Brilliant beams sent by the moon to me
Always understanding my perfect remedy
Whenever the world is too chaotic I can always come to you for peace
And serenity
Guaranteed that I will feel better and at ease
The orange flower birthed in my subconscious
The bud was never a tracked process
Like a rose that grew from concrete, we grew from doom
From trauma and drama, it conceived me anew
Get me my broom, let me taste the sky
Get me my love, let us dance all night
Put me underneath your tongue, show you a joyride
Love being in love with you, so different than what we knew

remembering so vividly
the promises you spoke
the way they remained long after you left
the roses whiting away beside my bed
remembering is painful
but i can never forget
tried to smoke away, drink my regret
but you are at the bottom of the bottle
diagnosis
hypnosis
remembering too potent

community, can't seem to find the unity
between you and me
only use me as a utility
I feel drained, I feel faint
I feel like this is deja vu
been down this route, at least two times
I've cried over this too many times
to keep it bottled up like *****

each cycle ends but i cannot pretend
a part of me doesn’t pray to see your hand at the end
create spaces for you to soak in my head
misrepresenting everything in hopes of the best
keep it quiet and only unravel in my diary
keep it silent and pray nobody can see

asking questions to fill the space
too many questions
puzzle pieces my mind hides from me
too many questions
wondering what i am bound to be?
is there any choice, should i rejoice?
in the unshakability of my story
or should i try to break the mold?
colour outside of the lines, abandon the box
I've been told a lot, i've been sold a lot
of fake dreams, anxiety brewing
too many questions
what am i doing?

sweet until sour, drunken chatter
everything i wished for came true
if only my lil baby self knew
each tear was a seed, they mattered
not just feeding the stream
powerful, i feel power

do you hear the wind?
I felt my body shift
that night, that night
do you understand this?
I am perplexed by the impression of your lips
you strength of your hips
the firework bliss
do you require my fire?
I desire the flames of your kiss
the passion persists
do you understand this?

The wind whispers in my ear to take a leap
With blind fate trust divine fate
A fool balancing on a thin line, straight to heaven
But my death could be my investment

But if I don't go I'll have thoughts of regret that overflow
My cups of abundance
Always second-guessing your loving but never could really know
But I take off my rose coloured glasses and close my eyes

Let my intuition and your vibe be the guide
To carefully step, one at a time
Until next thing I know I am falling to die

The abrasive breeze suddenly carrying me
Spirit would never let me plummet to my demise
The wind underneath my wings eager to save my life
Next time I won't negotiate in my mind
Just simply walk the line

bashful, ash blonde hair
unnatural how much he cared
burnt like a cigarette
slurs always hurled at him
unassuming he still cared
joyful, knew it wasn’t fair
try again like a spare
to be cut like a pear
misunderstood, too aware

callously cradling curious kids
hounds make the sounds to scare the men
hurricanes in my periphery
violent wash, electricity
buying unobtainable zen

encapsulate the evergreen
you could never fulfill any need
the itch, you could never scratch
the b*tch, i should’ve smacked
encapsulate the evergreen
you could never understand anything
closed off but claim receptive
chose wrong, twice neglected

I will pretend this day doesn't exist
Just like the person, it demands remembrance
But only in the locked ivory pages of my diary

The pain I have yet to unpack all come rushing back
The memories of you and the present lack
I cannot say you were an inspiration
I cannot say you taught me how to be a good man

I can say that behind my willowed face of pain
That I will always be apart of you but not in vain
I will take the gifts bestowed and continue to grow
Without you and let karma give you the seeds you sowed
All poisonous like the tainted water I had to grow in
Your toxicity within me so potent

Invaded my home unwillingly like a rodent
We supposed to be forever and always but your actions rendered you an opponent
I was hand-fed rage by your hard hands and I failed to notice.

I have been getting high
Waking up without a clear ending of the last night
Living in the present until I can fly
To a new world, of new forms
To a new world, with reform
So I don’t have the burden of truth that I must succumb to
Do not have to prove my worth to anyone if I don’t want to
To just float around and kiss the cheeks of many
Not a servant of capitalism, no thoughts of pennies
Or nickels, just the dime that caught my eye
Just a leaf that sits on the breeze
Someone destined for me
Who I will find in the time
My karma coming to my side
No negativity only prizes
Whatever falls down will continue rising

Like a snake shedding skin, Only holding my identity to the moment
You want to keep me frozen in time, frozen in space
But I wasn’t even the same person a dozen days ago, constantly embrace the flow
From one goal to the next, from one bed to the next
Never dreaming of what's ahead, just ready for any tests
Might trip up on my coolness and ponder on our past
The long chats, the defined abs
Abstract my memories are
Glimpses in my art
Fell before our hands met
My heart burning up like a cigarette
**** you still got your hook deep in this Pisces’ head

cold drinks in the warm breeze
seeing the burning of evergreens
i used to know where to roam
but you always roam without a home
who am i without the soil i’ve known?
cannot grow in these conditions but sometimes comfort zones act as limits

Godsent; tangled in bed
Loveless until I heard the first word you said
Solitude to interweaving my hands with you
Penetrating the thoughts in my head
Cannot escape your eyes or memories of your hand

Your energy I am drunk off again
Moments with you I can feel my ascent
Body morphed into yours; wearing your scent
Love is beyond simply frolicking in bed

It's a state of a mind, an appreciation
It's a sweet embrace, no complications
In love with your body but your mind grabs me
Piques my interest, keeps me invested

Want my fingers to graze every cell of your brain
Want to taste every memory filled with pain
Absorb all your emotions and connect again
I have a feeling it's you and me at the end

I wipe the tears away at night
I handle the storms inside
I trust in my own light
I surrender to the divine
I am more than my emotions and more than my moments
I am a sum of all the lives I've lived and every heart I've kissed
I've lost and won but they bleed into one
The experience and memories are all that follow me not my accolades and trophies
I take each day to target my pain and eradicate it away
Every day is a new beginning to start a new way
Like the fool, I am in constant change
My nomadic mind cannot be tied
To one culture or one belief
Because that would be preventing me
From being as open as the thousand petal lotus
I am devoted to nothing except my destiny
The road very sporadic ahead and can only see as much as I am meant to be
But according to God's plan, I am winning
I throw myself off of mountains to connect to the sea
I throw myself off track when I don't believe in me
I know I am not alone in this world and will never be
Not with my ancestors and angels protecting me
I have experienced pain and sorrow but at their discretion
I have also experienced an overwhelming amount of blessings
So I have taken them as they come including the lessons
Because I was put on this earth for a reason and I have to respect it

does everything that is whole have a centre?
been trying to find my centre, been on ******
lost friends, lost numbers
cruise control, build a new home
you can lay your eggs in my old nest
switched lanes, prayed for the best
i confessed, survived with less
burning bridges, island oasis
double down, justice i’ll face it
tolerate too much then nothing more
i am so abrasive

yearning until the dawn
waiting for the tears to come
the dam can only hold for so long
take a nighttime jog
waiting for the tears to come
backs will break after so long
pedal my bike to secret spots
settle strife stroking
pedal my bike to secret spots
unsettled strife poking

in a different bed, in a different city
yet there are pieces of you that linger in me
dreams of your scent, nights breaking bread
if only we could hold out until infinity
too late, first mistake was falling
too late, second mistake was calling

Oddly enough, it's no longer tough for me to let everything fall apart
Diamond in the rough, I shine no matter what
heartstrings sing through my eccentric art
every piece of me in motion like a river
need that constant change like I need my liver
but still, I drink until it goes black, the abyss always has my back
my dreams don't seem so distant when I do not have any vision
I am so anxious lately, understanding I never had any control innately
debating on what to do, what to say, how to live, what game to play
I am a student of logic, my days as metaphysical as the forms
in which I seem to aspire to, tired of number two
will I be number 1 for someone or always an afterthought
I have too many thoughts for my own good
The only one that has time for me is the moon
feel so claustrophobic in these 4 white-walled rooms.

witnessed the solution to the pollution of my childhood
the remedy was embracing our distinctive energies
not trying to mold or subjugate each other
but coming to terms with the stories we skew
no longer needing to spew venom due to a defense mechanism
its growth simply
reality rids me of my dramatic stories that impacted my sensitive inner child
in reality, I was projecting my insecurities onto
everyone expecting something vile
to spill out of their mouth
tough love, rough love
never knew when enough was enough love
but I’m grown
and I own my flaws but I'm dedicated to walking in my higher path

swimming in green waters dreaming
puking black, trapped in seaweed
predator turned prey
brown hair turned grey
wrinkled skin and confidence caved in
just do it already
end the suffering
just do it already
just do it

bizarre how my brain twists
each and every memory
knives in my back from
each and every enemy
bloodstained, drained energy
pumping through mindless days dreadfully

singing notes gives me ropes to escape this pit
lingering shame, my mind is a river,  i am trying to sit
with the goodness like the badness
sunset, deep breath, seasonal sadness

screaming words to birds because nobody understands me
throwing rocks into the river praying for someone to establish me
learning to be okay with average
embracing the rainy days, days of madness
sunset, deep breath, seasonal sadness

My ivory skin compliments your white lies
broke into my castle underneath my skin
walked all over the clean floors and broke all the windows
Reminded of you every time the wind blows
my queen bed making my ego feel inferior
Got under my skin, cannot even feel safe in my own interior
my secret oasis of waterfall tears, interrupted by your bittersweet dears
leave me strung out on feelings of ecstasy and empathy
the cycle of manipulation and the growth of green envy
Slowly wrapping around my neck, squeezing my back
under the enchantment of your snake eyes
the devil takes many forms didn't expect it to feel so right
Drape me in your energy as I kiss the moonlight

Following the waterfalls birthed from my jade eyes, I feel duede
I feel free, connected to the divine and welcoming happy endings
To my problems that are rendered insufficient by the grand scheme of things
I recommend introspection to get to the root of things
To not be clouded by the snow mist that sits upon our minds
Freezing the creativity preventing us the ability to thrive
To spend all our time dissecting lies
To spend our time believing eyes
But deep within our intuition knows
That they are lying simply by the crinkle of their nose
Or the bead of sweat dancing elegantly on their forehead
My sixth sense I cannot pretend
Not to notice the lack of devotion and the bubbling of repressed emotion
Just close your eyes and dive into the blue blue ocean

I don’t know what I want to be or not want to be
I can barely find myself within the labyrinth
maze of bleeding days and internalized strays
wondering how I am going to establish
my place in this strange space
all these new faces, will I hold up
confident until I compete
on top of it until I break
everything is overwhelming me

does anything really matter
what would happen if I ran into the forest
dipped this ****, missed my shifts
no longer be subjugated by the master
wouldn't that be bliss
to create art, to determine what matters individually
not a silly stone on a rich woman's jewelry

There’s always been a hairline fracture in my heart
The beats odd and off
There’s always been a strange attraction to the dark
Can’t decide if it’s evil or not
I hear the seductive whispers of something from the far
I clutch my fist and pretend I’m in my home
With my eyes closed, my mind roams
From the place I’ve known, to the place I can go
The white light creeping in like a cat
The blue hues painting my toes like the waves of the shore
The bliss I feel cannot be counterfeit
But that was just another of your many lies
To make it want it so bad that you could come inside
But I cannot go with you and you cannot go with me
I’m learning the lesson of filling my own cup
I’ve grown tired of my tired father drinking my cup
I’ve grown tired of the lack of fatherly love
I’ve grown tired of being the one always left out
I’ve created walls that rival China
I’ve created walls that dynamite can hardly dent
I’ve created a lush jungle that exists in between the bricks
My happiness rolled in once I realized there was nothing I needed to fix
That love was a birth right and not a prize for doing something right
My lack of love taught me the power of love, that I can make inside

my summer anklet my only remains from my sun perfumed days
out on the beach, splashes of water
dismantling the house of burdens forged on my shoulders
I like simplicity, too much chaos in the city
my anxiety revving up like the motorcycle I was too nervous to ride
I start another year of university, first time not in the void of cyberspace
an echo chamber it feels like, daydreams of paradise to get me through
classes fill my days and my alarm can no longer snooze
but plenty of ***** and bud, still on the run towards the old summer fun
impermanence has me baffled I am so pussyfooted
my dreams unraveling but its not as I thought
wishes are tricky, shooting stars can inflict harm
at what cost, am I too soft, is the world too hard?
thoughts as I sit on the train and sing a somber song