i finalised my "divorce" today. well, it was a breakup. 2 years together, lived together, shared our cats, shared a life... all that. so yeah, it felt like a mini divorce.
and i couldn't help but notice how relatable the song "happiness" by taylor swift is now...
"all the years i've given is just **** we're dividing up"
he left the house a week ago. today he came by, and divided up our shared things.
"tell me when did your winning smile began to look like a smirk? when did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt?"
when i first met him, it was the stuff of fairytales - like most relationships. we shared some of the best memories of our lives together. but like all good things, it came to an end. over time, we became stressed with life's responsibilities. we became toxic to each other, and both made terrible mistakes. towards the end, it became the inevitable to end things.
"after giving you the best i had tell me what to give after that?"
i gave it my all. we both tried our best. it just wasn't meant to be.
"haunted by the look in my eyes that would've loved you for a lifetime"
how i wished he was the one... given any chance, i would've loved him for a lifetime. i miss him. i miss the life we shared. i grieve for the future we will never have.
"i can't make it go away by making you a villian"
but just because the relationship failed, it was still extraordinarily beautiful. i hold zero resentment towards him at all. no negative feelings. i wish him all the best in the future.
"no one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you and you know you hurt him too"
these lyrics hit me the most...
"there'll be happiness after you but there was happiness because of you"
goodbye, lover. maybe in another lifetime, our paths will cross again. but for now, i wish you all the happiness in the world. i will always have love for you deep in my heart.
You are my unsent message. The cursor blinking rhythmically, With my heartbeat, Waiting, For me to hit send. But I am not ready, And I’m not sure if I ever will be So I left it like that. Unsent. Unseen. Unread. “I miss you.”
When you look for love, find someone who makes you appreciate the little things in life, like the shift of the sky from day to night, the sunsets, the sunrise, how the stars dance in the night sky and how the moon brightens the universe in the absence of the sun.
It hurts a lot. It hurts so much and I know you're never going to understand why it hurts me but just know it does. It's ****. And I'm crying. And i don't know what else to say besides that I don't want to loose you.. Again. And again. And again. I know I don't act like I love being around you but I do. I'm just ******* stupid. It's been so good just having you back in my life and talking almost how we used to and I thought we might actually get back to the way it was before it all. But no. I'll try to deal for awhile.
Maybe it hurts so much because it makes me realize that I'm not even half of what you are to me as a person. as a feeling. as an inspiration. I hope I handle it better than I have in the past and I'll be preparing for your absence. Again