Stop setting yourself on fire for people who will sit back and watch you burn.

What would your husband think about you leaving? Any kids?

"I don't have a husband anymore.... And no, no kids...there's no point anyway."

What?

"Loving anyone or anything.....
Feels great at first, but it always turns to crap. I know the truth about love.... Its a hell I'll never get out of alive."





No one does......

I thought of you today...
****...
It’s been at least a year...

Thanks to Halsey...
But I can’t complain..
Music is beautiful that way..

In the sense where a song can be so beautifully written, with lyrics that depict all the things you experienced, and especially all that you wanted to say but couldn’t.

****...
(I hold back a laugh...)
This is kind of painful...
I shake you off.
My heart only associates you with pain.
I won’t let myself go back there.
But I can’t deny these lyrics.....
Because they were our story for the longest time...


I am speechless because I never expected a song to pull that ******* the heart strings of my past.

I'd rather be hard to love.
Than easy to leave.

When I was a little girl..
I always believed that monsters slept underneath my bed.
As I've grown, I realized they were never sleeping under my bed.
They were actually sleeping in my head.

So you've hit rock bottom.

Have you realized it yet?

Have you caught your breath yet?

Are you learning to breath again?

I've watched from a distance. I watched it all unfold around you.

I've seen the ground crumble and shatter beneath your feet.

I don't call this karma. I don't rejoice in your suffering.

Watching life knock you to the ground is not something that warms my heart.

I want to reach for you. I feel that same pull on my heart and it wants nothing more than to pull you up on your two feet and to breath life back into you. To fill you again with a love that could bring you back to life....  

But my hand retracts...as the remembrance of your hurtful words come flooding back into my mind.

The dark cloud of memories soars in and circles me. The sleepless nights, the tear soaked pillows, the plague of emptiness and heartache. It knocks me off my feet and I'm torn.

What am I to do? You destroyed me, and turned me to ash.

So my love will remain here with me. Locked away deep for no one to see. Avoiding your blazing fire that has burned me so many times for getting to close.

I pray Gods Love lifts you up. And I'm only sorry it couldn't be mine...

She didn't walk away because she didn't love you.
She didn't walk away because she was weak.

She walked away because she loved you so much, but she knew that she would lose herself and every bit of strength she had left fighting for you...

Who am I?

I am...

Sensitive..
A day dreamer.
A believer in romance.
A lover.
A fighter.
A risk taker.

I am...

Empathic.
I feel people's pain.
It is a gift and a curse all the same.
I see light and darkness in people.
Love will forever be my weakness.

I am...

A woman with curves.
My eyes are a forest green.
My hair is curly, bouncy, and never stays in place.

I am...

Shy.
Sarcastic.
Stubborn.
Loyal.
Devoted.

I love.

Pizza.
Puppies.
Scary movies.
Watching the sun set over snow covered mountains.
The sound and smell of rainfall.



Yes I am me..
As simple as can be.
I cant pretend to be something else.
I'm simply Chelsey.
So please..
Take me for me..
Day dreamer,
A
Lover
And
A fighter...
But nothing...
More.

I am me.

As I drove through a small town in oregon, I couldn't help but pull over and stop.
I don't know what came over me..
But I had to stop.
I got out of my car.
Stood next to a lonely and deserted highway.
And took in everything around me.
All the trees were different shades of red..
Some were yellow with hues of orange.
Simply put, it took my breath away..

I listened as the wind picked up..
I listened to the rustling of all the fallen leaves swirling around at my feet.

I listened to the stream that was nearby..
The urgency of water rushing over bolders and rocks..
Oh, My Beautiful oregon..
I'm going to miss everything about you.


It was a rare moment in my life where I felt completely conflicted...

This was my home...

How foolish of me not to realize I'd actually be this torn.

I knew that with me closing the final door and chapter on a part of my life...
That space needed to happen for me..
I knew..
I couldn't stay...
In beautiful..
Rich..
Intoxicating
Invigorating..
Peaceful..
Oregon.­.

It was this truth that brought tears to my eyes..
As I watched the sun rise...
It was a truth I guess I let slip my mind.

...
So I made a silent promise to myself..

I promised myself..
That someday...
Someday in the future..
I'd return...
To the only place I ever really considered home.

My Sweet Oregon.

As I drive home winter still falling and still heavy all around me.
I'm calm, collected, and happy.

I know there will be silence after I've greeted my whining dog so happy I made it home.

I'll watch a movie same as always.
Not boring at all.
I'll prepare a meal and eat happily alone.

A hot bath will come next.
Lined with candles and bubbles that last.
The smell of lavender will fill my nose and my eyes will soon close.
I'll indulge in the hot steaming water letting all my worries fade away.

Because after a long day whose to say being alone wasen't just what you needed.

I blinked my tired eyes open...
One morning...
In September...
I felt instantly different...
Something that had been there with Me...
For so long...
Was gone...
Just like that...
That one morning in September...

I'll never forget that day...
The day I stopped loving you....

It was the first morning in years,
That my mind didn't immediately go to you...
It was the first morning...
I didn't feel that same dull ache deep... Within my heart...
It was the first morning l didn't cry...
Not even a single tear...
And it was on this morning that
I realized..
I finally let you go...


I suddenly just knew....
That I would never spend another night...
Comparing myself to the girl you left me for...
Over analyzing...
Sleep deprived..
Maybe even a little
Crazed...

Never again...
Would..
I..
Spend another day...
Looking...
Searching...
For something that didn't exsist...
No more hoping..
To find even a shred of evidence that you loved me...
Even if it was in the most tiniest of measures...

You know nothing of Heartbreak...
And how it brought me to my knees...
Worst fears realized...
I was nothing but a ghost...
Stuck in limbo...


I  hated you for a long *** time...

I remember...
Going back and forth...
Between my heart and mind...
Arguing over you having an ugly heart...
And no soul...

No soul,
Behind those beautiful blue eyes...
I didn't want to believe that...
About you...
Let alone let that be my last memory of you..

But what are you to do when someone leaves you in ruin?
What do you tell yourself?
What would you have me believe?
You left..
Nothing behind but grief...

I knew you didn't give a ****...
I know you still don't...
I know you feel some kind of validation in everything you've done...
And thats where we're...
Too entirely different people...
I could never do that to someone
I loved..

So..
You gave me no choice...
I let go when..
You forced..
Me..
To doubt everything we shared..
To question your feelings for me..
Cant you see?


To question...
The one person you once loved more than life itself....
It does something to you..
It's nothing shy of a hell...
I'd never wish on anyone...


It was the hardest battle...
I'd ever faced...
But I overcame it...

On that sweet September Morning...
I came alive again...
Because I let go...
Because...
I let you go...

Ive accepted you may have never loved me...
But I can't say the same..
So..
Before you even realize it..
I'll be gone...
And I want you to know that despite everything...
And no matter what you go through..
In life..
Without me...
If you ever one day in the far future.. find yourself..
Thinking about me..
On a cool summers day...
When the crickets begin to sing...
Know that you were loved indefinitely...
In the best way any person could ever be loved...
Even if that person...
Was simply
Just me...

Distance..
You know?
That thing I put between us.

Distance..

It saved me..
From you..
That forced wedge?
I could finally breathe again.

Distance..

Woke me up bran new.
No more knowing that your nearby.
No more pretending to be alright.

Distance..
Was my answer.
It's what I needed.
Its what
Freed me from you.

Distance made me realize I could do so much better without you.
and it also made me see the man you'll never be.

I’ve seen honest faces before.
They’re usually attached to liars.

My best dreams,
and my nightmares...
Always have the same people in them...



You.

Its going to be one of those familiar nights again...
I'm sleepy but I can't find my dream.
The one where I'm not searching..
Searching for you...

Sometimes I lie awake at night..
Hoping and praying this will all fade..
But each day and night passes..
and I still feel the same..

My dad was right you know...
When he called it a soul tie...
Its cruel really, if you think about it..
It can't be undone..

But that doesn't stop me from asking..
Those fundamental questions...

Why do I still love you?
Why do I still care?
After all you've put me through and everything you've done...
The irreversible pain you've caused me that cannot be undone.

Unfortunately for me...
These are not the questions and thoughts my heart seems to ponder..
For my mind sees everything of which my heart cannot bother.


Copyright.
of HappyEnding

You'd never get it..
Unless you were fed it..
Pointed fingers guilty again..

Constantly running away...
Even when its staring you in the face..
Now you're here, alone and you don't know why..
Under skinned knees and a bruised ego...
Confliction becomes you.

Passing all the places where her smile lightened your midnight sky...
You howl and but never listened...
But now you listen and wait, for the
Echoes of your angel who...
Wont return..

Left with nothing but the taste of regret in your mouth...
You feel empty, but don't know why..

So you wait for someone..
To put you back together..
Waiting...
For someone to push you away...
There's always another wound to discover...

You lost your angel..
But she means nothing to you..
You let her slip right on by...
You just sat tight...
And watched it all unwind..
Just like every other time...
Even though....
She's only what you've been asking for...
But that's right you'll be just fine..
With all of your smug time...
No big deal...
Even though..
She's only what you've been waiting for...

Regret seeps in..
Knocks you right off your feet..
Tears of fury seep down your cheeks.
Still so angry at all those angels That'll never return.

Foolish pride wins again..

Burning the wings of yet another angel who held your love.

I saw the devil in my dreams last night.
It was terrifying but he was there.

He smiled at me, teeth sharp, dripping with nothing but lies and other people's torment.. I cant forget the dark fire glow of his eyes starring back at me.

I finally asked..
"what do you want from me?"

And with a snicker and a smile he finally says to me...

"How does it feel to be a punchline in your divorce?"

Everything around you quickly fades..
and,
as soon as you open your eyes and realize the truth behind those words...
all you can do is cry...
Cuz in this instance the devil wasn't telling a lie.

People never change.
They just become more of who they really are.

Wide awake at night.
I hold the weight of a heavy heart.
Numb to my core.
I can't bare this anymore.
Pain with every breath.
With each passing moment.
The gapping wound that is my heart, just  longing for you.
Tears cant fall but sadness seeps out, every pore.
I cannot break this bond between me and you.
I am lost in this world without you.
Stumbling, falling, reaching for you.
What was I to do?
You turned your back on me.
You turned your back on love.
I lay in ruin, drowning in the memory of you...the memory of us.
Cut me open, take what's left of my heart.
Take it with you. I don't need it anymore.
It will always belong to you.


My impulsive decisions to end us... keep me in a prison of regret.

So I cut myself open. Forced reason into this barley beating heart. Then Sliced deeper as I signed the dotted line.
All, Because I could no longer stand it. I could no longer wait. For you to realize...

Me...
Love..
Friendship..
Passion..
Our Fire...

But,
You never came.
I waited..
Silently, each and every night.
As my heart hoped for an impossible dream.

But that is what happens when one is naive.
Reality struck like a landslide of truth ripping me from my precious hope filled dreams, and it was in this moment that I knew....

You'd never come for me...

Why are some days harder than others.
Why is it that today of all days it got a little harder?
Why of all days did I think about you and cry a little harder?

Maybe it's because I finally see you for who you really are.
Maybe its because I finally realize everything you said, did and felt was an out right absolute lie.
Maybe its because I finally realized no matter what moments we had shared together and no matter how special I thought they were...they actually weren't...

If you asked me what killed me more... I wouldn't have an answer.

How the **** do you tell yourself it wasen't real?
How do you tell your heart..
It was all a lie?
The love was all just onesided?
How do you tell yourself you have to forget?
You have to move on?
That even though your heart might be breaking....
His isn't...


Love has cursed me...
And so have you.

I'm glad you can walk this earth without feeling anything.
Never loving anyone.
Never feeling the excruciating pain of a broken heart.
The kind that  paralyzes you.
The kind that leaves a permanent mark on your heart.

I ******* hate it.

Time is my biggest issue right now...
I feel like my life is..
Forever on pause.
I hate this place..
I hate coming home...
I want my new life to start...
I want this place to become a distant memory...
A forgotten Atlantis city...
Swallowed up and buried..
By the raging sea...

If I could just speed up time..
This would allow my brain to sleep..
To regroup..
To erase all the fake friends...
Erase you...
Erase what I felt for you that wasent true...
Wasent real...
All I need is time to pass me by...
But...
Time is keeping me prisoner...
everyday testing me...
Is there no end..
To this hellish chapter?
I've won that long drawn out battle..
I've proven myself...
To God..
And everyone else...


I want to retire..
Let me close my eyes...
And sleep...
Forgetting all the...
Monsters and freaks..
That always seem to creep...
Let me bury this chapter deep...
So that I can..
Finally be free.

When you're here with me, there's really no other place I'd dream to be.
Wrap yourself up in me.
Peel back your mind.
Lower your walls for just a short period of time. Tell me all your secrets, hopes, and dreams.

Tell me all the good things about you and all the bad things too.
Your disappointments and your fears.

Then as your shoulders soften and lower, and you feel that heavy weight you usually carry fade...
Hug me a little tighter, and let me love every inch of you, filling all the holes of your insecurities and all the things you think you lack.

I feel like I've fallen away into myself.
I crave distraction.
I'll take it willingly.
Give me two jobs to work.
I'll smile and say how bout three.
Give me romantic movies to
watch,
while I write poetry.

I don't care if you believe in me.
I'll show you what I'm made of times three.
Because I'll take anything that'll distract me from these thoughts.

Failure...
Defeat...
Worthless...
Mindless...

She's nobody worth saving.

Thats fine.
You'll see.
I don't need your boat to rescue me.
I'll swim to my own horizons.
Even if the waves carry me out to sea.

Your words will never cut me.
Or cause me misery.
Because I'm responsible for my own happiness.
Not the kind you tried to make for me.

As light crept into my bedroom window..
I slowly blinked my tired eyes open..
I instantly regretted waking up again without you..
I remembered that this time last year you were with me... In my arms and I remember feeling...
Whole... Complete...
Thanking the heavens for you...

But here I lie once again without you..
Wondering where you are...
And if you're thinking about me...


I wonder if my heart will ever forget to remember.....
That I can't remember to forget you....

Call me crazy.
****, Call me what you will.
But I think karma is really real.

Live a life full of wickedness.
**** everyone over.
Lie..
Cheat..
And steal..
Then repeat.
And do it all over.

Don’t forget to play the victim.
Don’t forget to smile.
You’ve put on a real good show.

You’ve played the part so well.
You’ve played them all so well.
You think you’ve won.
But nothing lasts forever.....
Because karma’s a bad *** *****.

I miss sleep.
I miss the peace that comes with it.
Erasing the day.
Running rapid in the world of my subconscious.
Those days seem so far away.

I find myself running on empty.
On pure fumes.
My thoughts are endless.
Bringing me to the cliffs of mania.
All my wants, needs, goals and things I want to accomplish keep me up until the sun peeks through my window pane.

I'm swimming in my own pool of exhaustion because my success hangs at my finger tips.

I find myself unable to shut it off.
The desire.
The passion, and determination that fuels me to wake up everyday.
But,
I am simply put, tired of running inside my head 24/7.


I want to slow down.
But my need to succeed wins again.
Overpowering my need to slow things down.

I wish you knew what it felt like to walk into a room, notice every color of every detail on every wall.
To hear every sound, even the unnoticeable fly that circles round.
The endless chatter of passing people.
The entrance doors that squeak when you walk through the door.
Knowing every exit to every room.
It drives me crazy to notice so much.
If only for just a moment I knew how to quiet the mind and drown out the sound.
The sound of life all around me..
And how crazy this all sounds.

This **** got me feeling some type of way...
And I felt compelled to say..
Swallow my thoughts..
******* words..
And if it's too nasty spit it back at me..
I want you to feel just how I feel..
I want you to know...
That if you let me...
You sure as hell wont regret me...
****, if you let me...
You'll never forget me...
Please don't act like you know me..
All you know is word of mouth...
That doesn't mean you know me...
All that means...
Is you know someones ****** up portrayal of me...


I feel like I'm on stage...
Performing in front of a bunch of clowns...
Talking a bunch of ****..
Cuz you've got me all wrong...
I'm aint no clown...
I know my name's getting tossed around...
My personal business is just in everyone's ears...

And At this point...
I'm just above all this ****..
My head is in the clouds...
I've been through it all...
31 years young and I've been through it all...
The fails, the falls...
Are you surprised??
I'm like Niagara...
look closely...
I got right back up like ******...
I'm still standing...

So, Stop trying to shoot me down..

How could you ever really know my story?
You've never been in my shoes...
Don't you know no one alive can always be an angel?
When everything goes wrong....
You see some bad...
I'm honestly just a soul whose intentions are good...

So go ahead...
Love me or hate me...
I swear it won't make or break me...
You have no idea where my head was in that battle...
I was just trying to stay ahead of my shadow...

Truth is...
I lost everything, but I ain't the only one...
Don't care what you try and say...
That's life...
That's just how the **** it goes...
I knocked, and hope wasen't there...
Love was gone but maybe it was never there...

So, who the hell are you to judge?
Didn't you know...
First came the hurricane, then the morning sun?

But its cool now, its fine...
I'm no longer angry...
I'm no longer floating like a boat without a paddle...
I'm just cool like LA nights...
Speaking nothing but truth to you,
high as a kite...

When do you think it happened to you?
As a little girl, when you were five?
Maybe even six or ten?

Well I was eleven when it happened to me.
I was first captured by the romantic gesture of the little mermaid and her prince rescuing her and living happily ever after. Then eyes glued I watched them getting married.
She's in that big beautiful dress and her hair and shoes are perfect.

Till this day I remember my eleven year old self saying to my mother, "I want that more than cookies and sugar."

Fast forward I'm 30 and divorced.
I confess, my heart is still that naive little girl.
That wished for a prince, to sweep her off her feet.
To save her from danger and keep her safe.
To love her to marry her and live happily ever after.

But instead I married a villain who took everything from me including my heart, and there's not much of me left.

I don't believe in fairy tales anymore.
I'll never have the prince on a white horse, who saves me for wicked step sisters or that octopus crazed person.
I'll never wear that white dress or...
Or the shoes that match.

Silly me...
Who was I kidding.
Fairy tales don't exist.

F. Scott Fitzgerald said it perfectly.
"And in the end, we were all just humans.. drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokeness."

I can say without a doubt Fitzgerald  knew his fair share of love and love lost.

Just like me...
Loving you, was my greatest lesson.
As I learned that even though you are broken my love, as endless As it was for you... I could never heal your brokeness.

You're crashin' into me like waves on the coast..
Its hard not to notice..
Its hard not to be swept up..
Every time we talk, you move in close
I don't want you stop..
I feel myself become so guarded..
But its hard not to be swept up...
We've got the last two glasses in this small dive bar..
Tryin' to remember where we are..
String of white christmas lights making your eyes shine tonight...

We're buzzing like that no vacancy sign out front...
Your presence is nothing short of electric...
I'm getting scared now..
As you take my hand in yours..
you lean in and...
Your lips taste like a whiskey day dream...

Happy drunks pass us down the hallway...
We fall against the door, we fall into a wild, hot, warm, kiss...

My body fights it but I just can't enough...
You've awakened something long...
I have forgot..
To afraid to feel..
With a heart that has long forgotten how to feel...

My head is spinning trying to figure out what's right...
Do I hold on to an old love thats been holding me down...
I can't seem to let go...
But your nowhere in sight...

Santa came early this year..
He brought me you...
He brought me Christmas..

Maybe I'm just use to dysfunction.
Maybe you're to **** good to me.
You keep so much to yourself though.
Rip through me.

You come home and you're always nice..

If I'm being honest..
It all feels a bit too right..
When you come home, we play it safe..
Kiss, Kiss..
Something's missing..
Hit then miss..
Now I don't know what happens next..
Watch a movie, have some ***..
Never know what's going on inside that mind of yours.
I don't wanna start a fight with you.
but you walk the line with me and I  can't stay in the lines.

Go on..
Say it to my face, then.
I wanna feel something.
Get mad,
Do something,
Maybe start complaining.
Make me go insane, then.

Is this all we know?
Is it all we're use too?
Why does it feel as if somethings missing then.

George Bernard Shaw once wrote: "There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it."

Obviously, Shaw had his heart broken once or twice, in his life.

But when you experience it yourself, what are you going to do give up? Quit? No. Not me.

I realize now that when your heart breaks, you gotta fight like hell to make sure you're still alive. Because you are.
You may feel as if you're lost.
As if you've lost yourself.
But we're never lost forever.
And that pain you feel? That ache in your stomach...
That sting in your heart....
That's life.
The confusion and fear?
That's there to remind you of one very important thing.
And that is that somewhere out there, is something better, and it's not always going to be easily found or easy to happen.
But it will, and that something is worth fighting for.

Maybe, just maybe,
you're going to be the one that saves me.

Ya know...
You shouldn't use words you don't understand...
Like..
Loss..
Heartache..
&
Hopelessness.

It only makes you look foolish.
Don't talk to me about things you've never experienced.
Don't use words you don't understand.
Don't sit here and talk to me about loss.
Because you don't know the first thing about it.


Real loss only happens when you've loved someone more than you love yourself.

Out on the dance floor.
Flashing lights.
A tad intoxicated.
You always say you can't dance but here you are with me dancing by my side.

You pull me close as the beat drops.
I start moving my hips about.
Loving the feel of your hands on my body.
Pulling me against you as if you'd have your way with me right there.

Everyone around us fades as you turn me around bend down and kiss me.
You're so intoxicating.
The way you make me feel so alive is simply addicting.

You pull back and smile at me just happy to be with me.
I watch as you start silly white boy dancing in front of me.
No rhythm, outdated moves,
all because you know it'll make me laugh.
It was that very moment I fell for you.

Oh insomnia,
Won't you go away.
Someone stop these thoughts.
That continously circle me.
It's true, I crave sleep.
So much more than you.

I wanna slip deep into a dream.
Where a faceless lover consumes me.
In a forest perhaps with nothing but green forest beauty, all around as far as the eye can see.
Where he lifts me up and brings me back down.
Where his lips graze mine in a unforgettable true loves kiss.
What a sap I am, always dreaming of such an unobtainable thing.

I thought for sure the day I stopped loving you, my heart would turn to stone.
But alas my heart is simply on fire.
No longer burning for you.
I just wish that I could set you on fire.
Or maybe just turn you into stone.
Decisions, decisions.

Its hopeless to dream.
I find everyday that passes...
That statement bares more truth than dreaming about hopeless fantasies.

Maybe I grew up?
One could only gather.
Maybe I stopped giving a ****?
One could only ponder.
Or maybe it was the ice berg of truth that pierced through me...
Ripping my seams of dreams and love and my very naive fantasies to pieces.
One could only imagine.

Or maybe it was when..
You woke up one day...
And realized..
No one will ever love you as much as you love them.
People rarely if ever change...
Some people can't see their path of destruction... It will always be your fault...
They can never genuinely admit their wrong.
And they'll never come back
And lastly..
You accept..
Love is the scariest thing in this world and some people aren't capable of loving you as much as you love them or deserve.. No matter how much of yourself you were willing to give...
And that's just the way it is.

Life is but a game they say.
You can use it to your advantage they say.

But I'd say that's just a lie.
Because no matter how hard I try I feel like I'm always going against the grain.
Picture the wind screaming and blowing as hard as it can, and I'm steady struggling against the winds hand.
Picture me trying to get to solid land, swimming and swimming against life's current.
Picture wave after wave crashing over you.
Slowly drowning your plans.
Diminishing your determination to succeed.
Crushing your courage to stand.
Bashing any hope you thought you had in you that would stand.

Its maddening.
It eats you away.
All you want to do is stand.
To succeed in this life and perhaps the next.

But then life throws its ugly head back and laughs.
Because its got bigger things planned to ruin all your ways to stand.

You'd never guess by the fake smile...
I wear during the day..
That there are still some nights..
That still linger with you not far behind..
Where my dreams are out of reach..
Where sleep is nothing...
but a hilarious joke..

So I stay up..
Wide eyed..
With nothing but time that's not even on my side..
  Where I have silent conversations with God...

I'm no longer mad at him...
For our brutal end...
No more blame lives in my veins...
He took my pain and set it to the side...

Everything of yours is gone...
Except for the last memory you left me with...
That still has the ability to haunt me from time to time...
Still so permanently stained in my mind..

Where you took me by the hand..
Where you pulled me close..
Where my body welcomed and followed..
Your every command just like each and every time..

When you pressed your lips against mine..
and I got swept up like the tide...
When I was so engulfed by your sea of lies...

So blinded by what you convinced me was real...
That our love was real...
That I never saw it coming...
That devastating blow by your own hand..
Where you took that knife..
You had been holding this entire time..
Waiting for just the right time..
To..
Shove it straight through me..
Turning and leaving me on a dime..


I'm sure you could imagine me...
A ****** mess clutching to my bleeding chest..
Drowning in a sea of sorrow you left Behind...
You know..
It's that exact moment..
Where your heart breaks in two..
You experience a pain even words... Could never fully explain..

It was there for me in that moment.. That I felt myself fading..
It was then, in that very moment..
When your thoughts become crazed and rationale cannot be found..
When you're about to give in to.. Anything that will stop the pain that is living inside...

Almost succumbing to my pain..
I closed my eyes...
I whispered to the only man I knew would understand me at the time...

God...
He was the only thing that saved me that day...

So..
If you ever get around to knowing him One day...
Ask him...
Ask him, how I really felt that day...

I can picture it now..
Forgiveness and understanding in his eyes..
As he says to you..
"She loved you in ways you'd never understand."
"She loved you to the best and fullest of her hearts ability."
"Watching you walk away to her, was like a repeat of each and every goodbye, but all at once."
"She fought hard, and fiercely for you.
"She gave more to you than you will ever know existed inside her."