There once was a rotten tax collector
Who combed the rich Italian sector
   He lined his grimy pockets
   By cheating those he audits
Alas! today's appointment was one Hannibal Lecter

Don't bother to knock, she's
not taking any visitors today
--something has to give.

You wanted her
in your picture, didn't you?
But the names they assigned her
were uncommonly harsh.

They hung their hats
on her *** appeal, then
threw her to the dogs
when she no longer looked the part.

She never did overcome
her shyness, preferring to
swallow small silent friends
instead, and for this
she was crucified.

Pin-up or shut-in,
it's no wonder she chose to
sleep it off.

She may have bared
her body, but never her soul.

Darth Vaper--
E-Lord of the Popcorn Lung,
Learned the ways of the force
From her master,
Nicotine,
Who during the Tar Wars
Went up in smoke,
And ****! He was gone.
Vaper took her own
Apprentice then,
For there can only be two,
The ruthless Count Syphilis,
Who was always sore
And acted rash,
Until it eventually ******.

Watch your step
When trying to climb
The corporate ladder.

You scratch their back
They just might shoot you
In your's.

I love you
...and you
...and you

You're like cookies
One is never enough

I have the distinct feeling
I've been here before.
But it's not déjà vu this time.
Just boredom.

The road not taken
turned out to be
the path of least resistance,
and easy street
the highway of tears.

Who knew?

Growing up
She loved staplers
They kept things together
Nothing was ever lost

  Then one day
  Mommy & Daddy
  Became unstapled

Now she favors scissors
They cut things apart
So many things lost
Starting with her

Won't you even try?

Brussels sprouts are tired
of taking the blame!

So are artichokes, radishes
and beets!

Kids around the world are giving
them a bad name!

It's embarrassing to be left
on a plate as dinner time spectacles!

You're not gonna die!

But keep it up, kiddo, and we'll have quite
a mob of steamed vegetables!

When buying into love
Make sure to purchase
The lifetime warranty

According to a new
Conspiracy theory,
The last season of
Game of Thrones
Never happened.

Queen for a day.
Prisoner for life.
Her 'crimes':
New mother and wife;
A woman of color
Thinking for herself;
Just leave her be, please,
Lest history repeat itself.

You're quite the trickster,
With tall pair of gin and tonic.

Shall we dance a set or two,
Before you assail me
In the dark, with objects
Stowed away in your
Glove compartment?

I promise to walk into walls,
Become pliable in your arms.

You even have my word,
I'll lose control of all
My faculties right about
The time you begin ******* me.

And I will wake up
In the morning,
With no memory
And no underwear.

You can then move
Carefree, on to your
Next hapless victim.

While I merrily go about
My day in the numbed womb's
Afterbirth of that last sentence.

Forever to ***** at
Flesh and membrane.

Sincerely quiet,
Candace

Pilcrow, the Blind P,
once said,

"Allow me, ma'am/sir,
  for it looks like
  you could use a break.
  Besides, Hedera is hard
  and annoying, so full of herself,
  and up to her neck in ivy."

That was a Snark.
But who could tell?
Simply forgot to point it out.
Guess it's better to
leave things unsaid.

In the end
there's only enough
room for the Asterism.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.

Helicopter water ballet
And Charlie's on the grid

Front and centering feng shui
Choreographed in the fields
Where ****** sticks to kids

War is the fashion
That never wears out

Smell its smoke
Sickly sweet and orange
In the early decay of morning

Time is always something
the procrastinator seeks to borrow.

His most favorite word is naturally,
"Tomorrow."

It's hard enough
Trying to walk
In someone else's shoes

But to repeatedly
Get stepped on
And told you stink

Can cause a real hole in your life