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Brandi Jun 1
Yes I am a paradox. I am a writing and music nerd. In my mind I have records of drama from middle school and high school. I act like I am not listening to other people's conflicts with each other when I really am seeing what happened. Gossip and Rumors News back in those days were numerous. I have an instinct to fix situations. Yes my mood swings have caused drama several times in my life. I can't help the fact that I am passionate. I was the private journalist of my middle and high school days. No I never joined the yearbook.
That seemed too easy. I have always enjoyed working hard for my spot in society.
Here is the Thing About Conflict, I don't care whether I caused the affect of a situation as long as fix it before it become a problem. Sometimes I am a drama queen, other times I am the most mild mannered ****** you will ever meet. I can promise that my inner conflicts are my issue not yours. I won't ask for help until I know I need it. I am notoriously stubborn and strong headed you can ask my friends. This is my new chapter that I get to write not anyone else get to write my story. My story is what you expect of a person: worth reading.
Here is the Thing About Conflict, my anxiety knocks me out when it's mine. My depression will throw me into an ocean of my own thoughts when it's my conflict. So when I ask for help, just know I need it.
Jacqui Apr 26
I tried to lock him out
But he somehow found his way back in
The monster, the dark mist that slowly takes hold of my body
Until his tendrils wrap around my limbs and throat
Rendering me unable to breathe or to speak
So I curl up in bed and wait it out
"This feeling is fleeting," I repeat
It stays long enough to rid me of any flicker of hope,
extinguishing any sparkle in my eyes
Leaving me numb
Alone to pick up the pieces
Until he chooses to visit again
DElizabeth Apr 10
Just because you cannot
visibly see it,
doesn't mean
it's not there.

It hides behind the stranger's smile
              behind closed doors
              behind your loved one's eyes
              behind "I'm good."
in plain sight.
You better keep your head up my dear
Do not let them steal that crown,
You've worked so hard and come so far.

Don't let them make you feel like you deserve to be treated unfair.
You were not born in this world,
For others to make you feel small.

You are bright, your energy is so big
And the world needs you to share more of it.
Don't listen to them when they try to dull your sparkle.

Don't believe them when they try to convince you that you will never get better.

Don't let them make you feel like you aren't good enough.

Because my God,
I promise you,
You are so much more than just good.

You are strong,
And wonderful,
And resilient,
You are kind,
And courageous,
You have a beautiful soul.

Anyone who tries to get in your way as you begin to heal and to progress, isn't worth investing a single thought into.

Be proud of yourself,
You've grown
You've endured
And you're still growing.

Be proud of yourself.
You're healing,
and not everyone is going to clap for you,
some people are just bitter.

Clap for yourself and carry on.
Be your own cheerleader!

Keep that head up, adjust your crown and keep walking.

-This is resilience
Bullying is never okay, it's important to remember that often times, when someone is bullying you, they are projecting their emotions on to you because it's easier than dealing with what is going on inside of them. It doesn't make it fair. It doesn't make it okay. And it doesn't make it any less painful. Try not to lose sight of who you are if or when this happens. People have a hard time watching you become successful. People have a hard time watching you heal while they are still struggling. But the right people will be there clapping for you. And you are stronger than you
My stomach hurdles over these seemly Insignificant tasks.
With every attempted hop I stumble.
Something as simple as washing dishes feels insufferable.
The bubbles don't hug me as they did when I was smaller.
They mock me knowing that I cannot do something so simple.
Life is a river and I'm just a twig along for the treacherous ride.
I'm swept away.
My feet cannot provide me stability, they don't root themselves into the soil like everyone else does,
effortlessly.
Its not always easy to be patient,
I know
They tell you it gets better
But they don't tell you when

Its not always easy to wake up,
I know
You keep doing it anyways, but sometimes your bed feels like quicksand and you just barely make it out.

Some days, you don't make it out,
I know.
Some days you sink so deep into your sorrows that suddenly you're drowning in an ocean of hopelessness and your bed is the only place safe enough to land.

It's exhausting some days,
I know.

You go to work and you put on a smile even though everything inside you is falling apart, and they don't see,
I know.

You wonder how much longer you can keep pretending things are fine
But they keep saying that things get better
And you want to believe them,
I know

You want to find your way back to the surface, that is a life you're not just surviving, but actually living
I know

I know you want to get better. And I know right now you are struggling and I know that on the days where the only thing you accomplished was simply breathing, you feel like a failure, but hunny you are the exact opposite of that.

You are a fighter.
You are a survivor.
You are braver than anyone will ever know, surviving constant battles clawing at your mind every second of every day.

This does not make you weak my love.
This makes you strong.

I know people keep saying that things get better,
But they never tell you when.

You just have to take it one step at a time.
Pride yourself on accomplishing the little things that don't seem important in the grand scheme of things, but they are the things that are keeping you alive.

One step at a time my love,
One breath, one hour, one morning, one shopping trip, one shower, one day.

Some day, I promise you
All of these little things will eventually lead you back to the light.
Back to being hopeful for tomorrow's.
I know,
Long drives, chai and that heavy metal song

Days may have been shorter but those nights always felt long

Wonder why these little things

Pinch every moment I live today

With every breath chasing answers

Every prayer cajoling you to still stay

Every day, since you left, feels unreal,

something I refuse to always believe

It shocks me how my mind sets those dark deals

Contemplating your choice to instantly leave

Nights are sleepless, as days pass by

Yet nothing remains other than the regret of those past lies

My heart sinks recalling every memory we shared

Can't even describe how living this life has never made me this scared.

The world without you was still as normal as before

But in my head, it all felt as if I sank just a tad bit more

As I stepped out of those four walls into reality

I left a piece of my broken self among those closed doors

Voices are silenced and memories have faded like sawdust in the air

You've gone to stars, as my fingers tremble to see you there.

That urge to strongly get out of here

never thought it would make me fear

Every word I said repeats constantly inside

As regret fills me up and my will to live dies

Was sort of pain already never enough

You had to teach me this lesson as you rest in the heavens above

Wish I could show you what it felt like

to feel what you've made me feel in this very time

Tarnishing my ability to internally heal

Feeling like I was worth less than a dime

Crying, sobbing, reminiscing isn't abnormal in these stages

Grief is so wholesome, it fades but never ages

Wounds feel as fresh as new as they hit my heart

Rewind is so addictive, can't begin to restart

Dark nights or sunny days

Stormy sights alongside a summery haze

Nothing matches up to such harsh goodbyes

Except me asking a thousand whys

Eventually, I know we'll all find something new to taste,

a new perspective that'll never go to waste,

yet welcoming this novel self that I become,

closes a portion of me that's so tight and numb

Every morning I ask God a million questions

About what may have possibly gone wrong

Agonising this personal invasion

And feeling as if nowhere is where I truly belong

With no answers but teary eyes,

that forcefully shut through these terrible mental bytes,

of familiarity that sticks to you being around,

my new normal is so unbearably drowned

I've been walking on this

never-ending highway to a living human hell,

With a drop of inevitable trauma and

the feeling of frozen body cells

There's a space that remains empty

That possibly can't be refilled

I hope you forgive me gently

As closure defeats the intuitive guilt

The human body has been known to forget

To restart, refresh, retake and reset

But no film matches to the ****** of this one

You were so much more than what can't now be undone

I'm obviously progressing through the present as it may seem,

but that night, that decision, that action still is as if it were a dream,

when the trauma shall surpass, the memories appear,

never had the thought of losing you this year

You're the memory I'll never forget,

those days we spent can't be over just yet,

truth is you ain't here anymore,

you've left too soon and will be missed to the core
Suicide is a really harmful decision. It may leave you in peace but your loved ones remain in pieces.
Larissa Frost Nov 2020
They locked me away
Cause I was crazy
Said I took too many pills.
Somedays I just screamed
And cried
And forgot pay all
The bills
I lost myself trying
To survive on my own
And deal with the
Chatter in my brain
All I could remember
Were the days I tried to dull
The pain.
Angry, shattered and
All alone
I cried on the floor out loud
The day they set me free
was the day
I swore I’d make them proud.

                  -Larissa Frost
It’s the least of my worries
Taxing my car
Or saving up for a house
Or remembering that thing
I was supposed to remember
Or anything really
Or passing that test
Getting into that school
Acing that interview
Getting that job
That pays enough
That allows me to progress
Progress?

I hadn’t even thought about that.
I hadn’t thought about any of it.

I think
about one thing
I obsess
I compulse
Or do I?
Is what I do when I
Think about that thing
I always think about
A compulsion?
Because if it’s not then
Can it be called
OCD?
And if it’s not
That means it’s me
And the thing I always think
About
is true

I know it’s irrational
But what if it’s not?
Maybe it just makes me feel better
To think that it is

See, who has time for rational worries
When you’re so full up with
Irrational one’s?
A poem about my struggles with OCD
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