You see,
The thing is,
I'm standing on an abandoned road
That goes two directions.
I can only choose to go one way
Because the distances are so far.
I need to find my direction
And go that way.
But,
I have no car
No bike.
I must walk.

And maybe in the end-
We are all superheroes.
Each of us with a tragic back story
Specific sets of attributes
Some of us fly
Some of us read minds
And maybe some of us-
Are stronger than others,
We all have potential.
I believe the only difference
Between us all is-
**Who will stand up,
And fight?

The light finally glistening
Into her eyes
As she sees the world
For the first time

Many years away
From reality
But today
She is happy.

I wish to go back to the day-
When we first met.
It was the day I let my guard down,
And I let you into my mind.
That was my first mistake.
One I will never make again.
Trust nobody,
I should've thought
To let me know to turn around.

Because maybe then,
I thought you were a friend.
But you were just the beginning to an end.

Today was different.
I laughed.
I smiled.
I lost my frown.
I was different.
Yes, today was a good day.
Because today was different.

Is a poet still a poet
If they do not write?

A journal gathering dust,
But a yearning to write.
Am I still a poet
Without my inner light?

I was built-
In frigid cold
Under painful circumstances
So delicate
Fragile, I was
When they created me.
They built me up from the ground,
Where I had fallen
Carefully they picked me up
Plastered a new nose on my face
Two black eyes
Two very empty eyes
And a smile.
A smile that would always fall off
I was finally something new
Not better,
Just different.
I believed I had been saved.
Until the day I realized,
I had been
Created in the coldest depths
Of other people's souls
Who gave me empty eyes
And a broken smile.
They made a snowman
And left me out in the cold
Because once they made me
I had no more use
Left alone to die
Waiting for-
The first wave of heat to come along.

All the words he never said
Were written in the stars
Look at me,
They seemed to say.
I'm still here
Let me guide you through the night

All the nights we used to spend
Outside the garage.
His favorite constellations embedded in my mind.
Orion the Hunter.
It would never get old.
I was an image of my father,
And together we could stare at the stars all night long.

So people always ask me
Why I am fascinated with the stars
Why at nights I look up at the sky and smile
And I tell them,
He used to admire the stars as I do,
But now,
He is up there.
He is guiding me throughout this life.
My dad is my favorite constellation.

She said,
I want to die
Just let me die.
And I felt her words
Throughout the entirety of my soul
Because I knew
I knew.

We sat there stroking her back
He and I.
As she kept saying
I want to die
I looked up at him
And I saw it in his eyes
And he saw it in mine
Because he knew.
He knew.

Three broken people
Sitting at a party together.
Her sober thoughts coming out
As drunk words.
I heard it in her voice,
He saw it in my eyes,
I saw it in his eyes,
And for one second,
None of us were alone
Together we shared the pain.
Because we knew.
We knew.

An empty chair
In the center of a dark room
Filled with tormented souls
Thinking of the ******
The lost
The forgotten.
The empty chair
There to remind them
Of all their loss
All of their grief
An empty chair
That used to be occupied
In a bright room
Filled with lively souls
Thinking of futures
Of universes
Of stars
An empty chair that once held hope.

I have many secrets
That I have never
Told a single soul
But I have many lies
That everyone seems to know.

Why should I be afraid
Of the dark?
It accepts me into its shadows,
It comforts me in the night.
It allows me to be unseen.
I have become friends with the boogeyman,
And the monster under my bed.
Why should I be afraid
Of the dark?
When I have lived here
For years?

Why Mom?
Why do you compare me?
To the other children,
To my sibling?

Don't you understand, Mom?
I don't want to be them.
I am me.
I will always be me.

You will never understand, Mom.
You won't take the time to understand.
You won't know me.
I am who I need to be.

These feelings engulf me,
But yet I feel nothing
I pretend I'm okay,
But I just want to explode.

I need to know-
Am I crazy?
Different?
I'm a "good" kid

If only they knew-
These thoughts I've had.
Barely hanging on
Losing the grip on reality.

The way a candle dies amazes me
A strong tier of wax
Simple
With only a string within it
Dies slowly
As it gives off light
Melting wax
Drips and drips
Until all that's left is a puddle
It amazes me how
Something that gave off so much light
In times of darkness
Ended up finding itself
Sitting in the same darkness
It had tried so hard to enlighten.

How is it that you don't think I know?
Acting completely different,
This isn't you.
The more you do this,
The more you get under my skin.
It makes me angry.
You are only looking for attention.
I have only one thing to say.
Be careful,
My friend,
For you will eventually find
The attention you were looking for.
And it will be different than you thought.

I have seen suns set
All over the world
And each time
I feel more alive
Than the last.

The surprise
As the cake comes toward me.
The amazement
As I gaze at the number.
Sixteen. Sixteen candles.

The embarrassment
As people surround me and sing.
The disappointment
When I make the very same wish
That never comes true.

The wonder
As my mother stares at me
The sadness
As I know I feel
Without my father here.

I scrubbed
And I disinfected
Leaving no stains
On me
On my past

College is like being a bird
You jump out of the nest
You have two choices
You either fly
Or you die.

Gotta try harder
Have to stop failing.
But it's hard,
You know?
Life allows room for too much mistake.
Mistakes make us stronger
Because we learn from them.
But also,
They can destroy us.
Make us question ourselves,
Our values.
How can we live to perfection?
It isn't possible.
But the thought that we can,
Disappoints us
When we mess up.
I disappoint myself everyday,
So I tell myself
I gotta try harder
Have to stop failing.

Take me away-
Distract me from this place.
Stress has overtaken me
My life has forsaken me.
I have just realized,
After all that I've done,
I've become like them.
A mindless robot
With sociopathic tendencies.
I'm begining to malfunction.
Help me,
Take me away.
Fix me.

Yes
I'm lost in my head
It's not that hard really
With the labyrinth in my brain
A left turn sends me to disaster
Go to the right and I find insanity
Around the bend I just might find
That happiness I lost four years ago
I'm going in circles
But I don't regret getting lost.
If I'd never strayed from the straight path,
I would never have understood
The beauty and horrors of life
I would never have known risk
I would not know what it's like
To be alive.

And none of them realize
The effort it takes to get out of bed
To go outside for the day
And face all of my fears
None of them realize
How tiring it can be
To pretend.

I'm a survivor
But believe me
It's not that great
Give me a bad situation
And I'll come out alive
But give me your love
And I'll give it away
In order to survive.

If you looked closely,
You might notice,
The dark circles under her eyes,
The creases in her forehead.

If you paid attention,
You might notice,
Her bitten down fingernails,
The dead look in her eyes.

If you really looked at her,
You might notice,
The tear streaks beside her eyes,
The tiny scars on her arms.

If you watched her,
You might notice,
The way she looks sad when someone says love,
The frown she wears when no one is watching.

But if you didn't pay attention,
You would see,
A kind, humorous, and loving girl
Who has so much ambition.

When nothing goes right,
Do not go left,
For it is when you persevere,
And face the obstacles,
When you become strongest.

Here I go again
To this place
I cannot escape
It is my own personal prison-
I am the one who made
This inescapable cage.
The steel bars,
The prison guards-
All my creation.
My own personal Alcatraz.

It only takes one second
For me to become attached
And it only takes one second
For us to come apart.

Ripped at the seams,
This attachment.
Something that started so small,
Ended so devastatingly.

It comes upon you slowly at first
You believe it can be handled,
Can be controlled.
But you are so terribly wrong.
You are so weak,
You have no power of its control on you.
No power when
It quickly eats away your soul.
And changes you.

It's a strange thing,
Sadness.
How it comes and goes.
Happy one second
Staring out the window the next.
Listening to Coldplay
While the tear slides down my cheek.
So dramatic.
I know.
But it happens,
All the time,
When I ask myself,
Why do I allow myself to be happy,
When so much bad has happened?

Have you ever danced
By yourself
Under a moonlit sky?
Completely out of your mind-
But the wind and birds and bugs
Create a background song
To life.
The grass under your feet
Makes you feel
Complete with nature.
And you dance-
You dance for the trees-
The stars-
Nature-
And for yourself.

It truly is an experience.

Please excuse me,
Something is not right.
I look alive,
But believe me when I tell you
A part of me has died.
A piece of a puzzle lost long ago
Underneath miles of rubble
In a destroyed world
Since then I've been searching
For the last piece of my soul
Only to find I made a bigger hole.
Now I'm falling
Deep into this hole I made.
Still looking for the puzzle piece
That is burning at the center of the earth.

Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm okay.
Nevermind.

It was always kind of sad.
She had a traveling spirit
Dreaming of adventure
Of far away lands
All the memories
She wished to make
But she could never leave
Maybe one day,
She kept telling herself
But that one day kept getting further away
There were too many distractions
Too many things strapped to her back
Making her body too weighed down
To let even her heart wander

There is a dark shadow
In the corner of my room.
I did not notice it at first,
But I think it has been there for months-
Growing-
And growing-
And snuffing out the light.

I only realize its presence now-
As half of the room
Is shrouded in darkness.

It has become hard to see.

Sitting in the dark
For how long?
I have no idea.
I have a plan.
Maybe if I sit here long enough
I can make time stretch out longer
I don't want another day to end
A kind of day that was meaningless
A routine
Being alive,
But not being "alive"
Been having those a lot.
Plaster a smile
Fake a laugh
Go home to be alone
Because alone is the best thing for me
Or so I think.

Maybe if I sit here long enough
I can make time stretch out longer
Maybe,
Just maybe,
Something might walk into my life tonight
And give my day meaning.

The pain passes from me to you
A loss is not just a loss
It is a decaying of the soul;
It is a hole that will never go away,
A fight that eats away at you.
I never wanted anyone else to feel it.

Physical pain doesn't compare
To the type of pain I am describing.
Blood pouring from a wound
Feels better than losing someone of the same blood;
We now share this pain.

Now, my friend,
Do not cry
Or do cry.
It is okay to mourn in your own right.
He is gone,
And it is okay to feel empty forever.

I understand.

I'm starving
For things I've never had.
I'm starving
For adventure
I'm starving
For love
I'm starving
For new experiences
I'm starving
For my own story

Time to stop running
It's time for me to face the truth.
Look away from my reflected hate
Forget all the painful loss
Realize that-
Nothing is ever going to work out for me,
But it's the same for most people
So hell,
I might as well try
To live a decent life.

They tell me not to define myself by
My height
My weight
My skin color
The color of my eyes
The state of my clothing
The money in my pockets

But how am I supposed to love
Everything on my insides
When everyone else defines me
By what they see?

Waiting on the beach
For the ship to come back.
Waiting for years
For a mythical life
The time I have waited
For your ship to return,
But you saw your way home
And I am in denial
You are never coming back

Food runs scarce
And fresh water is hard to find
I shall die before I realize,
I can make my own boat to survive.

I stood at the edge of the cliff
Thousands of feet in the sky.
And I asked myself,
How do I know
I cannot fly,
If I have never tried?
I pondered on the question,
And realized,
I needed to find out.
So I jumped.

As Halloween nears,
I think back to that Valentines Day
In February 2011,
My dad died.

As Halloween nears,
I think back to the pain I felt
Losing my father at such a young age,
My coach.

As Halloween nears,
I think back on my family
And how I had to be the strong one,
Still hurts

As Halloween nears,
I think about how much I hate death
How much I hate Valentines Day,
But I'm not alone.

Your father died today.
As Halloween nears for the years to come,
You will understand,
Why I hate Valentines Day so much.

Sometimes-
I wish you would look behind my eyes,
And listen to me when I'm silent.
I wish you would pick through my thoughts-
And automatically know how I feel.
I wish you could see the view I have of the world-
That I cannot explain out loud.
God, I wish you could see what I think,
When I'm silent.

"You don't look like you write poetry.."
Well, why not?
Is it because I am an athlete?
Is it because you misinterpret my personality?
Is it so hard to believe,
I can put my thoughts down
In a way I feel better?
Tell me,
Tell me please.
What does a poet look like?
Do all of them look the same?
Act the same?
Messy hair and beanies.
Scarves and hot tea.
Hipsters.
Suicidal or lovestruck.
Black or white.
The "artsy" types.
Typical stereotypical ideas of poets.
But we are not the same.
We are all different,
Except for one thing,
We all understand each other.
So please never judge me again,
Just because you don't understand
Our world.

Tell me it's over.
Tell me it's time to start again.
Been on a journey
That never seemed to end.
Would you tell me,
That I have made it to my destination?
Am I free?
Would you hold me,
And never let me leave again?

Today was just another day.
Except I was alone,
And you weren't there.

Today was different.
As will tomorrow
And the many other todays.
I don't like today anymore.

I miss the mornings,
When I woke up
And thought, today will be great.
Today isn't great.
Not without you.

Throughout my life,
All the adults would tell me-
Follow your heart
Follow your dreams

But what I really wanted to hear was
**You know what, Megan?
Forget about following,
How about you lead?

Depression is like
Being on a sinking ship.
You see another boat
Out on the horizon,
But you are not sure
It will make it in time
To save you.

I pushed him away
Because I was scared
I pushed him away
Because he looked at me like a man should
I pushed him away
Because he listened to my every word
I pushed him away
Because he liked me

But most of all
I pushed him away
Because he was the perfect guy for me.