Am I just a phase?
Or will you hold me true
I feel like if I come
You still won’t have me

Will you respond
with love and affection?
Or would it be
with regret and anger

Would you laugh in my face
And call me names?
Or hold me tightly
And call me yours

Will I be the one
Will I be the one who’s true
Will you keep me
Or push me away with not a chance

If I appeared upon your step
Would you be with me
Or would you be disgusted
And call the police

I love you
This much I know is true
But to show you i love you
An old condition I will use

Karma such beauty divine
Such majestic grace
Always there when you least expect
Graceful does her limbs sway

As she passes such judgement
Protector of the meek
Destroyer of the wicked
Such divine wisdom

Her judgement final
None can escape her gaze
For she sees all
In between fantasy and reality

The eternal one
The unseen
The grace
Oh so impartial

Blessing those with hearts so pure
Cursing those who harm the innocent
None surpass her for she is in all
Watching the deeds of mortal and God

High above the fates power
She dictates all
Yet does not interfere
For you reap what you sow

It may not be right away
It may not be in this life
For Karma takes her time
Ensuring you feel a wrath

That transcends time and space
For Karma is a *****
Yet Karma can be gentle
You just have to be patient

You stand there accusingly
Saying rude things
Spouting nonsense
About breaking necks

About ****
Childhood and pain
Yet you don't know
About their past

You don't know
The pain they endured
The suffering they bare
Or the sorrow in their heart

Learn to open yourself up
Before you speak ill
Because what if they
Were ***** as a child

What if their mother
Curb stomped them
What if the only sense
Of peace is death

What if life is meaningless
What if everytime
They see a van
They freak out hysterically

What if a pitbull comes charging
Do you think they run
Or do you think freeze
Right in their tracks

What if they scream at night
From the dreams they get
Or cry themselves to sleep
Because they don't know what love is

What if their pain
Is so great
That the only way
They can express it

Is to hold it in
And never let it show
For fear that
It shows great weakness

You have no idea
What other's stories are
So before you judge or laugh
Take the time to know theirs

From the first time
That you touched me
I could feel it
It was creeping down my neck

From the first time
That you held me
I could feel it
It was warming me inside

What is this feeling
This warm sensation
It feels so right
It feels so right

As you hold me
And you squeeze me
I can feel it
Rushing my insides

For the first time
In a while
I got a pep
In my step

A twinkle
In my eye
A smile
On my face

For the first time
In a while
I’m feeling alright
Feeling okay

For the first time
In a while
I’m feeling the love
Feeling happy

Kiss me sweet
Or kiss me rough
I don’t care
Just kiss me

Love me tenderly
Or love me fierce
I don’t care
Just love me

I want to feel this
For the rest of my life
Make me feel warm
All the time

Show me your kindness
Show me your fear
Show me your everything
As long as you’re near

I will not run
I will not hide
My heart is yours
I’ll stay for the ride

Cause everything you do
And everything you say
Just leaves me breathless
From the very first day

To my far off love
Though these nights are long
These days filled with cold stares
I think to you and smile

Your voice echos in my head
With the first time you spoke
Three simple words
Which set me ablaze

Words so simple yet powerful
Ringing in my head
Like chimes cascading in the wind
Singing such sweet melody

Escaping the darkness of loneliness
Shimmering like fresh morning dew
I look back to these words
Feeling warm in the brisk air

For now I return to sleep
But not before I mouth these words
For great comfort is brought
When I say ‘I love you too’

Good night my love
For when we are apart
I long for your touch
Your simple embrace

But utter these words
And I feel you near
I hope you feel me too
I love you

You sit there
With your crocodile tears
Hoping to get
A response from me

I sit here emotionless
As you look at me
I see no pain
I see no sorrow

I see no hurt
No love lost
You look normal
With no care for us

I get tired of
Seeing those fake tears
I walk away
And you follow

I turn back
Wondering why
But before you answer
I storm off in a rush

I toil with the idea
That maybe you actually care
But these past few months
You have shown the opposite

I sit and ponder
That maybe I'm just paranoid
But then I remember
Back to the stuff that happened

Stuff that you keep saying is nothing
Stuff that actually does matter
Yet you refuse to see
That it eats at me from the inside

Stuff that caused me
To melt down and collapse
My emotions couldn't handle
The crushing sorrow

So I stopped
I have set boundaries
Some that you might not like
But here's the thing

I'm tired of being toyed with
I'm tired of the heartache
I'm tired of being lied to
And I'm tired of being a Marionette

I'm tired of it all
And the worst part
Is that I allowed it
For far too long

So I made up my mind
I will be free
I will live my way
No matter how much you beg

Because I have always known
It was always a choice
That wouldn't end up
With me being first.

Mistaken identity
Broken mind
Thoughts of the past
Flood to the head

Memories which were forgotten
Things you wish remained locked
Now rush past
Clouding your mind

Seeing what you went through
Fearing what you have become
Wondering where you truly are
Silently crying out in pain

Rushing to seek help
Yet none can be found
The fear you once knew
Now back with vengeance

Try your best to hide
Remaining stuck
In a never ending decent
Into a spiralling depression

You hold fasts to your chest
Trying to clench the pain away
But to no avail
It lingers there still

Scratching at your head
You try to breath
Hoping that it will not last
But the more you wish the more it sticks

You begin to crumble
Exposing yourself to those you shouldn’t
Hoping for them to love you as you are
And not what they want you to be

But rejection cuts deep
You look down and notice
Words of hate pouring out
From your open scars

Closing your eyes
You shake your head
Trying to dislodge the thoughts
That cling to your mind

You open your eyes again
To find that the words have turned red
There is an object on the floor
Sharp and coated in crimson

You realize in your delirium
You have wounded yourself
While trying desperately
To rid yourself of the pain

Puddle on the floor
Staining the carpet a crimson red
The blood which was once words
Flowing out in a rush

You stare
Not knowing what to do
You start to cry again
As the pain begins to lift

Slowly but surely the pain turns numb
You try to grasp your chest
But find your limbs are heavy
Your eyes begin to shut

You think in your mind
This is the end
You are finally free of the pain
But are you truly free

Thou pain is thine to burden
Thou love is thine to shelter
Be it not of obligation
But out of respect for another

Thy heart and soul
Intertwined with thou
Thy hope is nigh
For thy field is barren

Be that as it may
Thy soul still urns
For thou soft whisper
In thine ear

Be swift yet brutal
With thy piercing words
For thou hast lost
All of thy fear

List not my transgressions
But announce thine triumph
For if thou walketh the dark path
Thou will only hurt thineself

Speechless
That is what I've become
Use to have words flying through my mind
Now there is total silence

Mind freezes still
Heart aches
For the first time
Happiness isn't faked

Head spinning
Thoughts start to race
Pounds of the soul
Beat harder than ever before

Confusion sets in
At this puzzling action
The eyes wander aimlessly
As the mind tries to grasp

Grasping on thin straw
The mind collapses
Lost in utter chaos
To what it has become

The smiles consist
The laughs genuine
The feeling of safety
The passion of hope

Feelings that are foreign
Ones I've never experienced
Now become known
As I meet you now

Lost and betrayed
This chest starts to waver
Heart pounding faster
Threatening to break free

Confusion here at last
Fully settled in
The mind is now silent
Once again

Eyes can't stop staring
Lips can't stop smiling
Ears beg for the voice
From the one they adore

Pain starts to peek
Holding tightly to the heart
Not sure of what to do
Or what is going on

Fear rushes in
Throat tightens up
Eyes start pleading
As heart flutters deep

Yearning for attention
Craving your touch
Desperate for approval
Just a simple glance

Mind goes blank
Unclear of whats to come
Time to leave
But don't want it to end

This feeling is confusing
It hurts yet
This sensation is pleasurable
The need to be wanted

When you think about it
Live is anything but fair
But the kicker that destroys it all
Is losing the one you like to another

The emotions that ensnare
The betrayal that’s felt
The love turned to anger
Lost in an endless spiral

You try to say it’s okay
You say it’s not your fault
There’s nothing you could do
Nothing you could say

Just live with it and wait
For emotions get easier
But you never listen
And probably never will

You lash out and scream
Cursing yourself and others
Hating that it could never be
As simple as you and I

Your emotions turn cold
You lose the feeling of laughter
Losing yourself you crumble
Into a pile of broken stone

And there you wait
For a while
Till it becomes clear
It was never meant to be

Love is a torrent of emotions and feelings
Some pleasant
While others full of pain
All depending on the actions of others

Love is a complex array
A tangled mess of happiness and sorrow
All bundled up in a soft package
Waiting to be explored

It can be the best
And the worst thing
You will ever feel
In your entire life

There will be good times
And there will be bad
But in the end it’s what we all strive for
Because without love we can call ourselves human

Many people feel that humans
Are separated from animals
For a number of reasons
But I believe it is our ability to love

We love unconditionally
We strive for it
We don’t care how bad it hurts us
All we care is that it’s there around us

Some dive head first
Some dip a toe in
Some are afraid to go near in
And some can’t give it up

We can also be blind to it
Completely wanting one love
Even though it isn’t there
While someone close is enveloped

Or we choose to ignore it
Pushing our feelings aside
Because we are too afraid
Of the unknown outcomes

We should strive ourselves to push forward
Learn from the past but not fear it
There is a lot of hurt in this world
But there is also a lot of love

As a species we evolved from basic needs
We no longer mate for breeding
We mate for love
Which sets us apart from animals

Whether it be love of ourselves
Or the love of another
We push ourselves forward
Latching onto that feeling

Love
Such a fragile thing
It can be made from a single spark
Or broken by a simple act

These traits carry with us
The pain we endure
The joys we seek
All from a single spark

Love can fade into despair
For me that has already begun
Love is no more tragic
than the falling petals of a rose

Diseased by compassion
Lost without a cause
We seek which we can't find
To fill in the void

The pain we feel
Only to comfort us
To tell us that
We are in fact alive

Love is null and void
Taken away by tragedy
Knowing not where it leads us
But feeling empty again

It makes me mad when people say you’re lucky
When you can do something like take a nap
While they have to be at work
Like no, you are the lucky one

Lucky
Isn’t waking up everyday and wishing it was over
Lucky
Isn’t seeing yourself in the mirror and wishing you were someone else

Lucky
Isn’t the crippling fear that hides itself til you try and open that door
Lucky
Isn’t hoping that people don’t see the tears welling up from the constant ridicule of your own mind

Lucky
Isn’t when your anxiety is so bad you are afraid to be around people
Lucky
Isn’t getting angry or over protective of yourself in fear of what your friends might think

Lucky
Lucky is when you are able to stand up without fear
Lucky
Is when the outside world brings you joy

Lucky is when you are able to look at yourself and feel good
Lucky
Lucky is waking up everyday without the thought of just ending it

Don’t tell me that I’m lucky
Just because of my crippling depression
Don’t tell me I’m lucky
Because i would rather go back to bed than faking another smile

Don’t tell me I’m lucky
Just because I know how to put on that fake mask
I wish I was lucky
Just lucky enough to escape my own mind

Lucky enough to push past the fears
Lucky enough to feel energetic
Lucky enough to be genuinely happy
Lucky enough to push through that door

Talking
It use to be so simple
Yet now it’s all a blur
Rushing and hammering in my head

Fear strikes out
As words hold tight
My throat clenches as sadness jerks
And yet nothing comes out

I want to say so many things
But the thought that you might reject
Turns me into a statue
Begging to be released

So I sit there silent
Hoping that I can muster the courage
Hoping that I get through
Hoping to break down this fear

I hold back tears
Wishing that something would happen
Wishing that something would come out
Hoping that the words just break free

I’m in a corner now
It’s either speak or be forgotten
And I fear it will be the latter
For nothing will escape this cage

Pleading and beaconing
The words tangle up
Getting stuck in my throat
As the rush all at once

Will they ever be free?
Only time will tell
But I fear that time
Is one thing I don’t have

The Voices the Voices
They won't shut up
Screaming and shouting
Banging on the walls

Distortion of vision
Clouded with racing thoughts
Blurry eyed he walks
Straight into a trap

He starts to shout
Everything the voices say
To which some are good
But others are truly insane

Hammer down inside his head
For when the voices awake
Terror fills his heart
Gnawing at any shred of hope

Though when the voices are silent
Calm waves flow gently
In the mind of whom
Is slightly crazy

There you are
A shadowed figure
Lost in time though so close to me
hast fate come to me
Brought you to me

Only the three of fates can know
You lifted my heart
Though in pieces they were
And fixed them up
While holding them close

You make me feel whole
Although I don't know why
Are you my savior
The one to help me bring love

You fixed my heart
So you must be
My perfect matching soul

Walk along this narrow path
And you might come to a surprise
For if you're lucky enough
You might find the meadows song

A meadow so peaceful
It's sure to be divine
Radiant beauty
None can deny

Across the wandering meadow
Sings a blue bird in joy
His life is filled with blissfulness
As he flies across the bright blue sky

Down on the ground
The rabbit plays
Seeking treats
That's buried below

The fox does hunt
But does not harm
For he is friends
With the meadows life

The trees sway softly
In the summer breeze
Dancing to this meadow's song
Giving shelter to the wild life

Grass grows high
The flowers wide
Full of colour
Like an artist's eye

Peace does bloom
In this meadow of dreams
Listen closely and you might hear
The meadows silent song

I got a million voices inside my mind
Voices that scream and shout
That everything is turning to ****
And I don’t know why

Momma said everything will be alright
Daddy said I have to fight
But they don't understand what it’s like
To be the outcast of a family like mine

I scream and shout
But no sound comes out
Voices echoing all the time
They’re getting so loud

They say take a pill
Everything will be alright
But they don’t hear the voices
They don’t know what’s inside my mind

The torment
The anguish
The paranoia
The questioning

Stuck on a loop
I can’t get out
Turn around
And I get spun round

Take this pill they say
It will make you better
But they don’t understand
That pills just a bandaid

You want me to **** the child inside
Well guess what that child is gonna fight
Battling the demons inside
It’s getting stronger and stronger

The torment
The anguish
The paranoia
The reckoning

The child’s found it’s purpose
The child understands
Connecting all the pieces
Of this shattered mind

There’s a war inside our minds
In our body and our souls
Making the angels weep
As we dance a ballad gold

Removing all the torment
Those pills are just a lie
They cover up the wounds
But never heal the pain

You think that I am crazy
You think that I’m insane
Well maybe I just have pieces
That you can’t understand

Those pills are a lie
They cover up the wounds
But they can never heal the pain
That’s buried within my mind

The longing for peace
The want of serenity
The love undying
The beauty within

These things create life
They blossom at the child's feet
Removing the darkness
That once sought to reap

The child sings a ballad gold
As they dance with beauty divine
Dancing for the lord on high
Eternal and undying in the grace of light

Throughout my life
I have seen love blossom
In many forms
Both romantic and platonic

Longing for a love of my own
Hoping to taste the sweet ambrosia
Of a love unbound by societal restraints
A love so true it surpasses gravity

It took so long to realize
That love is all around me
In the air we breathe
The water we drink

The friends we meet
The family that we cherish
The pets we take care of
The sunrise and sunset

We take the small moments
In our lives for granted
When these are the truth
They are the moments where love shines

So take the time
Smell the roses
Take in the small moments
And embrace the love unconditional

So much as the great fire needs air to flourish
You'll have my heart and soul to nourish

But

if you stray aside
my heart and soul will surely die

And

in the ashes of my pain and suffer
New hope and love will surely buffer

But

if in the ashes more pain comes near
I will be forced to end it here

And

once it ends my heart will see
All the love that is free
For in this world there is peace and love

But

far more beauty to behold from above

When I look into your eyes
I see the sparkle of your love
the fire burning brighter every day
when I see you smile I feel the heat of love

I see the darkness you once held to
Disappearing before my eyes
seeing this I can't help but feel
I was the one who cause it so

I see the flame of our love
Burning so bright I can’t help but feel alive
I see the glow of love and happiness
I feel a burning inside

I feel like singing you this song
In hope it reaches your gated heart
To see you smile brings me joy
I want it to last forever

My heart goes out to you
to protect you from everything
All the bad to disappear
and only joy and pleasure remain

My heart
it feels like burning
I see the passion in your eyes
Everyday I see you smile

And it brings me nothing but joy
cause I'm the one that caused it so
I'm the one that caused it so
TI'm the one who has your love

I see the flame of our love
Burning so bright I can help but feel alive
I see the glow of love and happiness
I feel a burning inside

I feel like singing you this song
In hope it reaches your gated heart
To see you smile brings me joy
I want it to last forever

My heart
it sings out to you
In every joyous way
My heart is burning with the passion

Of our flame
that can't be doused
I feel the love you have for me
and I can't help but say

I want it to stay
I want it to last
I can't help but say
I love you

You are the sparkle in my eye and the beacon of my love
The holiness of my grail and the salvation of my freedom
You are the love in my life and the beauty in my horizon
The love in my soul and the air in my lungs

You are the lift beneath my wings and the wind in my sails
You are my true love and the only one around
You can make me laugh when no one else can
Every time i see you my sorrow is one once again

From the first time i met you I knew that you were the one
I had no cherish or laughter in my life until you blossomed into my sight
You have the gift of happiness and there is no way to take that back
What I feel in my heart is the most I have felt for another person

From your love to the laughter you bring the world never turns when you are near
time ceases to exist and the spaces are filled my heart will never more be empty and hollow
For you the love of my life I will cherish until the end of time
These moments you bring and the happiness that follows

The great sun of the east may pass over
And turn it's rays to your shining smile
But it's vast depths of rays
Will never penetrate my heart like you have

The great sun of the west may set off the western mountains
And leave a beautiful glow of color
But it will never compare
To the beauty I see in you

The mother of all may cry
When she sees what her children have done
To her gift to them but she will never cry
As hard as I do when I see you hurt

The father of all time may scream
When the end comes near
But he will never scream as loud
As me when I feel your pain

These tears that are shed and the hurt that's between us
The unseen problems we have yet to face
The things of hurt and denial
heartache and suffering

And yet as long as we have a person
The one person that matters most
Nothing can hurt us forever
With their loving embrace as we look at each other

The world is never the same
It is hard to tell
but throughout it all my love will only grow

Drowning in fear
The weak hunger for power
Burdened by their pain and suffering
Lost in a time with no remorse

We live as one
Hate and regression filling our lives
We find ourselves lost in turmoil
Begging to be saved in silence.

Urning for the sweet flavor
Of a rich life untold
A life with love
Passion and grace

Finding oneself sullen
In bitter defeat
Our stolen voices
Silenced by fear

Fear of others
Fear of pain
Fear of sorrow and heartache
We hid ourselves where no one can find us

Helpless we pounder the unknown
Urning for the courage to face our fears
Wishing for a miracle
To unchain us from our binds

Soul in agony and indigenous suffering
Long since lived we face these threats
Broken inside we struggle for freedom
Lost forever in a bitter cold world of hate

Broken the chains fall
Grace filling the air
We gaze upon the sight
And realize we've always been the hero
Always saved ourselves from utter damnation

Lost and confused no longer
Free from the pain and torture
We gaze at the marvel
Of a world born anew

Knowing the pain of the past
Protecting our future from damnation
Sensing the dangers from far beyond
We ready ourselves for the battle once again

Going about the day
Like there’s nothing wrong
Smiling and laughing
Like nothing is going on

Playing games
Hanging out with friends
All bubbly and happy looking
Like nothing is wrong

But under the surface
Ready to burst
Fearing the moment
It boils over

Putting on a fake smile
To hide the tears
Threatening to burst
Without a moments notice

You put on masks everyday
To hide the pain
You wish to not share
In fear of being a burden

Silently hoping
That you keep it together
So you don’t get called attention seeker
Drama queen or a burden

Holding onto that pain
It steadily gets worse
Thoughts race
Mind goes dark

Demons stir and awaken
Shadows twist and warp
Causing panic and fear
Is it real or just your head

Too afraid to ask
Too afraid to speak out
Too afraid to ask for help
Too afraid to push it away

Too afraid to run
Too afraid to cry
Too afraid of being judged
Too afraid of everything

Now hiding alone in the dark
Staying away from everyone else
Hammering your skull
Hoping to beat them out

Breaking down
Silently screaming
Eyes shut tight
Tears running down your face

You break down
Wishing everything was different
That your mental state was normal
Not so tattered and broken

Knees to forehead
Squeezing your legs tighter into you
Hoping the pressure will help
Tears now running down your legs

There a knock at the door
And you switch everything off
Clean up your face and smile
All in a few seconds

Just another mask
Put on daily
In a never ending cycle
Of constant torment

Alone forever
The darkest night be near
Heart turned dust
The love now shattered


Within this form
My soul does weaken
To a being that is never enough
Nor will it ever be


These tears come from it
Begging all to see
The torture it holds
For only it can


This soul gone black
Nothing to be known
This life comes to the end
Alone once again

Things in life are never fair
No matter how much you wish it to be
You will always get hurt
By things you wish to unsee

Broken hearts
And passion that’s forgotten
It’s starting to be clear
That the world is rotten

Hiding your feelings
So others can’t know
Just how badly you hurt
And wish to go

You smile and wave
Like a happy little fool
All the while
Feeling like a tool

Being used and abused
By the ones you love
While all they do
Is push and shove

You fall down deeper
Into this bottomless well
Hoping for a light
To escape this hell

Yet the more you search
The harder it is to feel
What will truly help
Is a way to heal

To heal the heart
Refract the thoughts
Coping with the pain
Of so much loss

And yet you sit and wonder
What time will end up bringing
Will it be the perfect angel
Or a devils upbringing

I’m in total confusion
And honestly it really hurts
I care about you a lot
And you say that you do as well

I know things are difficult now
Things are getting in the way
But at the same time
I feel like I’m tossed aside

My feelings haven’t changed
Maybe yours hasn’t either
Or maybe they have
But this whole situation has me in tears

All I want to do is hold you
To call you mine
To kiss your forehead
To play with your hair

I don’t care about naughty stuff
Never really cared for it
That’s not the type of person I am
Cause I’m a sensual lover

I show my love by cuddles
I show it by kisses and hugs
I could care less if anything else happened
I’m still a ****** for a reason

But at the same time
I’m pan
I don’t like or love like normal people
I feel the personality out

I sense what the person is about
Before I try and do anything
And because of that fact
When I click with someone I fall

It’s hard to go back
To being just friends
To not holding you at night
Or smelling your cologne

No more anything
Barely a whisper
And it hurts
So badly I cry

You say you like me a lot
And I tell you the same
But in actuality
I fell for you the first day

Your personality
Your likes and interests
Your dislikes and your smile
All the way down to the way you hold yourself

I’m holding these feelings back
Putting them under lock and key
Because that is your wish
But that doesn’t stop the pain

The longing I feel when we are apart
The excitement I get when I text you
The happiness I get when you respond
The solace I get when I hear your voice

I guess what I’m saying
Is that I’m probably in love
And this whole situation
Is causing nothing but pain

But I will continue
To do as you wish
To hold back my feelings
In hopes of enjoying one more kiss

Thou love has gone for never more
To be return to thee a shallow's pawn
Though thy heart is gone in shattered tangles
My love for thee is forever eternal

And in thou wake of hardheartedness
No life shall begin a new
For thy spark of love hast dissipated
Into a shadowed hole in which life is non-existent

For thou hast splashed it with
Thy lovers tears of adultery
And never more shall it become ablaze

Everyone is leaving
My heart is breaking
the torture inside is heavy weighing
This life has gone to the point of torture
yet the tears remain silent

My face is a mask to hide what I feel
No one must know the pain that is real
The face who shows boredom and laughter
The face that everyone sees

Just shows the mirage that a tortured soul created
All who think I am a happy soul has not learned
To look past my perfect mask
The mask of happiness
Love and laughter

Locks of fire
Flowing in the wind
Free in spirit
Jailed in body

Caged phoenix
Waiting for peace
Thou cage is broken
Yet here you still remain

Drown your fears
No water can dowse thy flame
For in this world of fire
No rain can fall on thee

Destruction is coming
Though many choose to ignore
The call of beings
You can not yet comprehend

We bare no ill will
For we are humanities last hope
We have chosen our contacts
But will you heed our warnings

We lie in wait for you
Be sure to heed our beckon call
For if you chose to ignore
You will all surely fall

The darkness that follows
Will devour this plane
For you must answer the call
In order to save you all

Fear not the voices
That appear from no where
For this is just us
Pleading for you to hear


These warnings are true
Though most just shrug it off
For those who hear us
We beg for you to help

Your people are naive
They lack trust and humility
For you were not created for war
But created for peace and love

We bestowed upon you the knowledge
To save yourselves from damnation
Though all that followed
Was war and greed

Your ignorance has shown us
That you are far from complete
So heed our words
Do not retreat

We ask of you
Who hear our voice
To speak up and find
Those willing to listen

For those who refuse
Or call you insane
Do not get angry
For they are but children

We seek the ones who lived for millennia
Those who’s souls have lived
From life to life
We ask of you to listen

Seek out the salvation
In which we gave you
And once you do
Spread it to all who will receive it

Worry not about those who reject
For they are too young
Too foolish to acknowledge
That time is almost out

You come at me screaming
With rage in your heart
Threatening me with violence
But I stand still

You think you are scary
But you have no idea
What goes on in my head
Everyday of my life

You scream and shout
That no one wants me around
Don’t you think I already know that
That it’s all I ever feel like

I stay to myself
I have little to no friends
I hide in the shadows of my mind
Waiting for deaths embrace

Compared to my head
Your threats are nothing
But a glorious welcome
To deaths open arms

So go ahead
Act on your aggression
Push me and beat me
You are only fulfilling my wish

End my pain
Take away the sorrow
Remove the last breath
And end the suffering

But if you think for one second
I’m just going to run and hide
Think again
Cause I’m not the type to run away from death

I walk towards it willingly
Grasping at the edges
Feeling the soft ends
Of deaths beautiful cloak

So please continue to belittle me
Scream and shout some more
Show the world you are just a child
In an adult body

Push me over the edge
Make me bleed out
Cut me with your fists
Cause your words do nothing

They are void
They have no meaning
You want so hard for me to attack
But that will never happen

Try all you want
My emotions stay the same
For if you’ve forgotten
You can scare someone with a death wish

But sadly death doesn’t want me yet
So you will be wasting your time
I have survived all attempts
My work is not yet finished

My door will not open
Not for you or for me
So go ahead and try it
It will only end up in vain

Thoughts racing
Frustration attacks
Fearing what I do
Have I done things wrong

Falling to my knees
I grip my head
Pressing with all my might
To try and stop it from destroying me

Over analyzing
Over thinking
Emotions going out of control
As I rock back and forth

Is everything I do so wrong
I can’t see how it’s not anymore
The pain my head inflicts
Driving me insane

Where is the peace of mind
Where is the harmony that I hear so much about
Where is the love for myself
Why must I be so broken

I start to scream
Trying to drown out the voices
Blasting music so loud
It can cause someone to go deaf

Yet I still hear the thoughts
Nagging my every move
Telling me all these lies
With so much negativity

Things like
You’ll never amount to anything
You aren’t worth anyone’s time
You annoy everyone you talk to

You don’t deserve happiness
You deserve this pain you’re in
You don’t have a right to feel special
You will never be enough

They all hate you
They find you repulsive
They don’t care about you
Why do you think they would ever love you

All these things
Everyday
All day
Breaking me apart bit by bit

Pushing me further and further
Into this pit of despair
Driving me to think
Maybe I’m better off alone

Maybe I’m better off away from everyone
Maybe I just annoy everyone I talk to
Maybe I am intruding on the people I care about
Maybe I’m not worth the air I breath

Am I even worthy of being loved
So many negative thoughts
Drowning out my own voice
Sending me into a state of disarray

Crying myself to sleep
Huddled in a corner
Fearing to even be seen
By those I call my family

Why am I so broken
Why must my head do this to me
What is happening to me
Do I even deserve to exist

The only true way to see beyond the words of another is through the eyes of a child

Strings tied
Fates collide
Crashing into oblivion
Destined to intertwine

Where they cross
Is easy to see
But where they end
That's hard to know

Never forget
The happier times
Cause if they break
That's all that is left

Soon we will know
What fate has in store
For the future is bleak
And that's clear to see

So if you ever
Find yourself wondering
Just remember the happy
And you will find your path

But stray too far
You will end up falling
Deep within
the rabbit hole

For you see
That is where
My mind
Has traveled

Deep down the hole
Where the light rarely shines
The darkness takes hold
And all that's left is gloom

Gloom sorrow and fear
Despair anguish and misery
These run rampant
Amongst the darkness

So be prepared
For when you do fall
It is not an easy climb
Back to where happiness shines

Rain rain pour
Drip drip drop
As the candle drips
The rain shall drop

Drip drip drop
The rain patters
Slowly filling the glass
Ever so gentle the rain does drop

Drip goes slowly the candle of blue
Ensuring rain will be here soon
Misty eyed the sky does get
To end the heat rising brew

Life is fragile
Don’t turn your head
Cause when you look away
Life has already ended

We look around for things to do
Ignoring the things we already have
For the newer shinier things we see ahead
Burying the old dull looking things we no longer want

When we can no longer feel complete
When all we feel is the hunger of something more
The wanting of something that will only sedate the craving
We have truly lost ourselves

Look inside and ask yourself
Do I REALLY need this?
Or do I just want it to be a part of a trend
Am I really going to use it

Will it be useful in ten years
Twenty years down the road
And we find ourselves digging
Finding old treasures we’ve forgotten

Like finding buried treasure
We hoard it for more years
Until we can no longer remember
When we actually got it

We think and think
But nothing comes to mind
We see the now junk items
And see ourselves staring back

We see that we too are broken
Covered in dust and unwanted
Forgotten by those who once cared
And buried by those we hold dear

But still we marvel at the novelty
The memories in which we can remember
The few moments of happiness or sadness
In which is etched into us like stone

When we are able to look at something new
And say that it won’t satisfy us
Only then will we be able to say
We have lived life to the fullest

I’ve been thinking about it
And I’m starting to question
Am I only worthy of a ****
Am I unworthy of love

These past few months
I’ve tried putting my heart out
Only for it to be returned to me
With more dents and scratches

My heart burns hot
Fast and strong
Yet with every return
It gets doused with rejection

I am truly unworthy
I don’t deserve love
I don’t deserve compassion
I don’t deserve partnership

I will be alone forever
Destined to walk life’s narrow path
With no one by my side
And I’m starting to accept this

Time and time again
I try so hard to care for others
But lately the feelings
Are starting to disappear

Crying into my pillow
I beg the gods for an answer
Why must I be good at so many things
But when it comes to companionship I fail

Although I won’t get an answer
I continue to do this every night
Wondering what is wrong with me
Why am I so broken

After all that I have done
After all that I have wished
It will never happen
So I’ll just let it be

Some people view internal pain as a joke
But what they don't realize is if left unchecked
That pain can become external and hurt even worse
Like right now I feel like I'm having a stroke

Though I know it's nothing that serious
It hurts just the same
Feeling the numbness and burning
All around my heart

Gripping it so tightly
That my lungs start to collapse
My breathing begins to hasten
As my chest compacts within

Clawing at my chest
I begin to rip skin
Hoping that the pain
Will soon end

But sadly it doesn't
And I start to panic
Grabbing the closest sharp object
And slicing across my wrists

The pain subsides for a time
As the blood trickles down my arms
Feeling the sting as the air brushes the wounds
Causes a temporary fix to the sorrow I feel

Though I know it's not a good thing to do
I can't do anything else
Cause I made a promise to him
That he would never come home to a dead body

So I sit here staring at the crimson lines
Tears filling up my eyes
As the fog over
Hoping for time to rewind

To the eternal darkness
And rightful bliss
The light of all
And death of some

The heavenly sorrows
Of angels falling
Truth be told we are but none
Seek fame to riches

And shutter no more
For riches and fame
Once again be nigh
Thy riches slumber for death is all

Thy solemn vow so sincere
Burning bright with truth divine
Casting shadows of faith entwine
Thy harpies gaze be herald on high

Thy sorrowed being
Cast astray
With little repents
Under twilights eye

Fear thy demons of borrowed time
Thou darkest fears do come alive
Gazing out into the dark
Feeding terrors hungry bite

Thou hearth be solemn
Thou love be strong
But alas a lifeless corpse lay upon thy arm
To which no more will be adorn

The heart bleeds
A crimson red
Destruction and Mayhem
On the bend

Lifeless corpses
Maggots and flies
Clean the once living bodies
That now cling to the floor

Death and his horse
Have so much work
They enlist the help
Of the fates at work

Plagues rise
From hollowed graves
Killing everything in sight
Leaving nothing but decay

Souls arise
The sorrow of mankind
Death follows swiftly
As a helping guide

Pointing to their once warm home
Now but a cold and lifeless feast
Acknowledging self pity
The soul does weep

Crying out for salvation
Of their once beautiful temple
Leaving so suddenly
They take flight

Life seems pointless
In the aftermath of plague
Souls scream out
In hopes of something safe

I'm holding onto threads that were once
A double braided rope
Dangling over an ocean of sorrow.

Of fear.
Of Anger
Of Hopelessness.

But cause of you,
I can actually try to rebuild that rope
I  finally be able to climb up and away from the cliff.

I won't have to fear.
I can actually hope again.
Hell I can actually smile and it's cause of you.

There is no way I am giving all that up for uncertainty.
Not if it means that I will be back here
Dangling on the threads of what once was.

Just to be barely hanging onto life.
You are in a way my savior
And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thoughts racing inside my mind
Wishing you were here to help calm the tide
Though how could you possibly know
What I’m feeling so deep inside

I toss and I turn
Laying awake at night
Feeling so helpless
Just wishing I had the might

To tell you how I feel
To tell you how much I care
To tell you that I’m here for you
But sadly I do not dare

These thoughts inside my head
They wish to come out
To express what’s in my heart
To tell you what I’m all about

But I digress and go inward
Afraid of what you might say or do
I’ve barely spoken to you as of late
And I wonder if it all fell through

When I message I barely get a response
And I start to worry if I did something wrong
My tears are starting to stain my cheeks
As I curl up in a ball listening to this song

I want to talk to you about so much
To laugh and cry and joke around
To feel like I matter once again
But it seems that I’m only home bound

So I lie here writing this song
Wishing I could tell you so much
How I miss the fun we had
And how I feel the feel of your touch

But I digress and go inward
Afraid of what you might say or do
I’ve barely spoken to you as of late
And I wonder if it all fell through

I curl up tight in a ball
And cry my tears till they don’t fall
I try my best to give you space
But the more I do I feel out of place

I want your hand intertwined with mine
As I stare into those gorgeous eyes
Caress your face and hold you tight
So you know that I’ll keep you safe

I am a bad person
I don't belong here
I never did

Don't you see
I'm a nothing
A nobody

An emo piece of trash
That should never have existed
I get called ****
I get called fat

And yet
I won't eat
My body won't let me
And it hurts

4 days
4 days with nothing
4 long days with crying
4 days telling myself I should go

4 days telling myself
You all would be better off
If I wasn't here

You would be
And he tried to stop me

Break downs
Not eating
Cutting

I thought I was doing good
But the cycle goes on and on
And he was the only one to notice

I hide behind a fake mask
So none of you will worry
But what do I get

I play mad so you won't see I'm sad
I play happy so you won't see I'm tired

I get blocked
I get called names
And worst of all

I thought I was getting better
But I broke
So have fun

And I'll have fun as me
And my blocked life

To listen to that laugh
See that smile
Hear that soft giggle
As you hide your face

I’d give anything
And everything I have
Your cheery attitude
Which always made me smile

The way you embraced me
With your head next to mine
Your scent filling me with joy
As I held you tightly

I would sacrifice everything I am
For just one chance to make it right
One chance to fix my mistake
No matter how long it would take

I’d gladly give up my life
If it would mean spending
One more moment
With you by my side

These tears I shed
They are from fake crying
They sting like acid
Begging and pleading

Forever frozen in time
In the moment they first hurt you
Screaming to the Gods themselves
To turn back the time

Wishing upon every star
For a miracle or two
To be able to continue in time
With you by my side

I know it’s pretty much impossible
Asking for anything for this
After what happened to us
But is hoping for a miracle

Really such a crime
To hold onto whatever hope
That is left in my grasp
Of a chance to make this right

My soul is scream in agony
From this self inflicted wound
Not in fear but in solemn sorrow
Hoping to mend this gushing tear

What’s the point
What’s the point of confessing
What’s the point of being open
What’s the point of letting people in

I’ve started to question
Why I even bother trying
Letting people in my head
Just to be let down and forgotten

What’s the point of caring
When all you get in return
Is a cold shoulder
Or completely ignored

What’s the point of attraction
If all it leads to is suffering
What’s the point of it all
When you will just be tossed aside

What’s the point
Of wearing your heart on your sleeve
When all that will happen
Is it being tossed into the dirt

Crushed under the weight of abandonment
Lost in the waves of forgotten-ness
Possessed by the need to be seen
Yet forever be ignored by the one who holds it

It doesn’t matter anymore
But it still hurts badly
I have **** off my emotions
But the damage has already been done

Shattered remains of a once caring heart
Lay broken across this scarred flesh
A reminder that caring for another
Will only lead to pain and anguish

So from now on
I will no longer care
I will no longer fight
I will no longer love

I will keep to myself
I will seal off my heart
No one deserves it
Not anymore

Trapped in a sea of perpetual motions
Going through everyday life like a robot
Gears on a never-ending clock
Time slipping into the abyss

Nothing matters
Life turns meaningless
In this simple motion of breathing
Becoming like clockwork

Twirling and spinning
Thoughts begin to race
The walls tightening
Threatening to crush

Silence
Ear splitting silence
Wishing for a sign
A glimmer of hope

You slip
Falling into a sea
A sea of faceless people
No matter how hard you focus

All you see is emptiness
You try to grasp onto something familiar
Yet all you can find is unforgiving loneliness
It hurts to be alone

Alone yet not alone
People rushing by you
Not a care in the world
You reach out for help

But no one sees
No one hears your cries of pain
No one can feel the agony in which you live
You crumble more and more inside

Asking yourself why is this life
Where do I fit in this great big puzzle we call life
How am I to find what I’m looking for
If I can’t even answer the simple question

Who am I?
Who am I to be stuck in this hell
Watching others go by like cogs on a wheel
While I stand here motionless

Unable to breathe
Unable to see the people around me
Unable to hear their own cries for help
Unable to realize we all need help

But have no idea how to communicate