How long has it been? To be honest, since we stopped seeing and talking to each other I have been miserable. You'd be upset with me, I've started stress smoking because of us, or because of what we were. I was thinking to myself the other night and I was brutally honest with myself. I still love you, and I'm sorry for it. I'm sorry because I never wanted to put you in this position, I never meant to fall in love with you, but I'm sorry the most that you couldn't bring yourself to say the same, that you were falling in love with me.
Now I am left to grieve, like you have died but its worse, your just down the street, just out of reach. You have decided that I was no longer part of your storyline because loving me scared you. Left with all of the memories, all the emotions. All the times we touched, you make me feel like I've never even laid my fingers on you. As if it never mattered to you. Like I was holding the shadow of your hands, snuggling with the idea of you. I cant go anywhere without memories of you, you in my bed, on the couch, playing cards at the table with my Nana, your hand in mine, your lips meeting my shoulder, even just at the grocery store. You claimed me as yours with Marker "####'s Kay", but it was as if your love was like the ink, bright and beautiful in the moment, but not strong enough to last forever, not permanent.
But its okay, one of these days I will release the ideas that if I just wait long enough, you will realize that it doesn't matter if we are the same gender.
Its okay because I will heal.
Just so you know, I don't regret a single moment of us.
I miss you.
W/W, Just a letter I wrote and will never send. I know its a mess, but that's what I was/am.