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Kellin 5d
Sometimes I think I was not supposed to live past 21.

Thinking back on that night when me and death were tongue kissing.

Was I  destined to die that night?

Now most days it seems like the world refuses to accept me.

Like the fire in my brain, this world does not have a place for me.

Mentally, I don't think I was ever equipped to handle this life I was given.

Perhaps the next life will be kinder.
Jul 12 · 244
~Her~
Kellin Jul 12
Night changes nothing
when she's as beautiful during the honest hue of the day as she is to me bathed in moonlight
May 31 · 86
Your cross to bear
Kellin May 31
Thin skinned
Like I grew up in a childhood to recover from
Christ the savior
pinned against white walls
and if you're not careful they'll nail you up there too
May 31 · 37
Hometown honey trap
Kellin May 31
She told me
that the air tastes of
nothing
but
nostalgia and arsenic
May 31 · 134
M
Kellin May 31
M
I found her green in the face
Sick on half hearted lovers

Oh and a puff bar
Kellin Apr 14
In my mind there is a house

And I have flung the doors wide open

Only to find it empty

In the distance, I  heard rubber against the pavement

But it wasn't your car
Apr 14 · 466
Wasting away
Kellin Apr 14
I think....

I think

I am   wasting my life    away

Because all these  hands   have   ever
built is destruction

And  they are  

h
  e
    a
       v
          y

weighted down    by  many forgotten  dreams

Many     unlived lives


And I   am so tired...
Apr 14 · 208
The wait
Kellin Apr 14
I told you I'd wait a thousand lifetimes for you

But little do you know the lifetimes I already lived before you.
Mar 21 · 174
Sad truths
Kellin Mar 21
I hope one day we will not have
to

h
   I
      d
         e
Kellin Jan 26
I pressed my head against the cool glass
My hand imprints the humidity that lingers there

The could that never would dances in the reflection of my bloodshot eyes

I was so close.
Dec 2020 · 257
Tender
Kellin Dec 2020
God left a long time ago and took the
tenderness
      with
them
Dec 2020 · 108
Childhood trauma
Kellin Dec 2020
My mother doesn't hug me
She didn't know what to do with me
My father had the terrible anger all fathers do
     Loud and terrible
It lingers your whole life
Dec 2020 · 151
The hardship of living
Kellin Dec 2020
The longest death
I've ever felt is staying
alive
Dec 2020 · 84
More than just quirky
Kellin Dec 2020
I wouldn't call myself quirky

but there is definitely something
wrong with me
Kellin Dec 2020
My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in

Everyone looked worse in the light
Dec 2020 · 99
Cold fingertips
Kellin Dec 2020
Grief is cold fingertips tapping on my window at night
keeping me
                awake
keeping me
                           aware
Nov 2020 · 167
dysphoria
Kellin Nov 2020
I stare into the
mirror at a body
that'll never be
home
Nov 2020 · 144
Pill bottles on a Sunday
Kellin Nov 2020
I carry around the
body of someone
that should have
died
Nov 2020 · 69
Come home
Kellin Nov 2020
I began to realize that even though the violence was over,
I still carried it with me

I still woke up to claw marks outside my bedroom door

I still hold the anger in my stomach as I write letters to myself

begging me to
                         come
                            home

This ache is a constant reminder and the silence is louder than you think
Nov 2020 · 255
Untitled
Kellin Nov 2020
It's a hard thing for me
to realize that I never
truly loved you

because love was not
supposed to be two broken
people sharing sheets in
hopes to heal their wounds
Oct 2020 · 145
Indifference
Kellin Oct 2020
I've been dancing on telephone wires hoping you'll call me again just to hear  my name sound like a ballet as it floats off your tongue

Lets dance in the ignorant nostalgia
Sep 2020 · 285
Losing myself in you
Kellin Sep 2020
Small moments of comfort
Were the ones
When you stood in front of me
Smiling like there's no tomorrow
When your eyes became lost in mine
And my eyes became
Lost in you
Sep 2020 · 338
Infinite
Kellin Sep 2020
I wish we could live in this moment
Forever..
Sep 2020 · 276
Drowning
Kellin Sep 2020
I know how to swim
but..
I
Let
Myself
Drown
Sep 2020 · 743
lost in time
Kellin Sep 2020
You're gonna find yourself lost in another
time
Aug 2020 · 122
Ghosts these days
Kellin Aug 2020
Saw another
ghost now
she's laying in my
      sheets
Aug 2020 · 91
Lonely hour
Kellin Aug 2020
I do not think
Loneliness
is absence of company,
rather the inability to form an emotional connection with yourself or anyone else
Aug 2020 · 145
Complex
Kellin Aug 2020
Maybe I am just to
*******
Complicated
For
Anyone
To love
Aug 2020 · 701
Finish the story
Kellin Aug 2020
I wanted her
She wanted me
We both wanted each other
But......
Aug 2020 · 207
loving you young
Kellin Aug 2020
We can get

Tattoos

And trash

Hotel rooms
Jul 2020 · 929
Demons
Kellin Jul 2020
Love showed me
heavens and
dropped in me
hell
Jul 2020 · 185
Directions
Kellin Jul 2020
Am
I
Always
Going to
Feel
So
L
  O
     S
       T
?
Jul 2020 · 135
Tv static
Kellin Jul 2020
The inside of my head feels like TV static on full volume.

Loud and uneasy.
Jul 2020 · 352
Drunken nights 🌙
Kellin Jul 2020
I told you from the start
I disappear when it gets cold
But you found a way to keep me here
With a body to hold

And I think of you
When I am drunk in the road in front of your old house
I miss what you do to me
When I needed you and blacked out

I miss you darling
Yeah I guess I'll say it
I know I'm a fool
Kellin Jul 2020
Taking pictures while you sleep
Leftovers on the table, strangers on TV
I'm bleeding from my ears
Sneaking out while you're asleep,
Cause you're my biggest fear
Jul 2020 · 413
The unworthy you
Kellin Jul 2020
You are not
Crazy
Or too
Sensitive

You bring value
To areas of
Your
Life

Do not allow someone else
to put you in a place
unworthy of you
Jul 2020 · 170
fabrications
Kellin Jul 2020
My knuckles turn white from holding onto a foraged memory of an existence of what we used to call hope and it will shout into the void, echos of shadows that dance in the back of my brain that circumstance could not fore see that picture of us hanging from inside a two story house somewhere lost in rural California where white lace suffocated your skin and red silk flowed over the scars of my past lovers there is a smile that is shown under neath a cascade of fabric which displays a world in which you to could have wanted that white picked fence in the home we built in our dreams but reality is like a hurricane and eases all the evidence of what was once love
Jul 2020 · 322
Sun and moon
Kellin Jul 2020
It's as if you are on fire from
Within
Yet still the moon lives
In the
Lining of your skin
Jun 2020 · 251
Moon phases
Kellin Jun 2020
Much like the moon we go through phases of emptiness to feel full again
Jun 2020 · 157
Struggles
Kellin Jun 2020
Don't get me wrong
love
I am just a
shell
good at acting
Jun 2020 · 208
wants
Kellin Jun 2020
Maybe you weren't
The one

For

Me

Deep down I wanted you
To
Be
May 2020 · 486
The knowing
Kellin May 2020
Now that
                  I
                     Know
                                You
Exist
How
Do
I not
         Love
                    You
May 2020 · 307
Words
Kellin May 2020
I want the words you do not have
May 2020 · 200
Loss
Kellin May 2020
I can't be the love of your life
But I will be the loss of your life
May 2020 · 613
Cravings
Kellin May 2020
I want
The
Part
Of
You
That you
Refuse
To
Give
May 2020 · 128
Still lives
Kellin May 2020
You still live in
the silence between
my thoughts
May 2020 · 165
Painful butterflies
Kellin May 2020
Sometimes it's not the
butterflies
in your stomach
that tells you you're in love but the pain
May 2020 · 97
Differential
Kellin May 2020
Let go of the
illusion that it could
have been any

different
May 2020 · 177
Grief
Kellin May 2020
I sat with my anger long enough until she told her real name,
Grief
May 2020 · 201
Guarded
Kellin May 2020
The wolf in my heart will never let the world see the lamb in my soul,

But sometimes you see it in my eyes
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