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Sep 2021
Going about the day
Like there’s nothing wrong
Smiling and laughing
Like nothing is going on

Playing games
Hanging out with friends
All bubbly and happy looking
Like nothing is wrong

But under the surface
Ready to burst
Fearing the moment
It boils over

Putting on a fake smile
To hide the tears
Threatening to burst
Without a moments notice

You put on masks everyday
To hide the pain
You wish to not share
In fear of being a burden

Silently hoping
That you keep it together
So you don’t get called attention seeker
Drama queen or a burden

Holding onto that pain
It steadily gets worse
Thoughts race
Mind goes dark

Demons stir and awaken
Shadows twist and warp
Causing panic and fear
Is it real or just your head

Too afraid to ask
Too afraid to speak out
Too afraid to ask for help
Too afraid to push it away

Too afraid to run
Too afraid to cry
Too afraid of being judged
Too afraid of everything

Now hiding alone in the dark
Staying away from everyone else
Hammering your skull
Hoping to beat them out

Breaking down
Silently screaming
Eyes shut tight
Tears running down your face

You break down
Wishing everything was different
That your mental state was normal
Not so tattered and broken

Knees to forehead
Squeezing your legs tighter into you
Hoping the pressure will help
Tears now running down your legs

There a knock at the door
And you switch everything off
Clean up your face and smile
All in a few seconds

Just another mask
Put on daily
In a never ending cycle
Of constant torment
Cerasium
Written by
Cerasium  31/Gender Nonconforming/Phoenix, Arizona
(31/Gender Nonconforming/Phoenix, Arizona)   
890
     Traveler and Sarita Aditya Verma
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