When looking at old pictures
Look at the eyes
They convey so many emotions

I see a little kid who's
eyes are sparking
like a diamond

What do I need to do
to get that child like
happiness again?

Never ignore your fear
It takes one moment of
Repression
And before you know it
It's got you by the throat

I love you, you know
But sometimes you do
Things that hurt me
And you don't seem to notice

Why do people describe tranquility
As stillness?
There is no stillness
It's just a concept
Your mind concocted

Look around:
The nature is busy
Do you see ants stop?
Do you see birds stand still?
Do you think air stops moving?

If you wait for stillness
You'll be waiting a long time
Find peace in the busyness
It exists trust me
You just need to look for it

Stress keeps piling up
I adjust
And make room
For it
So it’s all manageable

At this point it feels like
All the domino chips
Are lined up
And I’m just waiting
For a flick
Till it all comes crashing
Down

Father,
Thinking about your
Majesty and splendor
Always bring a smile
On my face

Oh to think
How would my soul
Feel when I get
To see You
Face to face

It's peaceful today
No overwhelming emotions
Trying to leak out

It seems balanced
Life is not perfect
But it's not chaos

The more poems I write
The more I realize

They help me
Give a name to
The sea of emotions
brewing in my mind

Once they have a name
They can be understood

I’ve had this recurring
Dream ever since i
Was young

There was an infinite row of
Spanish Style houses
Cool and fresh air
Whistled through the
Palm trees
Sun's warmth coated me
Like a warm hug
There was no noise or clutter
Just peace

I felt at home,
At ease
In that paradise

I don't want to be happy
I want to be content

Happiness is too fleeting
Dependent on
neurotransmitters

Contentment on the other hand
Is more viable
It's being thankful for where you are
And with what you have
Without getting too comfortable
In that place

It’s going a little too fast
I am desperately trying
To find the reduce speed button
But it’s nowhere to be found

There is a barrier
Of deep fog
That I know I need
to go through

My fear is not of the fog
But of what is residing there

Are there monsters
From my nightmares
Or is there the peace
That I’ve been dreaming about

Have we gendered the earth
As a female
So we can control
And own her?

Do you know those
Little music boxes
Where the ballerina
Starts spinning as
Soon as the music is played?

That’s how I would describe
My childhood
Dancing to someone else’s
Tune
While completely
Mute

Why are humans
Divided in race, ethnicity,
****** orientation, or gender?

Why can't we be united
In our brokenness?
Every single one of us is broken
Not in the same way or from
But still broken

This quality should unite us,
But why does this
Always draw a wedge
Between us

Why do I need to be shackled
To man’s identity?
Is that all I’m created for:
To get married and live in
Someone else’s shadow?

The peace You provide me
Is not comparable to
Anything this world provides

I remember praying a long time ago
For a place of belonging
And A clan
I could call my own

Words are not enough
To describe the emotions
Stirring in my heart
As I see the prayer being
Answered

I didn’t want to let it go
To be honest
I wanted it to work

But banging on a closed door
Only put splinters  
In my hands

It's starting to wear off;
The excitement and yearning
It's more of a residual
Longing for those feelings

As time progresses
It will be an afterthought
Of emotions I had
Once upon a time

I think I have to let go
Because it’s starting to hurt
But the what if’s
Make the blisters bearable

I graduated from
university today

I want to thank my parents,
My friends, and everyone else
Who helped me to get here

But most of all I want to thank
My past selves for not giving up
Despite everything

This achievement is dedicated
to the
10 year old who continued on
Despite not knowing what tomorrow looked like
To the
16 year old who lost sleep thinking
About the future
And what it holds

Girls,
By God's grace
We made it!
I'm sure one day
I'll be thanking
my 22 year old self
As well!

Thinking about you
And what you represent

My head is spinning
Out of control
Thinking about everything
That can be
And could be

The world tells me
That I need to be tough
And cold
To make it in this
Ruthless world

I don’t want that for myself
Cause I know what loneliness
Feels like
I have no intention of
Going through
That again

I came to your doorstep
When I was a broken and
Dripping in pain

You kindly took me in
And repaired
Me into the woman
I am today

Granted I am still broken
In places
But less ashamed of the
Things that broke me

There is still a long
Journey ahead
But I know I have you
By my side

Dear brain,
Can you stop telling me
All the things I've done wrong?
I know I'm not perfect

Can you instead
Tell me all the things
I've done right?
I could use some positivity

Thank you,
Me

Father
Please forgive me
You asked me to be
Your vessel
In this world

But How can I be of help
When I am so broken
And cracked?
I can barely contain
myself

Why do you deserve what you have
And more?

While the man outside begging
For his life
Deserves what he has
And nothing more

I want to look down from
Where I am on the mountain
Called life
And see
Everything I've conquered

And still have the courage
To look up
And keep climbing
Despite the fear of falling

I want to be free
as a child
Running though a meadow
With no fear of tomorrow

I want to fly
Like a ballerina
Leaping in the air
With no fear of landing

Where am I going?
Do you know?

If you do
can you tell me?
Because it all looks
Foggy from here

They say
On the road of life
The most important
Thing you can do
Is keep walking

I may have missed
The day when
This saying was said

Because I'm right here
Sitting
In the middle
Of the road

I try, I try
To get out of the darkness
But one foot is in light
and the other in despair

Why don’t I want to be
fully immersed in light?

Maybe I don’t want others
To see me stripped bare
Or
I don’t want to acknowledge
My own ugliness

I walk home in the
Dark of the night
From the school to my car.

Terrified I call my mom
And now I feel a little safe.
I think,
"Who's gonna hurt someone
Talking on the phone?"

Still it's not enough,
I look back
Every chance I get
To assumed my scared heart
That I'm safe.

The dimly lit street
Don't help!
The horror scene
In my head continues
To unfold.

Finally,
i get into my car
and drive home safely.

Maybe I need to
Stop watching thriller movies
Or
Maybe women's safety needs
To be taken more seriously.

He laid there seizing in pain
Because of an addiction
Gone wrong.

You could have said,
How can we help you get better?
You could have said,
We are family and
We are here for you.

Yet you said nothing.
You just laughed at his pain.
You ridiculed him as if
His pain was not worth
Your attention.

I look back and see
My life play out like a movie

I want to change some things
So desperately
That it aches my heart

But other things
I want to keep
so badly
that I will fight
even angels

Everything seems gray
Like tasteless
Zero motivation
To move or to do anything

Why do I feel this?
Why so tired and disoriented?

I feel like a
Lost compass
Spinning out of control
Not knowing where
True north is

I am sorry
If I hurt you

I was trying to protect you
And me
And ended up hurting
Us both

Let me be patient
I know good things are coming
Let me hold onto the hope
That it will be all okay

I will not let the world
Make me bitter

No matter what happens
I will try to spread
Kindness

Not because the world
deserves it
But because it needs it

Patience
The word is easy to say
But hard to master

I pray for patience
But then turn around
and wonder why
I haven’t received
My reward

I want it now
But am I ready?

Storm clouds are lifting
I can see the shore
The doubts are fading away
I may actually get there

I don't know if
I can do this
It feels too heavy

I know I can handle it
My past
Can attest for that

But I feel my hand slipping
And I need to hold on

What if I let go?
Will it be as
catastrophic as I think?

I will take it
one
step
at
a time
If I have to wait,
Wait I will

I want to be hopeful,
I want to dream
Of a simple
Yet bright future

But the fear of
It taken away from me
Is as real as
The stars in the sky

Parents
Often described as
A gift from God

But more often than not
We forget
They are human too
Capable of mistakes
Just like you and I

Their presence
Doesn’t need to feel
Heavenly

Why am I so drained?
It feels like a pile of bricks
On my chest

Not matter how hard I try
To push them off
They want to stay
It’s their home
They say

You stand there and laugh
At your pedestal  
As if you’re better than me
But are you?

We both come from dirt
And will be dirt.

Who are you?
Who are you to tell me
That I need you
To be a woman?

Why do I have to
Attach my worth to you?
Am I not sufficient?
Why do I need you?