I had never really liked you Until that day, When I noticed You didn’t look at me With shame.
Written back in 2012 and I'm not sure what prompted this, but I feel like it was something to do with an old schoolmate who I reconnected with. It's funny how people you use to hate you can grow to like when you see them outside of the rigidness of the school hierarchy.
Average hair Average weight Average height Average eyes Not special, no, not quite. I am that kid who tries but isnt noticed I work hard until I can't keep going But faliure always finds me Like a mindless machine I fall back Back where I started Average It's funny how I pray to be ill to for once be different than them Even though it could **** me. I starve and I pray, But is it really okay? To live this way? Trapped in my mind Laughing? At me probably. Finally I am satisfied with the mirror then temptation breaks me And I'm back where I started Average. I dyed my hair pink All I get is glares. I want to be special but not like this Even if it means I won't be happy I'll do anything to no longer be Average Too tall to be cute Too short to model I've gotten no where at all, The more I try the more I fail. I will always be Average Average hair Average height Average weight I want to not be able to remember the last time I ate. They think I hate them bit it's myself I despise This smile is my disguise I just want to be Special.
I didn't know how to portray this but I tried I guess.
Pieces of my heart will always belong to you Like the puzzle pieces i misplaced when i was seven That still reside in each crevasse of my childhood home Waiting for me to come bounding out of my bright pink room With open hands To retrieve them, and welcome them after all this time apart Alike my love for you waits In each ***** and crevasse of my soul To be noticed
It a great thing to be in the middle of fades between the lines of black and white It's great to be gray to dissappear into the black like a shadow or like walking out in the middle of the night to not be noticed Or never have any eyes on you don't be seen no mistake noticed. the white does not always shine on you and when it does you can easily go back to gray It's great to be gray beacuse i change my outfit 5 times before coming here and and today maybe I wanted to shine. But I'm gray so I stand out just enough to be noticed but not to much then all eyes on me and that is quite scary then I'm not gray.
It's horrible to be gray. To always seem like you are in 2 places at one like everyone is watching you but like not a single person will even notice you It ***** to be gray. To say hello to someone and they won't respond beacuse they don't know your name from that day when you helped them when no one eles would, you were always in the gray To have every mistake noticed by everyone but then be told that it's okay just stop and go back to the gray.
It's okay to be gray beacuse inbtween of the black and white I may stay but oddly enough gray is okay it's a ryhmes so it must be true beacuse in all white I shine all eyes on me never a moment of peace never any time for the little boring gray me But in the black I'm never seen I'm forgotten, Say hi to the girl in the hall and receive a weird look beacuse she doesn't even remember me now Maybe it's okay to be gray beacuse shades are sometimes all the same in some weird way.