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Are you alright?
she flicked a dime
heads, I'm fine,
she said.

( tails, I'm dead,)
she thought, but
never said.

the rocking to and fro
somewhere where we
don't ever want to go,

no one chooses that.
Brandi the Brave Mar 2022
Living with a split mind is like thinking of yourself through a cracked mirror. One is real and the other isn't reality. To manifest one part of yourself is to challenge reality and leave the fakeness to other people.
To live with a split mind is to think of yourself as a monster then be the sweetest person no matter how cracked the mirror is. It is always staring back at you evilly grinning.
I was terrified of myself, 2 summers ago. I didn't want to hurt anyone so I did what I do best read until my brain can't take it anymore and write until my hand cramps up. I thought I dreaming of my life in slow motion where no one could stop me.
Brandi the Brave Feb 2022
Depression to me is dying while still living.
Depression to me is forgetting to shower and sleeping too much.
Depression to me is eating too much then throwing up my dinner or eating too little and starving myself to relieve the guilt.
Depression to me is writing to find worth in work in myself.
Depression to me is crying into my pillow to muffle the noise so no one listens to me and reliving flashbacks in my mind.
Depression to me is having the world spinning beneath my feet and not remembering my name.
Depression to me is not being able to breathe and counting to ten.
Brandi the Brave Sep 2021
Fall and Winter is my bipolar seasons.
Spring and Summer is my schizophrenic seasons.
Considering Summer is about to end and Fall is about to begin.
I am ready for the paradigm shift. I am medicated and I have a support system.
I hope I don't relapse. The last time I went bipolar I went catatonic to the point that it scared my dad and mom. The doctors said it was an isolated incident but I am afraid of the chances of it happening again.
It's not that my schizophrenia gets less it is just I notice that my mood swings get more rapid during Fall and Winter.
It's not that my bipolar disorder gets less it is just I notice I am more hyperactive during Spring and Summer.
Much like the Eclipse my mental illnesses interact with each other as though they are the Sun and the Moon.
Brandi the Brave Jun 2021
Yes I am a paradox. I am a writing and music nerd. In my mind I have records of drama from middle school and high school. I act like I am not listening to other people's conflicts with each other when I really am seeing what happened. Gossip and Rumors News back in those days were numerous. I have an instinct to fix situations. Yes my mood swings have caused drama several times in my life. I can't help the fact that I am passionate. I was the private journalist of my middle and high school days. No I never joined the yearbook.
That seemed too easy. I have always enjoyed working hard for my spot in society.
Here is the Thing About Conflict, I don't care whether I caused the affect of a situation as long as fix it before it become a problem. Sometimes I am a drama queen, other times I am the most mild mannered ****** you will ever meet. I can promise that my inner conflicts are my issue not yours. I won't ask for help until I know I need it. I am notoriously stubborn and strong headed you can ask my friends. This is my new chapter that I get to write not anyone else get to write my story. My story is what you expect of a person: worth reading.
Here is the Thing About Conflict, my anxiety knocks me out when it's mine. My depression will throw me into an ocean of my own thoughts when it's my conflict. So when I ask for help, just know I need it.
Jacqui Apr 2021
I tried to lock him out
But he somehow found his way back in
The monster, the dark mist that slowly takes hold of my body
Until his tendrils wrap around my limbs and throat
Rendering me unable to breathe or to speak
So I curl up in bed and wait it out
"This feeling is fleeting," I repeat
It stays long enough to rid me of any flicker of hope,
extinguishing any sparkle in my eyes
Leaving me numb
Alone to pick up the pieces
Until he chooses to visit again
DElizabeth Apr 2021
Just because you cannot
visibly see it,
doesn't mean
it's not there.

It hides behind the stranger's smile
              behind closed doors
              behind your loved one's eyes
              behind "I'm good."
in plain sight.
You better keep your head up my dear
Do not let them steal that crown,
You've worked so hard and come so far.

Don't let them make you feel like you deserve to be treated unfair.
You were not born in this world,
For others to make you feel small.

You are bright, your energy is so big
And the world needs you to share more of it.
Don't listen to them when they try to dull your sparkle.

Don't believe them when they try to convince you that you will never get better.

Don't let them make you feel like you aren't good enough.

Because my God,
I promise you,
You are so much more than just good.

You are strong,
And wonderful,
And resilient,
You are kind,
And courageous,
You have a beautiful soul.

Anyone who tries to get in your way as you begin to heal and to progress, isn't worth investing a single thought into.

Be proud of yourself,
You've grown
You've endured
And you're still growing.

Be proud of yourself.
You're healing,
and not everyone is going to clap for you,
some people are just bitter.

Clap for yourself and carry on.
Be your own cheerleader!

Keep that head up, adjust your crown and keep walking.

-This is resilience
Bullying is never okay, it's important to remember that often times, when someone is bullying you, they are projecting their emotions on to you because it's easier than dealing with what is going on inside of them. It doesn't make it fair. It doesn't make it okay. And it doesn't make it any less painful. Try not to lose sight of who you are if or when this happens. People have a hard time watching you become successful. People have a hard time watching you heal while they are still struggling. But the right people will be there clapping for you. And you are stronger than you
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