I once loved you and once you were mine
Now, I don't know what things make you smile
I once caressed you and looked in your eyes
Now, l know, our fate was just left for the dice
Now, I do not know your whereabouts
I don't hear no more, what your own heart shouts
'Don't know your hobbies nor your desires,
I never thought that love, ever expires
Why we left each other, I don't truly know
We used to love each other and I really think it showed
We used to hold hands and be thankful that we've met
It never seemed will end or be facing any threat
Now, all is in the past and hope you're doing well,
The fact that we're not friends sometimes it's hard to dwell
Sometimes, I feel, we're watching the same moon, from above
I truly hope you're happy and that you've found true love
I am both a sadist and a *******
When it comes to myself
The brown-eyed boy, a beauty
It develops and flourishes
I knock it down
The girl who sings, a star
The roots intertwine
I set the fire
The red-haired girl, my past
The seed begins to bloom
I salt the earth
The eye contact.
I remember how I felt that night
As I packed my things for home
Can't wait to have you in my sight
Can't wait to tell you over the phone
Never have I ever felt this excited
After all this time it was gonna be you
I thought with you is a new beginning
Another chapter unveiling slowly
But it turns like any other good book
The plot has its own unexpected twist
For in your heart there was another
All the time you had a secret lover
The promises we made just disappear
I remember how mad I was at myself
Falling in love for someone like you
You turned out to be a waste of time
But we both never said our goodbyes
We just drifted apart like strangers
Forgotten feelings for each other
Maybe it is the perfect ending
Me trying to wash away the feelings
Trying to forget all of those times
Where I thought to have a fresh start
But it turns out you were the one
Who tore my whole world apart
Memories both bad and good but it ended badly for me
I used to sit here all alone and contemplate on my life and the emotional crisis I bestow upon my very soul.
My favorite spot in the neighborhood.
The wind would blow as I sit here listening to the creak from the metal chain as this tire swing swung.....
Swung me away from this reality as I laid on the tire, eyez facing the clouds, the white swirls mixed in the baby blue canvas as the smell of the tan bark filled the air with its aroma.
Then one day you joined me.
My best friend.
My first love.
That real love.
I held you close and inhaled the scent of your hair. Held you tight because you were mine. In this deep trance called love but at that very moment I was falling deeper and deeper into your spell. My heart pounding.
Conversed about our future.
You mentioned that one day you would want to own the sky blue three story house across the street. The house with the white stairs and the sun face painted in the tympanum of the pediment. We admired it from the tire swing.
We sat on that swing and I held you for hours. I never thought that one day I would let go.
I looked through the kaleidoscope only to see the nameless faces of those who once crossed my path.
I dreamt of a face who i once knew so well, but so quickly turned into that of a memory.
Those eyes of onyx and hair of sand took me by suprise as i only knew you by your voice.
That glistening pearlescent smile blinded me as reflects of enamel danced with my heart.
Only by a picture did i realize that i had entered into a rabbit hole in which couldn't be jumped out of.
Only by a voice did i learn of the many ways that a girl can be loved.
I sat underneath the decaying roof as i listened to your vocal chords sing with a deep tone that took my breath away.
How did i know an innocence could be so ******?
The birds crowed as i learned of my troubled future. The ants scattered as i would step on what was once their sanctuary.
But who would've known a similar voice would spin me around only to leave me in a corner for you to pick me up.
The golden sun rose only to set again.
Her olive skin reflected that of her hardships. Her emerald eyes made those who met her grow full of envy.
Prince Charming was to late, but was still desperately wanted.
She wanted him to rescue her, but she would always wake up.
His voice once again became a memory.
Those faces that once danced within her eyes were now turning to ash.
Those voices turned into that of a deafining silence.
It was then she realized, the once so colorful kaleidoscope had shattered into pieces to small to be fixed.
The dances of those faces she once knew so well began to disappear.
Journal Entry #13
I know its been sometime since I've written, but in my defense
I've been a busy girl.
I turn thirty-two in a couple days, and I'll be honest..
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This year has been nothing but changes for me.
Walked away from a toxic marriage.
Moved away from everyone and everything I know.
Walked away from childhood friendships,
Because they refused to grow...
Depression took over and consumed my life...
I was alone.
But pain to keep me company.
That's one thing about me...
I've always been about bettering mine.
I may forget how strong I am temporarily.
But I'm not the type to roll over and die just like that.
All those so called people in my life that said they loved me.
Always wanting me to do good, but never better than them.
An ex husband who blinded me with lies and his own misery.
It's sad once you realize these were the kinds of people I let take up so much of my time...
But none of you really knew me at all...
Never thought I'd stand up on my own two feet again..
Get my **** together again.
You thought you knew me.
But that's one thing about me.
As soon as you doubt me,
I'll show you how hard I grind.
Proved all of you wrong, all at the same time.
I can't give no more time to that petty ****.
The petty life you chose to live.
You're steady complaining about your life,
but doing nothing to change it.
Drowning in your own misery.
Assuming I'd always be along for the ride.
why'd I tolerate that **** for so long?
I'm not that same girl you use to know.
And that's one thing you just never saw.
You're not moving,
You're stagnate in your own misery.
You're not growing with me.
Its just time I let you go.
I have no more sympathy to give to you.
Oh, you think I'm heartless.
Well get this...
This is how I see this...
If I can stand up from my own personal hell of...
Lift my own self up..
Walk out into better days..
All because I made the choice to change things.
Why cant you?
I'll be honest...
I hate that I had to let you go...
I get it you're upset with me..
That's okay I'll let you be.
Yeah, I hear some of you are hatin' me.
I had mad love & respect for you..
But that's the thing about me..
I know you say...
I cant grow with people in my life who refuse to grow with me.
Life's to short to have ****** people in your life let them go.
Journal Entry #10
I had the worst overwhelming stressed out day at work.
I felt like crying.
I felt out of my element.
I had no strength to go on.
And it was in that moment..
That I thought of you.
I wanted nothing more than to come home,
Bury my face in your warm embrace and cry.
All I needed was your strong arms wrapped around me tight and I'd know that everything would be alright.
It was only when I walked through the door of my empty lonely apartment that I realized.
"Oh.... that's right I'm not married."