we have words we shared
and now
I cannot think
of coffee
or of mysteries
without you popping up between my eyes.

There is a fine line between obsession and love
and suffocating myself
with a pillow will not solidify that.

the aroma of the dead and dying
lingers heavy in my bed,
yesterdays shirt and tomorrows hate draped across a chair like falling flowers,
like the ones on my desk, picked
with joy and anger, but that has long since faded and wilted,
giving way to the dead and dying, like me,
wrapped tight in blankets,
clinging to the tiny voice of mother, on the other end of the phone,
repeating the refrain, the chorus, homage to the homesick,
"Everything will be all right, with time."

there's no day
isolation
makes me feel at home
there's
isolation
in my breath
and I can't hear it
because chains are around her
chains are keeping me down.

the only thing necessary for me
is the stars
something to stare up at
and wonder
but now
you've become my stars
and I stare at you
and wonder
what will come

Hello, Mrs. Honeybee,
how are you today?
My soul is heavy,
my body is *****,
and my mind is wandering away from me.

These summer days,
always slip away
filled with scraped knees,
and honeybees,
jeans stained dark with blood.

Goodbye, Mrs. Honeybee,
your summer days are gone,
and I never ever got to say
goodbye.

teeth
a trail of teeth
leading into a bedroom
where a ghost awaits
your arrival
upon this horrible
rock
just
nothing but
an infant
nothing but a filthy infant
that can't hurt anyone
if we say we hate feeling useless
why do we still live

my foot just clinked
two
empty glass coke bottles
together and it sounded like rain
rolling off your roof.

I opened up
my laptop
to send you a message
to say I'm sorry
make sure you were still gone
and I realized
there's nothing left to say.
You're gone.

I don't
Know what I should say
I'm speechless
My words are gone and my mouth is ash and dust
And my lips crack when I try to tell you
I'm sorry.

I have fought with my wings with a disrespectful son
I have fought for my wings on a garden of fire and rage
and I will be painted across the stars
eternal, all-knowing
So give me my wings
let me fly away
Stop holding me down
Pull out the pushpins, I need to fly
I need to be
Pull out the pushpins and let me go
Stop fighting so hard to keep be grounded
let me fly across the sky and find my way home

I have never met one, who spoke,
with such a velocity as this one did,
with storms flying from his lips.

don't
don't make me
don't make me pull the trigger
don't I don't want to please
I'm just
I'm scared
please
my hands are shaking
can't you see my han-
DON'T MAKE ME PULL THE TRIGGER, I SAID
don't please don't move
don't make this hard
just stay still please
you're all insects tonight.

And I wandered
on
and on
and on
until I came
to a place
that seemed to fill me
a city that you loved
in your life
a city that meant something
to you
and it made me think of you
and I whispered
that I loved you
into the skyline.

He stood at the gates
with a shot glass in his hand
and the tears of his wife
falling from his hands
and he left everything he had
at home
with coughing
in his lungs
cholrine
and bleach
and the scent of hospitals
and death
and desire
and he can't fight it
he can't fight anymore
her faceless lies and her weak
eyes
beating at her lungs
and he
leaves
it all behind
pushing through the gates
to find
something to live for.

Low oceans, sweet fires,
Bad candies, little fruit,
Bringing me back to earth, bringing me back to life
Riding on the backs of asteroids.

the moon sleeps alone
controlling the tide as
you control my thoughts

I am in that mood
where all I want
is to hold someone
and stroke their hair
and tell them
they will be all right
everything will be
all right
with time.

Shake me to my core
because buildings cannot withstand this earthquake
and I won't fight it
anymore.
The cigarette filters on the second floors don't fight me
anymore. (Oh, how I would love to be the cigarette between your lips!) Because
I have given up
on cleaning myself up
because I am lost.

Narcissus gazed upon inky space,
dust reflecting golden starlight into his face,
and he sighed in discontent,
blowing air from his lips to disturb delicate ecosystems he had no place in.

Small purple thunderstorms live in my forest, shattering their own worlds with musical rain and shocking thunder.

Today
I said my last goodbyes. Today I
pronounced you dead.
Today
I told you I loved you.
Today I left you alone. I told you to
come back
when you wanted to.
but I want you now.
I want you now.
Come home.
You don't have to say.
Just let me say goodbye, before I go.
Before I go.
Please.

I have always been a morning person
With the way the sun peeked over storage units
and abandoned cars
"Hello!" It says
"I am here! Do not fear the dark!"
So we make our coffee and the artists think
Certain things
We build words and universes within ourselves
And we never get to a book in time to write it down
To scrawl down the formula
For what might have been
morning always reminds me
Of lazy cats stretching in the sun
And watching the dew solidify
On the grass
Outside the window.

with one, a tree - short, with leaves of a redder *** than what belong to me,
with another, a road is carried - long, seeming to never end as one step leads to another, tumbling over itself,
with the fortunate, a lantern - hanging from a pole in suspension from the window of my car,
with my unfortunate gnome, a sign - bearing the words I am in a way to force others to Obey the word of my god.

I want to sail away from here
Into a mist
so thick
and so fragrant
I could swear
I could touch it
and it would be solid
in an island
in the middle of the Atlantic
in a bathtub
nothing too big, dear
I swear, just one more hit, go back to bed
something as solid
something new
something real
I need something real
to touch
to hold
something
someone
I swear, I'm losing it
I thought I woke up
from this nightmare of human existence
what kind of a God
could possibly hurt me like this
I want to sail away from here
in a little boat
somewhere far away
somewhere that doesn't matter
I swear I'm losing it
there can't be anything good in here
No, there can't I'm so lost
there can't be
this can't work right
why can't I talk?
No, I need something
to right
I need something to matter to me
I need an island
something solitary
I just need
a fog
let me have my fog

Once
upon a time
a little girl had a dream
that she was fading
losing
falling
and she hated it
and grew to have a
hatred
for ghosts
just like you
just like you
just like a star
something
quick
here and gone
in a flash
of purple light
and red fog
something to remember
but never to speak of
to hunt my ghosts
to hunt them down
and drown them
in smoke and white walls
something to hunt
nothing human
the deepest parts
buried beneath
a thousand
falling
shoes
and a basketball jersey
something hated
like someone I used to know
and then
with another flash
a streak across the sky
and the flick
of a lighter
like silver dripped on a wet page
like ghosts
in the mist
of a sad park
          with a sad man
                      and a very sad girl
because they have ghosts
haunting their heads
with a whisper
and a forgotten tear.

There is always something
Peaceful
In the water
As I drop down, down
My voice soft
asking jellyfish the time
On my way down
Murky green silt
And rusty docks
And fishing vessels
All alone
Til I've hit the bottom
And there's no where to go
But to face my demons
Cause they sink like stones.

Bang your head against the keyboard until the fear fades.

Have you been
sleeping in my bed
Have you been
sleeping in my bed
because I found
the traces
of your skin
the traces of your skin
Have you been sleeping in my head
because I found
the traces of your thoughts
trailing through my skull
with a warrant for my sanity
crushing my soul
with a warrant for my sanity
on a one man police force
trying to stop me
from breaking through your skin
and injecting myself
an IV of pain and amphetamine
muscle relaxers and a single tiny
white pill
to break through your thoughts
and find my place
to settle down
and sleep.

sun
has never meant
much to her
she's always found solace
in the ash of the clouds
like the ash
between her teeth
and she surveys the wreckage
of what once mattered
and doesn't anymore
because she stopped caring
and this
has come
from the hell
we endure
for just
one more kiss
these clouds
and the sunburn that can still come from between them
and she's always wanted to see the zoo in winter
and he promised she would
and he never took her
and now he's gone
into the ash
leaving nothing
but a whisper
behind to tell her
"remember."

When it comes, you hear
You hear
une , deux , trois , quatre
and think of the stars, the bits floating above me because they have no home
because we are all thunder
and stardust.

Self-medicate to keep the hatred down
Self-medicate to keep the ***** down
Self-medicate to keep the sadness down
Self-medicate and pick your poison
pick the one you haven't tried for a newer
buzz
for a newer feeling
for a newer hate
self-medicate, extrapolate
miss yourself and all the hate
because the devil is mine today
the devil is mine today
to do with what I please
self-medicate and fall
a spiral
a helix
something familiar to feel the feelings
something familiar to feel the people cry
self-medicate to feel your mother cry
what am I becoming today, who shall I be
a dashing rogue who doesn't care, someone alone
a dashing rogue at the bottom of an ocean
with a portal to another world where I am normal
where I matter
*self-medicate

All hail the king.

Alright, now, son, back down, don't get excited, don't push, stop shoving, you're fine, get up, keep walking, don't make me do thi-

From birth
he was different
from birth, he was blue, he was ice
he was odd, he was funny, he walked, he talked, he ate funny
he received soap, notebooks for school, he wrote things
he laughed, and he wondered
at age 12 he received his first laptop
took him 2 weeks and he crammed it full of poems
he crammed it full

All hail the king.

Fast forward, 10 years, where is he now
22 years old and he hasn't wrote a thing
he hasn't felt a thing
Oh, lord, please forgive me, an artist life is short, an artists li-

All hail.
All bow.

Don't forget, when he's gone, please, don't forget when
when he's gone
Because all the time spent staring back
at gas-station bathrooms can't have been for nothing
the dissection, the logic, the hate, must be remembered
an artists life is short

All hail the king.

My body may be a battleship, but you truly are my general,
And if I fail to protect you, sail me into the sea,
If I break rank, if we all go down, know that I am not afraid,
Know that from the first moment this was my goal,
Know that you are my prize and my award,
My judge, my jury and my self-appointed executioner,
If this is love, then love is a war.

and as I extinguish my candle,
as anguish, darkness creeping crawling in along my floor,
spilling out over the wood like fog,
my mind wanders,
as an attempt to banish the darkness,
before suddenly, my mind is gone.

Why does everything on a train seem to belong in an English soap opera?

Everybody now!
Don't let me brainwash you
Don't let me brainwash you
Don't let me brainwash you
Don't let me brainwash you
Don't let me brainwash you
Don't let me brainwash you
Don't let them brainwa-sh you
You can let them be you
You can let them be you and live inside your skin
your wallet
your house
your cellphone
inside your
opinion
your death
your casket
your hate
Hate gays
Hate blacks
Hate countries
no wait
don't hate them
they're alright now
we can appreciate the ideas
oh wait
no
that's not right
don't like them, now
LOOKDOWNATYOURLAP
NOWBACKUP
LETMESEEYOUREYES, SOLDIER
DON'TSHOOTYET
and (so on) and (so forth)
c'mon, party people!

don't touch me
I don't want to feel you anymore
don't
come near me
I'm not your
boy toy
I'm not your plaything
I'm not
no
sit down
sit the **** down
I'm not going to hurt you
just
listen
please
I just want to talk
I just wanted to say goodbye
I just
please

ᴵ ᶰᵉᵛᵉʳ ᵍᵒᵗ ᵗᵒ ˢᵃʸ ᵍᵒᵒᵈᵇʸᵉ⋅

we're almost home
I can taste it
the fumes and the fire and the rags soaked with gasoline
and I can hear the streetlight hum
burning the ghost of a last cigarette
and I can hear the coffee
plink
plop
in your coffeepot
a far-off howl
and a mother lost her son
with the needle
and thread
and the system is gone
and I solve my problems like a monster would
with matches
but these scissors
feel heavy
and I dissected my brain
found what left of my sanity
and I ate it with a scowl
burning bright into the day
and the philosophies of ages past
wise men
and a single lunatic
breaking me
softly crashing animals into my head
and I bit at the fist
and frothed at the mouth
the other day
and it croaked at me
scorching my brain
eating at my health
I fear I am losing my mind, lover
I cannot remember the last time I cried
or that I ate
all I feel is a mechanical
clickclack
like I am clockwork
and I don't know how to feed
this need
inside me
I hurt my head today
a soft noise
No matter
I smell oranges
as I lose myself
in my work
and I stitch up the seams
the acrid taste of a cigarette on my teeth
a layer of smoke and wind
and this mask smells like I imagine she would
and that ends it
and I couldn't move on
paralyzed with a shrug
and my mouth tastes of kerosene
my mouth tastes of kerosene
my mouth tastes of kerosene
the blood in my house
surrounding the bricks in my mouth
breaking through the store
and I ache
and my stomach is sick
and my mouth
oh, god
what have I done
I ate her sanity
and I broke his back
with the symbol
of red
my only regret
you must think I'm mad
but no!
I am better than that
a ghost
long gone
leaving
only kerosene
in my wake
rock the back
with the squeal of tires
I must escape
Thunk!
of a heart dying beneath my floorboards
drying slowly
like a bubbly sea
amid a soft drink
there is a cafe down the street
and I think may
order some coffee
two scoops of sugar
two tablespoons of milk
why is my coffee red
why is my coffee red
why is my coffee red?
why is my coffee red
what i have done
cannot be forgiven, lover
wash it off in the sink
my god
they see me
they see me
****
they see me
I regret
nothing
everything
I am nothing
I had a friend over today
to show how normal I am
that i am okay
and I am alive
and we spoke
we drank wine, we ate a fine meal
It was a party
and soon i came to realize
they knew!
He knew! He saw the blood
and I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed my hand
and why are they still ******
and he found out
he mocked me
sat there in a chair
and pretended it was all normal
until I ached
and burned
and soon
oh, god
what have I done now
his sanity
it's gone
i ate it
He is sad now
I see him
and he is sad
I taste his tears
they taste of salt and crackers
and I knelt
and I sat down
and finished my meal
would a lunatic do that? Would he finish his dinner with his guest?
No, lover.
No, lover.
The voices returned today.
They told me I was worthless
perhaps they are right
and perhaps
there is a bridge not far from here.
Could the water wash away the blood?
yes.
Yes, lover,
it could.

Don't make me go home
don't
please
I'm scared
I'm so scared
what if she's mad
what if she hates me
don't make me go home
I
I tried
I'm sorry
I tried so hard
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry
Don't ******* home
I want
to ride
the train

when did this get so complicated?
When i was a kid, I could walk outside
and I could comment on how beautiful the stars were
and no would hurt me for it
because all I am is stardust
all I am is stardust
aligned to make me me
and no one will take me seriously
because all i am
is a lonely poet
made of stardust and dreams that I wake up
longing for
because the girl in my dream needed me
in the autumn
because stardust has broken
and now I can't see any light.

Pressure
is building
at the base of my spine and I can't feel myself hurt
and I can't believe that I'm here
I can't believe I worked for this so hard
and now I'm here
and all I feel
is empty
at the hero academy
just empty at the soft bowl for my brains and my water.

Have I ever watched ink spread through water,
black fade into white,
contrast sharpening focus until all that is left is blurry words?

wake early
to the end of the world
wake
early
to the end of the world
as if I can hear this half lit world
alone
Because you
cut straight
to the ice surrounding my bones
And you were repelled by just that
as if I was supposed to stay warm
when you never gave me a sheet
you never kept me warm.

Oh, what a day
Oh, what a sad, sad day
Oh, what a day, she said
and I couldn't tell if it was me or her, can I get a witness? I need help, please
I need some help, for once
I can't be myself always
because hiding is so much easier
can I just hide?

I am curtained behind a small stage
humming slowly in bright red colors
into a microphone
that is held not by my own hand
but by that of her
and the crowd stands slowly
their hands coming together
in a crescendo
of applause
to say that I should go on
let me sing more
and they never have to see me
I can be your favorite idol
but don't look at me
no, please don't, don't look at me
just listen to my voice
luring you into the dark
so I can touch you once more
and you never have to know my name
just listen to my voice
low against your ear
with sultry vibrations
to alert you
to those behind you
so you will fight for me
until you return
and I will wait.

'cause I'm made of naught but clouds,
just clouds, just clouds,
fluff and bits of string and stuff, floating around in an empty brain,
beautiful captain of a cloudlike ship,
nothing but tears from here on,
from my quiet eyes,
clouds eyes

Give me a reason
to stay here
as if I could be persuaded
I want you to want this, you hear?
I want to hear you scream and cry my name, in utter agony,
because you simply cannot live without my hand to bite down upon
in times of strife.