I miss our long walks
I miss tasty food
I miss empty roads
I miss the right time
I miss the wrong time
I miss that I couldn't
make it right!

I miss late night photography
I miss sharing
every bite of food
With you
I miss holding your hands
I miss your tight hugs
I miss your romantic kisses
I miss our long drives
I miss our long fast rides
I miss sleeping next to you
I miss our love-nights
I miss our laughter
I miss every bit of you
I miss our craziness
I miss the sunrise
I miss the sunset
I miss the moon
shining above us
I miss the sea
I miss the hills
I miss flowers
I miss your essence
I miss the comfort
I miss your
face to face anger
I miss everything
Without you

I miss you...
I miss me...
I miss all of it!

Being a wildflower its not so easy as it may seem
its always unfit among all the weeds
and the beautiful flowers which leads..
Wildflower somewhere hidden
and never to be found ever again..
I wish the wildflower could bloom just for once
To feel all the feelings just for once
and never had to hide in solace!

I have cut my feet
while walking with you,
I have lost all my sleep
while staying awake with you
but my friend, for you
all these are just sweet honeydew
which I will drink & sink my pain into,
as these precious moments
are only for few!

What to do when depression
Strikes again
With more of strength
And me falling weak & apart
Unable to get up from bed
For day or two
Unable to scream for help
Or speak up what's wrong
Lying there like a dead
Waiting for the depression storm to pass
I get up from square one
When it passes
But the destruction still remain
Taking one step at a time
To reform oneself
And fix the armour more stronger
Than ever
To wish for more strength
To weaken the depression storm
And make myself more stronger.

Missing you
In bits and pieces
Wholly would
like to miss you
More than this.

May be someday!

What's the best way
to celebrate one's birthday?

To throw a party?
To cut two cakes -
One for birthday, another for promotion?
To be with loved ones - called a family?
To cherish oneself and make goals for future?
To teach art to the less privileged children?

Yes, I did it all this time!

The best of everything was the part
when I taught art to the less privileged children
But to my surprise,
These cute children taught me
more than what I could teach them!
It was- how to be happily happy with minimalism.

I spent two hours of my birthday
With them
Teaching them art
And it was so awakening,
Their happy expressions of art
Made me more happy.

They gifted me that day a smile
Which was unconditional
Few were orphans,
few children of a single parent
With less of money
but more of heart!

Their smiling aura
Amidst all odds
taught me how to live
and be happy minimally!

Feed it with a smile
Early morning
blossom fresh walk
Pause and wait for while
You miss something?
Yes, you miss yourself
being happy all by your own.

Take a deep breath
Jump into the ocean
of loving oneself
Make more art
Immerge into books
nourish your soul
Read through
the struggles of people
Finding you ashore
You are not alone.

Find yourself free
Minimize what you don't need
And fill it up with what you need.
Abandon the turmoil
of heart and mind
Life is too short to be caged inside
Speak up
and
do what you need to do.

Cry, smile and laugh out loud.
Make sure you take
'You' with you
everywhere.

Tu durr gaya to Kya
Mere rooh me
Tu basa hai..

Pata nahi
kab wapas aayega
Par mere har Rastey par,
har mod par
Tu hai...

Insaan alag hai
Par Meri ankhe
humesha tujhe
dhundti hai..

Pata to nahi sapne
Haqikat me
badalte hai ya nahi..

Par ab sapne me
hi jeena thoda
Sikh liya hai..

Tujhe dekhne ki
aadat hai Hume
Aadat to
chhutne sey Raha..

Ab tujhko
khudme pane ka
aadat hume
lag chuka hai..


English Translation-

So what?
You are away
But you reside within
My soul..

I don't know yet
When you will come back
But in every path
In every crossing
You are there
To accompany me..

People are different
Yet my eyes
seek for
only you..

I do not know
Whether dreams
come true?

But now
I have learnt to
Jump into the pool
Of my dreams
With you..

To see you
Has become
one of my habit
Which will
Neither leave..

Now
you are rooted
within me,
Has become
My best habit
of all times!

Ek dost Tha Mera
Rehta Tha dur sheher me
Aata Tha kabhi kabar
Dher saare khushiyaan lekar
Din ya raat **, hasna muskurana,
Kabhi Kam na hota tha..

Jab bhi aata Tha
Har Roz milta Tha
Bohot der tak rukne ko taiyyar tha
Kabhi bola nahi-
K nahi yaar, aaj nahi.

Din badal Gaye mahine me,
Aur mujhe degaya har khushi
Jo kabhi mile na the!

Par ek din aisa bhi aaya,
Jab wo ghar Chala Gaya
Aur wapas kab aayega
Pata na tha..

Din, mahine bidte gaye
Par Akhon me asha kabhi na miti!
Usey bol to nahi payi
K dost kabhi to aa..

Ab har din naye dost banati hu
Hasti hu, khilkhilati hu,
Khush rehne ki koshish karti hu.
Din ya raat bahar rehti hu
Is umeed me k har Hawa me kabhi
Tu mil Jaye mujhe
Aur har din
Tere yaad me guzar leti hu..

Kabhi to aayega tu..
Din mahine saal
Shayed beet Jaye..

Kabhi to aayega tu..

English translation-

I had a friend,
Who stayed in another city,
Used to visit me every other day,
Bringing loads of happiness altogether
Without any shortage of Smiles or laughter.

Whenever he was here,
Everyday he used to meet me
Was ready to wait for me long
Never said, no today I can't.

Days passes by
And months too
And he gave me all happiness
And everyday seemed like a festival
Which I never had a chance to live!

But there came a day
When he had to return back home
Never knew when he would be back!

Days passed by
and months too.
But in my eyes,
Hopes never extinguished,
Never ever had I said
That friend- come back soon.

Everyday I make new friends
I smile, I laugh out loud.
I try to be happy
each and every day.
Day or night, I stay out
In the hopes of life
that the winds would
bring me closer to you.
And everyday I live
in the memories of you

May be someday
I would see you,
Days, months, years
Might pass by too,
May be someday..

Someday you will be back too..

I heard a story,
A story where a amputee person was trying to reach the peak of Mt. Everest.
Tried in every way but
Mid way was hospitalized.

His friend who was accompanying
Reached the peak
and later came to meet him.
Didn't bring a Garland or fruits
Rather gave him two stones.

He was stunned
And thanked him.
But he said,
I brought it for you
from the peak
It's for you to keep it
back to where it belongs!

A friend, sparking the energy
And after 3-4 attempts,
he did it
Reaching to the peak
And keeping back the two stones
To where it belonged!

The essence of festivities all around
And the ray of hope
lit in our eyes
Few more days
And it begins.

Festival will come, once again
New attires, new hopes
shining in bright light.
Mother Goddess arrives,
to heal our mind.

9th and 10th day left
With good wishes all around
When Goddess Durga arrives
Returns back our smiles
And heart fills up with happiness.

With the arrival of Goddess Durga
Take back the past
Take back our past love
Take back everything
Which no longer belongs to us
And make us anew.

Written originally in Bengali-

Pujo pujo gondho
Amader sobar chokhe aalo
Kichu din aaro
Tarpor pujo aarombho.

Pujo aashbe, abar aasbey
Notun kapor, notun aaloker dhaara
Maa elo abar,
Mon k saariye deoyar jonno.

Nobomi r dashmi baki
Preeti o Shubhechha
Maa-r aagomone
Firbe abar haashi
Mon bhore Khushi

Elo Maa Durga
Aager din er kotha
Aager prem
Sob firiye nao
Amader notun kore dao.

I am get petrified and frustrated being alone,
I go to parks, places all alone.
I see people all around me with love and all together.
I am conflicted for a while
Knowing or unknowing whether its good or bad for me to be alone and having space for me-time.
Or is it sad that I am completely alone.
But now if i evaluate I see myself what I am and what needs to be done.
I am a better me now. A me which had to transform into something from nothing at all!

I know what exactly I need
But can't go beyond
To reach.

Few times it seems
Out of hand
Trying to grab it

But what an oasis
kind of a feeling
There! it seems..

But
when trying to get reach closer
There is nothing!

Its okay to fall hard,
Its okay to be in lows,
Its okay that life is hard
Its okay that you want to cry out sometimes,
Its okay to not find someone you love,
Its okay not to hear from special someone you like,
Its okay not to find anyone around,
Its okay if things doesn't go as we want,
Its okay if you keep remembering someone,
Its okay if your fate doesn't allow you to be happy,
Its okay if people judge you for wrong,
Its okay to leave what's eating you inside out,
Its okay to break apart,

Its okay! Its okay!

Its okay you are strong enough to figure out all!
Its okay not to lose heart,
Its okay to find the precious moments of being alone,
its okay to smile again after a turbulent storm,
Its okay to not tame our love for all,
Its okay to feel the freshness of life once and for all,
Its okay to live one more time,
Its okay to find your steps one day at a time.

Its okay! Its okay!

My mood swings to & fro in motion
And I cry, smile, eat, laugh and so on.
I have been away from it for sometime.
But now mingling again
Knowing not it's good or bad.
I have been away for a while thinking
if it wouldn't make me mad.
But I was wrong, no matter who leaves me
and how walks in.
My mood swings never stays apart.

Where are all when I need them?
Don't worry dear, you won't find them
rather you are on your own
get that straight as early as possible.
And
trust yourself that you will figure all out
until its end!

My kisses will be

the droplets of the mists

All over you

Sugary and sweet

like the honey dew.


A kiss, before the sun kissed ray's

falls over you.

In the morning or at night,

No barriers

Just me and you

Inventing new ways of

loving each other

With each passing dawn.


And

I fall in love with you

Everyday, more than

Yesterday. 

Let us shut ourselves
give 'us'
some time & space
for weeks, months
& think.......

and return back
when you are
whole!

That dream was so true
couldn't believe it was untrue..
I waited for hours long
as you came along
with spells of magic around
and in no time
our clock started ticking
Time to be return back
its repeating
in a perfect visual blooming
and
we both returning
back
but as I entered into my door
tears started rolling on the floor
with a question of uncertainty
........................................
............­....................
...................
........
....
..
.
will you ever meet me again
out of this dream?

I met myself last night after a long time
I buried my face in my blanket
as tears fell off crushing my heart.
I didn't know what to tell
or just be there for myself.

I kept quiet in tender stillness at night
I went across my heart & mind
and asked them how they are?
I know you all are exhausted
but still be with me.
I know its hard, but still
don't leave me apart.

I had a long conversation with each territory within me
longing through all the episodes of my life with me.
I know you all never make a fuss over my each day's agony.
I know its been 12 years long
to keep me alive
and trust me I am trying hard to keep you all up too.

I know you all need to repose
and make your way towards a little more pleasures in life.
Trust me I will yield all of that for you all
As I have only you all within me
so I will caress you all
caving in with love with all of me
mended in smiling pieces of you all with me.

Every time somebody invades into my life
They eventually become a piece of me
They grow inside me
having quite a nice time.
But when they leave
they take away a piece of me
which I never get back!

By now I have lot of missing pieces
wondering where it would be...
seeking my missing pieces
in and around...
But I found none..
Finally I'm left with nothing
except empty pieces of mine..

I got a sand timer
30 seconds it counts
with a fascination on my face
appeared all across.
My colleagues said keep it with you
which made me way too much happier
than I could actually show..

My childhood fascination
of possessing an hour glass
preoccupied in my mind somewhere
but remains on hold..

How sand counts the time
flowing from top to bottom
Time flies we all know
but gazing at the sand timer
as sand flowing down like water
is a complete bliss
which stays unmeasured
at times!

A nice line I came across-
We all need to belong
To somewhere
To someone
To whom?
Where?
What?
How?

Can't figure out yet
But if we belong to
Ourselves
Our passion
Our love
.
.
.
Our
belongingness is
More than enough
To survive each day :)

Its' autumn,
time to let go
But please come back
with newness within us
With your love
May be not the same
But with more of bloom!

Let all the hatred, anger
fall off within winter
And you and I become anew!

And we bloom
during spring
With our love
with more passion
and rekindled
Within us
To be inseparable!

Let us be anew
With our love during all seasons!
Will be waiting for you.

Will I ever find you?
I do not chase now
I'm on my own
I left my desperation into the woods.
I am more of me, who stares to be still
quietly observing to its brim.

Will I ever find you darling?
To pour out my love but not too much
so as not to bore you out.
I would not empty myself to you
but to love you each day cautiously
one day at a time.

Will I actually find you ever?
You would grab me into your arms
and not leave me ever no matter how hard.
You would understand my poetry
and say nothing but give me love.
You would converse with me for hours
about art, poetry and new stuffs in life.
You would be angry and fight but holding me tight.

Oh! how I wish I could have found you by now
I just need your shoulder to cry.

Go Dream
A long journey
Which made me wear out
From left, right, top n bottom.
I opened my eyes
And read- Welcome to the dream destination.
And all at once my weariness went away
leaving behind their vacation mail.

I know its a dream, a dream
Which I never want to wake up from,
With smiling faces here n there
unknown treasury all across.
from where I never would have
want to return on my own!

Saw a beach from far off
for the very first time
would touch the soul of the sea
chills, thrills all over my body
not knowing how to go about!

Went to meet God
in the church
and prayed
for the wonderful gift
to vacate my negativity
as a whole.

Then had fish
tenderly cooked
with coconut oil
good for health
tasting yummy
yum! yum!
which was like
music to my
mouth-watering
tongue.

Went for a long drive
to rest my soul.
Here and there
to wander all around.
In the midst of all,
fell in love.
A love with life
and You at once.

Then, went to feel the sea again.
A heart and its core
feeling on the sea-shore.
Waiting to be waved by the sea.
To play and roll
finding all the treasury
into my soul!

Cherishing every moment
while climbing a fort
until the sun has set
and night had its song.
A song of love
putting me into deep sleep,
caressing me
to dream a new dream,
which I never ever had,
To live once again
and to wake up again
and again.

A chirping song of the birds
Woke me up
Love, love me more.
Running back to the sea
and its shore
draw more
to learn the waves
showing us the importance
of impermanence
redefining every line
as an art of life
start anew
while the sea
prepares to erase.

Returned climbing to another fort
shifting our focus somehow
to a two birds
busy with their
chirping talks,
We are understanding nothing
Except the bond they had
Were strong.

Climbed down
collecting all my memories
packed everything
but
left behind us, our love
which might not accompany
Until the next destination.

Do you love me?
I never asked though
but only wished -
take me inside your soul.
We might return
from the destination.
But never from the strings
of our heart
which played the music
of our hearts all along.

Unpredictable dream,*
A dream of love,
life and living,
all at once
and  to dream a new dream
every now and then,
to just resume our living
as a whole.

Went for an evening walk
with many people walking around
a scheduled walk
everyday at the same time
it seems..
get to see & feel
more often than before.
An old man walking everyday
at his own pace
taking baby step at his old age..
Another man, unable to walk at all..
but still striving to make one more step..
so as to keep moving on the go...
Unexpectedly, out of all the thoughts
heard a dog's bark
that too behind the walls
and as I turned aside
only to find a caged dog..
May be jealous of all of us
as it may seem we are free
in this vast array of light..
...and all of a sudden met my friend..
a wholehearted smile...
she missed me it seems
as I was away for a while...
A sudden burst of laughter
with incomplete talks..
Good to meet people unknown
but somehow known
as we all are walking in the same lane
to find ourselves more often than others!

Went into the pool
To dip my head
Under the water
To break the
Disturbances
from within.

Dipped my head for
Few seconds
or minutes.

Couldn't tell the time
Except to feel the calmness
All across my body,
As if the time has paused,
Nothing mattered after that
Except the stillness underneath
And within!

A special being
she misses me every
now and then
A tiny tot she is,
but what a maturity
sometimes more than me!
For one glimpse of mine,
she waits days, sometimes weeks
but when she catches a sight of me
her smiles appears more fuller
like a rainbow
after a heavy rain..
& her killer eyes,
killing all the pain
out of me!

I came across a line today -

"There are seven days in the week,
and “someday” isn’t one of them."

So true,
for a clue
to live life again!


I wanted to keep myself healthy, but I say, from
someday I would start exercising and eat healthy.

Everyday I think, I would create art, more often
but postpone it to someday to make it happen.

I wanted to ride a bike but I keep saying
someday I would learn how to ride.

I wanted to express my love to someone
but my hearts say - someday,
I would express my love all over again.

I wanted to read as many books as possible.
but brain says, someday I would read it all.

I wanted to buy clothes which would
suit my character at best,
but I say, money isn't enough so someday
I would earn it so as to afford it.

I wanted to travel more often
but I keep saying to myself,
This time is not right, someday I would.

I have lost most of my friends
and I don't know whether they were
friends or foe in real.
But I keep saying someday
I might see them again.

*And Someday never happens
make it happen today itself..

Diwali-
A festival of lights
Let the light in
And accept the darkness
From within!

With each day's torments in life
I take my brush and
try to paint out my soul
Where to begin or end
not knowing at all
but still love to paint
to find solace within my heart!

To paint or to write,
is my usual confusion
so did both while writing & painting
my soul out!

I miss you once, twice and thrice as you remain away.
I know I am difficult and won't tell you to understand..
I wish I could let you inside my mind that
how much it has been through..
I can't blame you for treating me too well
But understand that I hardly get treated well.
I am accustomed to roughness, quite opposite to my nature.
Sweetness makes me doubt,
I was once tender but now I have lost of all me to depart.
I won't tell you to understand,
As I too can't understand myself too well!
You remain away, that's okay but come back once you are calm..
Its been a while that I have spoken with you well.
Hoping that you will bury your anger beneath the land,
And be back with your ever cherishing smile.

As the weekend marches,
deep down something crushes me inside
although I enjoy my company
but when I see other having fun
it somehow stabs me from behind.

No, I don't want to compare
it only makes me more of a fool,
as the weekend marches everybody seeks for themselves
Just to have one more sip of enjoyment!

Thought of Spring cleaning tonight
took out everything which was
closed in my closet..
started segregating into
necessary, unnecessary
and for later use again..
And all these seemed
too much of work..
as with every piece of thing,
I had my emotions attached!
But suddenly a thought arose..
why not all seasons cleaning
for a mind?

I am going with the flow
once again.
Let's see what all I have for store.
I will figure it out
on the go!
And if not figured then
who care!

I am going with the flow
but this time taking it all slow!

I have written 200 poetry
Beginning from last year.
I highly appreciate all of your support
Of being their with me
Of completion of my 200 poetry.
Hp is my family now
Whenever I feel I want to express
I open the door of **
Amd feel like I am at home
A home where I have met
All the heart warming & talented
poets/poetess like you all
For creating precious memories here.

I pray for all of you
For your well being
And happiness.
May all of you continue to
explore more
Write more
Share more.

Love you all
from the bottom
of my heart

I found you when
I had no path to walk
There was fun all around
But not within me
And out of no where
I found you to be-
My bestest friend
A sister
A little cute-
"Amina"!

You turned things around,
We found each other
With little less differences
And could tolerate each other,
a little more than
we could tolerate others!

Whenever low,
we know,
we are there for each other.
With thunders
and storms around
We stand still
Far off though
But still awaiting for
our hearts to meet,
With a single beat!
A beat of affection, love and comfort,
Not required everyday
But within seconds,
the bond of love we have
The happiness surrounds us
Like the happy winds all around
And from crying to again smiling.
Yes, that's how we are.
Love to be alone but not left alone.
Glad that I found a gift called* Mina!

**Happiest Birthday wishes to you Mina.

For almost years, was in deep sorrow
with life's trials every other day.
I cried and cried till I found my back.
From work to my room and
again back to work was my routine.
Couldn't come out of depression
Thinking it would be the end.
Sufferings never ended
Depression & anxiety never left me
They are still there..
What ended was my perception!

A perception of new life-
To live as if it's my last
Rather than dying every other day!

Rushing through everything
as if I would cease to live
at any moment
burns me out quite often.
Now its time to pause
not to look back or front
Just to be
but nowhere around..
for a while I guess
let's see how it will be!

Why do I choose darkness over light?
Is it that my brain is wired like that?
Is there actually so called darkness as my mind serves.
why is that my thoughts preoccupies over my mind and heart.
I see, hear nothing but a cry.
I have forgotten what happiness is as the days passes by,
And I'm entangled with my thoughts deserted not to be seen or heard.
At the end I isolate myself so that no one finds me!
Its enough for now, me and my thoughts
please choose different pathways
Its hard for me to be like that
crying out for help but in silence!

A walk through the
Gardens by the Bay
And the super tree Grove skyway
All by my own
I felt it was enough for me
To take it all by my own
Such beauty and escasty
To find the love in nature
Is what life had given me
A gift of a new place
A garden which is never
Enough to visit one more time
The winds kissing me all across
Keeping no barrier in a foreign land!

A place which still
makes me happy
when I visualize back and forth.
The cool breezes and the greenary with the hint of flowers
Unique in it's own way
No comparison
Yet beautiful love
All throughout :)

The process of
                                                     forgetting you
makes it more obvious fact
that I will keep
                                                         remembering you
while trying hard to forget
                                                          you & me!
After months of all these,
I arrive at a
                                          conclusion -
that I cannot forget you ever.
You inspire
                                           my universe.
And no matter how much it hurts
I cannot let go of
                                                your memories
which inspires &
rekindles me everyday
to be a
                                 part of you.
With tears in my eyes
but smile in my lips
I am
                                        more wise now.

There is a monster with me
With whom I live with
Each day, it has its mood swings
Me and monster holding hand,
I try to leave, it catches me everywhere
Pulls me within
It hides sometimes, leaving me alone
With a huge smile.
But when it comes back
Both of us are dead scared
As we both know
We would be *******!

I crawl back,
Seeking for help
Help Help help!
I quietly utter in pain of inner self.
And a voice says,
Pick yourself up, there is none.

After 28 years, learning
how to be there for oneself.

How nature blooms
Is a precious experience to pause
And watch
In the oasis of fog, mist and wind blowing all over
Chills & thrills exposure
of the ambience
speeding through the roads.
It feels like heaven
Full of love, with a kiss of the first ray of the sun
I took a deep breath
as much as I could
Sensing the myself alive
In this beautiful dreamy land
a sense of belongingness
Saying to myself that
yes, I do exist.*

-19 Dec, 2017

Unveil yourself
not through your body
but through your soul.

Reveal your draped soul
once in a while
with no prediction at all.

And people will come back to you
feeling an ecstasy
of your unique soul!

A date night with myself
With my best mood on
Flaunting my smile to myself
Amazingly interesting it will be
I said to myself
And left for a shimmering place
To eat and to be with me
Chicken biryani with kabab
And pulpy grape juice
My fav food I ordered
Food, me and love
All at once
With music on
To celebrate my me-time!

Hi dear
perfectionist anxiety
A monster who craves for me
I said I no longer love you
You make my life miserable
To reach to a point
Where I belong nowhere.

Believe me,
I never love to be
Release me
I am better off without you
I would love to be free
Let me go, please!