everytime you fall asleep you risk never waking up
and maybe that's the reason why all she wanted to do was sleep

there once was this girl with a broken heart
it made her not wanting to feel any emotion
the pieces of her heart were lost at sea

all she wanted was someone to get them back together
she wanted to breathe again, she wanted her life back

I always loved holding your hands
even though your hands were always ice cold
I always loved having you near me
even though you can make me hate you

this love was meant to be
I could read it in your beautiful blue eyes
and even the stars were giving me these signs
everyone could see it, we were made for each other

you are a part of me
I am a part of you

and to be honest I think you dont even know
that all my thoughts are about you..
or maybe you do and you are just afraid of the truth

if I were you I would be scared too
I am terrifying and strange and mysterious
something not everyone knows how to love

for one last time please take me to see the stars
and drink way to much alcohol, let's get drunk
and share stories about our past and how disgusting it was

please just for one last time let me love you again.

will tomorrow feel like yesterday if we do meet again today
it was like breathing but different, yesterday we felt more alive

these days you don't know how to act normally without your pills
and these are also the days you don't how to feel anything without them

maybe it was love last night maybe it was just another misunderstanding
the thing I know is that you made me feel uncomfortable in a good way

you thought I couldn't see how ****** up you were because it was dark
but my heart was just as dark and I could see right through you..

maybe it felt like being in love with someone you only just met
picking flowers in a field where everything was already dying of pain

oh yesterday was a special night, kind of broken yet a rare kind of magical

we didn't even kiss last night you just held my hand all night long
we had a great time and we laughed a lot and you were nice to me

and maybe that was love

written in the light of a trillion shining stars
lovely words that made me think of you

this feeling was there since the day I first saw you
and it stayed for quite a while
we were so in love, it was mad

but things happend and we lost each other
telling the people around us we haven't lost it all yet

it always was you who gave me this spark
this tiny little bit of happiness I craved for

our love found its way back
but I began to see the reasons why it never worked
the way he looked at her had changed

and maybe the look in his eyes was the reason
why I didn't stay in the first place.

Summer always was my trigger season
the time were always everything would change

my heart got broken more than once this year
every time you made me feel worthless another piece broke

this cruel summer
I have cried over everything that ever happened to us
I have died about everything that ever happend to me

I have learned how much my own happiness means to me
and that the happiness I always saw in us was dead

loving you was like selfharm,
I know how bad it was and still I could never leave

I needed you to leave first so I could see how much it changed me
the secret sharing stopped, you weren't my favourite person anymore

I wasn't my favourite person anymore

this summer everything changed
I've learned my first crush will be nothing than just a teenage crush
and that it's okay to cry over someone who isn't good for you

this summer I learned it's okay to feel totally ****** up
and that feeling like you are 16 again is totally fine

there is this new someone with beautiful rare eyes and an insanely beautiful smile who I can share my secrets with and be myself with

it's crazy how I can feel more loved and more special with you

you learned me
I am not too much and I deserve to be loved for everything that is me

maybe it was drugs maybe it was love maybe it was something else

I kissed you that day but I blame you for being gorgeous
everyone is addicted to something, you were mine addiction

the kids were a mess and everything was dark, a good kind of dark
I was cold but you always kissed me, even that forbidden night

nobody was patient and nobody was fine and nobody knew love
we were loving to each other when the others weren't watching

this love was bad, you were bad, I was bad, the world was bad
you could turn an angel into a demon without even trying

and I saw you staring at me again that night, I notice everything you do
it was the same look again and I couldn't do anything to handle myself

maybe I hugged you and it was wrong of me to do that
maybe you kissed me on that midnight street and it felt right

this fairytale isn't finished yet and everything will end up destroyed

so maybe it was the drugs or maybe this is all made up in my head.

the children with the masks starting to count down from six to zero
nobody knew what was happening yet they all knew what was going on
it was a sick and twisted game and there was no price you could win

the night was falling and the counting stopped and so did her heart
the angels were done beating her to death and the demons were laughing
the children with the masks were still smiling everything went wrong..

you could run for your life and all the humans you needed to save
but they will catch you, they will hunt you down and break you break...

two wrongs no rights all the broken ones lost each other that night

there once was a girl who was scary and sweet
her name was Mathilda, she was the voice in my head

she told me stories about demons and the dark
things that I needed to do before she would leave me alone

cut a little deeper, no one will care about your wounds
eat a little less, no one will notice when you lose some more weight
speak a little softer, no one wants to hear your voice cracking the air

her name was Mathilda and I used to be afraid of her
she would force the broken kids to commit suicide, death
but I know Mathilda was just lonely and needed a friend, like me

trapped by demons like the little girl in me, afraid and dying
angels sang me to sleep every night and I prayed they would save you
it was my dream that you would be free and we could be sisters, family

there always was this part of me that missed you when you were gone
I know you killed yourself years ago, that you were just like me
but darling everytime you visit me in the summer, the lovely days
I just can't handle seeing you go again, die like you did that winter

the pictures of you hanging with a rope on your neck, the blood
you always counted the scares on your wrist, they were ugly you said
I always thought they were beautiful, just like the way you smiled

you always were so so wonderful with your broken blue eyes

Dear Mathilda, my darling, I love you.

an emtional wreck
is what you can call me these days
tears touching the cold hard floor
thinking about our memories together

I'd wish my heart was smaller
that there was no room for you
it would make things so much easier

and maybe I was stupid
and all of this really was my fault
but you can't blame me for being in love with you
the truth is all I ever wanted was for you to like me
not because I am pretty just for who I am

when she was around him
the world began to open, it was something magical
every single little bird in the sky was singing
these were the melodies that I would never forget

and it is okay to be crazy in love with someone and to get hurt
and it is okay to cry your eyes out and to feel like an complete idiot
you are only seventeen, be dramatic, be angry, be dumb, be young

but please remember my little girl
you can't be broken forever, you need to get up
look into the sun and embrace the beauty of life
count all the stars in the universe and sleep on the grass
get way to drunk and party way to hard

be your beautiful self

because you are worth so much more
than just some ****** up, blue eyed badboy

it were the city nights I fell for, the cheap parfume you smelled like

if life was for the living and living was for the dead
than what is the space inbetween.. hate and love are not the same thing
and maybe a long time ago someone should have told me that

feeling like an outcast was like sitting in a train with no destination
you always felt useless, rain was falling that day, like it always did
the times when she was sad, she was so miserable, she felt nothing.

the childeren of the light always were afraid of the darkness
we were never afraid of the darkness because so far as we knew
we were the dark, the kids to be afraid of, the bad youth, the wolves

nobody ever wanted us and thats why all we ever had was each other
and the rockstars who sang along the broken words of songs with us
the tragic melodies were the only sort of comfort I found at night..
when you my bestfriend just as wasted as I am was sleeping..
I needed them, my idols, their voices, the music, to keep me breathing

and maybe we lost her that night for a reason wait no many reasons
it was all meant to be, the shouting and crying, the need to die..
it was a bigger part of our lives, all of that than she will ever be

the girls who had to much alcohol in their blood at night, to much fun
were also the girls who cried to many tears at daylight, to much sadness
we never knew how to handle ourselves, just seeking for aception..
a person who would give a **** about us, someone who would care

life was sad darling, you were so sad, I was so sad, everything was sad
but all the sadness never stopped us from having an amazing time
we needed each other to be happy, I needed you so much..

now it is just us again, you and me against the world
and I think it will always be just you and me, just us
and for me that is okay

because I wouldn't want to make all these memories, these adventures
with anybody else but you, my bestfriend, my sister, my everything.

It was you,
it was me,
it was the silence
underneath the stars
that understood
my heartbeat
and it's racing.
You told me nothing.
I believed everything.
In that moment
I found life.
In that moment
I found you.

you were playing with my heart like the devil himself
the way I was playing with my blades like the devil herself

you were sipping the blood from my veins, taking away my soul
the way I was sipping alcohol from the bottom of my glass..

empty bottels tell stories about young girls with broken hearts
the newspaper told me you were dead, you overdosed, killed yourself
it was hard to realise what she did, dying, and what was the reason..

was she so sad she just needed to do it, cutting her veins, letting it go
were the voices in her head screaming so loud, she snapped, she died
or was this her only solution to find peace within herself again...

it weren't the voices killing her, it were't the voices inside her head
the thing that was killing her was everything that wasn't even close

she missed the touch of you, your beautiful smile and wonderful eyes
the feeling of being missed when she wasn't around, the feeling of life

the demons never loved humans with goldenhearts
and that's why they always fell for me.

I was a mess and you just walked away, leaving me for nothing
I still could write a thousand stories about that one night, you left

without your tears I don't have inspiration to write like this
because I know you cried too when I said my last goodbye..

and when she was alone in her room with all the lights out
she started to believe that all the good was happening somewhere else

the angels were done saving you when you stopped singing your prayers
god still loved you, he loves everyone but you were something special
she could not be saved anymore, it was done, she was gone, dark, out

her nails were painted black, her eyes were painted black
the color in her life was fading away, the color left when you did

now she's wearing a smile that nobody believes in

you need to learn when the party is over little girl, put the bottle away.
save your tragic stories for somebody who cares because he doesn't

we never were friends because we never tried to be friends.
it is really not that bad, I hope this makes you sad.

maybe you defined love as a thing no one could have but you

everyday I felt a little bit more trapped and I longed for my freedom
last week I met a man he gave me back everything I was missing
the air was so thick when I was around you, I needed to breath, the air

she wrote poems about you the way I used to do, poems about love
she saw everything in you as beauty there was a time I saw it too
the way you made me laugh and cry, I wanted nothing but her

and maybe deep in my heart I knew it was wrong, it was all wrong
I was like this girl from the movies , a paper girl in a paper town
getting away from everything I started here was my only option

so maybe this is a goodbye to everyone or maybe a hello

the thing is maybe life hasn't a meaning and it's not all about being
being beautiful, being smart, being different, it's not about all of that

things have meanings but meanings dont always have things.

people die because people die people die because people die
I wanted to die because I needed to die, I wanted to die
god was calling or was it the devil I could never remember

out of all the humans I have met in my life I thought you would..
I honestly thought that you would understand me and my feelings
but maybe I was wrong.. maybe another person than you cant ever do

you have never seen me mad or sad, you have never seen me cry
you never saw me standing on the edge of killing myself, wanting...
and that's okay because with you I wasn't that kind of girl

it was a part of my dark past, drinking and hurting myself, the pain
it were the things I lived for, kissing boys and dancing with my girls

we lived for sadness and we were never sober.. well almost never
the days were counting and my veins were running out of empty spots

music was my savior once and so was this amazing girl..
I lived for her and she lived for me...

and that's the way it always was
and the way it always should be..

honesty will set us free
because I do see the way you look at me, I just don't understand
I notice every little single thing that you do, I am just confused

she just needed you to tell the truth, be an open book for once
let out all your feelings and tell her what you think..
I know you want to shut everyone out and you like being alone
but I can't deal with all these secrets and mysterious thoughts

I wanted you to let me inside of your little world
not to ruin it or take it over just to look how wonderful it is
to take a walk in the magical gardens inside of your head

and I know you are a little broken and a little bit mad
but I am too and you made me realize that is okay

we are walking on this broken road probably straight down to hell
but to be honest I don't really care about our destination
because as long as we are together everything will be alright

you are young and in love and you should feel wonderful
you are young and in love and you shouldn't terrible

or maybe this world just wasn't made for people like us.

her favorite story growing up was peter pan
because she wanted to be like him
she wanted to be fearless she wanted to be a leader
but more important she didn't want to grow up

her world was made of things that didn't exist
her mind was filled with thoughts that didn't belong there

it was never a struggle to be different
it was a fight to fit in.

it was on this summer day in the middle of August

I saw you standing in the middle of the city
you were surrounded by all kinds of people
but I only had eye for you, you were so beautiful

in my dreams you were talking to me
in my dreams everything was alright

yesterday I saw you again, standing in the city
playing music on your guitar, the streets were your home
and I was singing along with the sound you made

two kids not realizing what was coming
our love was like a pink flower field
we were beautiful but we were dying

that day I saw you standing there
I knew everything was going to change

it was a road that led nowhere
but all I wanted to do is go there

when I was younger not in age but in my mind
I used to be afraid of what the people would say
the scars on my skin were the ugliest thing
the bruises on my arm and legs were disgusting

I was so scared of being rejected, not fitting in
people on the street would stare at me and look at me weird
some kids even called me names for walking around like this
and I never understood why they did that
like it was my choice to be this way

but all these little things made me grow as an individual
I am not that small girl anymore that you can hurt with words
words that don't mean a thing to me anymore
call me names, look at me weird

I will wear my battle scars proud
because this war isn't over and I haven't lost yet

sick of hiding who I am.

love is for the living not for the ones with a dying soul on the inside.
love is for people who can give more than they can take.
true love is only for people with a pure soul and a golden heart.
I guess love isnt a thing for me.

a voice is for the broken ones.
talent for writing is for the lonely ones.
seeing things that arent there is for the people with an open mind.
being able to speak with the death is for the childeren who are already dying.
I guess this is more a thing for me.

we are living in a world where it is important to speak up about your problems.
you need to tell people the things you are dealing with.
but I cant do that without being judged or get called names.
Im not complaining about my hard life. Im not seeking for attention.
that is why I keep my mouth shut about everything that is going on in my head at the moment.

writing is my escape and distracting of the thing Im really wanting to do at this moment of being alone in my room thinking about why are we living on this earth.
thinking about if there really is a god? and if so.. why Im suffering everyday dying inside.

I want him to take me home, but he keeps telling me that isnt an option.
he says I dont understand the reason why Im here yet.
he cuts the conversation off but every night I will try again to get inside his head.
I need the answers.

dont you wish you were not here anymore.
only thing that will remain is bones, bones of stolen diamond.
tears falling down on my mothers knees, wanting me to come back.
but ones you begin there is no way back and we all know that.
there is a hell I have seen it, there is a hell let's keep it a secret.

Im willing to make a change in my life at this moment.
Im just waiting for my demon to come back so I can talk with him about this.
He wants me to cry he wants to see my blood,
He needs it tonight, my blood is what keeps him alive and I dont want him to go.
maybe this is just my sick mind writing.

Demons can make my hell feel like home and I never want to leave it.
being called sick is for the hopeless I am only broken.

I think the writer in me died when I wrote this poem
gravity pulled me in, the galaxy was screaming my name
the stars were craving for my sparkle to shine next to them

my life was like a puzzle and there were so many pieces missing
in the search to find all of those pieces I didnt only lose soulmates..
I also lost the most valueable thing a human could have.. I lost myself..

I started to make a home out of all the places I have bin, empty places
the world was crumbling and I needed to get away from here, soon

but you always were the one who was keeping me here, save and calm
this human was the reason of my breathing the reason my heart beated
it was not right to live like this, it was wrong to live like this, wrong

and I never was a person who would wait for the storm to pass
I loved dancing in the rain with my demons right beside me..

the passion for painting faded just  like your picture was fading ..

maybe it was spring maybe it was winter maybe Im too wasted
what I do remember is that you loved me and that we always kissed

whenever you made me feel sad you always cheered me up again
you gave me your warmth and your strength to conquer the world
it just never made any kind of sense to me, why was this person so nice

was there anyway in this cruel world that I deserved to be happy
you never showed me that though, but you made me feel things again

I mean my life was a mess when I met you and I was a mess and you were
but it never seemed to bother you because you saw the light in me..
something not many people do for me for I don't know what reasons

you don't want to become like your demons, no one does
but still you become like your demons, everyday a little bit more

it were the days for raining tears and broken barbie dolls
boys who broke my heart and I could laugh about it

maybe I wrote this wasted maybe I wrote this sober.

a million shining diamonds

we are at this point were I could call you my bestfriend
but I am not doing that because I dont want you to be

I could write songs about you and your pretty blue eyes
I could write stories about you and your clever mind

these kids get a little bit to wasted when the sun goes down
and the worst thing is that they dont have a reason not to be
they have parents who don't give a **** so why should we

it's okay not to be okay but there is a line you can cross

the sun goes down and Ill be standing there on the edge
wearing a black dress with dead flowers on it, red lips, sad look
if it wasn't for you I was the first person to jump

the whole concept of dying doesn't even scare me anymore
my demons took that part away from me when I was young

maybe it was the way you looked, but I don't think so
maybe it was the way you kissed, but I don't think so

it was everything what made you not like the others
because you give me butterflies and I want to **** them all

darling my heart isn't save in your hands

we shouldn't spill our secrets like we spill our drinks, reckless

it was the season of the sun and all I could think about was her
the girl with eyes so beautiful you couldn't even describe them
the season of flowers in every kind of color, long nights and butterflies
the summer always was the most magical time of the year

riddels are just riddels and words are just words
you can compare it with the water in a river, the waves in the sea
all these things are just like the stars twinkling in the dark of the night

things are just things untill someone gives a meaning to it
and for me you gave everything in my life a meaning
that moment when you came around love wasn't just love
I can give you all my heart without getting anything back
and still this person would make me feel more complete

we both knew how it felt to be obsessed with someone
and maybe it was a dangerous thing to began with
but everytime I saw you walking away from me
my love for you began to grow, a little more, every single day
it came to a point that I didn't wanted to share her, with anyone
not even with my bestfriend, she needed to be mine, only mine
and I know she felt this way about me too, this need to have someone
maybe our love is a little bit cursed or a little bit mad maybe crazy

oh well oh well

it was yesterday when the screaming started
there was blood on the floor, your mum was crying
I can't remember the last time I saw you smile, happy
you once told me this story about angels, about demons

this boy never felt like he belonged here, this was not his home
the world we live in is so beautiful, so wonderful but not for him
darkness always found it's way to strangle him when he was alone
thoughts about falling appart, breaking, terrible thoughts about dying

it was at night when these creatures came to haunt him
the innocent soul of this boy couldn't protect him, never
almost every day when the moon met the nightsky, the stars
it was time for the monsters to wake him up and torture him

the tears he had cried were expressed in different types of scars
no single soul in the world could understand the way he felt

it was yesterday when the screaming started
there was blood on the floor, your mum was crying
and maybe I wished you had took me with you, above

you once told me you wanted it this way, it needed to happen
you were so afraid, so scared of these monsters in the dark
your own soul was playing sick little games with you

so tomorrow will be a new day and I will be there
alive and breathing, for myself and for you darling
and every single day I will be thinking about him

this oh so lovely boy with his brown eyes and beautiful smile
the boy who got haunted by demons, haunted by himself

I always thought he looked like an angel
and now he is one..

maybe my time comes when yours is over

what is the point of living when everything is perfect
when the sky is always filled with beautiful stars
the boys and girls they all liked her, everyone did

this girl had flowers in her hair but demons in her head
she had long purple hair what made her look like fairy
she always was a little bit more magical than the others

it was the past that was following me
a one way ticket straight down to hell

it was that moment when I looked Lucifer right into his eyes
I knew there was no turning back, my soul was forever his

this girl was too young to be this sad, too wonderful to be this mad

she was only seventeen
and her world was made of lies
living on the streets, trying to survive

her smile was always gold
her tears were always silver

but her heart was darker than the deepest sea

you just write about *** and killing yourself, taking drugs and alcohol
and how hardly you ever went to school, how your soul felt like dying

she fell in love with all the badboys and died having her heart broken
it wasn't easy living for another person, someone who didn't even care
my dreams weren't about you when I was dreaming, I found my peace

she wrote about all the bad things and how she fell in love with you
the way she felt when she first saw you and what sort of music was on
it was the time of old rock songs and soul music from the deep oceans

and maybe I should write more poems about the way I see this girl
how beautiful she is and how much I love her, how much she means..

you were laughing because you loved your life and everyone in it
I was crying because I hated my life and every single human in it

but still you were the one who kept me breathing, wanted to live

she had blue hair like the skies an open mind and hell black converse
she walked the streets like they were hers, she was the queen of dark

even the creatures that were hidden in the forest were afraid of this
the saddness always came in waves not in oceans this was a new thing

and even after a while you say you still love me, you are still in love
after everything I said to you and the tears you have cried, you still
it is hard for me to say I even missed or thought about you, I didn't

love was never easy and you didn't understand the game I was playing

last night it was exactly a year ago it happend
there were sad words leaving my pencil, I wrote a letter
a letter to say goodbye to everyone who once loved me or didn't

I was dancing with the demons in my mind, it was good
I was singing songs with my shadows, songs with the broken ones
and the devil was watching me from a close distance

my socks were ***** and the ***** bottles were empty
I don't even remember what happend to me that night

all I wanted was to create art when I woke up that morning
drowing in pain and tears, I wanted to make a painting
a painting with sad colors, like grey and black and navy blue
a masterpiece filled with my blood, my pain, my empty emotions

it were the pills I swallowed that night to keep me from falling appart
it were the blades rushing over my veins that made me feel alive
all these lose things, all these things, the visions of monsters, the pain
all the tears I cried that night, the alcohol I drank to keep me calm

but still it was your beautiful smile that haunted me, killed me
your pretty eyes and wonderful angel face that made me wanna live
you were all I could think of from the moment we first met, forever

it was you and only you.

heaven kicked me out
I am cursed to be a lost soul on the planet earth
but that is okay as long as I can hear you breathing

I woke up this morning
and the first thing that came to my mind was you
I opend my brown reddish eyes thinking about your ocean blue ones

I wanted to hold you and tell you how much I love you,
that you make my heart skip a beat everytime you look at me
that I need you more than the universe needs his stars

the way you are, so different from all the others
when you smile I can see angels dance in the sky
you are the most beautiful human being I have ever met

but I cant let you close, you dont want to be near me
do you know that song about the demons, well its true
so I beg you please don't come close because it is dark inside
and yes inside of me is where my demons hide

so pretty please my darling do yourself a favor and go
leave me.. because you know I dont deserve you

she will forever be my everything even when we are nothing.

it was in the middle of the night

they hadn't seen each other for such a long time
suddenly laughter and old memories came back again
remember the time when it was you and me against the world

everything could have been so different
but they never truely followed their hearts

this night he called her, he missed her, a part of him
he told her the words she wanted to hear, she craved for
this girl was weak and all over again she fell for him

the boy with the green eyes and a beautiful smile
he could be so charming and lovely if he wanted to
but he also had his moments, he was always fighting
it was a battle with himself and he could never win

she wanted back to the times when they were just kids in love
running in flower fields and swimming in the ocean
being reckless and getting way too drunk under the stars

something that we are not
is the thing I always wanted to be

I loved you because you were broken
my soul could look at yours and see home

every minute we spend together was like drowing in the ocean
I would sink deeper and deeper and eventually I would choke
but the darkness of the water never botherd me, I liked it
maybe because you were always there with me

in the morning I would look up and see the sunlight
coming through my window, the lights would touch my face
and every single morning when I would open my eyes
the first thing I always think of is you and how much I love you

I wish I could have you near me, like everyday
but we both know that never was a great idea
after a while we would remember how much we are a like
and I would hate you for being that way, you would hate me
maybe that is why you are my soulmate, why I love you

Im looking for parts of myself in the people I love
it gives me comfort knowing there are kids out there who are like me
a little bit mad, a little bit broken, but with golden hearts and voices

I always loved the idea of us being in love forever.

we all have a reason to hate ourselves and I am my own reason.

I remember being little and crying myself to sleep every night
I remember being little and thinking I was just a waste of space

until there was a day I promised myself to never cry again about  
something that wasn't worth crying about, something like feelings

when I grew older I learned a lot of people hate them selves
it was normal to not define yourself as something beautiful

I remember being little and crying about the blood on my sheets
I remember being little and falling into this hole of never ending darkness

most of the time I would spend wondering why did you hate me?
why didn't you like me and why would you harm me in this way

I remember meeting this old man on the beach, he had this special gift
I remember him telling me all things about myself and about my life

the older man amazed me with the things he told me, a world opened
he told me I was the most beautiful yet saddest girl in my friend group

I remember making a promise to this stranger about not harming myself..
I remember not showing any emotion or tears while making this promise..

the beach was so magical that day, everything was just perfect that day
and I wish that today was like that day, a perfect day... but with you..

because I am crying now because after four months I broke that promise.

im laying on your bed, still wearing your used sweater
singing songs again and loving my life like I did before I met you

the storm was over and I could go back to that one place I loved most
the ocean was waiting for me, I could feel the wind in my face

my hair never grow long again and my legs never got skinny
and I was okay with that, I was okay with myself, everything was okay

the drugs did its job last night, you kissed me on the dance floor
and you always thought my jokes were serious and you always loved me

the alcohol did its job last night, you walked me home after all
and you always smiled at me and you always loved me for who I was

but still one day you stopped sending me flowers, you needed space
either you want me or you don't, I need to know about our future

I can't read you like I can read the stars in the sky, the rain, the sun
my heart knows when I should walk away, that moment is now.

Im done feeling like a stranger to myself.

this stupid love song should not remind you of him

maybe I was never the right girl for this boy
but he was the one who didn't wanted to give it a try
I broke down before his eyes and it wasn't the first time

I need to stop thinking about this boy
but those night with him were my most favorite thing in the world
whenever I was near him the world was a little bit more beautiful
and no not the kind of beautiful you can describe in words

I dont want to use you as a distraction
just because I cant get over this ******* with blue eyes
you are treating me so good yes you really are an angel
and yes maybe you are the best thing that ever happend to me
but that also is the reason it is so hard to love you

the nights are longer when Im not around you
I can feel the summer coming and I need you near me
maybe it will take months for us to talk again, like we used you
but I dont mind my dear, I will be here waiting for you

I will be waiting here untill the night gets shorter...
because the summer always was and always be our thing.

summer is coming
and everything what I see reminds me of you
the sand on the beach reminds me of your blonde hair
the sea reminds me of your light blue eyes

summer is coming
and the flowers are blossoming
butterflies are being in love
and everything reminds me of him

I want this summer to be like last one
you and me together watching the stars
spending more time than there was in a day
the feeling of wanting to be with you forever

when I first met you there was something about you
but when I first met you my attention was not totally yours

he always told me how special I was, how wonderful
and I coulnd't even hear it, the biggest mistake I have ever made
now Im just waiting for you to come back to me

and deep inside he knows he wants her
but she isn't good for him
and deep inside she knows she needs him
but he always had his doubts

summer is coming
and my biggest fear came true
you never came back to me

I could write a story about my life
how everything went wrong in december
the day that I turned sixteen

my old world closed and a new one opend
a world filled with drugs, alcohol and good music
it was a time of badboys, overthinking and heartbreaks
it went on with wearing too much make-up and crazy hair colors

first I was scared for all these things
my world was changing and so was I
but after a while I got used to it, it began to feel like home
a place where I could be myself, filled with lovely broken people

when I was sixteen I met this girl
she was a bit like me but different
she had something special..
maybe it was her smile

I always was surounded by demons, everyone could see it
but this girl really was an angel, she was the light in the sky

so maybe I shouldn't write a story about myself this time

I should write a story about you
how you make me crazy and confused
how annoying you can be sometimes
but more important about
how much you mean to me
how you make me feel special

but it always made me feel like falling
it should have made me feel like flying

oh sweet sixteen you were so bad for me.

at a very young age I made a deal with lucifer
I was a little kid and the darkness surrounded me
demons telling me stories, the devil was close

my friends were scared and so was my family
I always told them it was okay
not to be like the other childeren

talking with things they couldn't see
seeing things they didn't want to hear

and after a while even my therapist called me special
I hate it when people use words like that
when they actually mean something else

I havent slept very fell since you left,
Delorian come back.

I was *****
and you were not

nobody noticed
cause I smiled a lot

now the pain is killing me
my heart is falling apart

I could never trust or love again
how funny is that

Im so ashamed
and you are not

remember you called me worthless **** a lot

every time you called me that, it made me want to die
cause every part of you loving me felt like a ******* lie

thank you for ****** me.

when I was a little girl I used to walk the streets alone

I met this man with horns and a tail, he was all alone
something about him was charming and made me stay
he asked me to sit with him, he wanted to tell me a story

it was a story about the ABC's of death
and I could never get it out of my head

A was for accidentally falling for someone
B was for broken, something all humans are
C was for compassion, a thing he never showed

the story was long and cruel, it always made me wonder
if all these things are really true, what does love mean
if the demons that are haunting me at night are real
and they are here to come and get me, what does life mean

Im scared to go to sleep tonight I dont want to die
if I could just lay my head on your chest to hear your heartbeat
maybe when Im with you the devil wouldn't dare to torture me
maybe the voices would stop talking when Im around you

but you always was more like the sun
something the moon could never touch

the ABC's of death, my death.

the life I lived was like a fairytale

than you came around with your mysterious charms
and decided to make a mess out of things
that weren't even there to begin with

you came in my life and everything changed
colorfull flowers turned into ashes
stars didn't shine like they used to
and suddenly my world revolved around you

I couldn't think about anything else but you
I couldn't dream about anything else but you
I couldn't even breathe

your white blonde hair and black eyes
you always had this kind of speaking that impressed me
he was elegant, he was smart, he was bold, a leader
and all these little things made me fall for him even more

you were evil and everyone could see it
this boy was the king of not showing emotions
he was kinda heartless sometimes, but I didn't mind

he always made feel loved, special
like nobody else excisted for him, it was only me

but sometimes even I didnt know how to handle his demons
everytime the darkness took him over I was afraid of him
and I could see in his eyes that he enjoyed me being scared
he liked having this control over people, it was wrong

this boy was the best yet worst thing that ever happend to me
I found comfort in the way he saw things different

everyday I needed him a little bit more
he was like my personal drug and he knew it
without him he knew I wouldn't survive
he made me need him

and everytime I looked at him I saw a demon
but this kid was so so beautiful, it made me blind
and I still don't know if I should walk away or not

the childeren of lucifer,
the most beautiful of all God's angels
we are so much lovelier when we fall.

don't say my name out loud
don't speak to me like you do

my love for you was pure
the most real thing I have ever felt
but you had the nerve to ***** me over
not even once not even twice

thanks to you I didnt wanted to breathe
my heart was dying and my soul was weak

the devil kept calling my name
and after a while, I gave in.

hearts and rules are kinda the same
they are both meant to be broken

she had a attitude with a gorgeous smile
she could make the angels sing and the devils cry
but there was this thing about her, something different
she had her struggles and her addictions

and on a early sunday morning the people realized
drinking cough syrup when you didn't have a cough
is ironic because in reality you're sicker than you thought.

these words explained it all
we are all a little bit mad, you need to feel special
crazy is the new normal these days..
and some people would love to take adventage of that

but please be honest because in the end
we are all just ****** up kids
drugs and alcohol never were the issue
we just couldnt stay away from the feeling
the feeling of feeling nothing at all.

the lights went out and everything turned dark
the whisky and *** got me really drunk last night
or was it just the look in your eyes when you saw me
that hit me hard in the stomach, I was gone

weeks past by and I stopped thinking about him
months past by and he stopped seeing me around

but last night was like the old times
neck kisses and sweet words, laughter and cuddles
it felt like some things could never actually change

you dont know what you got till it's gone
but getting it back feels like the first time you get sober in the morning
amazing yet confusing it makes you happy yet sad

maybe it isn't meant to be
we cant see the future in the stars
I just wanted you to hold me last night
and you did.

the demons always told me Im better off dead
that the world is a more colorful when I am not around

nobody ever heard me crying, alone in my room
they didn't noticed I was dying, alone in my head

I always pretended my life was a daydream
but everytime I began to believe I was okay
the devil came back he opened the gates to hell
the monsters and lonely ghost' came out of my closet
they told me the most cruel things, you cant even imagine

my mind is filled with dark and sick thoughts
and I realize my life really is a nightmare
Im screaming for someone to wake me up
but it is to late, my soul is forever lost on the sea of the broken

maybe I am better off dead.

it were the dreams in which I was living that made me wanna die

the summer was ending and the cold of the winter was filling my veins
you were leaving my mind like the sun was leaving my dying fantasy..
I am getting older everyday and everyday I need a little bit more *****
running away with you, the person I adore most was all I ever wanted

and every night before I fall asleep I aks myself.. why don't you love me
why don't you have the need to touch me, to share your deepest secrets
you were mysterious like the moon, like the meaning of my tattoo's..

there always was a path of light were you have walked
the riddels you spoke, your angelic voice that haunts me everyday
but you also were dark my dear, dying and hopeless

it felt like flying everytime we kissed, I was happy, you made me happy
but I was fragile, a daughter of the dark, the keeper of sadness, demons
eleven years old when everything went wrong and it all is still wrong
the voices in my head would never let me out of this cage, trapped

september was coming and the clouds coverd my sight of happiness
it was a long way to find a way out of this dark and ****** up forest

and so she died at age seventeen, the graveyard never was this pretty
the stars of the heavens and their constellations didn't shine their light
there were flowers laying on the girl her grave, all grey, black, dying

it was the perfect night to share your tears with the world, so we did

the lights went off and the music began to play louder
there was alcohol everywhere and the feeling of living faded
being numb was the only thing every single teenager was craving for

and if I said I would miss you I would be lying
and if I told you the truth oh girl you would be dying

this love was special, this love was rare, not like the other summer
it seemed to good to be true and I started to realize I didn't deserve
your kisses, your hugs, the way you held my hand while walking

playing games with the hearts of the people I love most, it was wrong
dancing in the dark with demons, the devil was calling my name, love
I never was afraid of the things normal people would be afraid of, never

it was on a sunday when I realized this had to stop sooner or later
you were way too precious to let a broken soul ruin your beautiful heart
it was the way she looked at me at night when the moon was full, bright
it made me question everything I ever believed in, was it worth it all.

remember that night when we were dancing darling, drunk and happy
I want you to remember those nights when I am leaving tomorrow
the sun is calling my name, the adventure of the unknown, I want it
I need to get out of this city, this life and this world, Im going crazy

depression was a thing no one did and no one will ever understand
and that is okay we don't need to know everything, but let me be
I need to deal with this emotions my own way, the darkness, demons

believe me there is going to be a day I will free from all of this ..
but this is not my time yet, let me be sad and angry and misunderstood

most teenagers just need a hug..
I need an escape.

there was a point in my life
my whole world revolved around you
I could only think of you and I needed you close
every single thing made me think of the memories
we have made together, the smiles and tears we shared.

after a while things had changed
you had changed, or maybe it was me
the people always needed me more than they needed you
it was my way of life to live in my own world and be myself
you were always jealous of it and I never understood why

I became a child of the dark and you choose the light
from that day you looked at me different
no more spark in your eyes, it was disgust.

autumn came
the leaves let go of the tree
they left the save place they called home
and so did you

It was everything this girl ever wanted but nothing what I needed

I always was something that nobody could have, a mistery
my smile was like the summer and my hart was the winter
and there were only a few people that could read my dark eyes

she never became one of those humans, she didn't understand
the way I didn't cry when I was sad or the way I did when I was happy

I was different from the other people not only because of my beauty
I seemed honest, I told everyone I was honest, nobody saw me lying
it were the little things in life that made me special, everything special

nobody could ever have me and that's what made them want me
and maybe it was selfish to think this way and maybe I am, selfish
the beauty of life, the adventures everything was calling my name

the way he looked at me that night and the way I smiled back at him
the full moon was shining bright with all the pretty stars next to her
it was the perfect night to make love, the alcohol, craving for each other

that moment you should have known that it was so so wrong
but you never blamed yourself because you are young and free
promises never meant a thing for you and maybe they never will
people let each other down all the time and true love doesn't excist

we are broken boys and girls looking for other broken boys and girls
life never was fair to us, our parents never were fair to us, nobody was

and maybe I should feel sorry for being the way I am today

teenagers dont live the life of regret

we get depressed and no one can help us
we get sad and we tell each other it will be over

the kids from yesterday will take adventage of you tomorrow
and to be honest I wouldn't even blame them
the living are all cursed and the dying are weak
there is no way out of this planet kid

god will be there listening to your sorrow
he will watch you make another sin tonight

you should stay close to yourself
because maybe that is the only important thing you can lose

he couldn't handle her, so she left to find someone who could.

people in love are more beautiful
than people who are not in love

you can see them becoming more awake
like for the first time something really matters

little lights shining in their eyes
when they hear the name of the person they adore most
the feeling that the time stops when you are with this human

but that wasn't the world I lived in

the princess in ******* you up
the queen of ******* you over
thats what they have always called me
and the only king I have ever had was a bottle of *****

every minute of the day we were talking
but whenever I was near you it always felt like sleepwalking

I didn't deserve a lover like you

you were like the gold I could never afford
you were like the clouds in the sky that I could never touch

life was a game and we were losing
or maybe I was just born different.

there will be a time when your story will end
but for now you can just turn the pages forward
looking for the better more beautiful chapters in your life
making some good old memories you will never forget

there will be time when you will fall in love
maybe with your bestfriend or maybe with a stranger
you are young and gorgeous, a little bit to innocent they say
so please my love don't let them take adventage of your broken heart

and one day you will find your own way to happiness

loving this girl was so magical and strange
she has these blue eyes that make me go crazy, all the time
she has this smile on her face when she looks at me, it makes me melt

Im searching for more words to describe how I feel but I simply can't
and maybe that's what being in love needs to feel like, rare, special
the fact something is so complicated and mysterious
that you just can't find the right words..