That feeling I love so much , that feeling of your touch.  Your smell sends me into complete comfort. But you always make me feel like it's my turn . To say something unimaginable , just to hurt you . When all you've said was things to hurt me too . And you've done that , and you'd think that's enough . But no she wants to make everything rough . She takes to my pleading like it's venom to her veins, when all I want her to know is that she causes me so much pain. But she don't care and that's what destorys me , I ask her how could it be . You said you love me . But destory every part of my being . And I let go , like I wasn't enough . You hurt me with your way of love . Forgive me for everything I gave up . Just i make you comfortable when you still thought I wasn't enough.
And I ramble through anything to make things better . They ask me how can I let her . Because love isn't just a one go getter . You felt whole till you got a missing peice . Just disappeared without a trace . Even know you still had a home in the first place . And I'm the disgrace . You family hates me , and will find anyone to replace . Me....I'm not me anymore , you've made me so sore , that even flying doesn't get me happy . I rather have a hundred women slap me . Then have you hate me . But forgive me . I've forgot who I was . But love is no more in me . Like you wanted it to be..... like I forgot how it felt to be yours in time . Eternity isn't the same when , I'm still traveling the world saying I'm fine .

A room with a quiet light .
A space lit but very dim.
It's dust I see .
Apon the drapes , upon the tables.
It's past full of sin.
A step in , and the floors creak.
As window blows out , cold air seeps in.
Just waiting for that thunderstorm to begin.
Quiet was the feeling , so afraid to look up .
The ceiling on fire , filling one cup.
Hot and steaming across the room .
Stood a cup of tea half gone.
And that song ...
What song ...
Quiet wind it's gone .
Now music plays and there's a battle won .
A celebration of happiness beyond.
Sudden lights go out , dark prevails.
And screaming puts a knife to your throat.
Can't say no more, the quiet wind becomes a wail.
It's cold now and I need my coat .
To walk the world away from that room .
I have failed to see what I made my tomb.

It was planted.
It grew into intoxicated
Banter.
I forgot what we was fighting
For.
I felt trapped , when I opened
Too many doors.
Beautiful as my petals fell.
As I crumble away from sounds.
Waiting to hear what I created,
To tell.
A different story , on different ground.
Please plant me somewhere else.

my mind is full
my life is a lull
my strings they pull
and it takes it's toll
I drop and roll
with flames out , I'm dull
I feel safe behind my walls
and I don't have to walk tall
I just can't take this pain at all
it seeps in , and I'm on a crawl
if I look down , I will fall
if I jump down , that's my call
with my emotions , turning into a ball
I throw them away , rather not feel them at all
but I'll bleed in pain, let me an the silver talk it off.

Sometimes I feel I miss
To much.
When I close my
Eyes .

They come so swiftly , I can never see them coming .
Fresh needles to the brain , feeling like I was something .
Repeating thoughts , turn negative quickly .
Takes everything I have left , to stop thinking .
Just for that moment when the tears wont stop leaking.
They come, ...so swiftly.
Believing the attachment , is what haunts me.

I don't write poetry
I make words a part of me
I spread my thoughts
To everybody
I'll paint a picture
Of what I see
And how I feel to be
Writing things so you may
Believe
That words can describe
Things as big as the sea
With just a few words
You can have a piece of me
Now that's a delicacy
A rare taste unlike
Any other bee
I make homes in my
Trees
I spread my wings
And fly dangerously
Towards the raging sea
Where everyone hates me
But that doesn't change
My destiny
I don't write poetry
I write words that become
A part of me.

I forget...I jump..
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thump!! ...I forgot.

When someone tells you they love you
What does that mean to you ?
It means
I lose everything
I lose my very being
I lose everything I'm used to seeing
But love you decieve me
Tricked me into contentment
Believing I was comfortable
High Apon my feet shouting with Glee
But you decieved me.
Now I am alone
Not making a move
Because it comes with a fee
You take it so easily
As I crumble
With every part of me
I'm lost
The cost
Is too much
I let go
And forget I breath
I thought I was better
To know
When I was decieved.

Mom , in a world full of dismay , the only thing you can do is hold strength in yourself . Be as it ,you are a saint and I thank you for every service you have done for me as a human .the teachings you have gave me to love the world as it is and only hope for a ending better then the beginning . Many people fall short of gods eyes , but yet not forgotten . Even in the most disturbing of times . It'll only gets worse , I know that . But yet to live a life believing things are for the best . Well yea, for the best they shall get according to the woke humans .  Many are slaves to the unknown demon that is constantly nagging their neck . But yet we let these figures of physicality become the waking moments of our own reality . I'm over stressing , I'm over believing in a god that is misinterpreted into many forms . Really only you can open the door way to heaven . Self worth is humility , humility is self giving . To who you truly should be in this world of dismay . Only believe in yourself.

It slowly creeps In my mind that your incapable of loving me . Real love is when you offer your life at another's feet . I guess in a few months time , I'll offer up all those people that you deemed greater then me to your feet .

Once felt solid, even when I was warm.
Comfort by you , kept me solid.
The love we grew, was bigger then two.
The world felt right, when your all I had in sight.
Now my warmest days , are as cold as ice.
You remember that fight .
The one that tore everything , even the core you built in me .
I drip to the morning sun , wasting away
All the pain that has won.
You see through me like I'm the transparent one.
And I fell to the ground and shattered ,
When you said you were done.

Smokey tender , woodsy splendor with a deep aroma of earthly greens , sense of taste melts,
Fades away ice caps and stone cold as snow
Thrown through the valleys of homes given the silence of the unknown, stresses away to different water ways , to come to a city at Bay . full of motion with winds blowing in the coasts , it's not for the faint of heart. it'll get dark and movement becomes scarce . Evil energy is dispersed in many ways . Faint smell of acholic dwelling upon the sense of disparity , and stress where care was no longer the fair . Over there where a bench meets the public , a few have sat and thought of a different city beyond what was seen to be the worst part of life , it's demeanor being lost and unforgiving as these lines are wrote for a different art . But seeing a different start .

I°°° want°°° my°°° ******°°° to°°° be°°° a°°° mystery°°°
I°°° want°°° a°°° Grove°°° with°°° trees°°°,
Standing°°° tall°°° as°°° can°°° be°°° .
There°°° in°°° the°°° distance°°° in°°° between°°°,
All°°° those°°° trees°°° shadows°°° ,
What°°° lies°°° beneath°°° .
My°°° body°°° layed°°° to°°° rest°°° apon°°° some°°° leaves.°°°
Scene°°° of°°° a°°° suicidal°°° heart°°° surgery°°° .
Knife°°° at°°° hand,°°° looking°°° at°°° the°°° deep°°° cut°°° seems°°°
Pool°°° of°°° blood°°° nobody°°° would°°° want°°° to°°° see °°°.
Stood°°° behind°°° my°°° soulless°°° body°°° .
Lift°°° my°°° own°°° hands ,°°°
Knife°°° cutting°°° softly.°°°
Pulling°°° back°°° the°°° ribs°°° and°°° skin °°°.
Not°°° to°°° find°°° a°°° heart ,°°° just°°° emptiness°°° within°°°.
Looking°°° at°°° the°°° way°°° I°°° laid°°° , how°°° was°°° I°°° to°°° late ?°°°
This°°° took°°° time°°° and°°° pain°°° .
I'm°°° sorry°°° ...
Really°°° no°°° signs°°° of°°° struggle°°° around°°° the°°° scene°°°.
Was°°° it°°° a°°° ******? ,°°° I°°° would°°° say°°° likely°°°.
Why°°° would°°° you°°° say°°° that?,°°° is°°° that°°° what°°° you°°° see°°°.
Yes°°° because°°° it's°°° impossible°°° to°°° do°°° a°°° open°°° heart°°° surgery°°°.
On°°° one's°°° self , °°°°you'd°°° have°°° to°°° be°°° mentally°°° crazy°°° .
I°°° get°°° what°°° your°°° saying,°°° it's°°° just°°° hard°°° to°°° believe°°° .
Walking°°° away°°° from°°° myself ,°°° kinda°°° feeling°°° relieved°°°.
Did°°° I°°° do°°° it ?°°° Did°°° I°°° clean°°° enough°°° of°°° the°°° scene°°°.
And°°° where°°° did°°° I°°° put°°° that°°° heart? ,°°° it°°° must°°° not°°° be°°° seen°°°.
Thoughts°°° dancing°°° in°°° my°°° mind ,°°° creating°°° art ,°°°
Within°°° my°°° soulless°°° body ,°°° this°°° gots°°° to°°° be°°° a°°° dream°°°.
But°°° One°°° thought°°° stuck°°° to°°° me ,°°°
I°°° wanted°°° my°°° ******°°° to°°° be°° a°°° mystery .°°°
I°°° wanted°°° groves ,°°° with°°° lots°°° of°°° trees°°° .
Just°°° standing°°° tall°°° and°°° alone°°° like°°° me°°°.
And°°° there°°° in°°° the°°° distance°°°  an°°° in°°° between°°°.
Now°°° forever°°° my°°° shadow°°° lies°°° beneath°°° me°°°.
My°°° body°°° laid°°° to°°° rest°°° apon°°° soft°°° leaves°°° .
A°°° scene°°° of°°° a°°° suicidal°°° heart°°° surgery°°°.

I°°° want°°° my°°° ******°°° to°°° be°°° a°°° mystery°°°
I°°° want°°° a°°° Grove°°° with°°° trees°°°,
Standing°°° tall°°° as°°° can°°° be°°° .
There°°° in°°° the°°° distance°°° in°°° between°°°,
All°°° those°°° trees°°° shadows°°° ,
What°°° lies°°° beneath°°° .
My°°° body°°° layed°°° to°°° rest°°° apon°°° some°°° leaves.°°°
Scene°°° of°°° a°°° suicidal°°° heart°°° surgery°°° .
Knife°°° at°°° hand,°°° looking°°° at°°° the°°° deep°°° cut°°° seems°°°
Pool°°° of°°° blood°°° nobody°°° would°°° want°°° to°°° see °°°.
Stood°°° behind°°° my°°° soulless°°° body°°° .
Lift°°° my°°° own°°° hands ,°°°
Knife°°° cutting°°° softly.°°°
Pulling°°° back°°° the°°° ribs°°° and°°° skin °°°.
Not°°° to°°° find°°° a°°° heart ,°°° just°°° emptiness°°° within°°°.
Looking°°° at°°° the°°° way°°° I°°° laid°°° , how°°° was°°° I°°° to°°° late ?°°°
This°°° took°°° time°°° and°°° pain°°° .
I'm°°° sorry°°° ...
Really°°° no°°° signs°°° of°°° struggle°°° around°°° the°°° scene°°°.
Was°°° it°°° a°°° ******? ,°°° I°°° would°°° say°°° likely°°°.
Why°°° would°°° you°°° say°°° that?,°°° is°°° that°°° what°°° you°°° see°°°.
Yes°°° because°°° it's°°° impossible°°° to°°° do°°° a°°° open°°° heart°°° surgery°°°.
On°°° one's°°° self , °°°°you'd°°° have°°° to°°° be°°° mentally°°° crazy°°° .
I°°° get°°° what°°° your°°° saying,°°° it's°°° just°°° hard°°° to°°° believe°°° .
Walking°°° away°°° from°°° myself ,°°° kinda°°° feeling°°° relieved°°°.
Did°°° I°°° do°°° it ?°°° Did°°° I°°° clean°°° enough°°° of°°° the°°° scene°°°.
And°°° where°°° did°°° I°°° put°°° that°°° heart? ,°°° it°°° must°°° not°°° be°°° seen°°°.
Thoughts°°° dancing°°° in°°° my°°° mind ,°°° creating°°° art ,°°°
Within°°° my°°° soulless°°° body ,°°° this°°° gots°°° to°°° be°°° a°°° dream°°°.
But°°° One°°° thought°°° stuck°°° to°°° me ,°°°
I°°° wanted°°° my°°° ******°°° to°°° be°° a°°° mystery .°°°
I°°° wanted°°° groves ,°°° with°°° lots°°° of°°° trees°°° .
Just°°° standing°°° tall°°° and°°° alone°°° like°°° me°°°.
And°°° there°°° in°°° the°°° distance°°°  an°°° in°°° between°°°.
Now°°° forever°°° my°°° shadow°°° lies°°° beneath°°° me°°°.
My°°° body°°° laid°°° to°°° rest°°° apon°°° soft°°° leaves°°° .
A°°° scene°°° of°°° a°°° suicidal°°° heart°°° surgery°°°.

Imagine putting 4 thousand words together , all saying the same thing . Every single word allows me to get through the night with minimal pain. sometimes I believe I'm insane . but then again I stop myself from speaking my brain . my heart follows because we are one in the same . please love , it isn't about the blame . it's about going out as we first came . together whatever the weather even through pouring rain . I'd give you my body heat to keep you dry and warm , but you just don't feel the same . anymore ...

Your presence has now become redundant and         superfluous . I'm tired of feeling furious over non-sense, over actions and feelings . A relationship with you,  isn't at all appealing . It's as if a succubus is ******* the very soul from my being . And seeing , a superficial world with a superficial girl , strikes me as insane . You gain , everything I lose . You regret everything you choose . So what's the use . Why make things the way they are , when you know how big scars are . Your a pretentious kind of  person . Ostentatious to say the least . Which means big in a logical sense . Oh well , sing the bell in my head . As I review every moment spent . Starring at you for some comfort and establishment . All to the more I, spending more time forgetting it.  You know what I regret ? Why I let people , other human beings , get so close .…….

You should never doubt how special you are to this world . Never pay mind to world's hurt . When your world is your own.  Let peace be within you , an you in peace . Let positive thought become positive energy. And give that freely to every energy you meet .

You are the one breath I take in the morning .
You are the one beating in my chest before you tore me.
You are the blood in my viens that runs through me .
You are the person I wish to wake up
                              and see .                         -Every morning-
You are the beauty in every afternoon.
You are what keeps my heart beating as if it was as big as the moon.
You are the star in the sky that shines all day and all night.  
You are the only person I wish didn't leave so soon .
-Every afternoon-
You are the reason i breath , the reason I fight .
You are everything I had insight .
You are the reason my chest feels tight.
You are my darkest and most loving
         angel in my dreams at night .                
-Every night-
And even know our life wasn't right , I'd still hold you nice and tight every night . Even without a house or home . I'll still find Time to write you a love poem. Cause that's how deep my love goes. So deeply rooted, it will never let go. Every night I lie awake , and think of how I'm such a big mistake. And I can feel the void in my chest , I wish I could just rip out what I have left and leave it in that closet like I'm nothing but a mess. My will to see my last day to be made . As I see you both one last time before I fade. And to think we started without a date. But today's the day August eleven two thousand eighteen . 6 long years And what a crap future husband and father I've been. And I wish I could of stayed longer so it may all have been seen. Our love and what it had created inbetween. There's one thing that's true , and real, and nothing else in this world could do . Is make me the happiest man and father to have known the both of you . Cause I love you, and I'm afraid my night mares are to much for me because they were forced to come true . And I lost the both of you . And when you left for the good there was to be found by you , I happen to lose everything I had , even myself too. And wherever I end up when not in this world with you, I'll be watching the both of you . And loving you every step of the way , because there wasn't enough words in this world to say . How much I loved you both each and every passing day.
   -Every day-

Let me be your something eyes as soft as a rose . As the senseless touch flows . Beautiful, blow kisses no hugs, cause the distance is just to much. But love finds "just enough" ...just enough. Where loneliness becomes company . And you are beautiful enough for me . As the stars and trees talk to the moon and bee's . Significance of all of them sing to eachother , making our world at peace . Arms around you in the coldest of nights , flames burnt out long before our fights . But everyone loses sight . Of the beauty in being loved every single night . And not have to give a **** about feeling what's right . We know what's right . In those moments when you want to be held tight . Don't worry everything will be alright . So many seems , never could cut ties . But for someone to sing the song of love for eternity ? . That's the kind of guy I want to be . And to share that love with the beautiful women next to me . Thinking so blissfully .