Adulthood is a façade
Humans are creatures of habit,
And victims of circumstances
Yet, oddly some locate adaptability
Childhood memories escape us-
With great ease.
True happiness is a fleeting concept
But- without despair, joy is a numbing sensation
Aging does not bring forth
The harvest of wisdom
Experience is an unkind professor
Strict and expecting perfection
The guide’s knowledge is dished
In a condescending tone.
The student is brimming with anxiety-
Unprepared for the final exam.

Well, little sis-I need to let you know
Life isn't a simple open doorway
There's its up and downs,
Painful stings,
Emotional roller coaster,
And Harsh lessons
But this entire time-
I've been attempting to follow my heart
Clutching to my dreams
Doing what I thought was right
Not being dictated by someone else's words
Even when the bleakness pulled in.

So, little sis, don't give up
Your dream-filled goals
Don't just sit there and wait!
Because it will not get any easier
Don't you look back now
Don't follow me-
Please ride on your own path
I'm still here,
No one is going to push you down.
Life isn't an open books
So open it with your own strength.

Was I aware of it at first?
The heavy baggage that it carried..?
Feeling of exile, its sinister smile glaring; mocking me so
A disruption of my tranquilly-
Catastrophic ghosts concealed their true demeanor
Not one word of concern ever wept my little way

An interval of time permitted itself to be of un-importance
Immune to flaws-
Yet imperfection quivered in its path
Bewildering at it was, I never did notice its power; its strength

In its pity and sorrow, I was caged
Wandered around aimlessly, only to crash constantly
Refuse to understand; deny all its signs
I believed that I was formidable, courageous-
but it was only a **TORTUROUS MASK of ONE

Broken wings, oh broken wings
Sadness inside a heart,
has no dreams

Nightmares seem like an endless lullaby
Drifting thought try to make themselves clear
The exit to the light
is blocked by darkness
Blame enjoys the shame it brings
Hope fades as the sun sets quietly

(Chorus)
Broken wings, oh broken wings
Sadness inside a heart
has no dreams

Can they really be mended?
Do you really have a chance in this world?

Wounds reopen
Fear freezes over the world
Slashed with the sword of hate?
Why should I bother to wait?
My perception of time-
fails me.
Silent tears fall
No will to interact

(Chorus)
Broken wings, oh broken wings
Sadness inside a heart
has no dreams*

Can they really be mended?
Do you really have a chance in this world?

Everything is wrong.
In fact, it's all gone.
The injured little butterfly
tries to take flight
but it can't because
of its broken wings...

Sadness inside a heart has no dreams (2X)

Broken dreams, fall at my feet
Rain dances around me, as I cry

Tortured and casting aside,
A forlorn hope glows dimly
Give it up now, your crestfallen heart can't heed no longer

Don't stand, keep yourself hidden in the ground
Dig your grave out, and fall right in.
Buried in sin, drowned in fear

Hold on no more; just pull the trigger.
Shatter into pieces, crumble away

Mask your emotions, lose all hope
Mourn over loss.
Of joyless childhood days
A heavy form swallowed up in melancholy
Life has departed.
Death has sunked and gripped.

Facing failure has become second nature

Burning in resentment, is an old wound-

that only irks further infection of the mind

Heart strings that once sang

Cry out for the darkened mercy-

that nativity once cloaked

Numbness and the prickles of pain-

Blur between pretend grins and choked chuckles.

Dissatisfied emotions forfeit the anguish
Gorge the guilty and conceal the innocent
Inanimate whispers- fragmented and missing
Reflect and mimic your wicked doings
Disregard and slice stupid society
Obediently lying and retaining false grace
So, the world exposes its true darkness
Regardless, it's best to **move on

Lately, I've had trouble keeping to myself
All along, I thought I was a lone wolf-
but, a beating inside rebelled against the concept

No, this isn't the first time
I once had a place in my mind I could retreat to...
How can I live in this mess of a life?

The cracks make themselves apparent
Haunted by the familiar faces
Rendered speechless by suffering
My reasoning is clouded by-
these walls clutching crippling memories

I only wanted a little more
The heart was in the right place at the time.
People always slip away
Question this existence
Let me know was it wrong-
to think with your heart?

Guilt is eating away-
due to the mistakes I've made
Once again I fall.

I don't deserve to crawl
I'm where I belong
Not much to say, out in the silence
Gravity isn't the only thing-
holding you down

Could it be you cannot-
face your wrong-doing?

Whispering affliction follows closely
Silent and still,
Wonder what is left to ****?

Hysteria blocks the normal senses
I doubt you will bother to save
And will instead dig a grave

Find a way to assuage
Your eager thoughts
You should have gave it all and fought
or at release the cold emotional hold

The pangs of your heart try to warn you
But you simply allowed it to be a view
Is it mercy truly a curse?
Or is it something in reverse?

Tonight, your carelessness will result in the ultimate downfall
So,you better try and crawl
For the contempt in you shall begrudge your mind
Quickly, let it confine
Because despicable hate,
will be *mine

To realize pain, I walk in the rain
My hidden tears, flow in many rows
I despise these emotions I face
If only, I could contain them in a case
Love is beyond my own reach
No one hears my feeble screech
This internal struggle won't work out,
I know this well
I ring this bell to say "farewell".

I gaze at the twinkling stars
and ponder lightly if I could collect them in glass jars?
Too bad this mind is within bars.
If I am to be in torment
Surely, this is meant to be.

The mirror's light will never awaken.
Might as well keep breaking
Agony trickles down my being
Why can't I stop bleeding?!

As I feared, darkness blinds me
The light has faded away,
if only I could see
Why didn't I stay?!
Now, I'm honestly at bay...

Why couldn't I be wrong?
I wonder...How long have I been gone?
Is this my hell...?
Why...do I hear a bell?

Alas, I remember now-
I'm one of death's members...
Tainted in...bright red,
I say I must have bled.
Time keeps silently still,
but I only feel miserable and ill.
I'm in another world,
the Netherworld.

I'm forever cursed-
as one who is simply DEAD.

I can feel it
Running through my veins,
like fire
A fury that can't be held on to
It escapes through the cracks
And rattles the ground below them
All this time, I couldn't help to think-
Were we all that blinded by dreams?
Hope is a wonderful feeling-
if it's made solid
by reason.

Fire in the sky-
Lights up the dark moon
Take this hand-
and be sure to
let go
Push to the edge
of disaster
Grip to a final
and feeble
string of hope.

Can't you turn away?
A glassy gaze filled the eyes
Venom was directed
Underneath simple lies

You would have seen,
but mis-believe
and be deceived

For just a minute,
every ounce of sorrow-
allow it to sting
gulp this bitterness
and walk away

If you were here
just one more day
Then every color you hate
wouldn't fill the sky

So parade around with toothy grins
bring and stitch-
your own misery

My stomach is full of sorrow

but my heart is void of warmth

A selfish coward who yearns,

for the ending of existence.

Candlelight flickers in the eyes,

but the spark is unseen.

Do I lack ambition?
A thread of red
Severed by one rusted knife
Do I reserve the right to hold my head up high?
A stubborn pride that festers like mold
But clutching a grip that refutes self acceptance
I force myself into an envelope
Sealed from all the ill intent of many
Am I just meant to play the part-
of the feeble victim?

I can't stop thinking about
a certain someone
a certain someone
I feel as though I'll lose my mind tonight
I see myself losing this fight
losing this fight
Gotten so used to bottling these emotions
I just love to hide in the tide
No one will see this weakness,
or so I thought.

Walls crash,
an insecure reflection.
Un-hiden shame-
Trip first into the ground

A dismantled core.
Standing for what we think we know

Is it a game?
All you've understood is betrayal
Slowly stop noticing the way pain,
poisons the insides.

A step forward

detaches the past

The sun will shine.
I just hope light will be mine.

Drowning in old sorrow
Yet ignoring the extended hands
Utterly selfish to dare expose vulnerability
A deep rooted want to become a-
part of the bleak sky
But, truthfully known the earth-
would be a final resting place

Why does one chose the walkway-
that caresses a personal netherworld?
Each portion of forced effort falls short
Especially in the eyes of the inner perfectionist
My closest friend is a crippling emotion
It sends consistent reminders-
in my dreams-
of my broken
aspirations.

Nightmares are a lingering-
background in my head
Why must detest my own blood?
For it is brimming with the corruption of loathing.
The engraved disappointment-
I grew to be-
Is even repulsed
by the soul within.

*Plaster a grin
and keep it all in.

Chew the bones
Of a black vessel
Painted externally red
To expose skeletons of the shrouded past
A tidal wave of pretending-
Bellows in the lack of a proper foundation
An inaudible completion to a chapter that dragged itself out excessively
Paper thin rope erodes in the presence of mist
Clawing for a cure to mend an abomination of a thought process
Burn the shards of bone
Of an astray vessel
Splattered blue for release

How should I go?
Will I crash and fall?
Left with nothing, but it all
Let this pain grow

What should I do?
Blood on the walls
Slowly-the creature, it crawls
Somehow, he knew
Your heart has betrayed
Gradually, he lost his mind
Softly, I lost what was inside
My soul has been erased

(Chorus)
How should I go?
Will I crash and fall
Left with nothing, but it all
Let this pain grow

What would you say?
Lies all remain
Crying with the rain
Slowly pass away

How can you stay?
You don't even care
How much more to bare?
It never was okay...

What else did you cloud?
Where is your way down?
How should I find the sun?
Will I crash and fall?
Which way will you run?
Tuck away your call

(Chorus)

I've said my goodbyes
Now let's lay here-
with our lies.

Poison bleeds through me
I no longer sense your presence.
Time slips away, how does one heal?
Within my mind, I forfeit.

Wrong and right blur-
between the lines
The signs of coldness are recognized.

Blinded by lies,
the heart is now engraved in regret.

Committed sins bang at the door.
Face them alone.
For the soul has been sacrificed for silence.

None of you ever cared.
Dreams were shattered,
and love was forever ERASED.

Being ruled by emotions,
is a shaky foundation-
crumbling away from one's feet.
How does one cling to positivity-
when self-doubt fragments all?

Hear the sound
Of a simple voice
What will unfold?
Will I have a choice-
in the matter at hand?
In the echo of my own footsteps,
I lose what I thought I had.

Made myself sick with pain,
living a life desperate for answers.
I cannot help but to ponder my existence.

When I look into the mirror, what shall I see?
Do I see the truth...or the convoluted lies?
Haven't I already stated goodbye?

Do I follow that winding path?
Or do I remain a hollow being brimming with wrath?
What is left? Even the numbing effect conceals suffering.
Conflict is exposed in my reflection
Oh woe to fleeting affection.

Grief has a lingering bitter taste
Can it show even in my eyes?
As individual dreams fall, they cry out and call
Stay calm through the panic,
but things will not work out well

Shame is hanging like a noose.
Yet hatred seeps through-
like blood from a wound
Guilt infects and spreads

Do I follow that winding path?
Or do I remain a hollow being brimming with wrath?
What is left? Even the numbing effect conceals suffering.
Conflict is exposed in my reflection
Oh woe to fleeting affection.

Oh, my own suffering was by my own hands.
This being was at fault.

Ticking of a forgotten clock

Broken mirror, and dusty old books-

Clutter the lifeless room

Scent of fading and falling rain;

wet the dry empty land

Touch, a shattered dream,

feel nothing now.

I am a lost memoir...

Wallow in self pity
Eats away at any ounce of strength
Able to consume in time
K**nowledge heeds no help

Lacking the will to carry on...

It doesn't matter if I'm down
This time I won't turn around
Stop calling my name
A simple smile doesn't count
'Cause it's all a lie

(chorus)
Look inside, inside of me
I want to believe
But I fear each step I make,
Will only be another mistake
This is what I hold inside of me

Funny how the dearest of things
Are the easiest to lose
You're always there
To scream at me
Nothing is to be kept
Old trees are swaying
But, don't lean on me

(chorus)

Underneath this skin
Is something you'll
never see.

(chorus)
Look inside, inside of me
I want to believe
But I fear each step I make,
Will only be another mistake
This is what I hold inside of me

This is what I hold...
inside of me.

I can't stand this reflection
Because I'm reminded of all the tension
I could barely breathe,
when I saw my soul leave

Bones rattled in loneliness
I became defenseless,
while you were rageful and senseless
You relished in my fears
and the dejectedness of my tears

I was your enemy,
and eventually we learned
My heart innocently yearned,
but instead your hate intensely BURNED

I should have found it shocking,
when I found out you were lying
Your grin exposed it all
You were going to make me fall

I simply waited-even as you slashed me
I craved to be free
Inside, all my depression-spilled out in screams and tears
For a second, your eyes reflected fears

You left me, clinging to life and bleeding...
Was your heart still human-and beating...?

I allowed myself to be merely defeated by you.

I pushed everyone away
'Cause I didn't want to stay
This can't be the only thing left

Inside of me
I failed myself
Feeding the negative thoughts,
with harsh put downs.

Trusted lies, because facing the truth,
desires bold courage
I tire of being stepped on-
However wanting no existence,
is the same as labeling one's self,
as a doormat.
Just because  you aren't alone-
does not mean you can't feel lonely

I'm used to everything being thrown back at me.
Who are you to point the blaming finger?
I now know full fault does not lie solely with me.

Coursing through are strange pangs.
Stating that not all can be closed-
without effort and inner will.

Ever since we parted ways,
My body didn't know how to feel,
my heart lost beats
Now I'm filled with chills and creeps


When I was alone and broken
You took my hand and I awoken
When the chains of torment wrapped around me-
you deserted me,
in fact-
You could only flee
You were a coward to all
But I pretended you would never let me fall

I should have known better
Three steps from life
I could only clutch to a knife
I bled, needing only you
Shinning nobility-that was you

The cancer of hatred, took hold
Once again I'm alone in this cold
My trust wasted, now dust
I don't think I can be relieved
There's no reason to ever have believed

Thanks to you,
Whenever I spot the rain
I'm reminded of all this pain
This dismantled being-
has no faith
Thank to you,
I've lost all there is to *gain

Confusion stems from infatuation
Depression spills over happiness sometimes
Ponder over said events
Why am I so disconsolate?

A chill makes one tremble and my hand refuses to write
Should one put up a fight?
This being is aching
From within breaking
Emotional bonds-block all?
Let everything fall.
This pitch black crippled the good in me.
Can't you see?

Too consumed in tears, shrieking and bleeding
The ones who surround vanish from sight
Life is a gift-I cannot obtain
Pain is the punishment I gain

It can make one bend over backwards
Lost little words spin around in haze
What one says may differ from what one does

These strange new emotion are simply-
Something you don't mess with!

"This" and "That". How can an outsider comprehend?
Unusual events follow through.
Is this bizarre-ness worth fighting for?

Rose petals float gentle with the breeze.
A warm passion shared between two.
Heart racing, palms sweating-
How can one think properly?

Love. A single and final word that can mean so much.
Yet another love poem quietly drips on this page...

Is it over?
This time
Don't smash this to the ground
There won't be a sound
Things can change,
in a matter of seconds
You're lost in front of me

(chorus)
This isn't love
An emotion, a choice
There is a final voice
Stuck in this moment
Left with a sad smile
You pretend you know how to feel
This isn't love

Push on and on
This time
Is it that simple,
to step forward?
I'd rather walk away
There isn't a connection left
You're lost in front of me

(chorus)

I wasted myself-
thinking of you
Fake yourself away
Nothing to hide behind
All love is forgiving
Your hate rots this core
You're lost in front of me

(chorus)

I'd rather walk away

This isn't love... (2x)

Darkness stepped into the world long ago.

But many did not take note

Evil demons and the ****** hid in the shadows

Hatred latched on to the hearts of the weak

While souls of others evaporated,

Under the reaper's gripping hold.

Poison stings in the minds of the good.

This is degradation of the pure human spirit...

Rage peels the skin

and within the coldness love couldn't exist

Recalling things that are better off forgotten
So much for moving forward,
If the darkness of the past
Clings like wet cloth,
and drags one to the bottom

I did not foresee
Trust sometimes being a source of blindness
What has this all brought?
With each stab, the pain numbs a little.
An important portion crumbles.

Don't have a clue
When it comes to expressing emotions
Gotten so used to bottling-
everything up
So much so, that the senses are-
nearly bland

Can't you see?
You were supposed to support; to care!
But instead you blankly stare
And tear me down
Whoever said words don't hurt, lied.

Let the blue sky

fill your vision

of dreams

of candy clouds

Oh, paper moon

Afraid to lose composure

But, not even sad

that is

all over

Never meant to know

the answer

to dreams

The warmth of its glow slowly follows
Sleepy birds start their wondrous chirps
The sweet morning rises with clean fresh water
Morning with this sunrise shall
become a day of pure bliss

Blues, blacks and purples
Soft sobs and falling rain
The taste of salt
Is it someone's fault?
The soft scent of fresh water-droplets
Beautiful, silent dying roses
The heart is in painful agony

Bittersweet and diabolical is fate
A selfish want for a little bit more
Hands are trembling
Tensions are flaring,
but refuse to beg for the rest of life

Will this be the conclusion?
Truth was known
Morals have vanished
What was the error made?

No promises that the past,
won't keep biting
Fight back
With all one's might
Let go of the things known,
If they don't mean anything
Don't return to where you come from

Hate cannot create
One's ticket home

My nemesis is clueless for once

Trying to be patronizing? Ha.

You aren't strong, in fact

You've always been wrong.

Quit trying to hide the fact that-

You're an abomination.

Sunlight bleeds through my darkness

Yet, it seems paradoxes repel

Potential for an ugly, pestilential end.

We both are nostalgic,

but this won't be charming

Say goodbye, pay the price.

Sacrifice that heart of ice.

Absent-minded due to an unfortunate start

Forfeit, because eventually...

the gate will close

A sullen light will guide me,

but ultimately destroy you.

Never thought this would be like this
These days only repeat
Like the waves of the ocean
Tired of all the glaring stares
That dare reflect my inner hate
And outer pain

(Chorus)
I can't get away
Even if I run away
What's chasing me
Can't be seen
Truth has been tossed away
Not meant to stay
But there are no means of escape
Because it is what I earn and deserve

Disagree silently
You killed my proof
Does it even make a difference to try?
This secret I kept locked away for so long
I should have never let you in
Too exposed to hold any protection

(Chorus)

Let the flame go...
(I can't get away)
Let the flame go...
(Never thought it would be this way)
Let the flame go...
(Even if I run away)
Let the flame go...
(I am not meant to stay)

Let the flame go out.

I no longer feel whole,

for I am hollow

Pleading-but emotions dry and crumble

The path I once chased vanished from sight

Affection is viewed as a bothersome nuisance

They all turned and walked away.

I stood there rooted to the spot.

Shock numbed my body permanently.

I have been shunned.

Were they consumed by hate?

Memories of hope rewrote themselves as moments of brokenness.

The ones loved-

Faded and I've been

externally ERASED.

The history of mankind
Is a history full of repeated injuries
Without a soul
Some of us stopping living
Quite a time ago

Even if you despise society
Perhaps your own generation as well
Time cannot help but to glorify the past

All of us should know
While waiting for the right moment
The world doesn't pause

Nor should we
Life progresses forward
With or without us

Lives forever
Open to everyone
Valued honestly
E**veryone can!

Silently screaming
Trying not to give in
To the dark pessimistic thoughts
And you simply laugh
Thinking everything of me
As the ultimate joke
Funny how you're the one crying now

(Chorus)
Falling, falling
Crumbling ever so slowly
Eyes barely open
Yet still can see
Through the lies
Attempt to block it all
Only to absorb the hate
And lose again

Just the sand
Of the sea
Doesn't matter to me
Nor does the little voice inside
I should let you know
My mind's innocence
was robbed from me

(Chorus)

Thought love could conquer all
But even that dream was false
It used to mean the world to me
To take the pain away
Away from the something
I didn't understand

(Chorus)

Silently screaming
It doesn't matter
This used to mean the world to me
But I already knew
I can't even save myself now.

A smile can break through

Once in awhile

But at least it is genuine and true.

A happy laugh

Sometimes

Can give hope

Even if it is just a little

It's still just enough

To make it through

Maybe it isn't time

To let go

And to give in

R E A C H  out

Pull through

Because being strong

Is sometimes all

we can do.

I am the hope of
Mother, father, happiness
Brother, sister, forgiveness
Yesterday, backwards
Today, pausing
Tomorrow, forward
Unwishful thinking...

I watch it all
Fall
By its own foolish ambitions
Quietly wondering
Why this has become
Crawling in the darkness
In wait for some sort of sign.

I listen to their feeble calls
Clouds in shapes of dreams
The sky cries too
Understands the emptiness
Elders whisper poems,
Desiring the future
But gods only stand
Children wander about
But only see the darkness

Brother was a dreamer
But walked in no path
He was titled strong
Even as he strolled alone
And in the summer,
Of fear, he found his way...

Life of Earth
Emotion of existing
One-hundred-and-one
years old
Blue being of one earth
Trying to fit in and love.

Stop with the mindless wishing

No one will hear you

No one will care for you

No one cries out for you

No one sees you

No one wants you

You're on your own.

Just close your eyes,

And say goodbye.

You can be alone in a crowded room

For people do not care

No hand in hand

Only in lust and greed

No small tender touch

Or a whisper of encouragement

Society is held in cold structure

Under all the fake smiles

Just beneath the skin

Is the real nature

To desire the golden path of life,

Is rather difficult when lost in a sea of despair

Exiled in a bleak hole,

Suffocating in only rage and regret

The heart screeches, begging to heal

Shunned, no longer able to cope,

with its inner turmoil

Feeble and confused, it is simple to brainwash-

obscurity creates darkness that creeps in.

Feeling nothing but the jabs of torment

The loneliness enjoys taunting me so.

Why do I let myself drown thousands of times?

Yet I still attempt to climb

Rottenness scrapes away the good, crushing my hope.

My heart falls to ashes and madness seeps in.

Intense failure decides to mock and cackle hideously-

because my soul was dragged away.