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Sep 2018 · 316
christianity
matthew Sep 2018
for all of my life,
i've been told that i would be going to hell,
that i'm destroying god's creation,
that god hates me.

the same god that is supposed to be all-loving.

then you have the audacity to ask,
'why aren't you a christian?'

it's not that i hate religion,
i just can't support one that has dehumanized queer people
for hundreds of years.
May 2018 · 295
the car accident
matthew May 2018
the sound of a car accident is deafening.
time almost seems to stop,
as shards of glass and metal fly through the air,
in what feels like slow motion.
as the airbag goes off,
you wonder if these will be your last moments.
and when the crash is over,
the ringing stays in your ears
as if the sound is etched into your brain.
the smell of burnt rubber and engine smoke will soon fill the air,
a scent you won't be able to forget.
you take a deep breath and close your eyes-
darkness.
Apr 2018 · 252
untitled
matthew Apr 2018
i'm too tired to live,
but too stressed out to die.
Apr 2018 · 1.0k
forty-eight hours
matthew Apr 2018
forty-eight hours is a long time to wear a binder,
and my ribs are screaming for mercy,
for a break from the compression and lack of mobility.
but it's not that easy.

sometimes i'd rather face the pain,
than face the fact that i am female.
these weights on my chest,
drag me to the ground.
i break down.

i feel locked in my body,
and all i want to do is break free.
nobody should feel the need to shower in the dark,
because the reality of their body is too much for them.
it shouldn't be this way

and i know i shouldn't compare myself to people,
but i cannot stop thinking,
'what if i were cis'.
i think of how much easier everything would be.
i wouldn't have to worry over how long i've been wearing my binder,
or if i pass,

i wouldn't have to worry about turning eighteen,
knowing i will be homeless.
but instead, my mother would celebrate her baby,
becoming a "legal adult."

forty-eight hours wouldn't be a worrying statement,
just another frame of time,
it wouldn't reflect on my self-care routines,
or lack thereof

it'd just be forty-eight hours.
Apr 2018 · 413
4/20 The School Walkout
matthew Apr 2018
At 10:00 am, less than 100 students walked out to the flagpole
for our school's second walkout.
While there was less than one fourth of the population from the first walkout,
it was so much more powerful.
So many voices were heard.
We screamed, cried, laughed, read poems,
and all silently wished for a riot; wished for change.
We all wished that we didn't have to do this.
Wished that we didn't have to fear being shot at school,
the place where we are supposed to be safest.
But in that moment,
we were one.
We hugged, rested our heads on each other's shoulders,
and were one giant support system.
We are going to make change.
Apr 2018 · 436
a crush
matthew Apr 2018
the first time we hung out,
i couldn't stop smiling.
i'd cover my face when i smiled,
hoping you wouldn't see me blush,
but i just can't explain how you make me feel.
you are so cute,
and funny,
and all around lovely.
so how could you ever fall for someone like me?
Apr 2018 · 436
song of sorrows
matthew Apr 2018
this is my song of sorrows
where my heart weeps
and my body collapses
where i fall to the ground
and become one with the earth
where mother nature takes me in
and wraps her roots around me
making me feel safe and secure
but still my heart aches
Apr 2018 · 392
what will the future hold?
matthew Apr 2018
the fear of the future,
devours me
it eats me whole,
and shows me no mercy

I lie awake at night,
the moonlight softly showing
through my blinds,
and am stirred by the thought
of the future

when I come out to my family,
what will happen?

will they try to beat it out of me,
will they kick me to the curb,
or will they stand by my side,
waving a flag in pride?

what will the future hold?
Mar 2018 · 393
yellow boy
matthew Mar 2018
yellow boy
stuck in the moon
shining down on earth
softly illuminating my world
Feb 2018 · 2.0k
the active shooter
matthew Feb 2018
the code red alarm rings
echoing in the halls
we drop to the floor
almost in unison
is this the end?

the teacher
the one who we trust
to protect us
is just another sheep
in this herd
of fear

nobody is safe
nor are we above
anyone else
we are equal

we are shaking
as we hug the ground
waiting

waiting
to be slain
waiting to be saved
but still
waiting

i am lucky to say
it was only a drill

but for those
across the country
they weren't that lucky

they were shot at
they were killed
they watched
their loved ones
die

we live in a country
where guns
matter more than
our kids

where an AR-15
can be purchased
by anyone

but when tragedy strikes
people act shocked
they send their prayers
their thoughts

**** that.

prayers and thoughts
don't do anything

they don't bring back
those we have lost
they don't take
the grief away from us

things won't change
until we start a riot
until we can really make a change

we are the home
of mass shootings

we need to change that
Feb 2018 · 293
Autumn
matthew Feb 2018
The rumbling of fall,
calling my name.

The burning smell filling the air,
leaves sweeping me off of my feet.

Calming and hopeful.
forgot to post this one, oops!!
Feb 2018 · 219
Unheard
matthew Feb 2018
She's a song
you'll never hear
because you never listened.
Feb 2018 · 17.0k
coming out
matthew Feb 2018
unspoken words,
years of silence

it is time
to spread my wings

to embrace;

i am transgender
Feb 2018 · 2.6k
untitled
matthew Feb 2018
why should I have to worry about my school

becoming the next shooting range?
matthew Feb 2018
How many bullets will it take?
How much blood will be shed?
How many more lives will be taken,
before any action is taken?

When will we learn?
As a country,
When will we fight?
When is enough,
enough?

Protect kids,
Not guns.
Feb 2018 · 223
Elliott
matthew Feb 2018
soft and whispering
your words
like a stab in the chest
make me feel
alone
(about singer-songwriter Elliot Smith)
Nov 2017 · 187
Seeds
matthew Nov 2017
The seeds of your soul
have been planted in my heart.

They've sprouted.

Their roots wrapped around my ribs,
latching onto me.

You are a part of me.
Oct 2017 · 456
You.
matthew Oct 2017
you apologize,
but you show no real remorse
you only want an excuse,
to keep me in your life,
to manipulate me,
to hurt me.

you hurt me.

you make me feel stupid,
fat,
****,
worthless.
worthless.

I am worthless

you've taught me that I have no self value,
that I am good at nothing

my self esteem is gone,
you've taken it all away,
I'm watching it burn,
with the memories of you.

you.

I hate you.
Apr 2017 · 2.0k
I am a Butterfly
matthew Apr 2017
I am a butterfly,
Don’t clip my wings
But stand by me and enable me to fly
For I don’t want to hurt you,
No,
I just want to be free
I want to spread my wings and take off
I want the world to see my pattern,
My design
For  I am not a monster,
No,
I am a butterfly
Apr 2017 · 350
The Storm
matthew Apr 2017
rain,
dripping on my face,
soaking my hair,

blending in with all of my tears.

thunder,
shaking the ground,
going through my bones,

cleansing me of all my fears.
Mar 2017 · 2.4k
Trans Visibility Day
matthew Mar 2017
A shout out to the transgender people,
to the strong women and men,
may you see yourselves as self-made heroes.

A shout out to the non-binaries,
to the gender less,
the in between,
may you take pride in who you are.

Happy Trans Visibility Day.
Mar 2017 · 633
Stars
matthew Mar 2017
He would never get to see the stars in her eyes,
or know what kept her heart beating.

And for that,
he hated himself.
Mar 2017 · 602
Coffee
matthew Mar 2017
She was like a cup of coffee.
A plain, black, cup of coffee.
She kept the world awake.

Her personality was warm,
But she had a bitter aftertaste.
Mar 2017 · 1.2k
The Astronaut
matthew Mar 2017
The astronaut wonders why
His heart still beats in time,
When there's no one left to love.

He grips his chest and cries,
Tears dripping from his sorry eyes,
Mourning the ones he lost.

He glances off into the galaxy,
Hoping anyone could see
Him trapped;

Stuck in space.
Mar 2017 · 383
She
matthew Mar 2017
She
And as soon as she lit the candle that was my life,

she blew it out again.
Mar 2017 · 540
I Looked For You
matthew Mar 2017
On the day that you died,
I looked for you.
On the sidewalk,
In the house,
Everywhere,
but I could not find you.

When the sun kissed the sky,
I looked for you.
In the clouds,
In the blue,
All around,
but I could not find you.

When tears fell from my eyes,
I looked for you.
And in my heart,
is where I found you.
For my Dad, 3/16/77 - 12/19/16
Feb 2017 · 729
The Party (February 25)
matthew Feb 2017
As we sat around the bonfire,
Laughing and loving,
Our spirits couldn't get any higher
And we laughed the night away

The smoke smelled nice,
As we made s'mores,
And burned our eyes,
But we smiled anyway

Music sweetly played,
Over our loud conversation,
But we still listened and swayed
In the cool winter night

I won't forget the fun,
The smiles,
From the ending or when it begun,
And in my heart it'll stay.
Feb 2017 · 614
My Dear Friend
matthew Feb 2017
There's a guy in my life who I adore,
As a friend,
As a brother,
But nothing more.

No romantic feelings lie between us,
And that's okay.
To be honest,
We prefer it this way.

He is beautiful,
A true best friend.
We have a lot of good times,
I'll love him 'til the end.

In my heart rest our memories,
Of us walking,
Making big bonfires,
Or staying up all night talking.

I'll never forget our cat,
Gilligan.
But I cannot wait
Until we see him again.

For I'm proud to call him my family,
My brother,
And I know,
We'll always be here for each other.
I love you!
Feb 2017 · 823
Do You Remember?
matthew Feb 2017
Do you remember
The way her long hair fell,
And shone in the light?

Do you remember
Coming home and seeing her work,
The room filled with colored squares,
As she painted from old pots and jars?

Do you remember
The way she looked at you,
As if you were her entire world?

I remember.
I remember it all.
I remember the screaming,
the fights,
And the feeling that they may last forever.

I remember the pleading,
Begging her to stay,
As she fled your apartment,
Her items like a stampede,
making their way out the door.

I remember the first night alone,
The smashed picture frames,
Her face now a stranger,
Lying in the shards.
Jan 2017 · 1.3k
The Man with the Comb-over.
matthew Jan 2017
To the man with the comb-over,
I resent you.
For the way you talk about women,
Speaking of us like property,
For taking away our choice,
Of if we want to conceive.

To the man with the loud mouth,
I ignore you.
For shooting down people’s words,
Putting a lock on their mouth,
And interrupting them with your nasally
“Wrong”.

To the man with the twisted morals,
I abhor you.
For the families pushed out of the country,
By the wall in your heart
And the one you want for your country.

To the man with all of the power,
I fear you.
For the lies you tell,
You reek of deceit.
For how you make war,
Or peace, if that’s what you want to call it.
Jan 2017 · 240
Our Love
matthew Jan 2017
For two years we talked,
We laughed,
We cried.
Over 700 days of growing closer,
Sharing memories
It took two years for you to become my lover
But it only took one day for me to fall in love.
love, i love you, memories, poem, life, lover, laughter
Dec 2016 · 736
Excuse Me
matthew Dec 2016
Excuse me sir,
Please enlighten me
Why is it that when I don’t find your **** joke funny
It means I have a ‘bad sense of humor’
But you don’t have a bad sense of morality?
Excuse me sir,
Please educate me
Why is it that when a white man ***** an unconscious woman,
He only got three months in jail?
Because he was ‘a good athlete’
Excuse me sir,
Please ask me
Why I need my feminism
I need feminism,
because ‘boys will be boys’ is being used to justify ****
Because if I decide I want to wear short shorts,
Or heels,
Or even red lipstick-
I am ‘asking for it’
Because if I am tipsy or unconscious,
I am ‘asking’ for you to take over my body
‘Asking’ you to violate me in the worst way you could
Because **** is being justified.
Boys will not ‘be boys’
Boys will be held accountable for their actions-
Just like everyone else
So Excuse me sir,
Don’t tell me **** jokes,
Don’t tell me how Brock is a good athlete,
Don’t tell me that I was asking for it,
Don’t tell me that I should ‘consider myself lucky’,
Or that I should have enjoyed it
Don’t **** shame me,
Don’t tell me it’s not a big deal,
Don’t belittle ****.
It can happen to boys,
It can happen to girls,
And everyone in between
It can happen to you,
Or to someone you love
Excuse me sir,
Please
Don’t justify ****
Dec 2016 · 300
Free
matthew Dec 2016
The flick of a lighter started it all,
A singular burning flame
She tossed it down,
And started to run
Now she was the one to blame


A beautiful tragedy,
The building crumbling to the floor,
The beams crashing down
She had to deal with him no more


She walked away,
And wiped her face
Leaving behind her past,
There was nothing,
Not even a trace


She was free,
Free at last
Free from him,
And free from her past

— The End —