Are you familiar with that feeling?
The one you get when you finish a good book,
Or when your favourite TV series ends?
Or even, when one chapter of your life closes,
And you have to step through the threshold of a new page?
Well that threshold, for me
Has always been a great towering wall.
I'd always have the means to climb,
But never will I want to or feel like I should.
It seems that I'm needlessly clutching at straws,
While the guns of change point to my temples, drawn.
Somehow, I eventually had to scale through the fears,
And just nick a few pieces from every threshold I pass.
You know, when days are looking pretty cloudy ahead,
I'll just reach in my pocket and look at them
To see how much has moved, and smile.
I just realised that it's reached that point where I have to cross again.
the pain must be
becoming more and more
unbearable each day,
and we have to continue
walking away from each other
when all we ever wanted
was to run
towards each other's arms.
so how about
we do this, my love?
how about we go on
with our day,
pretend we're going
to see each other
the very next day,
and face things
with excitement today?
how about we go on
with our breakfast, lunch,
dinner, and snacks in between,
and pretend we're going
to dine together tomorrow?
how about we sleep tonight
without crying our eyes out
to the memories of us
and pretend that tomorrow,
when the sun rises from the east,
we'll wake up
to see ourselves
next to each other?
how about we repeat
being hopeful every day,
for the tomorrow
that holds you and I
in one page,
until we can
no longer remember
what we are ridiculously
and we're just truly happy
with our lives
without each other?
How to smile when I want to frown
I'll stand on my head
Turn it upside down
How to laugh when I want to cry
I'll tickle my sides
And make me wry
How to see good when I want to see bad
I'll think positively
And of you unclad
How to be loving when I want to hate
I'll look in the mirror
My worth proliferate
How to be calm when there is a storm
I'll have to have faith
It must be my new norm
How to be me when I want to hide
I'll have to be humble
Someone else be my guide
How to move forward when I want to stand still
I'll have to remember
Not to use self will
All of these are things I have learned
They were taught to me
My memory they've been burned
I survived the culling
Walked away unscathed
I put tremendous effort
In my camouflage
I ran with the fastest
Hid with the stealthiest
Fought with the toughest
Some became gnarled
Twisted with rage
Others fell, tripped up
In a flurry of appendages thrown
Some gave in to it and laid down
Awaited it with fear and tears
Panting like dogs
But not I
Not this time
This time I outran it
Through fields of blade grasses
Through open plains
Through dense forest
Through muddy bogs
Night and day it came for me
So night and day I kept moving forward
There is no end to my journey
Only another day bought
Through effort, blood sweat and tears
I'm not stopping anytime soon
What just happened?
Why does the mighty being look so small today?
Why are your usual bright eyes now shedding tears?
So many eyes deem you ferocious
But who among them could see your heart of butter?
You who once lead a pack
Who put your life on the line for every hunt
Who showed the way for the young ones to walk
Who once believed all the pack members to be your own
Is now roaming all alone.
The sun lost his brilliance out of sorrow
And the winds bore your tears
And the clouds brought rain to hide your heartbreak.
O, great wolf, can’t you see?
The world is wailing after your throes
But it is also wishing you to overcome the tribulation
For who else can if even you can’t conquer your heart?
O, mighty wolf, you may be alone
But you still have the heart of an alpha
So please keep moving forward
And prove all ill-wishers wrong.
Let gravity guide you to certainty
It is where you can, again, be whole
Tame your past over a cup of tea
Do not fall, again, to the rabbit hole
Let's be wiser.
I don't know that most people
when I say I've changed.
I took surviving my suicide attempt
as an opportunity
to try and never get to that point again.
my body was,
with my heart so far away from it.
I crashed back into myself,
and felt the sting in every
Inspected all the sore parts of my body,
touched my temple
and let myself think again.
I've been walking around
as a body
with the rest of me dragging behind,
Because I wanted to hurt less,
damage was done.
it's still better to be back
and feel the pain
than it was to run away.
I tell people I've changed
but they don't know
that crashing back into myself
changed me so much.
I took what could have been an end,
and made it give me new life.
Destiny, fate, temptations