Where lovers for love charge into battle
And hearts are found pierced or tangled in rage

Or ten words, though short, a poem for the world

Or the sun spilling gold across the sky
Painting clouds as the sea drowns its light.

To me, poetry is emotion;
Memory,
Ink spilled where the heart leaked
And it is not meant for everyone
Someone told me something I wrote wasn't poetry. Maybe they are right. But it got me thinking: what is poetry? What makes a poem different from words scattered across a page?
469 · Jul 8
Rea Rose
Lostling Jul 8
---

She’s gone.

She’s gone
She’s gone
She’s gone
She’s gone
She’s gone
SHE’S GONE

And I can’t do a ****** thing
I wanted drop a message to her today but her name wan’t there. Just three dashes. I can’t find her account (Lost Dreamer), I can’t find her poems. Everything’s gone.
And I’m scared
Lostling Feb 10
I fear not the freezing nights on my lonesome
Nor the sad return to an empty house
Nor the burn of the blazing sky
Nor the voices berating
(They don’t exist)
Nor the dark

Why?
For you are here
To save me from myself
And take me to another world
One where we can live in our memories
Memories we call safe, and safe is what you are
Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam, Be it ever so humble there's no place like home!— John Howard Payne

To me, home isn’t a place, it’s a person.
460 · Aug 20
Falling Apart
Lostling Aug 20
I can't solve anything

Not my life, or theirs
I can't bring back the missing

Can't hold them as they cry
Can't do anything right
Can't say the right things

Even if you say I do
Cause I know
I know you'll never look at me
The way you look at him

I'm
Just
Backup
The second best
Option
It's not their fault

(Not very poetic sorry)
459 · Mar 13
Nameless
Lostling Mar 13
I can’t seem to name
This feeling

Not hunger—
I had breakfast.
Not fatigue—
I slept a full 8 hours last night.
Not laziness—
PE was today
Not stress—
Exams are over. For now.
Not sadness—
But not happiness either.
Not fear—
My heart beats slow.
Not loneliness—
I’m surrounded by people.
Not guilt—
I’ve done nothing wrong
Not peace—
This fog doesn’t count
Not confusion—
I don’t care right now
Something’s still missing
But maybe it’s alright
I’m finding the pieces as I write
436 · Jul 21
Alone, not peace
Lostling Jul 21
Some days you’re tired
And the silence no longer welcomes you
But burrows into your soul, sealing it in a straight jacket
Sometimes the world is too bright
And the darkness no longer brings comfort.
Yet darkness is the only way you can bear
To live in your skin.
Some nights music sounds like mourning
And quiet sobs, screams.
And it hurts.
It hurts so much
Down Day
I just want peace but I can’t have it
432 · May 5
When the music dies
Lostling May 5
When my tears dry
And my sobs cease
Do not mistake it for me calming down.
I've simply realised that you cannot hear my screams
And will say everything but the words I need to hear

When my tears stop
And my sobs fall silent
Do not think I'm doing better.
It just means I've changed the locks
And will continue to break where your gaze won't wander

When my tears shatter
And my sobs lose breath
You will hear everything in that silence
For the ending will be laid out before you
In a casket that will echo my story
Just having a bad day. I'll be fine.
431 · Feb 5
Fleeting
Lostling Feb 5
T h e   d a y s   s e e m   t o o   l o n g
A  n  d     t  h  e     y  e  a  r  s     e  v  e  n      l  o  n  g  e  r

Funny how quickly
A life can be-
Cut short.
411 · Feb 1
Sitting by the Shore
Lostling Feb 1
Spooky little white lights
Dancing out at sea
Deep beneath the waves and
Underneath the breeze

Little lonely lovers
Sit under moonlight
Waters stretch between them
The other not in sight

Shattered little glass shards
Glinting on the beach
Sands of time has smoothed them
Safe enough to keep

Boats and ships a-rowing
Rocking to and fro
Lost to far horizons
Wherever they may go
Imagery practice
407 · Sep 4
2 years ago
Lostling Sep 4
Faces I knew
Voices I heard
Cadence familiar
They were my world

Terrain has changed
Plants overgrown
Are we still friends?
I no longer know
Went back to my old school to visit classmates and teachers for teachers day
405 · Apr 10
Heads or tails?
Lostling Apr 10
Flip a coin
Was it heads or tails?
I bet it didn't land on its edge.
Too much, too little. Never just right.
404 · Feb 12
Russian Doll
Lostling Feb 12
The biggest shall protect the small
That’s how the doll’s life goes
Lies that cover up the truth
So weakness does not show
And even if you think you know
What really lies within
Another face laughs mockingly
In secret with a grin
Each one is different, yet the same
With layers stripped and worn
Who can tell what’s real from fake
With this ever changing form?
I realise now, they are not masks
Nor lies or false facades
Instead they are a spirit, whole
Made up of different parts
(I’ve long accepted I am me
Even the parts you cannot see)
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