I am a hurricane
of mismatched
puzzle
pieces

I have lost a lot of good things in my life, most was from my own ignorance.
However, I like to believe that everything happens for a reason and better days are ahead.
But
the
days
just
come
so
slow.

My heart's an endless
winter filled with
rage

Red lines slowly
stretch and reach for the end of the shattered mirror
A strangers face stares blindly through the cracks

There are many
versions of myself that
need funerals

I am impatient because
I know how cruel time can be,
and what it can take
away

So drop your towel and I will caress your shoulder and let your hair down, ash waiting the phoenix to rise, and I will run my trembling hands along the silhouette of your shadow as we dance among moonlit hallways,
Silence among sighs, and as you unthrone me I will fall to one knee to toss my crown aside for a place at your side

If I am not enough
let me know,
It hurts to be half loved

I wish that I could erase you from my memory so I don't have to be reminded of you

I wish I could tear my own skin off so I won't remember the way your skin felt on mine

I wish I could burn the places where we used to go so that I don't have to look at them

I wish I could stop this guilt that boils inside me so I can move on

I just wish you were gone...

Eyes are blind,
You look with
the heart, the soul, the mind

What will bind me
to my fate is the
illusion of another
world

Some memories are just graffiti to the soul
Father time's hands can try to scrub the artwork away but some
images will forever  be tattooed a woeful masterpiece

I am sorry to all my pass lovers, I am sorry I did not know how to love you. I am sorry that I could not find worth in your smile, that I could not find anything but lust in your body. I am sorry for all the lost, careless secrets you shared with me. I am sorry that your memories had to be wasted on me. I am sorry I could be so blind, so negligent with your love.

Do not get me wrong,
there is not a fiber in me
that
misses you.
What I miss are the parts of me that followed you out

Growing up my parents were always selfish. They'd rather subsidize tasteful cars than their own child's education so they could prove worthy of societal thinking.
They'd rather finance love through glamorous things instead of investing in actual intimacy.

Maybe if loneliness wasn't my parental figure then this existential adult life wouldn't be spent in monotonous cognitive states

Chase the girl
who doesn't
care at all,
and hurt
the one
who does

I
seek
divine
in the
unknown

I was a fool
to give
my heart
to someone
so
careless

I
Am
So
Afraid
I
Am
Not
The
Life
You
Envision

Melancholy
seeps in like a
phantom limb

desolation blinds and destroys

Wildfire inside

I'll be the one from
your past in the photograph that you ripped in half
Don't you worry though
because you'll be popular with all the girls when you tell them about me, they'll fall at your feet with half hearted sympathy, but you'll still be empty
And that platonic embarce will only leave you in tangled sheets because you're codependent and demanding and it'll cost her

And the worst part is history will repeat itself and someone will get me back and then I'll know what it's like for someone to leave me like that

But it has been good to hear you're doing fine, stable and over me
Funny how tables turns
And much as I want to hate you I only end up hating myself
And all that's left of us is the reason you're good to someone else

You needed wings to make you fill whole
but leaves still fell from autumn trees
And your breath with death
still leaves scars and
as for me I lost everything

I need something to fill this
void,
So I will beg for your
figure
And I will take to try and fill this empty
insatiable
inquietude
But still I am still greeted with empty hands
and
dejection

I
Have
Become a
Prisoner
in my own skin

I like to believe I've married all of my past lovers in some
parallel universe
I like to believe that somewhere somehow
our love isn't
Dead.

I want to memorize every part of
you
The shape of your thighs
The nook of your back
The velvet of your lips
And the siliken moans you make when I put my lips there

It takes 64 days to get over you
I stop counting on a cold inebriated night,
the dark forest hanging over my heart
and my footsteps echoing in the shirl silence of a wet hill.

It takes 64 nights to get over you,
64 blue evenings, 64 indigo skies without stars, 64 colorless dreams uneven sleeps, disjointed sleeps, and 64 dreams of forgetting.

I count 64 nights, three encounters with cold metal, two brisk walks in the pelting rain, and one soul standing two steps beside my own body, not yelling your name.

When you kiss her
And realize passion does not
live inside her
You will roll over with a sigh and
remember me
You will trace your fingers over my favorite spots and
feel that my prints
Are engaved into you skin
Right there,
To remind you
No one
Can
Touch
You
Like
I
Can.

Circumstance will never understand What
It
Has
Taken
From
Me

I see myself falling back into
old ways,
But I no longer care

So I'll let you bruise your knees on her bedframe
The way I did last Friday night
And after subtle thoughts and unpublished words
Will I still reach for her hand,
But with apathetic eyes and ebony hair,
She grows distant
I recede

I must admit I am more damaged
after you left, less whole.

There is a piece of me
you stole.

I have let you make footprints
in this town,
And it's haunting when
you're gone

Soft fuzzy outlines of what used to be
Happiness

Like a lion getting ready to  devour its last meal your eyes graze my skin like sand paper. Like we were some sick science experiment. Palms twitching, hungry eyes, sadist smile. A priviledge you said. Love did always make me stupid and alas, she still was under the delusion she loved you more. So with your yellow eyes and teeth just as so you raught your way into yielding flesh because no wasn't in your vocabulary. So how dare you think that you can fall asleep with that smirk as you extrude me from her so you can take and take what's wasn't yours. And now  it's not fair, I shouldn't have to beg for a love that wouldn't come for your sick benefit I shouldn't have begged at all but we all knew it was just lust. And ******* both for how I feel now, inferno under my skin when real love wants me, for this intense incertitude chaos that fills my brain when real love says no. But little does she know how much damage both of you caused. But it was my own fault right? I did to myself. At least that's what you had me believe.

I held this love in my
Hands
But never in my
Heart
And with one motion
I destroyed
It

When forever wears a watch,
Even time can grow impatient,
With the ticks and tocks of what hope could potentially
Be

My
Whole
Existence
Has
Became
A
Chore

I make my
Homes
in
flesh and bones.

Loving you is easy,
And that makes
all
the
difference

I've always loved to test the limits,
 to push a bit to far.
Such as when I stare at old scars
pondering just how deep I could pry  them open, to see how far I can go before I slip into that abyss, to see how much it would take to fill this
void

These pages are the only
place where I am allowed
to love you,
Thus I write.

My eyes have become a resting place for all the memories I've watched us make, there is such irony in the constant replays
Though you are no longer here, I still see you

I will no longer mourn the inches of me
that loved
you

I looked into that old antique shop that we once spent countless hours with trinkets and what nots
on that fall day, my heart sank in my chest for it was now just another place I could never go to again
because the ghost of our love haunts
it

Swollen eyes in 6am light
6 wine bottles sing an empty song
Thoughts I never confide

Yet, still you'll kiss the tips of my fingers
as I reach for the keys
because you know somewhere buried deep
You'll water this love at the roots
And I will rot the leaves

It's not you that I miss
It's the lost memories,
Forgotten time,
Pieces of my heart,
That followed you
When I was left behind