What is real but now

What was real is not anymore

Chasing ghosts is pain

Cancer killing me

Cutting me out of myself

Shake the dice of life

I'm mining my heart

To understand my future

All I see has past

Everywhere I go

There I am I can't escape

Edit memory

Love is indeed art
Simple to see and embrace
A challenge erased

If there is another thing beyond this one I shall meet it

Seeing beyond the futures of tomorrows not yet lived

There is a place I feel it I'll meet you there

She had all of me

Completely consumed by her

There was nothing left

Scars of the heart are the hardest to heal

Yet the greatest you can feel

To give yourself freely

To be released just as easily

A small string of memory a connection to the soul still pulls at my heart

With each year that passes it recedes and reclaims space in my mind like the rise and fall of the tide

She left me to drown herself in tragedy and the tears of her childhood  looking for more of what broke her

We would've been a beautiful struggle a dysfunction to last a lifetime ironically I write about longing for what broke me.

We are the same

I've got nothing to write

She took my words like she took my heart

Left my things on the porch and moved on to new problems

Our love was an open book

It got dark and we lost our page

I really wanted to finish our story

She is a pain killer, she took me to the highest highs

Then abruptly she said shes through and left me to die

Now in a different time in my life, old me, new wife old thoughts creep into my life

I take painkillers but they dont help the pain in my heart

I wish I knew she was a pain killer from the start... but I'd probably still follishly give her my heart

I am different now
All has changed for me somehow
Cant see who I was

She torments my passed

From my memories somehow

Why does heartbreak last

Her life was a play

Comedy or tragedy

I could never say

Marked our skin in ink

Each one with secret numbers

Now just lines I think

All the best words have been written

Loved lived lost and forgotten in time

Only to be found by broken hearts

I could it have been chance, our connection so deep it could be seen by the blind?

Are two souls spilt searching for eternity to be reunited, I can say the moment it felt complete like none other?

Hold too tightly or too loosely jt slips away, eternity is long we will see each other again.

It couldn't have been chance.

Happy was a life
Intensely lived for a time
Changed to the end

Consciousness sleeps in looking to the past, blinding now and removing tomorrow

Wake up break the mirrors that show the past

now it is the only place to truly live

Scars of the heart are the hardest to heal

Yet the greatest you can feel

To give yourself freely

To be released just as easily

She was a beacon my soul was attuned to before I ever knew what a soul was.

She met me like a lioness circling its meal

She crashed over my life and my heart like a ship forced onto rocks by the storm

We mingled intertwined like plants from the same root marking ourselves permanently for eachother

She took a turn dined on dysfunction and tragedy in seven course form never looking up to see the sun

She tossed my soul my love out her window undone used up

She fooled me as many before used for only a time until she could wade back into the comfort of her own past dysfunction like warm water to her mind it was home

Her gaze touched my soul

I saw beyond all futures

A life of torment

Realizing my time is short but my love is deeply engaged, in owning only sadness will be made.
The eternal struggle, my love was real, to her it was fun, a folly not to keep and feel.
When I am not present draw her near, I've come to the conclusion of my time here.

Does she hear my cries

So far from our happy times

I still miss her touch

She was a match , My other half

She was also poison , The kind you cant get enough of

Her dysfunction mingled with mine in strange ways that broke us both

You know you had the one, She tamed your soul

You could speak in thousands of silent ways

She could find you in those small moments in between

She moved you without taking a step

She was a road to love and would have been home

Now we have lost our way

I lay here and think to myself

the most beautiful words have been written forgotten and learned again

Whispered through time to embrace the moment for a thing that is not a thing; love

Love is a lifetime of examples of how we can overcome our fears, worries, and doubts

invisible but can be seen

Intangible but can be felt

And inaudible but you know it when you hear it.

At times it can seem to be extinct, and at others make you as euphoric,

In the end it is we who choose to let it see, feel, and hear our love, push it away, or accept it.

When I met her they was not obvious

As we grew closer she showed me

Her scars, each one had a unique story of disappointment, pain, or fear.

She hid them in the tiny minutes between happiness and everything else

They spoke silently but couldn't be ignored, the unseen damage inflicted from the past felt today

I tried my best to sooth the pain,  heal those scars, with all my heart

But I was too late, they over took her and now we are forever apart.

Sometimes memories wear a sore spot onto my heart

Her soul cried tears for a past none could see

They were transparent to everyone but me

Held as close as I could trying to ease her pain

She broke my heart as if nothing to gain

Simply so she could remain suffering in silence

At times she had confidence and at times she felt as if she was a scrap of something used up

She felt herself to be unique not replicated alone in her problems

Although she had the power to break sadness in her words, a look or a touch

Ruin things with her smile like an artist ruins blank canvas with beautiful scenes

But in her silent struggles it became to much, she was consumed by her past

locking away her heart, and only letting it out for small moments in time.

I was captured by this girl like a ship crashed on rocks finding her in one of those rare times

She was my match, my soulmate, my truest love

Still today I miss her scares on my heart to my very soul, it will never be the same, three years later a new life in time. My heart crys to hear her name. 14364 is the number of love

Confusion today
For heartbreak from yesterday
Makes for a hard time

A mystery to us all, we all have it or not enough of it
Always saving it, but there is nothing to be saved
We all spend it daily sometimes spent wrongly or too quickly

All time is the same, trade it for memories to last a lifetime

Is there peace in love lost when love is found again

It's not the same as the other was but just as real

The feelings are there but not like before

Did my heartbreak somehow break how I love

Did my heartbreak give me this cancer and lead me to my grave so soon

How can I love the one I do but still think of her so often

Twisting turning through life sometimes seen through others eyes

Living in recovery, injuries that can't be seen, but felt so deeply, crushing my soul and deflating my heart.

Forgiving, feeling, thinking clearly, seeing light and its warmth touching every part.

To see you pains me like I was right at the start, thoughts creep in weaken me like fall leaves under a strong breeze.

I tell myself I'm better now far from those days when you had me on my knees begging and pleading like everything's my fault.

That's over now.

I was worn like canyon walls shaped from generations of weather, just a shadow of what i once was
All I had was hope like the faintest of faint light distant stars provide on a moonless night
To me she was bold like how the dawn breaks though a dark sky.
We were suns burning brightly together Hope's of a life a family
She extinguished the light and dashed my dreams with her scared past and disfunction
Like a poison she had infected me to my core.
Two years later bad new not long to live I'm dying and I never got to tell her what she was to me.

Two years and 17 days ago we had our final words. She struck me down like lightening directly to my soul.

She was found in a strange place by chance but matched my soul like I had never felt before.

My other half complete I felt, but I didn't know she was a mirror, matching my moves, playing a game.

Just the same in the end it hurt to hear her name. I had drank love's elixir deeply and been only seeing a reflection.
In love to my soul those are my recollections

Tears are words that my heart can not speak
The pain felt are the cracks of my heartbreak not seen
Years later and everyday they feel fresh to me as a sunrise not shared

She was my everything until she said I ment nothing to her
Like a passage in a dream remembered
Being that the best are forgotten and relearned like lessons from our past

She had scared my heart and that will last
Shes a stranger to me now just as she wanted it
Like an old book urning to be read but forbidden to be opened
Lonely thoughts of an emptied heart are all that's left
How sad is it to be broken and not repaired

Keep your heart soft even in hard times

Keep it well but give it often

Live like it is the key to happiness

Even thought it will get stained and mostly broken what is ha ing an untouched heart if it cant be shared

When a man crys for her it is no ruse

It means his heart is broken not bruised

He may struggle silently in plain sight

He may withdrawal from all light

At any time it is for sure, she has has damaged him for ever more

I closed my eyes and spoke to you in a thousand tiny ways.
I loved you so deeply your memory plagues me to this day.
I cant escape these thoughts of why we lost our way.
It was a certainty laid clearly the way it would be.
Then one day to my crushing heartbreak inside of we it was just me.
No words, no it been nice just a box with some things and the remains of my shredded heart.
You destroyed me and tore into my core.
My safe guarded places where I never let any before.
Diagnosed with not long to live, will I ever hear your sweet words or is that just a wish to give.

Seeing you hurts me
Tricks my heart into old ways
Makes old scars new now

Broken is renewed
Honored for its damages
Better than before

Five seven five you know
Tells you secrets for real
Or a game may be

Draws you into her
Go don't return we are done
Closed up her heart     burn

Memory is deep
You haunt my life and dreams now
Will you let me be

I lay here and think to myself, the most beautiful words have been written, forgotten, and learned again.

People have kissed and loved deeply only to forget their devotion and feelings seperatly they live together.

She lives as a comfortable prisoner doing hard time in her past wishing away the present and forgetting the future.

We will all relearn these lessons so many times over dont make the past your future