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Kellin May 2018
It takes 64 days to get over you
I stop counting on a cold inebriated night,
the dark forest hanging over my heart
and my footsteps echoing in the shirl silence of a wet hill.

It takes 64 nights to get over you,
64 blue evenings, 64 indigo skies without stars, 64 colorless dreams uneven sleeps, disjointed sleeps, and 64 dreams of forgetting.

I count 64 nights, three encounters with cold metal, two brisk walks in the pelting rain, and one soul standing two steps beside my own body, not yelling your name.
Kellin Feb 2022
The preacher may never marry us
and your mama may never know me
but I can kiss you over a flask of whiskey and dance with you under the stars and if that isn't marriage I'm not sure what God is looking for...
Kellin Jan 2018
Your absence leaves a dull ache,
a phantom limb.
On occasion I can forget,
But then it's a sharp pain
to realize you are once more
a forever
Kellin Jan 2022
Time is moving too fast
  I am moving too slow
Kellin Feb 2023
I chase the light for so long; but then I realized I never knew what light looked like; whatever light I had in me was just a lighter shade of darkness
Kellin Jan 2023
My insanity became her master piece, built on broken trust she's made an ocean between us.

Leave if you must, but my shores will be empty
Kellin Sep 2018
What will bind me
to my fate is the
illusion of another
Kellin Feb 2022
History too holds space in the present

We kiss at a party just as everyone else does but it's as if two people had never touched before

We sit at a local coffee shop and it's like half the people speaking have something to prove, the other half deadly silence

Much like our dead reflections in the newspaper. None of this ever talked about but we know

Nothing is queeer than quiet understanding

Except maybe survival

Still We wake up beside eachother and find I've stolen the blanket again in our uncluttered apartment

This is enough to forget about our existence

For awhile
Kellin Aug 2018
I was a fool
to give
my heart
to someone
Kellin Nov 2017
Assault so hungry for your bones
Your shadow resides on my wall
Void in my chest
I hope you can find rest
Kellin Jan 2022
I wish I could build a castle of memories

Just to have somewhere to escape my own

Kellin Aug 2018
Chase the girl
who doesn't
care at all,
and hurt
the one
who does
Kellin Sep 2019
The lonely child in me will forever search for you in the brown eyes of  strangers that show me an ounce of kindness
Kellin Dec 2020
My mother doesn't hug me
She didn't know what to do with me
My father had the terrible anger all fathers do
     Loud and terrible
It lingers your whole life
Kellin May 2018
Circumstance will never understand What
Kellin Mar 2014
Lonely is the day.
Lonely is the night
Weary is the wanders light.

Sad is the moments.
Sad is the dates.
Two souls fates.

Long is the weeks.
Long is the years
An ocean of tears.

Two paths will soon

without warning.
without reason.
Does love need a season?


The search is over.
The search is complete.
The wanders find a name.

But all they could ever leave behind
Was C+K carved in a tree.
We were hopeful once. I loved you once. No longer
Kellin Jan 2023
I am not well; I could have built the pyramids with the effort it takes me to cling onto life and reason
Kellin May 2022
My need for another human died a long time ago

You learn to be lonely once you've spent to many nights expecting a stranger to return home
Kellin Dec 2020
Grief is cold fingertips tapping on my window at night
keeping me
keeping me
Kellin Nov 2020
I began to realize that even though the violence was over,
I still carried it with me

I still woke up to claw marks outside my bedroom door

I still hold the anger in my stomach as I write letters to myself

begging me to

This ache is a constant reminder and the silence is louder than you think
Kellin Aug 2020
Maybe I am just to
To love
Kellin Mar 2014
Quickening life’s loss
Forever Held
Held Forever to know nothing is ever
Kellin Jan 2021
I pressed my head against the cool glass
My hand imprints the humidity that lingers there

The could that never would dances in the reflection of my bloodshot eyes

I was so close.
Kellin May 2020
I want
That you
Kellin May 2018
I held this love in my
But never in my
And with one motion
I destroyed
Kellin May 31
In the glow of twilight's gentle gleam,
Her skin, an olive hue, like a dream,
Adorned with curls, a wild, wistful stream,
She danced with grace, in moonlight's beam
Kellin Aug 2018
Do not get me wrong,
there is not a fiber in me
misses you.
What I miss are the parts of me that followed you out
Never been the same since you and it is both sad and unfair to know that side of me has died
Kellin Oct 2017
I struggle to hold on to you.
With love comes decay.
Kellin Mar 2020
Maybe soulmate doesn't mean
Yet instead it means remember that moment it felt like
Kellin Mar 2014
Before you arrived
Love was a four letter word
You gave definition
Kellin Jul 2020
Love showed me
heavens and
dropped in me
Kellin Nov 2017
My eyes roll back
As the world fades.
exhale desolation,
And let my phone die just like the feelings inside me.
Kellin Oct 2018
So drop your towel and I will caress your shoulder and let your hair down, ash waiting the phoenix to rise, and I will run my trembling hands along the silhouette of your shadow as we dance among moonlit hallways,
Silence among sighs, and as you unthrone me I will fall to one knee to toss my crown aside for a place at your side
Kellin Apr 2018
Loving you is easy,
And that makes
Kellin Jul 2019
My bones will decay in this unwelcoming body as the word home will echo in some distant euphoric land
I am a trespasser in a country where I was born in to
as my outward appearance reflects the non-conformity that rages in my soul much like the hell fire they  condemn me to

The same inferno will greet them.
Kellin May 2020
Let go of the
illusion that it could
have been any

Kellin Jul 2020
Going to
Kellin May 2018
Soft fuzzy outlines of what used to be
Kellin Jan 2022
She smelled like dove soap
We both did, hands freshly washed in the bar's crusted sink

Her smile when I asked to kiss her was coy   curling where our lips finally touched

She was beauty and kindness and I couldn't measure up
Kellin Sep 2020
I know how to swim
Kellin Jul 2020
I told you from the start
I disappear when it gets cold
But you found a way to keep me here
With a body to hold

And I think of you
When I am drunk in the road in front of your old house
I miss what you do to me
When I needed you and blacked out

I miss you darling
Yeah I guess I'll say it
I know I'm a fool
Kellin Nov 2020
I stare into the
mirror at a body
that'll never be
Kellin Jun 2018
Become a
in my own skin
Kellin Jun 2018
You needed wings to make you fill whole
but leaves still fell from autumn trees
And your breath with death
still leaves scars and
as for me I lost everything
Kellin Nov 2017
I hope you find someone, someday
Rare, beautiful, and brave enough,
To rob you of your emptiness
Maybe just maybe the person might even be me. Might of been me.
Kellin Feb 2018
You take me apart with every touch
These walls of reserve crumble like sand with each caress, with every breath

I beg you take me, unravel me
I reach out for you
As I disintegrate, but touch nothing but empty hands.
Kellin Dec 2017
Can I sleep
Kellin Apr 2021
In my mind there is a house

And I have flung the doors wide open

Only to find it empty

In the distance, I  heard rubber against the pavement

But it wasn't your car
Kellin Feb 2018
If it makes you feel broken
in any way,
end it before it ends you
Kellin May 2018
When you kiss her
And realize passion does not
live inside her
You will roll over with a sigh and
remember me
You will trace your fingers over my favorite spots and
feel that my prints
Are engaved into you skin
Right there,
To remind you
No one
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