I
am
FUCKED

and not in a clawing flesh, body convulsing, banging headboard kind of way

that kind of fucked I can rock the shit out of.

No
I am more the
twisted mess of forced misconception
enlightened by time innocence forgot
forced into a life guided by trust in the lies truth told

Yeah,
it's the end of life as I know it
that's the kind of fucked I am

I knew joy
it was based on trust in what was true

I knew love
it was built on that same foundation

So yes,
I am fucked
this mess of shit crumbling to pebbles while blinding me in the dust of my own ignorance
is anything but blissful

and all I hear are the cries of beautiful dying
not that dying is beautiful, though it can be
but of the death of beautiful things
of things I found implicitly lovely
the painful dying of all I believed was good

I am so fucked sideways

protected by others
I can no longer say for certain who I am
or who I believe myself to be

Fucked hard and unrecognizable
raped into truth by the kindness of others

No more questions because I am fucked that way too
no one wants to hear their old news and dirty laundry

I knew love once
now all I love, I question
reliving my choices in reasons why
trying to piece together my life had I always known
trying to define how I love by my own definitions
and not by what I knew love to be
because that love never existed
only in my shitty, shattered memory

So, hey
guess what
I used to love you
now it's tainted with yesterday's shit streaks

I'm still me
But boy
am I FUCKED
41718
298w
Voice clip:. https://drive.google.com/file/d/14k4Lbkm4_S8z9zfBWmKe0Fyu2SlHT1x9/view?usp=drivesdk

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PrttyBrd Apr 13
trapped beneath a fitted rubber sheet
a lump in the mattress
suffocating on
rancid latex sweat
and yesterday's dried fluids

who were they
the nameless in the dark
this one smelled of popcorn
that on howled in delight

a collage of senseless noise
scented by cats and Ajax
leftovers always go bad

Chuck-will's-widow
in the tree by the window
it must be after midnight

though noon looks the same
in this cage that gives just enough
to torture with possibilities
of breaking free

freedom is overrated
roses stain glass
with the bloodletting
of thorny mishaps

blurred by smeared wounds
ain't life grand
when love ceases to be a goal

how can one find what is
utterly indefinable
if it cannot be decisively named
it cannot be concretely attained

then again, love's fluidity
is its charm
no hard edges
ebbing and flowing
elusive and longing

kill me latex blind
unseen and used
by those who never did mind
a lumpy mattress
041318
161w
PrttyBrd Feb 27
That tail doesn't taste as good as it looks
running in circles to see what's ahead
Breaking backs contorting to accommodate
what is too big for one man to contain
A trail of kibble leads a line of zombies
lost to the truth you pretend to be
16 personalities for 16 needs
and the line grows to criminal proportions
following the hope of a smile
22718
65w
PrttyBrd Feb 23
elephants stomping on my head
laugh as they draw blood
fragmented ideals scatter in the wind
as trampled dreams mix with dust

cemented in 'supposed to'
hiding behind other people's 'shoulds'
jackhammer disappointment
crushes bones with broken boundaries

play me a song
to make it look pretty
and I'll pretend to dance
with you in foggy yesterday's

karaoke soundtracks
to a stranger's tears
that leave the heart blind
tripping acid just to see in forgotten colors

breathing bacteria
from the soles of shoes
wiped on my forehead
as they said, 'hello'

a mosaic of skull puzzles
grouted in the remnants of the shit
left behind as everyone
just walks away

shadows smell clean in dark corners
where colors are left to die
in clouds of expectation
leaving truth buried in the ruble

...of who they thought I was
22318
138w
PrttyBrd Jan 30
15 stops on a train from point A to your heart
each breath begging to be seen

Riding the dilapidated track
each notch a reminder of my own insanity

Enduring the rough ride just to see you smile
at another unworthy catch

You watch me fall trying to skip cars
feeling a little closer to you

I see you see me

Still... I wonder if the doors will open
when I arrive
13018
72w
PrttyBrd Jan 23
splintered hands bleed ink
to carve stone hearts
gouging grace into
the cracks that once held peace

beautifying hell
in words that held a promise


maybe a dream
is meant to be forgotten
evaporated by the sun

music dances pretty
in the glittering reflection of stars
too far to see
yet too close to ignore

like ignoring them
would make them less profound
glimmers of hope, each one
flickering to their death
a billion lifetimes past

the night is a vision
of the afterlife
of proof that there is something
that remains
beauty remains
in words gouging grace
into stone hearts
11918
PrttyBrd Jan 22
the holes run together to make nothing
                                                          that consumes everything

torn to bits with nothing left to rebuild
                            pulling threads from passersby
                                                      gluing them in spit and sparkles

      forming the fabric of a frayed future
hidden behind that toothy grin that blinds the best of 'em

                              a bit of accidental charm and sparkles turn gems
  catching the moon you just hung

besotted sot
    truth like poison thick on spirited tongue

                                    can't believe what the bottles tout
can't  trust liquid truth in ashen breath

dragons of legend breathe Fireball lies
                      that smell of candy and taste like the death
                      of tomorrow's enamoration
12218
101w
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