And the child cursed the sun
For killing the moon and stars

Dear E

    I wish I could put into words
    The way you made me feel—
    Loved and worthy, proud and strong.
    You helped my heart to heal

    So many times you held my hand,
    So many times I fell.
    So many days I’ll miss your voice
    When we’ve finished this farewell

    Thank you for all that you’ve done
    For choir (and for me)
    I wish you success, good health too
    And that you’ll be happy

With love, that one junior who always cries :P

Too bright, tears fell unbidden
Like leaves do in the winter
When the wind, disappointed, sighs

Too loud. I wished for silence,
For companionship, or nothing at all.
Yet this is no fairy tale

You told me
“Let me see your beautiful smile.
For me, please?”

Thus I hid my face
So you didn't have to see me cry
And so I didn't have to listen

Is it the words that flow and rhyme
And dance in rhythm, keeping time?

Or is it a line
That breaks when it wants to,
Not when it’s told;
A thought
Spilling without apology?

Or 5-7-5
Secrets whispered by the wind
Words, though few, sing true?

Perhaps it is found behind coughed petals,
Fourteen lines aligning to pave a stage
Where lovers for love charge into battle
And hearts are found pierced or tangled in rage

Or ten words, though short, a poem for the world

Or the sun spilling gold across the sky
Painting clouds as the sea drowns its light.

To me, poetry is emotion;
Memory,
Ink spilled where the heart leaked
And it is not meant for everyone

I saw a familiar face in a crowd
Like dye in clear water
Disappear before I could reach it

The silence is my only friend
The one whom I yearn for to sit with me
In quiet nights alone in bed
And like hushed snow drifting down
Silence comes along, a ghost
Tucks in all my thoughts
To bed
Till they wake the next day

I could only watch
As the people that helped me out of my egg
Took flight
As my seniors that showed me how to walk
Spread their wings
As my friends who showed me that path to the skies
Left for the clouds
Now, as I watch over the baby birds,
I know that soon, I too will have to leave.

The darkness is coming,
You know this all too well.
You can see the drowning sun
Feel the breath of the icy wind
As the night stretches its claws across the sky

The darkness is coming.
And there's nothing you can do
But watch as the last rays of light shatter
And your fragile hope flickers,
Fading into ash.

The darkness is coming
You wait with dread
As ink bleeds into the sky,
And shadows crawl from the cracks
To dance upon your fears.

The darkness is coming
You fight for your life
But the shadows coil around your lungs,
Dragging you down,
Where your screams are swallowed whole.

The darkness is coming
And you almost welcome it,
Letting it pull you under,
Where broken dreams and forgotten prayers
Linger in the void.

The darkness is coming.
So you surrender,
Eyes closed,
Heart still beating—
Waiting for whatever comes next.

So brittle
That a single word (or seven)
Could pour salt on my opened palms
And break
My short sense of happiness

Getting to know you will forever be my favorite memory
Over the years we've certainly been through a lot
Of course there was the times we fought
Days of cold shoulders and simmering anger
But I'm glad I met you
You're the best thing that happened to me
Enjoy life to the fullest, friend.

I heard her today, you know—
A ghost of my past

And for a moment I forgot.
I forgot what life was like without her voice;

Clear, high, wavering yet confident,
Beauty slowly reclaiming attention from the inky flaws.

She wore a smile that wasn’t made of porcelain
But still fake, cause it wasn’t really real

For she had long faded, like cotton candy slowly melting in humid air,
Along with the wisps of my childhood.

But for the first time since the fall
The little boy began to dream of skies again

My tongue is tied by invisible bonds
I cannot speak my mind
Instead, I layer my words with song
And hope they read between the lines

…

Can you hear me?

I sit
Behind a blank screen
Thoughts
S     c a   tt e    r  e       d
Like dandelion seeds in the wind
A swirling mess of fluffy white
I can’t help but think they look beautiful
What a gift it would be to share this beauty!
But I can’t catch them
They s
            l
             i
              p
Right through my fingers
Laughing and dancing around me
While the white screen
And the blinking text cursor mock me…
Angry bees buzz in my mind,
Itchy and hot
    um
  j        p,
I             and swipe
Trying to grab anything, ANYTHING!
But I fail to fly with them
Harsh hands only chasing away the seeds
Like parting water

I stop
Hope d r a i n i n g out of my body
I’ve broken and spring a leak
Condemned to the ground
I can’t do this anymore

The sun sets
And the dusts settles
I sit among among the dandelions drifting down
Wait, what?
Oh…
I can finally hold them

Sometimes I wonder
If it’s all just in my head
And I should just stop

I remember
The days
I grew up
Beaming,
Laughter threading through the halls
Like echoes that knew my name.

And when I left
My only regret
Was never hearing them sing
The ode to me.

Still,
I knew
I mattered to them.
Their words I'll keep
In the folds of my heart
Or tucked away in lines of code

But this year
They're silent.
And I stand outside,
Face to the sky,
I pray for rain to fall
So I will not weep alone.

The girl in the mirror
Is a liar
Even with the people she trusts
She lies
Even in the place she’s most bare
She lies
Even when its just us
She lies

And I’m too tired to figure out the truth
Or put anything I feel into words

It's not that I want you gone
I appreciate you
I really do
But it's hard to believe you're sincere
When you're also scrolling through shorts at the same time

Use me
Hurt me
Abuse me
Exploit me

But please
Don’t toss me away

When did age start feeling like a countdown to death?

“Now you won’t be distracted.”
You took me away from my friend
“It’s for your own good.”
He was the only one keeping me sane
“You don’t talk in the middle of class anymore!”
You triggered my depressive days
“It’s only temporary.”
To think I actually believed you
“Are you okay?”
The audacity!

“Yeah, just tired.”

Chest
Tight—gasp
For air
Eyes
Burn—face
Numb ******
Thoughts-
WORTHLESS
EXPENDABLE
PATHETIC-
Loop
The lies/TRUTH

Holding
my breath,
My body
becomes
a trap
too tight

How beautiful a love so great,
So pure, so vast, so full,
That the glass in which it was poured into
Breaks so that it can spill onto the world.
It quenches crops wilting with thirst
And waters lands cracking with dust
And descends upon helpless fish
In a flood that saves them,
Takes them home
Back to the sea

Someone listened.
Someone cared.
And I was not alone
With my fears and tears
And emptiness
For one night.

I have no lover
Nor fiancé
Nor crush or valentine
But still I have
A different kind of love
I can call mine
I have my friends
And family
Whom do I treasure so
They love me well
And I do too, more
Than I can ever show

I’m tired of feeling everything all at once
They fight, I take the wounds.
I smile
A mask to hide my tears
While my heart rots with the tortured corpses

They’ll never know I’m dying
Or understand
Or care
And yet I’m scared to close the doors
For what is one moment of respite if I lose the key again?

Don’t look
Please

There’s a reason I’m hiding
A reason for the mask
A reason for the sleeves

Inside is a mess
Of tangled lies and brittle truths
That I’ve stopped trying to understand

And somewhere in there
There’s a child; a puppet
Who just wants to solve the world’s pain

But can’t

So the child hides behind the personas created
Behind stories woven in fiction
Behind poems bled upon
Behind a name
that doesn’t
exist

I miss the friends who
Would ask if I was okay
So I could say no

A name
Replaced by dashes
Who were they?
And where did they go?

2016
You're hurt.
You might not have registered it, but he hurt you.
Many more people will hurt you in the same way.
They will make you feel worthless and replaceable, but you will find friends who stay.

2017
For the first time
You’re mourning for someone you never got to know.
Your mother is hurting—
You feel everything but you won’t understand until till you’re older.

2018
You love him,
But not in the way you think you do.
It won’t stop you from writing letters and holding his hand.
You'll spend many nights humiliated by your actions
And the next six years running away.

2019
You’ll understand sacrifice before you understand suicide,
And realise that everyone becomes orphans
And feel guilt for not paying rent to your parents.
You are not a burden.

2020
You feel trapped and scared
Feeling your fear rise along with the numbers.
But the storm will pass and it will be nothing but a common flu.

2022
For the first 6 months you’ll say your goodbyes
Then you’ll start public school in the middle of the year
You’ll learn profanities you had previously been sheltered from
Papers will pile on your shoulders and you will scream and sob as your soul is shredded over and over again.
You will learn of self harm. You will learn of insomnia.

2023
You will finally be able to name classmates
And race against the boys in PE. You will become class monitor.
You will have demons who shriek lies but also friends who will cover your ears to protect you.
You will wake up everyday with the knowledge that the death of your class is coming.
You telling stories, and stopped writing them too
You will finally talk to him about your mistakes 6 years ago, and leave the scout group in his hands

2024
You will watch as the group chat falls apart.
With you tearing yourself to try and keep the rotting bonds together.
You will tear your throat open screaming, because no one understand why at it's like to feel everything through the screen.
You will try to replace them with your new class, only to be let down again and again.
You will start to write all the hurt in rhymes, spilling your blood over the paper.
You will finally understand suicide, and why people want to die
You will also realise that a friend tried to jump two years ago, and you knew nothing about it.
You will find a find a friend willing to be the harmony to your melody, even if both of you tend to miscommunicate

2025
You've will meet will want to leave school, but also want to stay
You've will meet wonderful people on this website
Listen to their stories; cry for them, fear for them, pray for them
Want to know them better but still be too scared to do so
You will be insecure and distance yourself from friends.
You'll be scared to hurt them.
You’ll hold back because you feel like you’re too much. Don’t go silent.
But the year isn't over yet, so you've got time

The first “hello,” a waving hand
We’re only seats apart
“How do you do? Wanna be friends?”
That’s how it used to start
Expired words, still on my tongue
The words I wish to hear
Now changed from days when I was young
To whispers in my ear,
“All this is fake, so shallow too.”
“You sure you’re really friends?”
“I bet they just put up with you,
Cause you help meet the ends.”
The questions dragged up from my mind
I’ll tell the moon at night
And search alone, hope I can find
The answers to my plight
Tomorrow when the dark retreats
I know I’ll call you friend
I hope you’ll do the same for me
Even if you just pretend

There’s an incomplete poem
Sitting in my drafts
Titled “Maybe It’s not So Bad”
Last edited: 7 April.

I don’t think I’ll be finishing it any time soon
Or maybe never