From young, we play--
Tiny hands, big dreams

Then they hand us books,
And say, study hard.
Why?
So we can work in the future.

Why work? To enjoy.
Then work more
To enjoy a little more.

A loop,
Endless and spinning

So I say good riddance!
I denounce this life and laugh in its face.
It has no meaning.
Not unless you give it one.

The world can give you a hundred reasons.
But none of them are yours
Write your own answer.

So brittle
That a single word (or seven)
Could pour salt on my opened palms
And break
My short sense of happiness

My tongue is tied by invisible bonds
I cannot speak my mind
Instead, I layer my words with song
And hope they read between the lines

…

Can you hear me?

I sit
Behind a blank screen
Thoughts
S     c a   tt e    r  e       d
Like dandelion seeds in the wind
A swirling mess of fluffy white
I can’t help but think they look beautiful
What a gift it would be to share this beauty!
But I can’t catch them
They s
            l
             i
              p
Right through my fingers
Laughing and dancing around me
While the white screen
And the blinking text cursor mock me…
Angry bees buzz in my mind,
Itchy and hot
    um
  j        p,
I             and swipe
Trying to grab anything, ANYTHING!
But I fail to fly with them
Harsh hands only chasing away the seeds
Like parting water

I stop
Hope d r a i n i n g out of my body
I’ve broken and spring a leak
Condemned to the ground
I can’t do this anymore

The sun sets
And the dusts settles
I sit among among the dandelions drifting down
Wait, what?
Oh…
I can finally hold them

I remember
The days
I grew up
Beaming,
Laughter threading through the halls
Like echoes that knew my name.

And when I left
My only regret
Was never hearing them sing
The ode to me.

Still,
I knew
I mattered to them.
Their words I'll keep
In the folds of my heart
Or tucked away in lines of code

But this year
They're silent.
And I stand outside,
Face to the sky,
I pray for rain to fall
So I will not weep alone.

I heard her today, you know—
A ghost of my past

And for a moment I forgot.
I forgot what life was like without her voice;

Clear, high, wavering yet confident,
Beauty slowly reclaiming attention from the inky flaws.

She wore a smile that wasn’t made of porcelain
But still fake, cause it wasn’t really real

For she had long faded, like cotton candy slowly melting in humid air,
Along with the wisps of my childhood.

But for the first time since the fall
The little boy began to dream of skies again

Getting to know you will forever be my favorite memory
Over the years we've certainly been through a lot
Of course there was the times we fought
Days of cold shoulders and simmering anger
But I'm glad I met you
You're the best thing that happened to me
Enjoy life to the fullest, friend.

“Now you won’t be distracted.”
You took me away from my friend
“It’s for your own good.”
He was the only one keeping me sane
“You don’t talk in the middle of class anymore!”
You triggered my depressive days
“It’s only temporary.”
To think I actually believed you
“Are you okay?”
The audacity!

“Yeah, just tired.”

Use me
Hurt me
Abuse me
Exploit me

But please
Don’t toss me away

The girl in the mirror
Is a liar
Even with the people she trusts
She lies
Even in the place she’s most bare
She lies
Even when its just us
She lies

And I’m too tired to figure out the truth
Or put anything I feel into words

I’m tired of feeling everything all at once
They fight, I take the wounds.
I smile
A mask to hide my tears
While my heart rots with the tortured corpses

They’ll never know I’m dying
Or understand
Or care
And yet I’m scared to close the doors
For what is one moment of respite if I lose the key again?

It's not that I want you gone
I appreciate you
I really do
But it's hard to believe you're sincere
When you're also scrolling through shorts at the same time

I have no lover
Nor fiancé
Nor crush or valentine
But still I have
A different kind of love
I can call mine
I have my friends
And family
Whom do I treasure so
They love me well
And I do too, more
Than I can ever show

When did age start feeling like a countdown to death?

A name
Replaced by dashes
Who were they?
And where did they go?

I miss the friends who
Would ask if I was okay
So I could say no

The first “hello,” a waving hand
We’re only seats apart
“How do you do? Wanna be friends?”
That’s how it used to start
Expired words, still on my tongue
The words I wish to hear
Now changed from days when I was young
To whispers in my ear,
“All this is fake, so shallow too.”
“You sure you’re really friends?”
“I bet they just put up with you,
Cause you help meet the ends.”
The questions dragged up from my mind
I’ll tell the moon at night
And search alone, hope I can find
The answers to my plight
Tomorrow when the dark retreats
I know I’ll call you friend
I hope you’ll do the same for me
Even if you just pretend

How beautiful a love so great,
So pure, so vast, so full,
That the glass in which it was poured into
Breaks so that it can spill onto the world.
It quenches crops wilting with thirst
And waters lands cracking with dust
And descends upon helpless fish
In a flood that saves them,
Takes them home
Back to the sea

Sometimes I wonder
If it’s all just in my head
And I should just stop

When you kissed me
I tasted him on your lips
You didnt say it
But I knew:
I was always just backup

There’s an incomplete poem
Sitting in my drafts
Titled “Maybe It’s not So Bad”
Last edited: 7 April.

I don’t think I’ll be finishing it any time soon
Or maybe never

Is it the words that flow and rhyme
And dance in rhythm, keeping time?

Or is it a line
That breaks when it wants to,
Not when it’s told;
A thought
Spilling without apology?

Or 5-7-5
Secrets whispered by the wind
Words, though few, sing true?

Perhaps it is found behind coughed petals,
Fourteen lines aligning to pave a stage
Where lovers for love charge into battle
And hearts are found pierced or tangled in rage

Or ten words, though short, a poem for the world

Or the sun spilling gold across the sky
Painting clouds as the sea drowns its light.

To me, poetry is emotion;
Memory,
Ink spilled where the heart leaked
And it is not meant for everyone

Chest
Tight—gasp
For air
Eyes
Burn—face
Numb ******
Thoughts-
WORTHLESS
EXPENDABLE
PATHETIC-
Loop
The lies/TRUTH

Holding
my breath,
My body
becomes
a trap
too tight

I sit at my chair
For hours on end
Staring at the blank paper

The story is at the tips of my fingers
The characters chatter in my mind, ready to take the stage
But to my horror

My words are gone and only the silence remains

From days of flight
To nights of tears
To hazy smoke all year round
The light I once was is now blurring

“Too bright!” They said
“Too much!” They cried
And so I faltered
Flickering
Dimming
Dying
Till the voices stopped

They pointed to my hair
My tongue
My legs
My heart
My hands
My soul
My eyes

Everything that didn’t belong
Everything they wanted gone

What was I to do?
And so I let them hold the knife
Against my chest
Sliding between my ribs
Hurting
Hurting
Hurting
As they cut away the best parts of me

2016
You're hurt.
You might not have registered it, but he hurt you.
Many more people will hurt you in the same way.
They will make you feel worthless and replaceable, but you will find friends who stay.

2017
For the first time
You’re mourning for someone you never got to know.
Your mother is hurting—
You feel everything but you won’t understand until till you’re older.

2018
You love him,
But not in the way you think you do.
It won’t stop you from writing letters and holding his hand.
You'll spend many nights humiliated by your actions
And the next six years running away.

2019
You’ll understand sacrifice before you understand suicide,
And realise that everyone becomes orphans
And feel guilt for not paying rent to your parents.
You are not a burden.

2020
You feel trapped and scared
Feeling your fear rise along with the numbers.
But the storm will pass and it will be nothing but a common flu.

2022
For the first 6 months you’ll say your goodbyes
Then you’ll start public school in the middle of the year
You’ll learn profanities you had previously been sheltered from
Papers will pile on your shoulders and you will scream and sob as your soul is shredded over and over again.
You will learn of self harm. You will learn of insomnia.

2023
You will finally be able to name classmates
And race against the boys in PE. You will become class monitor.
You will have demons who shriek lies but also friends who will cover your ears to protect you.
You will wake up everyday with the knowledge that the death of your class is coming.
You telling stories, and stopped writing them too
You will finally talk to him about your mistakes 6 years ago, and leave the scout group in his hands

2024
You will watch as the group chat falls apart.
With you tearing yourself to try and keep the rotting bonds together.
You will tear your throat open screaming, because no one understand why at it's like to feel everything through the screen.
You will try to replace them with your new class, only to be let down again and again.
You will start to write all the hurt in rhymes, spilling your blood over the paper.
You will finally understand suicide, and why people want to die
You will also realise that a friend tried to jump two years ago, and you knew nothing about it.
You will find a find a friend willing to be the harmony to your melody, even if both of you tend to miscommunicate

2025
You've will meet will want to leave school, but also want to stay
You've will meet wonderful people on this website
Listen to their stories; cry for them, fear for them, pray for them
Want to know them better but still be too scared to do so
You will be insecure and distance yourself from friends.
You'll be scared to hurt them.
You’ll hold back because you feel like you’re too much. Don’t go silent.
But the year isn't over yet, so you've got time

War.
Such a small word for something so big
What does it mean?
Gunshots ringing through the air as his strong arms wrap around me, covering my ears
I can still hear the screams
Families are ripped apart
The ones that survive pick up the broken pieces, if there are any left
Most of them are broken too, shattered souls still bleeding
Many have no tears left to cry, hearts freezing over, sharp icicles drawing blood, both theirs and others
Everything is grey. Even his eyes look...dead
A few nights ago we were clinging to each other, was it for warmth or comfort? It didn't matter
Phantom feelings of a ruined past, like a ghostly touch, start to stir
A melody I can't quite grasp, sung by a memory, forever lost to the chaos
I can almost picture an angel-white dove taking flight
It keeps me going through the pain
But when I open my eyes, it's fallen, red staining its feathers
His calloused hands were cold and still, wrapped around me in a final embrace
His last promise to protect me
The gods came that day, too
They were too late
Now I think to myself, "Is it really over?"
And every time, my reflection whispers back, "No, it's not."

"Be flexible, the flexible ones are those who survive."

No.
We are the ones who get taken advantage of.
They see us bend once--
Heart stretching, limbs folding backwards--
We don't break.
Instead we always fix ourselves
A smile stretched across our faces.

And so they pull
Push
Twist
Yank
All because we're flexible
All because we can handle it

If you doubt yourself
You start to doubt others
And if you doubt others
You’ll start to doubt everyone
Til there’s no one you can trust

Someone listened.
Someone cared.
And I was not alone
With my fears and tears
And emptiness
For one night.