An imposter like no other
I have never seen his face
Never heard a truth come out of his mouth who is he?

Where can I find the real him?

If I do, will it be any better?

Even if it’s worse at least it’ll be real.

An imposter like no other
    Catch him if you can.

staring at the ceiling fan
as I lay on this couch
now too short for my growing legs
I hear your call from the kitchen

always cheery and welcoming
I think back on all the days
spent listening to you cooking away
endearing how you can be so loud

there have been many late nights
spent relaxing in this living room
watching ****** reality tv
that mom never let me watch at home

your familiar touch reaches over the couch
and softly brushes the top of my head
flowery perfume follows the gesture
and I glance up to meet your eyes

I don’t think you realize
how much I love your smile
how much you have impacted my life
or how much you mean to me

your eyes reflect the life you’ve lived
your attitude parallels your youth
only showing your age
through your weathered hands

your home smells of coffee
and antique furniture
in the most comforting way
and I never want to leave

this is my second home
made perfect by your love
unconditional and pure
supporting me always

my sweet grandmother
you never cease to amaze me
with your unending generosity
and kindness from deep within

as I walk out your door today
I know I’ll always return
you smile as you hug me goodbye
and whisper in my ear
the phrase from you we always hear

“Love You The Most”

People may think
People may stare
I shrug them off
I do not care

Let them think what they want
Let them believe what they will
My mind is made up
My heart is still

I know where we stand
I know what we are
They may assume things
They may look from afar

Come ask me in person
Come ask for what’s true
Don’t be scared I don’t bite
Don’t debate what you "knew”

He would tell you the truth
He would answer the same
Go ask him next
Go ask for his claim

We are on the same page
We both know how we feel
At least I think we do
At least that’s how I deal

8 months   in a blink of an eye
8 months   of our life gone by

8 months   of love like no other
8 months   being here for one another

1 year         getting to know your heart
1 year         never wanting to be apart

8 months   me and you together
8 months   leading us to forever

you always were my muse
for good times
and for bad times
I always had you

I wrote poems filled with anger
others filled with lust
some with loving phrases
some with hateful verses

you were always my muse
when I was struggling
I had you to write about
everyday there was something new

maybe that was part
of our day to day battle
fighting for something
while fighting over nothing

fighting to feel anything
fighting about dumb things
up and down
back and forth

you always were my muse
and this poem proves
that without my consent
I guess you still are

I want to hold you tight
be next to you every night

but I'm over here
and you are nowhere near

it's alright because very soon
we will be staring at the moon

spending each moment face to face
us both going back to stay at my place

I hurt for them. I hurt for how broken they feel. I hate how lost they are and I weep for their souls. I weep for their loss and their pain. I cry for everything they are missing out on. I cry for their weary hearts. I sob for every time they turn away from those who care. I sob for their reckless escaping. I do all these things in love. Yet they ignore and reject me. I hurt for my unreciprocated care. I weep for my unheard words of love. I cry for everytime they turn away from me. I sob because I can’t save them no matter how hard I try. I do all these things because of love.

I thought I was dreaming.

Everything was here.
Present as the sun.
Nothing torn apart.
Nothing come undone.

The world seemed right.
But somehow wrong.
I thought I knew truth.
Thought I knew where I belong.

Peace covered me.
Like a cotton quilt.
The world appeared frozen.
No harm had been built.

For once I felt good.
My mind at peace.
Nothing could hurt me.
No evil beast.

The beast of greed.
Of hatred and hurt.
Was far away.
Buried under the dirt.

My mind was resting.
For once in my life.
A moment of safety.
A dull edged knife.

The knife of survival.
The knife of the flesh.
Would strike once again.
And the wound would be fresh.

Shaky on the inside
Shaky on the outside
Can’t keep still
Can’t keep calm

Always in my poetry
I ask a lot of questions
It’s like I am not sure of my feelings
But I know the questions I need to ask

A gross misuse of my mind
A horrific abuse of my thoughts
Ask me a question
I won’t answer like you want me to

Questions wreck me
Tidal waves of anxiety
Where do they come from?
There I go again...

I have pictures hanging on my wall
inside the thin black frames
are portraits of flowers
to which I don’t know the names

some may call them boring
maybe even too plain
but to me they are perfect
they make me feel more sane

the light blue flowers
on the stark white canvas
lighten the room
and suppress my madness

as I memorize them
every night before bed
I’m overwhelmed by their beauty
and it begins to clear my head

when I close my eyes
I can see those flowers
as I remember every detail
I stay calm for hours

please smile my young child
there's no need to be so glum
even though you feel so mild
I know you are sweet like a plum

your smile could reach the sun
your eyes become thin
I've never wanted to reach someone
because your happiness is so slim

I want you to reach a joy
because happiness is fleeting
don't fall for a boy
only to you I've been speaking

your giggles are so loud
don't forget to laugh
your laugh makes me proud
I keep your smiling photograph

I see that beautiful smile
it brightens up your eyes
I could see it for a mile
you know I wouldn't tell you lies

do you remember
that night months ago
cold breeze of September
the moon a bright glow

we drove away from the light
to stare at the skies
the stars becoming so bright
and reflecting in your eyes

we laid there for some time
in the bed of my truck
talking of our past crime
in your arms getting stuck

as the night dragged on
the chilly air blew
both stifling a yawn
closer we grew

talking or not
I laid facing you
our legs wrapped in a knot
I had an amazing view

I had never felt so at ease
being so close to someone
giving your arm a gentle squeeze
my fear came undone

I remember this night
as when I met my best friend
and it felt really right
for us to platonically blend

as friends we remain
this night meaning not a thing
but a link in the chain
to which our friendship can cling

so
let’s talk,
old friend.

what is it
that you want to say
to little old me?

I’m not good enough?
you don’t trust me?
I’m not sure that’s my fault.

I admit there were
issues with our ship,
but I didn’t wreck it.

here we sit
old friend,
on this deserted island.

each searching for
something the other
just can’t provide.

I’m going to get up and run
to the arms of my
Strong Rescuer.

while you sit in the sand,
and continue to cry because
no one will save you.

I’m truly sorry
that things didn’t
go so well.

but here’s the thing,
I’m making my way
off this island.

you won’t come with me
so I’ll have to leave you behind,
but you have to at least try.

I’ll see you again sometime
in the future, once you have
let your feet lead you to the Rescuer.  

for now,
goodbye
old friend.

I am an expert in lying. I lie when I smile back at you. I lie when I look into your deep brown eyes. I lie to myself every day and night thinking you might want me. I am an expert in hiding. I hide my flushed cheeks every time you interrogate my eyes. I hide my racing heart every time you go to touch my skin. I hide every thought of wanting to kiss you until neither one of us can breathe. I am an expert in trying. I try to forget our secret talks about life. I try to hold myself back from saying something I shouldn't. I try to remember that we can't be together. I am an expert in running. I run to you with every thing I need. I run to you every time you call out for me. I run from everything I knew because I know you now.

I am not an expert in fighting. I don't fight for the things I want most. I don't fight my feelings inside, even when I should. I don't fight for you.

And that may be the worst in me.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong
I read this poem to my mom
and you know how she chose to respond?
with a soft grunt that was truly withdrawn

she doesn’t seem to have a care
for what I might choose to share
I used to leave my soul out bare
but now I voice my thoughts elsewhere

I’m angry again
I can tell because
I write with
an aggression
from within
I’m angry again
because I can’t write
my words don’t flow
my thoughts don’t form
there are issues
I’m angry again
there are thoughts
that want to burst through
but this issue
is about honesty
I’m angry again
I want to be honest
I beg my mind
to release its grip
so that I won’t say
        I’m angry again

They only see the laughter
To them there are no trials
They never see the sadness
To them there are only smiles

Maybe it's my fault
That I don't let them see
Maybe I can't open up
That would make me too free

Why am I so scared
To show them who I am inside
Why do I even care
To them my heart is classified

I will try not to hide from them
I might even share my heart
I will not hide forever
I might just fall apart

exhaustion drives me to write
while stripping me of my words