Fearless dreaming has brought me here
The warmth of spent flesh
asleep in the tides of a fickle moon
a cool breeze in a windowless room
I pull back the sheet slowly
and watch as tiny bumps form in the chill

Peaches and cream perfection
Dare I touch
Dare I risk awakening
The warmth reaches me before I reach the truth
Hesitation and a slow exhale

I have dreamed this dream before
The dream where there is no time, no rules, no distance
I have dreamed of joy and love
I have dreamed this very dream
and as I touch you... I cry

In those moments lost in the union
of love and passion
right and wrong are a blur
on the edges of souls bound in time
Until...
I touch you and
for a moment
you are my truth, my reality, my dream, my life
Gone in the gasp of a waking sun

Dare I risk losing you once more
My heart breaks anew as the new day dawns
But how do I yearn and not sate
Yes, I touch
I love so that I may live in that moment a lifetime

The warmth of your skin greets mine
as you turn to me in your slumber
embracing all I could hope to be
Your comfort with me melts doubt
And I pray that the sun never shines
I pray that this moment is my ever after
That you and I are where we once were
where we should always be

I open my eyes at daybreak
and still feel the warmth of you
I bask before the tears come
I love you more with each moment of perfect slumber
I dream
That you will keep me with you
so I shall ne'er again wake
to a world where you no longer reside

Look for my electronic soul
In all the places where you found my electronic heart
By the ethereal light of the interwebs,
Through an electronic connection
Dancing to electric heartbeats
Pulled to your electric guitar
Singing words that color me lovely

removed due to publishing rights

Will repost at the end of contract term.

Thank you for reading

:-)

The most soothing warmth of the smoothest skin
The animal is sated deep within
We have both died in love's offering
With Heaven's kiss
Praying time does not begin
Eternal bliss

Fear
Judged by irrationality
Hidden in accidental oversights
Feeding the dragon that leaks molten lava in salty streaks of regret
Fear
Empty wasted emotion
Saving ourselves from ourselves
Saving you from me
Worst case scenarios never included you punishing me at the sight of my weakness
Fear
You only love me beautiful
Love is a profound type of collective psychosis
Looks like strength but hides the truth
The truth that certainty is the truest delusion
Fear
On my best day, in the best possible scenario, I am still invisible
Open and still transparent
Full and still forgotten
Insightful and irrelevant my thoughts pour out unheard
Fear
In my demon's shadows lives the truth of my vulnerability
I am weak because I love you
I am a warrior because you love me
I am strong because I love you
I am a lamb because you love me
Fear
Spilling my unseen secrets
My evil self-talk, my mantra of honest lies
The purr of a kitten unsettles a soul beginning to believe it mattered
Pain dismissed in the peaceful snores of a tired moon
Fear
The sun shines in hope on the remnants of dream
On the nightmare of forgotten, overlooked, inconsequential truth
Empty apologies and the familiarity of beloved anguish
Herald the realization, that words don't matter
Truth or lies, faithless faithful, and a newfound silence
Fear
Invisible save for the ash lines that tell the tale
Of how I begged forgiveness for sharing my tormented and twisted mind
Only to be interrupted by the sounds of your peaceful slumber
Fear**
To be everything to your everything
and realize I am still........nothing at all

Clocks tick in silence
Each second stretches longer
Than the one before

In the silence of your breathing
My heart heals
My tears dry
My soul is at peace
In the purring of your slumber
My stress dissipates
My fears are quelled
My broken spirit fuses
In the comfort of your aura
I am who I am meant to be
I am someone I always dreamed of
I am... whole

There is wisdom in a life well rounded
Lived with both joy and pain
Depths of despair
Weightless heights of bliss
There is peace in a heart that loves
Vulnerability and trust
Truth in all things
Caring more for someone other than yourself
There is fulfillment in accepting your mistakes
And continuing on your path despite bad choices
Demons can only die when you forgive yourself

I saw the words on a page
And read their joy
Their hope
Their heart

I saw the words on a page
And it ripped my world apart

I saw the words on a page
Penned before my heart was yours

I saw the words on a page
Of how your love for her endures

I saw the words on a page
Kept with all your special things

I saw the words on a page
Read dreams of wedding rings

I saw the words on a page
Of a dream you never spoke

I saw the words on a page
They made my own begin to choke

I saw the words on a page
Of a time when love was true

I saw the words on a page
And read what she means to you

I saw the words on a page
You claim love never dies

I saw the words on a page
Now I see it in your eyes

I saw the words on a page
You know my hearts allure

I saw the words on a page
I know that she holds yours

I saw the words on a page
I see what you can't deny

I saw the words on a page
Your love for me belied

I saw the words on a page
And read their joy
Their hope
Their heart

I saw the words on a page
And it ripped my world apart

I saw the words

Gray skies and broken rain
Sliding down the windshield
A lifeline ever-changing
Droplets, in contact they merge
Yet, some sit lonely, isolated
Only to be ****** into the paths of others
Left behind or swept away

Audio File:  https://soundcloud.com/prttybrdpoetry/i-thought-i-could-swim-until-you-stopped-me-from-drowning

in the middle of my silent days
you ran interference through thoughts whose only purpose
was to run interference through
anything good
or possibly good
that made its way into the rotation
of random pain
keeping me rooted firmly
on the backhand of a smile

snapped in place like the snapping of
my bra in the hands of middle school
boys that found it awkward to walk
when my puberty
kick-started theirs

so, 'SNAP'
there goes my dignity in that
seemingly innocent violation
that no one ever calls by name
where silence gives them permission
to make fun of my already mortifying
body changes that
took me from innocent and invisible
and ****** me into the spotlight so no one would notice
the way they were mortified
with their own reactions to my puberty

I hid behind oversized sweaters and sarcasm
never looked a boy in the eye
stopped talking
so maybe I could
pretend I was invisible and happy
or at least not naked
beneath these people who stole from me
without repercussions...

it lingers...

fast forward
through being made painfully aware that a size 10 was massive compared
to all my size 5 friends
but they were 5'2" not almost 5'8"
they still looked like a board
not a pinup girl from old-timey calendars
but fat is fat wherever it happens to land under thin skin
collecting into silent reservoirs
of self-loathing ammunition...

it lingers...

fast forward
through the first time 'no' held no meaning
shocked into silence and tears
still whispering... please...don't
as words were less weapons and more entrapment
where a body betrays in unwanted reactions
used as proof against my truth
or my perception of truth
or...it must be true because if I
really didn't want it...
but fear and panic can garner the same
physical responses as passion
and it would be too many years before I knew that...

it lingers...

fast forward
to the last time I knew I was beautiful
and the only time I ever let a friend
convince me that going home with these guys was ok
she wanted company and
she was my ride
she never did get lucky

I...
got a cracked sternum where his chin held me down
I kept my voice this time
but the music was so loud
my words remained unheard
no still held no meaning
my wrist bruised in his hand
one hand frantically stretching clothes out of the way
while my free hand struggled frantically
to keep those same clothes at my waist
but...
spandex is unkind on so many levels

somewhere in this fight with his
knees bruising my calves into position
he was thoughtful enough to
somehow, someway
utilize a ******, whose wrapper
never made into the trash
I know this as I followed my friend's
gaze first to the shiny torn package
then twist into what looked like pride
and on the way home
before the bruises turned purple
I told her... and she laughed

it lingers...

she said if that were true
and he stopped to put on a ******
why didn't I escape his hold
but his grip never changed
and when he took those 3 seconds
to rip it open with his teeth...
I was trying to wriggle free and keep my shorts up
and scream over music playing way too loud
I couldn't look at her
or show her the bruises when they appeared
I shouldn't have to prove myself to a friend
I lost more than my dignity
on my 21st birthday...

it lingers...

But at least I knew I didn't deserve it...
that time
but if I wasn't pretty or thin or
anything remotely attractive
maybe it would never happen again
but...

fast forward
to wisdom earned and extra curves
but hating oneself never diminishes
without draining that pool of self-loathing

so, fast forward
present-day and my mom's voice mocks my dreams
she always told me that, when they care,
what I look like doesn't matter
but...

she never mentioned what would happen
if I was the one who didn't care
I learned that when I can't see past
my incessant imperfections
that I'd never believe anyone would notice
when I try to drown myself
in that pool of past truths
that my withdrawal into the
abyss of pain
could possibly ever matter
if it doesn't even matter to me
but...

it lingers...

and every time I hide from the world
masking my pain with silence
stepping out of the way trying not to
burden people with my shame and weakness
I still cannot fathom
if when the people that crawl into my skin
ripping my truth into that pool of lies
can't be bothered noticing my silence
searching for a safe-enough distance
then, how could... why would... anyone else

See,
I've grown accustomed to not mattering
to myself
trained into the seeming safety of silence
where I grate my self-esteem
on the very invisibility I had longed for
so many years ago

I care so much
but it never makes sense
when someone cares enough to notice anything I do,
especially when I'm trapped in my own darkness
but to bring it to my attention is so rare
that I find myself absolutely perplexed

I don't know what it's like to be seen
or... I didn't
but...
you saw me
you saw my distance
and tried to understand my pain
you told me I changed
and answered when I asked you
to tell me how

I am invisible
it's how I cope with heartache and broken trust
disappointment and pain
unfortunately, it's also how I cope
with personal joy and
anything that might resemble pride

I feel, but the invisibility...
it lingers...

so, today...
when in the middle of my silent days
or weeks or who knows how long
I've been drowning in the abyss in slow motion...
today, you ran interference through thoughts
whose only purpose
was to run interference through
anything good
or possibly good
that made its way into the rotation
of random pain
keeping me rooted firmly
on the backhand of a smile

your honesty, reflecting the truth that
I'm likely the only one who
actually doesn't notice my own withdrawal into isolation
was as surprising as that first
snapping of my bra
but I found my voice enough
to apologize for the shame I didn't earn
yet so freely project onto everyone
touched by the perception of invisibility
in which I hide
but you saw me
and proved I am not invisible
you cared enough to notice
and...

it lingers

Love has
           No worries
                 No questions
                        No doubt
                               No lies

When now becomes never
and fists remain clenched
through a heart distance silenced
macerated between fingers
in disconnected chunks of purity

When now becomes never
under the weight
of broken promises
fractured dreams still glimmer
like a sharpened knife in the sun

When now becomes never
days turn decades of disillusion
the tiniest lifeline of hope
slicing through every breath
the cruelest kindness
aspirating the viscous memory of emotion

When now becomes never
the beacon of a smile
fades into the darkness
that always surrounds it

When now becomes never
love lives on behind empty eyes
that hide a soul given
when never was never an option

Tears fall
Unheard, unseen
Unfelt, and unnoticed
Still I cry
As broken am I

And so i sit here in the darkness
Feeling my heart beat slow and hard
Wondering why salt stings
And finding comfort in the feeling
Of cooling salt tracks on my skin
Trying to figure out how much time passes
Between the stale tears and the fresh ones
Without looking at the clock

Greatful for the reprieve from actual thought
Hating myself for needing release
Weak in spirit and strong in heart
Or vice versa
The fan dries the water
That leaves the salt
To dry in lines on my face

Silently i contemplate life
The intricate complexities
The subtle nuances in a smile or a glance
The way emotion runs too close to the surface
How the heart is both fragile and resilient
And how because we love we cry

Because if I don't mourn for them, who will?
No one will remember them
Soon thousands, millions of lives-
Poured through the hourglass
To be lost beneath the sands of eternity-
Forgotten forever

And no one even noticed

I'm As Real As Your Thoughts, Do not Fear Me

*******'s hangover

Tangential emotion

Birthed in a string of complacency

Welcome, my Prince of the Edge of Shadows

Floating
Hoping to catch an eye
Even the eye of a storm
Waiting
For someone else to do
Wishing
To be noticed
Not wanting to be judged
Longing
To have some course of action
Non-action is an action of choice
Looking
For someone else to see
To see importance in what has been left
Floating in mid air

Discarded pretty, pretty paper
Shredded on the floor
Once held secrets longed to share
Holds nothing anymore

The old and feeble worship and rave
Trying to find more souls to save
For if they can save one from the pyre
They'll surely subvert their own hell's fire

Dismissing a past strewn with humanity and sin
All the lies forgotten, so empty within
Judging all others, since they found their path
Do they have enough stones, they're doing the math

For they will not leave a sinner unbruised
Bashing their lives, verbally abused
Telling them all they're feeling is wrong
Dressing it pretty in verses and song

Hypocrites profound, come one and come all
The louder they boast the harder they fall
Pride in beliefs is still a cardinal sin
When I get to Hell, I'll welcome you in

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

This poem has been submitted for possible publication.  It will be reposted as soon as possible upon final determination.  Please feel free to peruse my poesy at your leisure.

Thank you so much,
PrttyBrd

The birth of spring brings hope
The breeze carries dreams from far off places
The time is drawing nigh
And the blood rushes more quickly
Every second burning more brightly
Than the one which passed before
Mere days is what lies between Hell and imminent Heaven
Days, which will torture with the slowest of time
Inevitably give way to the rush of unity
Which leaves in seeming seconds
Still, these days will linger
Yet, still turn to hours, and minutes, and now
Ah, if only the now would pass as slowly
If time could crawl from the moment our eyes meet again
To the moment we must part
Perhaps we could live in that place for all eternity
Never having to feel the heart burn through flesh
As the distance grows by inches to feet
To that dreaded thousand miles
Oh, how those smiling eyes beckon
And dreams birth hope
The smell of jasmine in the evening
Brings joy in knowing it's just
A few more days......

I do believe
Tonight, more than all others
The distance pierces my soul
A deeper depth
For each mile apart
A thousand punctures through
Still, after the red gums black
What is left
To course through my emptied veins
Is nought but you
The very life within me
The very beat of my heart
Your sweet breath
My only air
'Tis love that bridges the distance
But pain flows in rapids beneath
With you souls soar with angels
Anticipation of your return
Leads each day
As my smile is painted
With the memory of your own
Traversing the bridge
A tricky feat on stormy nights
The rain sparkles like diamonds
The moonlight never more beautiful
As in their reflection
Feeding the river
Yet, somehow, fortifying the bridge
Love is rooted deeply
Bound in eternal light
To a world tinged in darkness
A beacon within
Home is always in sight
If just out of reach
With eyes closed in slumber
United in bliss
Wrapped in the last time
Living for the next time
As much as it can be called living
Being stabbed by each
Of a thousand miles

Souls reaching out
Passing in the night unseen
Wrapping each other in love
Warming the algid distance
I feel you course through me
It brings me peace
While my presence brings you comfort
In the lives we lead alone,
We are but half of who we could be
Less than what we should be
A piece of you is here with me
As my heart resides in you
Half a life
Barely connected to each day
Both lost and found within one another
There is no joy not tempered with pain
The only pure emotion, our love
'Tis all that sustains us
As we die breathing stagnant air
In the absence of ourselves