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kokoro Oct 2024
I could fall in love with you over and over again
and even if i knew that it was destroying me with every step i took,
I would go a thousand miles just to find you.
If I had to have a last dance,
I would make it be with you.
Talk 2 me,
Darling,
I can't love you this much.
"and though I waited for you like God waits for his own children, I must let go of you because I am not God."
kokoro Nov 2024
Jade,
do you know how much you have changed me?
You have changed me so much,
and as you start to fade away, I have this conflicting feeling of if I want to remember it or not.
I connect you with the person I was before.

Jade,
Ill remember you when you pop into my dreams.
Ill remember you when theres nothing else to think about.
through sad old songs,
through poems and letters,
through grass and flowers,
Ill always remember you as my first love.
kokoro Oct 2024
I lay down every night wondering,
is this all i will ever get in love?
is this all i will ever receive?
I lay down every night thinking,
With only one thing in my mind.
It starts with a J.
I wonder if he lays down in the same way,
with one initial in mind,
would that initial be E?
or would it be another letter in the alphabet?
kokoro Nov 2024
I wonder if I have been in anyone else's prayers.
I wonder if someone else has prayed every single day about me.
I wonder if an angel number has ever been about me,
wishing that they could have a chance with me,
just like i wished for a chance with him.
kokoro 4d
Two weeks ago I met the most perfect boy.
I decided to shoot my shot,
and I made my ball in.
Im not ready to truly say I love him,
but I already know I do.
I know because his cologne lingers in my hair,
I know because I can ask him anything without feeling ashamed.
I know because I don't even feel jealous.
From the day that I saw him,
I knew we had a connection.
From the day that I saw him,
I knew something had begun.
kokoro Nov 2024
As I rock you to sleep,
i notice your soft baby hairs growing in.
Not long enough to be slicked back,
Not short enough to go unnoticed.
I curl it with my pointer finger,
waiting for it to bounce back.
kokoro Oct 2024
my brain is the drum,
my hands are the bass,
my legs are the guitar,
my eyes are the piano

but my heart sings
its the melody,
the lead.
it's what you can hear,
what will shine through.
kokoro Nov 2024
I think that I know that it was all ment to be.
No,
I believe.
I believe that it was all ment to happen.
That God closed that door because he knew I couldn't,
And that if he was the right one,
Our love would never have failed.
But because it did, I know that it was never love.
and although I believe these many things, It's hard for me to accept it. The problem with me is, that I'm always wishing this were never true.
kokoro Nov 2024
"you deserve better"
except if you really ment it,
you would become better.
you would change yourself for me.
kokoro Nov 2024
Butterflies are beautiful.
Their painted wings attracted,
because we love them.
We love to look at them.

Spiders are hideous.
We hate their many legs.
we hate their big, creepy eyes.
So we push them.
But what is the real difference between a butterfly and a spider? They're both insects, they both crawl around. In fact, they both have many legs, they both have big creepy eyes. Why do we **** the spider and not the butterfly?
kokoro Oct 2024
Sometimes i wish my hair wrapped around my whole head like a curtain
so i couldn't see,
so i couldn't smell,
so i couldn't hear,
so i couldn't eat.
kokoro Nov 2024
I go to the doctors
just for a checkup,
she puts her hand on my chest to feel my heart.
And at that moment i wonder if she can feel how its broken into a million pieces.
I wonder if she can feel with each thump, another piece breaking off.
I wonder if she can feel all the denial, all the workers in my brain trying to mend those pieces together,
but then it all breaking apart again.
kokoro Oct 2024
I stretch my eyes because i can't close my ears
i stretch them so no tears fall out
if i could close my ears like i could close my eyes
i would do it any second
because words and sounds hurt more then sights,
you'll remember things you hear more then the things you see.
I stretch my eyes hoping i stretch enough so i can get to my ears,
I stretch and stretch until my eyes fall down.
kokoro Nov 2024
You fall under falls kiss
you fall under its spell,
turning its green leaves into beautiful red ones.
You fall under its control,
switching your shirts into blue knitted sweaters.
And as sunflowers wilt and sulk back into the ground,
you grow and grow like a beanstalk,
until its winter again and you fall under winters kiss.
kokoro Dec 2024
do you ever feel like your incapable of loving,
because you feel like you could never love someone like you used to love another?
like your fear has made a bar that you can touch but not surpass,
like nothing will ever match how you used to feel?
kokoro Nov 2024
kissing under the evergreen
what would have happened if we were ever clean?

hugging me under the shadows,
what would have happened if i had seen?

your crazy, but that crazy was beautiful to me.
kokoro Oct 2024
youre adorned in gold

i'm adorned in silver

your pride is my past

youre solid gold and i'm gold plated,

my silver covered in your gold.
Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart"
kokoro Oct 2024
Why do i look at it
like you're waiting?

why do i pray that your there,
when your not?

why do i look at it,
thinking if you look at it wondering if i'm waiting?

trust me baby,
i am.
kokoro Oct 2024
Its halloween night,
he asks me,
"whats your worst fear?"
and i answer,
saying,
"i don't know ,
i'm not afraid of anything."
but i know thats not true,
because my worst fears right in front of me.
kokoro Nov 2024
I remember crying waterfalls in my bed,
struggling to get out,
and then Jesus came.
Jesus saved me.
I accepted Jesus's grace,
and i finally understood.
kokoro Jan 14
I love his sound
the sound of his guitar,
plugged in and ringing after him.
I love the sound of his finger plucking the strings,
bouncing off and vibrating.
I love all instruments,
all kinds of genres and songs,
but my favorite song is the one where his guitar plays.
kokoro Nov 2024
Time has passed
I have moved on
but one word still glimmers
Hope.
i
kokoro Nov 2024
i
why is it different when i do it?
why do i get messages pouring in,
when you do the same thing?
Why do i get hated on for the things i like,
when i would never do the same things to you?
and why do i let it go, why do i let it slide?
kokoro Jan 21
Ive made a million paintings,
a million drawings,
a million sculptures and figures,
but yet,
none of them feel like art.
Isn't art something you can discuss on?
Something you can talk about, something you can argue about?
but when you look at mine,
what do you see?
You know what you see.
What you see is staring right at you,
because its so clear.
Theres nothing to argue about,
theres nothing to talk about,
its one singular thing that everyone agrees about.
And even though its pretty and i'm proud of it,
it's still never really art because I never felt anything about it.
It never made me cry.
it never made me think about it all at night.
It didnt bring me joy,
it didn't bring me pain.
I just painted,
and thats what came flowing from my hands.
I want to make something that you can feel in your veins,
feel in your soul.
I want to create something that just shows something.
I want to create art.
I once saw a painting by Edward Hopper.
A painting of a woman sitting down at a table, all alone.
This isn't just a painting of lady sitting down,
its a painting of a lonley woman,
dressed up,
waiting for someone, but them never showing up.
It's not just pretty, but it tells a story.
kokoro Dec 2024
You keep on running back to her
like a dog at dinner
you keep on running back to her,
banging on her door till she answers.
You know so much about her, yet you have yet to learn that her love for you is not pure.
You are so consumed by her beauty that it doesn't matter.
Her wrongs turn into rights,
her reds into yellows,
her deep brown eyes freezing you in time.
Her Love is so sinful,
yet you keep tugging on her rope till she falls down with you.
kokoro Nov 2024
Jade is my first love.
he's the one that will always stay in my heart, even after each season passes.
one piece of my heart is always dedicated to him.
I will never forget his birthday, his favorite color, his favorite shirt,
because part of me is him.
kokoro Nov 2024
She shivers when it's not cold
She closes her eyes when she's not tired

she could move if someone just pushed her,
she could cry if someone just talked to her

and she prays to God because no one else listens,

"Lord, help me. Forgive me for all of my sins, and I pray with each passing minute  
that i will get closer to you and your word."
kokoro Nov 2024
A knot ties in my stomach
one i can't untie
i try every way possible to untie it,
but all i could ever do is loosen it.
I pray that one day i will loosen it enough till i can pick it all apart.
kokoro Oct 2024
I think a part of me will never let go,
hanging onto every last message,
every last word,
every last breath.
God, i pray that you will help me let go.
Because thats all i want.
To be comforted by your word,
your voice,
your faith.
Its different from every other time,
because im stuck on the thought that i couldve done something to stop this from happening.
Lord, leave me the way.
kokoro Oct 2024
You will forever hear the sounds.
You will forever remember those words.
and if your stuck in a dark room with all of your worst fears,
the darkness will not block out their sounds.
kokoro Nov 2024
I like to forgive people
even if they do me wrong
because what right do I have not forgiving,
when my Father knows every single thing that I have done wrong,
but yet has forgiven me for all of them?

In my prayers I ask God to release me from my anger
my anger towards people,
my anger towards the world.
Because to be frank,
I don't want to live an angry life.
I don't want to live a life full of anger and hate.
I want to live in a perfect world, but I know that is not possible, for mankind makes all kinds of different mistakes.
So instead I trust God, I trust his plan, and because I have that trust, I know that everything will be okay.
Life will be okay with those different mistakes, as long as I trust.

Look back and thank God.
Look Forward and trust God.
Mark 11:25 - "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
kokoro Nov 2024
As Novembers air approaches,
I can see my skin getting paler and paler,
I can see my arms covered in goosebumps.
As its air blows my hair back,
it also blows back memories from October
reminding me that they are never flowing away.
November will never be the same without my October.
kokoro Jan 5
Its been three months
her hairs long now
it cascades down her back
moving as she walks closer to me,
grows closer to me.
I wonder how she feels when she sees me,
how she feels when she sees me standing there waiting.
all i see is guilt, and on top of that shame.
shame how it ended the way it did,
guilt on the way i acted.
i don't know if i should speak,
and if i did,
if she would respond.
kokoro Oct 2024
I first heard your song,
driving through the dry mountains of Arizona.
the horn honking in your song wont stop me
Phoebe.
Your voice wont stop me from driving 1000 more miles Phoebe.
Youre my number one party anthem,
look out for me,
look out for me.
you're not the monster your the doctor,
serenade me with your song Phoebe.
kokoro Oct 2024
I know that I love you still,
because every time I pray to the Lord,
your somehow in it.
Weaved into my prayers of health, my prayers of love, my prayers of happiness, is your name.
Because your somehow forever in my life, as a memory and as a figure, and I don't know how to accept that.
And even though I hate to admit it, I will pray for your love until the Lord pulls me the other way.
kokoro Oct 2024
she doesn't know how much her words hurt
she shoves them down my throat
she puts my hand around my mouth so i can't spit it out
she loops around my throat
until i choke up and my thoughts turn purple.
kokoro Oct 2024
just when i thought it was over
i realize its not
just when i thought it was over
she hugs me again
and i realize im crying.
kokoro Oct 2024
It will never be the same.
Ill never look at it the same.
Ill never pull on the grass and dig in the dirt like i used to,
ill never sit there again,
ill never walk through it again,
even if its for the better.
Because every time i'll walk through it or passed it, everything comes back. No place holds as many memories as that place.
kokoro Oct 2024
Rock me back and forth,
push me till i fall

tumble down to the pond,
look at our reflection

yell at the top of your lungs,
im yelling so hard it hurts

take me to the beach,
drown me in sand

drown me in sand till i scream,
pour it inside my mouth till it stops
kokoro Oct 2024
push and push and push,
but i can't get your name past my lips like a slur.
Is it the fact that I'm admitting? is it the fact that i know its not what I will get?
kokoro Oct 2024
waiting for my phone to light up
with a message from you
but instead i'm laying down holding a teddy bear
pretending its you,
writing a poem instead of texting you.
kokoro Oct 2024
I feel some sort of grief
A sort of grief that I can't pinpoint
because I miss you
but it's a type of missing that won't go away
that i can't force to go away
because i want you back just to talk
just to stop the avoiding
And as I see you touching that other girl,
i wonder if she's experiencing how I felt an year ago,
and if she will ever feel the same way I do now.
It's the type of grief that i will always experience,
because you will forever not go away.
kokoro Oct 2024
if your feeling down,
if your feeling happy,
if your feeling angry,
if your feeling nervous,
if your feeling thankful,

talk to God.
talk to our Lord.
thank our Lord.

find comfort in the fact that we are blessed,
that we are blessed with the world among us.

And when you take something for granted,
when you wake up,
when you get dressed,
when you go to school,
when you eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner,
you are doing something that someone else in the world is praying for.

So thank the Lord,
remember that you are blessed.
Forgive your enemies, so that the Lord will forgive you for your sins at the gates of Heaven.
Live every day knowing that Jesus is holding your hand through everything,
and if you think no one is listening,
remember that God is.
kokoro Oct 2024
i got hit with the true reality the other day,
and the reality always hurts.
the reality that sometimes things don't go your way,
and sometimes the person you thought God made for you was made for someone else.
and it's hard to understand that,
its hard to understand that you are not ment for them.
it's hard to understand that some things that some things that you wished were ment to be arn't.
and every song you sent to them,
every song they sent to you,
it'll remind you of them.
thats the true reality.
but there will be a time of all of Jesus's healings will finally heal you whole.
there will come a time where you will hear that song on the radio,
and think,
hey thats a good song,
and not start crying to the beat of it.
there will come a time when you won't beat yourself over what you could've done differently that would change the way he feels about you.
Some things arn't ment to be permanent,
thats the true reality.
kokoro Oct 2024
Complaining what i could be,
what i wish i could be,

Complaining about what i wish would happen,
what could have happened,

when i'm in the middle of what i used to pray for.
Sometimes we are so focused on our future, that we don't realize that we are in the middle of what we used to pray for. Thank our Lord for what he has brought us, thank God for the the past, present, and the future.
kokoro Nov 2024
Have you noticed how once we start getting happier,
we tend to write less?
atleast I do.
I think its because all we ever do is complain.
and once theres nothing to complain about,
theres really nothing to talk about, nothing to write about.
I guess you could take that as a good thing,
or maybe a bad thing.
And some could take this as a poem complaining about people who complain, its hard to explain.
kokoro Oct 2024
All I can think about is what I lost.
What I lost before,
What I lost in the process,
What I will loose after.
Winning doesn't count when you're consumed by your loss.

— The End —