testing the waters,
I let him every time.
I don’t know why...
it’s like I have no control over my own mind.
weak sense of self, so he takes advantage
it’s like i know i shouldnt,
yet i don’t want to leave him stranded.
excerpt from my poem “control”
The darkest nights
Are always those you must face alone
No knight in shining armor
Will appear until it’s already dawn
You're your only savior
Must create sense of this senselessness
Answers only exist inside your own abyss
Depend on no one, dear
You’ll only regret
Yourself Is all you’ve really got
So never lose sight of your own heart
They’re never really there
You’re all you’ve got, my love
Until time makes you see
The deepest beauty lies within
Your own insanity
Holding her like how you used to hold me, gently grabbing her face like what you did to me.
Saw you bandage her finger, the painful flash back to the first time you put on a little plaster on my ankle.
I still starred all the messages you promised me but does it mean nothing now?
I stayed but i kept quiet because you seems to be dislike me
my tired eyes
are shaking for you every 3am.
Im still waiting even though you asked me not to.
All the nights of unpleasantries
will no longer keep me awake.
I will never again dream
of you by mistake.
I wish that you would die.
A freak accident leaves you paralyzed
maybe a piano from the window
That lives in the blue of my eyes.
Or maybe that "random" passing car
will clip you in the thigh
And you'd be left (like me)
alone; just to die.
You could paint the town red
with your angry tongue
but instead maybe if i cut it out
you'll finally listen instead.
In laymens terms, prepare to be hurt,
I'll smile as your body lies in the dirt.
And blood seeps into your shirt,
coloring the earth.
Your purpose has been confirmed.
Thanks for the trauma and mental illness, miss you lots.
We never made sense
I should've listened to myself
It's crazy how you left me for me
And not for someone else
I'd be lying if I said
This isn't hurting me
I'm a sucker for telling you
This is hurting me
I can't tell the difference anymore
I'm having a problem
Is that my solution
Or is this my problem
Numbing the pain
Doesn't make it ok
I'm gonna get you back
And still won't be ok
Trying to keep my wrist closed
So I don't **** me
And you're unphased by my pain
And that's what kills me
First thing I wrote after I got my heartbroken
To the two girls who are now dating the two boys that have impacted my life in ways I can't begin to describe:
I beg of you... treat them better than I did
Respect them, never do anything to hurt them
They can make you smile in seconds, and they trust you immensely
Don't break their trust, it's hard for them to rebuild
They've been through a lot, so be careful
Don't yell, communicate
They're the sweetest boys you'll ever meet,
Please don't break them
They may not be mine anymore
But I don't want you to hurt them
What would your husband think about you leaving? Any kids?
"I don't have a husband anymore.... And no, no kids...there's no point anyway."
"Loving anyone or anything.....
Feels great at first, but it always turns to crap. I know the truth about love.... Its a hell I'll never get out of alive."
No one does......
First day we met I thought you were so beautiful.
No one could tell me any different this was irrefutable.
I caught feelings for you like a fool.
What was I thinking you would go for me in high school.
I used to make you laugh and make you smile.
Seeing you happy keep me going for a while.
We used to sit outside for hours looking at the stars.
Tell each other how this world was going to be ours.
I felt like J. Cole straight power trippin.
Wondering if I was going to be part of your life decision.
But I should've known better from your tone.
I was only good for you in the friend zone.
Instead you'd date guys who are bad from the start.
Who would do nothing other than just break your heart.
Of course I'd be there to comfort you, saying you were strong.
Wondering why I couldn't be your boyfriend all along.
Fast forward years later I finally told you how I felt.
When you didn't feel the same way my heart started to melt.
You made me feel alone and broken.
Filled with overwhelming emotion.
Everyday I try to forget about you.
Knowing love is never true.
Because of you, I play women like an imposter.
You're my Dr. Frankenstein girl, and I am your monster.