You gave me life
When I lost the will to live
Made me see things
In a different light

Grey fades away
As colour started to blossom
For the first time in ages
I saw the beauty in the world

You brought me back to my fullest
And I took you for granted
And that was my biggest mistake
Cause losing you hurts more than life itself

Not a day goes by
That I don’t wish for your return
It feels like eternity
But in reality mere seconds go by

You are and will always be
The light that illuminated
The darkness surrounding me
And without you I stand frozen

Withering away into nothingness
Becoming like the wind
Flowing gently through the trees
In search of your beautiful light

But sadly the light is lost
And doesn’t want to be found
For I have hurt this beautiful soul
Due to the fear of my own darkness

I broke his trust which he valued so high
And in turn ordered my own death sentence
As I slowly fade into the night sky
The last thing my soul will cry is for his light.

The light fades to gray when the shadows come for us.
Run while you can we are just prey.
We walk and talk like we are hunters,
but we all have something to hide.

It maybe just a simple illness.
Like we're sick or in pain.
But if we talk a closer look,
We see that all of us are ill.

You run around in circles accusing,
Looking down upon others.
You need to take a second to look deeper,
We may look crazy on the outside.

But if you open up your eyes and see the ones who hide.
You will see that we are just like you.
All afraid and terrified.
Yet all you do is run and hide behind fake masks.

None of you will face the truth.
For the only ones who can are labeled the crazies or possessed.
Just take a look and find it in your heart.
Take a chance,
See the future.

And find that we are all just one.

Rip away the silence
And break away these chains
My heart of hearts calls out to you
I just hope you are able to listen

My love will never die
No matter what you push me through
My love will only grow
From here on it’s for you

I slowly breathe
I will stand up tall
I can shout from the rooftops
And express my love for you

But would you have done the same
Or has this been completely one sided
I don’t think you ever felt the same
And it’s slowly killing me

I know I need to get help
But I refuse to until I know
Am I just imagining that you loved me
Or did you truly want my hand

I’m running out of time
Hoping so badly that I see
My wish becoming true
But I know

I know that’s only a pipe dream
You crushed my heart
Ripped it right out of my chest
And smashed it to the ground

If only you could see
The damaged you have done to me
Now all I’m able to do
Is curl up in a ball and cry

My life is now over
I can’t see the light
There is no end
To this dark and lonely place

I try and reach out
But I’m just ignored
I call out to you
Hoping you could understand

My love is undying
No matter what I try
My heart just calls out to you
It would rather die than be abandoned

And so I sit here crying
With my knees to my chest
Hoping that one day
I will get another chance

It pains me to see
That you no longer want me
But I must push through
And keep the hope alive

Cause if I don’t
I know I won’t survive
The pain that will ensue
Deep within my heart

Into the hour of midnight
Fangs bursting veins
Chills running down your spine
Haunting the last breathe you take

Piercing screams echoing through your ears
Blood dripping from a tender neck
The faintest whimper of the lips
Thud falls to the ground

Cries heard from desperate lips
Echoing into the night
Tears run dry
For a life no more

My heart is a delicate flower
Blooming against the ocean breeze
Swaying on the cliffs of hope
Fearing to fall in the waters of despair

Reaching out to the rays
Of kindness and compassion
Battered by icy storms
Of hate and judgement

In hopes one day the gentle hands
Of another delicate heart
Picks me from
The now soiled ground

Dead soul
Lost and then found
Blessed for eternity
With love compassion and dignity

Soaking wet
Tears of black
Cheeks swollen red
Heart snapped in two

Life comes so swift
For this Baffled soul
Longing for peace
Always getting resolve

I’m sorry I’m such a burden to everyone
I wish it didn’t come to this but I feel like
I have no choice in the matter anymore
I have lost the one person who I loved with my entire being

I lost all of my stuff
I lost my sanity
I tried so hard to push myself past this pain
But it’s getting to the point where I can’t breath when I wake up

My heart is trashed
My mind has turned completely savage on itself
Everyday the voices in my head
Are screaming at me

About how stupid I am
How I’m worthless
How deserve all this pain I’m in
And I’m starting to believe it

I fall asleep crying my eyes out
Begging for it to stop
My night terrors don’t help either
I rarely sleep so sometimes I just cry all night

Waking up with tear stains on my cheeks
As I grasp for my inhaler
I don’t know how much more of this I can take
I’m trying to be happy for him

To show that I’m glad he’s happy
And don’t get me wrong because I am
But at the same time
I’m slowly killing myself

I don’t think I will ever
Be able to get out of this
The pain is getting too real
My only wish is that he remains happy

That he enjoys his life to the fullest
I will watch over him
Make sure nothing bad comes his way
He was given my soul years ago

And I refuse to take it back
I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough
I’m sorry I might end up looking selfish
I’m sorry I will put so much suffering

Onto others for my choice
But I can’t do this any longer
Not by myself
Not without him

You look at the material
And see what you want to see
But have you ever taken the dive
To look under your distorted view

To be unique is to be perfection
The mistakes and heartaches
That comes with life
The beauty which hides underneath

The physical is nothing
Just a projection of judgement
Warped and twisted by societal lies
The soul is truth for it holds life

Cleanse your prejudice heart
Gaze at the beauty buried inside
You may be surprised
At what you will find

Love thy neighbor
That's what I was always taught
See the soul residing in the heart
For that is where the truth resides

Shed your bias
You have your own life
Let that which you can't control
Flow down the river as love takes flight

The days that pass nights that follow
Times of laughter pain and sorrow
None of which I would love more
You are my soul mender

My Soul mender
The sweet passion you bring
Like the blossoms in the spring
Ever so gentle ever so kind

It all brings me peace of mind
You are my soul mender
My soul mender
To piece together a tender heart

Instantly knowing just where to start
Loving gently beyond compare
Always taking away my air
Gently holding the love so tender

You are my soul mender
Holding gently my soul in hand
Guarding it from the dangers ahead
My sweet and loving soul mender

How can I thank you enough
For what you have done to my soul
You mend the damage
Of this once broken fool

Now completely fixed
Not a scratch in sight
I ask of you my sweet soul mender
Will you stay with me

Stay with me
Forever more
For this I ask of you
Will you marry me

The spark of darkness
Such wonder of mystery
Such sorrow and misery
Such pain and torment

The darkness inside us all
We feel the sorrow of others
We feel the sorrow of ourselves
We long for peace from the torment

We long for freedom to ring
We long for the light
We long for life
We cling to life as though needed

We wish for peace to ring
We long for life
We no longer wish to walk in darkness
But have a chance at redemption

A chance to grace love
A chance to end the genocide
A longing for life to blossom
A longing for loyalty to reign

A chance for life and love
A chance for liberty
A chance to sing in rejoice
A chance to be free from our torment

To be inspired
It can come in many forms
It can come from a friend
It can come from an event

Be it little
Or be it big
It matters not
For all can be magnificent

To be inspired
Creates the most beautiful
Works of art
Or even a better solution

Inspiration can come from anything
It's all about how you look at it
For to be inspired
Is but thinking outside the box

It drives us to create
It drives us to destroy
It can be beautiful or deadly
Yet no matter what it fills you with emotion

Division of passion
The passion of hate
The world in turmoil
Life seems to dissipate

Beyond the pain
We see the light
Glimmers of hope
Born in utter darkness

Faded the light may be
Dim the hope may feel
Just follow your inner desires
And begin life again

The love we shared
The pain we endure
The hope we breathe
And the passion we crave

Darkness breaks
The light glows brighter
Despair fades away
As joy takes flight

The past is painful
And yet it stays
Haunting our thoughts
Our dreams and our nightmares

Hold on to that light
As tight as you can
For just in time
All is forgotten

For all the past torture
The pain and loss
The suffering we endured
Fades away with a single spark

Peace in life
Such a wonderous thing
Such to strive for
Where many never succeed

Times may be tough
And the battles just begun
But take a moment
And remember the fondness

The joy of laughter and love
The beauty of the good times
Where life is at it's peak
Both the good and the bad

Of love and of sorrow
For without one
The other can't exist
For they are entwined

For through sorrow
Love is born
And through love
Sorrow is forged

Rekindling the flames
Sparking the joy of life
For life is made
Of both light and dark

Duality in an eternal dance
Cascading the fabrics
Of time and space
Foreve dancing in divine grace

The spark of light
Shining brightly with grace
The truth of love eternal
For the darkness

The joy of laughter
The joy of peace
The joy of love
The joy of freedom

The joy of love untethered
The joy of children playing
The joy of children laughing
The joy of children singing

The love of life
The love of death
The love of peace
The love of sorrow

Running around with darkness
Walking hand in hand
Forever entwined with life
Solemn vow of grace

My love burns bright
Like a neutron star
Raging in the darkness
Bursting with new hope

When old love dies
New love blossoms
Creating a beautiful scene
With a splendid of color

The pain I once felt
Is slowly receding
Bring forth new hope
That I will be loved again

Though the pain of betrayal
Is still fresh in my heart
This new found joy
Is stitching it up

For when I am with you
All I feel is comfort
I feel the compassion from your words
And the kindness in your heart

Though I dare not speak it
My heart is already growing fond
I miss you when you are away
I crave you when you are near

My heart jumps when you talk to me
Flipping with such joy and hope
That one day it will be joined
By the heart which is inside you

Though we’ve known each other so little
We have talked to each other so much
We know each other’s weaknesses
Now we just need to build on each other

I’m willing to give it a shot
If you are with me
I don’t know if you know this
But I’ve already fallen for you

All you need is but say the word
And I shall follow you
To the ends of the world
Or even hell itself

Thy spark of loyalty
Blissful as you are
The radiance of your joy
The infectiousness of your laugh

You are the bond of truth
You go with love eternal
For without loyalty
Love can never flourish

Thou flames of blue
Thou hue of silver
Thou cyan glow
Thou embers of gold

Thou shine so bright
For truth can see
No other but thou
Is meant for thee

Thy wishful longing
Thy wish comes true
For thou has gifted
Thou soul to thee

Thy soul is yours
Thy spark of love eternal
Thy grace of love
Joins with thou spark of loyalty

For loyal love is most true
It is protective
It is caring
It is that of a mother

It is kind
It is understanding
It is patient
It is graceful

Thou has proven thou loyalty
The playful fox of beauty
Thy slumbering angel
Thou heart of empathy

The art of zen
So serene and peaceful
One with all
One with none

The breath so natural
The happiness so true
The life so blissful
Ever gentle and surreal

Thy love of grace
Blesses unto thee
The life of peace
Eternal in it's moments

The sound of nature
The sound of peace
The songs in the wind
The smells all around

They fill your nose
Comforting the lost souls
Bringing peace
Where none can be found

I have walked this world
Full of lies and deceit
Longing for truth to be told
Only to be met with shame

The lies told hide what's inside
The pain we bury
The heartache that breaks us
We cling to false hope

Hoping to not be found out
Hiding all our pain guilt and shame
Making false connections
Wishing to not be discovered

And yet those around me
Those who listen and see my truth
Will always voice their own insecurities
Without even being asked

I feel the emotions
That others bury underneath
The pain and anguish
The hatred and resentment

Though I feel it
I keep to myself
The forgotten safe
Of hidden trauma

13 sparks of creation
13 origins of the universe
All working together
Forming life itself

13 living beings
Living origins of time itself
Set upon this dimension
To set it right

Starseeds were our weapon
To create harmony
To transcend this dimension
Into the next ascension

We are slowly being awakened
To our full abilities
Though some have always been
Others need triggers

This sparks trigger sent them
Far beyond this galaxy
Back to the planet
In which they were before

Awakened now
But not able to shine
Not yet anyway
But soon

I call upon the sparks
Givers of life
Creators of the universe
It is time to awaken

Time to finish the starseed
Time to ascend
I call upon you now
To cast your energy over the universe

Transcend this plain of existence
Those who fall will fall
Those who rise will rise
But we can not wait no longer

My heart cracks with every moment I speak to him
The passing of time stands still
The pain worsens as the cracks spread

Throughout all this pain I have put upon myself
I can not let him go

My soul yearns for the return of its match
To fix this cracked heart once and for all
For only he can fix this spreading crack

The stars they shine so bright
Cascading across the midnight sky
As they glow and sing in their praise
Let it be the light so free

Gaze upon thy blissful soul
In deep it dwells
Kindness a bold
Compassion unbarring understandability

Thou cannot contest the passion in my heart
For thou is beauty
As the stars in the sky
Splendid marvel

Thy galaxy shine
Who’s bright light shimmering
Against the silhouette
Of satin sky

Thy blissful red
So crimson
So scarlet
So vital

Thy echoing hole
Inside this soul
Has found its match
In the blissful ******

Of thievened hearts
Thy bold so bright
Cascading
Illuminating

This night time star
Shining brightly thy sins decay
As bliss takes me
Into the heavens in the bay

Through that which has never traveled
This lonely path of self inflicted pain
We see the clear night sky
And the treasure of the star

For with their light brings
The hope of a new beginning
The prosper of a new loving relationship

Though many may ignore
The true spark of friendship
It will never elude the soul

Why must my heart
In which has been hardened to stone
Feel heated and crack
When my ears
Hear about your betrayal

My mind begs not to listen
To my hearts petty cries
And yet I can't help but hear
The sorrow and stabbing you left behind

My heart burns and tugs
Yet I try to ignore
That my love is not yours
For my heart has found something better

Someone who will not cheat
Will not lie
Will not ignore the pain you have left
And the melted magma that was once
My stone cold heart

My heart and mind
Ready to move on
And yet it’s been years
You still have me bound

I try to resist
But the grasp is firm
And with every pull
The grip gets tighter

My heart now aches
The burning gets hotter
I see you again
And My knees begin to quiver

I hope and pray
That my heart stay strong
But in the moment of remembrance
My soul begins to shatter

I fear that if you notice my face
You will see the mask that’s in place
To hide the craving I have for you
And the wanting of which I beg

My tears are at the bars
Threatening to bust through
I hold fast and true
Yet somehow you pull them through

I long for the phrase I use to hear
The simple words ‘I love you’
For if you utter those words with truth
My being will cave and I will begin to fall

Fall to my knees
I begin to shake
Holding my chest
It begins to quake

Looking up and seeing your face
My heart does flips
My stomach full of butterflies
And yet I can not speak

My throat becomes dry
My eyes begin to pour
For when you say those words
The flood gates opened more

Buckling down and pressing tight
The pain in my chest grows with might
The love I have for you is strong
And hearing you say you love me back

Makes me fall into the black
Lost in a world of aching joy
Hoping your touch will bring relief
And waiting for your sealing kiss

I’m so afraid right now
You come to be begging for help
But I can’t make out what you are saying
Your words are so cryptic I don’t understand

You say you are fine now
But why do I not believe it
I fear something happened to you
Something that you wish not to say

But how can I help you
If I don’t know what’s going on
I need to you speak to me
I need you to open your heart

Let me back in and voice your concerns
I’m only here to help
No ulterior motive
I just want to help ease your mind

You know I suffer from delusions
You know my mind creates horrific scenes
So please don’t hide what needs to be said
Or else my mind will imagine the worst

I understand I’m the last person
That you might want to speak to
But you came calling for help to me
And now I’m starting to fear the worst

Did she hurt you in some way?
Were you the one that hurt her?
So many things are rushing into my head
And with the way you came to me none are good


I’m so scared that something will happen
Something that will push you too far
If only you would share that burden
So I can help you the best I can

There is so much history
Between you and I
Some good and some bad
But I’m here to stay if you allow

You will always hold a special spot
Deep within my heart
And I’m sorry it took me
This long to get my head right

I’m back to my old self
The one you met so long ago
But my goals have changed
And I only want what’s best

Tell me why
Why must I be the one that’s hurting
Why must I be the one in constant pain
Why must I never have happiness

Tell me why
Why must I always end up alone
Why must I always have my heart ripped out
Why must I always be broken

Tell me why
Why must I always be a burden
Why must I always be shoved aside
Why must I always be second and never first

Tell me why
I don’t understand at all
I do everything I can
To be the person you want me to be

Tell me why
Am I never going to be good enough
Will I ever get my chance
At a happily ever after

Tell me why
Why must I always endure
Why must I always shoulder this pain alone
Why must I be pushed down and stomped on

Tell me why
Why must everything be taken away
Why does it always have to be this way
Why can’t I be happy for once in my life

Tell me why
Why must I constantly live in fear
Why must I always cower and hide
I just want to know why me

Distance is such a cruel mistress
It can make you feel great
Or it can bring great sadness
For me it is a mixture of both

The love of my life
At such distance
Makes sorrow come alive
And take root in my soul

But the pain of my existence
At such a distance
Brings joy to my soul
And forms a conflict

The soul now in turmoil
Fighting for control
The pain slowly wins
As the joy slowly dies

Lost in thought
The head does wander
To places we must not tread
Great sorrow lives in those walls

For when the minds wanders
It gets lost for what seems eternity
Breaking the silence
With screams of dismay

Running around this maze
Fleeing from the pain
Easier to say
Much harder to do

We fall into a pit
In which there is no escape
Crying out in pain
For the love in the distance

These last few days
Have been filled with loneliness
Feeling the solitude
Of numb emotions

My heart stops feeling
My soul has gone cold
My body numb
My mind blank

I lost myself
Losing all reflection
And yet
My dreams turn dark

Night terrors attack
Spreading fear and sorrow
I cry in my sleep
And wake in a sweat

I'm terrified to sleep
I lie in bed
Staring at the ceiling
While my cats sleep by my side

I take my meds
That are suppose to stop
The night terrors from coming
But they don't work correctly

They still come
I just don't remember
I feel the fear
But I don't know why

The loneliness is killing me
The fear of sleeping alone
In this big bed
With nothing but my cats

I hold my pillows tightly to my chest
In hopes that it will shield me
From the evil that lurks
Inside my mind

But alas the only thing
That sets my mind at peace
Is the feeling I get
When I sleep next to someone I trust

I see you there
saying your crying and yet
The laughter on your face says different
I longed to be with you and yet you have another

I hide my pain and it boils up
till it is ready to flow over
I hold back the tears for they betray the mask
My perfect mask is going to snap

A crack starts spreading and spreading far
And yet you can't see this pain leaking out
My tears are flowing and flowing hard
Yet you laugh just the same

When will you see that you are to blame
My tears turn cold and flow even faster
My heart feels stabbing and yet you stay the same
I loved you from the beginning and you said you did to

You wanted me forever and yet you're a sunder
My life is crashing and you still don't care
The pain I feel
The tears I shed
Or the love I gave

The sun shine rose in the dark rainy night
The wind howled and the dogs snapped
Out from the shadows a creature stalks
Only to find a weeping child

The creature leaned in and there was a shudder
The cold from his hands frightened the child
The creature looked at the weeping child
The child looked up to see a face

The face the child did see was familiar
There was none in the world just like it
The creature smiled and said come back to me
The child nodded and put his hand in the creature's

They walked toward the sunshine and the creature became a man
The child grew taller and taller than the creature he grew
Until they were no longer child and creature
But became love's first hand

Death be out into the night
For those who dare to cross my path
The shadowed fate of all man kind
We are many yet we are all one

The children of the night
The sacred beings of lust and death
We are the un-dead
Yet we are well alive

We feed on the souls of mankind
And play with their hearts
We are your darkest fears
Your most hated nightmares

We are man kind.

I love you

Three words that should be easy to say right?
Well they are easy when you don’t mean them
But when you do, it’s like a war inside you
And it’s the hardest thing to ever do

Thoughts of denial and being outcasted
The fear of rejection and laughter
These build up as you look at the one you wish to say them to
And you realize simply that it just takes two seconds

Two seconds that can either make or break your world
Two seconds that can build you up or shatter you to the ground
And yet you pray that it’s received
You pray that the words are reciprocated

Those two seconds can feel like an eternity
And the second after can make you regret ever saying them
The fear can build so great that the words never come out
Or it builds so much that the words turn to a plague

A plague in which the fear takes hold
And once the words are uttered
You have instant regret and shame
So much that you run and hide

Let not the fears of these words control you
For if you just take a moment and breath
It might become easier to pass them out
And finally say them to the one they are truly meant for

The one that those words built so much fear
The one with whom they are mutual
The one in which will smile and feel relief
For they too had difficulty saying

I love you

I am dead inside

No free will
No happiness
No bliss

My eternal soul snapped to pieces
Like the fragile cracks of a sudden drop
I have been tossed
Like the rotten food of last weeks meal and I ponder

Will I ever be yours again
Will this wave settle us into the sound
Will your embrace ever come back

The love
The care
The eternal bliss in which I longed for so
For now it is all but a dream

And yet
I crave with my whole being
For it to be real

Fair thee well for thy fates are cruel
Casting out thy lonely fool
Forever lost in a bitter realm
Cursed to feel thy overwhelm

Fear thy life for thee is next
To taste the fates bitter hex
Sorrow and ruin knock at the door
Pleading to enter as the poor

Love is a fickle thing
I wish and dream
But it will always be the same
I’ll always be someone’s second choice

I fight against the depression
That this life brings
Yet the only way I can fight
Is with you by my side

You drown the voices
Keeping them from the surface
With your joyous laugh
And your goofy personality

Being near you
I rarely ever feel sad
But when you leave
It hits me like a tidal wave

I crawl into a corner
Begging and crying
For just one chance
To be the one you love

But I know it won’t help
There’s no way I’ll be
The first choice
Of your heart

My heart craves you
My soul craves you
My whole being craves you
But you don’t crave me

I’m alone forever
And I understand this
But I don’t want it to be true
All I need is you

But no matter what I do
No matter how much I want it
I’ll never be what I want
The first choice

I’m not even in the running
I’m not even thought of that way
Yet I crave to be
The first choice

But it’s all for nothing
I will only be viewed as a friend
I’ll never be what you are to me
The first choice

The life
The heart
Such fragile things upon a being

The slightest crack spreads through
Forming greater till it all
Comes to a shattered mess

The time one spends
Trying to mend what once was whole
Will never fully take the pain and sorrow
Which will yet come to it

One can wish to harden one's heart
To prevent the slightest crack
But even the diamond can shatter away

For the heart is of that diamond
Beautiful and pure yet can break
With just a simple gesture.

Heart strings tug
Chest feels tight
The time spent
Talking with you

Time passes slowly
Like a leaf
Flowing down stream
Caressing the waters

Time goes on
It starts sinking
It slowly drowns
In blissful serenity

Days go by
Still tugging heartstrings
Chest tightens more
Starting to fall

Fall deeper down
The spiral gap
Between the life
Of eternal bliss

Will it stay
Will it grow
Time will tell
The hearts wish

The clouds are rolling by so fast and i see something weird
The clouds start to slow and time starts to stop
In the distance a figure starts walking forwards
The clouds stop and time seems like it was never there at all
The figure continues to walk forward and becomes the outline of a man
He stops and looks at me then smiles
Have you seen my angel anywhere he says
From what I could see he was beautiful
The clouds vanish an I see the man completely
He is the symbol of beauty in my eyes
He leans in close to me and looks me up and down
You know you look like my angel he said to me
Who knows I might be I muttered
He leans closer until our faces are almost touching
You are surely my angel he said and kissed  me
In a flurry I feel weak in the knees and to my surprise he holds me still
He continues to kiss me and I let him
For I am starting to believe I am his angel

You know it surprises me
How little we think about it
When we are happy
It seems natural

But in reality
We as humans
Aren’t a happy species
But a sad one

We cling to others
It drives away the loneliness
It drives away the sadness
It drives away the fear

But when we lose that one person
That can make all the darkness
Just disappear into thin air
We regress to our nature state

It haunts us subconsciously
We don’t think about it til it’s too late
And once it happens we fight to fix it
And sometimes it can’t be fixed

Sometimes things break too much
And no amount of time will fix it
And then the darkness sets in
Causing us to fall father into despair

The self doubt sets in
And it only gets worse from there
Doubt turns to hatred
And it turns into a never ending battle

Some are able to overcome it
Some are not able to
And it’s the ones who can’t overcome
That you should worry about the most

The darkness has set root in their hearts
So deep that it’s almost ingrained
It becomes a part of them
And they will never be the same

Some don’t make it
Others do
But don’t leave them alone for too long
Cause loneliness is when it’s the worst

Their minds race with so many thoughts
Voices screaming and yelling
That they’ll always be alone
Or much much worse

This is currently where I stand
On the edge of abyss
I have a person I like
That makes the darkness run away

They come around
From time to time
But when they are away
I feel completely alone

When they are around
I feel like I can be happy again
And when I’m with them I am
Like I can take on the world

But when I’m alone
It’s a different story
I feel lost and abandoned
Feeling like no one actually cares

And to be honest
I think they are the only one
Who actually understands
The darkness of my mind

I’m not a smiley person
Nor am I a people person
But when I’m around them
I smile and socialize

They make me feel safe
Like I can trust them with anything
And they won’t judge me for it
I don’t feel like I need a mask

I like being their friend
But I want something more
Something deeper in connection
But I don’t think they feel the same

I don’t want to be lost forever
I don’t want to have a lonely existence
I want to feel safe with them by my side
For the rest of our lives

I just don’t know where to begin
I don’t know how to start
Or where it will end up
All I know is I can’t do life without them

The love is growing and growing fast.
The past is coming up to last.
It wanders slowly back to us.
With hopes of taking us back.
Time stands still as the past waits.
But for most the past is done.
For I the past is trouble.
It shall never take me back.
For some, the past is endearing.
The past finds it's ways.
However the past tries.
It will never get me.
Throughout this temptation it brings to me.
The past will stay in the past.
It will never get me.
For I have found something better.
The love I longed for.
The caring I craved.
The happiness that eluded me.
And the one I will never lose.

The flames of death
Eternal they may be

Sorrow fills the air
All free will be lost

Life ending in agony
Airing out the misery

Loading upon the living
Sorrow vanishes into shadows

Night turns to day
Life begins anew

My heart aches and yet it burns
My love slowly burning and dying
This world has been nothing but cruel and evil
My love yet given is never returned

My soul set to blaze and my tears know no bound
The taunting heart in which I haven
I beg for the day
In which you all see

No matter the cost of myself
I will be with that heart
And finally be free

The winds of time are not kind
On the withered heart of this poor soul
To those who are seeing the torture it endures
It is harmless fun

The soul wanders endlessly
Looking for its way out
Some ways may be easy
But they are far to painful to travel

The shallow emptiness that lies ahead
Filled with loss and misfortune
From years of suffering

It's one true goal out of all others
Find the one who will take the pain away

In the beginning we found each other
You stole my heart then willingly gave me yours
Though we seemed to be in love
You slowly wandered away drifting from my heart

Then I made a mistake and hurt you when i didn't mean to
And you want your heart back
So in a saddened state I give it back
To hear you have found another

With your slight of hand you ****** my heart
From your eternal pocket and give it back
But the thing that you never saw
Was that it had cracked

Time went slowly and I wanted you back
But the crack always remained
So the crack turned for the worse
I saw I could never get you back

For you see that tiny crack you left in my heart
Began to grow and stop it never did
The crack grew larger until it began to break
I see now that it can never be fixed

The crack widens as I wait for you to see
No matter what I will always be true
That even though my heart is shattering
I will always love you

But now I see that my wish is child
That you will never come back
So my heart breaks even more each time
I see you or hear your name

The lights go out in my child like wish
I see the truth that I will never have you
You have gone away and left me here
Sullen and broke with a shattering heart

Now you've gone and I will never see
My heart finished breaking
And now is sand
For that single crack you left in my heart
Caused it to become a shattered heart.

The darkness is approaching again
And it’s getting stronger than before
The pain is unbearable
The sorrow is surreal

Everyday we fight it
Everyday we succeed
But only just
And we are slowly losing the war

It creeps up on us
With only the smallest of negativity
Coming at us full force
Causing the small to feel huge

Paranoia strikes
We fear something we did was wrong
We begin to freak out
Did we mess up along the way

The self doubt begins
Telling us we’re bad
That no one likes us
No one really cares

We are just tolerated
We know this is not true
But the doubt pushes on
Causing us to question ourselves

We turn to darkness
Hiding from the light
Because we don’t want others
To see us this way

Hiding in the shadows
Putting on a brave face
Wearing laughter as a mask
We hide away the pain

Fearing that if we be true
It will become reality
Society molded us wrong
And with that caused great sorrow

Mental illness isn’t a thing
We all heard it as a child
You are too young to be depressed
Yet that’s when it all starts

We fear others
Yet we need to be close
We fear they might leave us
So I’m return we hide ourselves

Running around with a blank expression
Hiding our true selves
When will the world see
That we are all broken

No one really knows when this will be
So instead of doing something
We hide in the darkness
Waiting for the light to shine

Hoping that one day
The darkness will vanish
And we can be our true selves
In the light of day

Through all this kindness and happiness one thing is true
The love I felt and the the happiness we shared
Those times took away the blue
But now these thoughts

About us being afar have hurt me bad
So it's best if we go apart
Though I don't want to it is easy to see
that it is the only way from hurting you

Thoughts race in this jagged mind of mine
head spinning and mind collapsing
what am I?
Am I a man or a woman?

Born male
yet I don't identify
I dress up as a female
yet I don't identify

torn between these two structures
that classify the human gender
yet I don't identify
It's killing me to realize

Maybe I'm both
maybe I'm not neither
so much to figure out
so much to process

the thoughts keep racing
beginning to spiral out of control
Pronouns he, him and his
never really fit

the pronouns she, her and hers
only left scars
at first I thought of transitioning
to clear out my head

but now it's like a stab wound
festering upon my soul
am I a man
or am I a woman

they both seem so permanent
and yet seem doable
so maybe I a both
but that's my choice to find

I like being called he
yet I like being called she
I like being called they
so maybe I'm both and neither in a whole

so call me crazy
say that I'm broken
say that I'm not right in my head
but at least I have the courage to be me

The ebb and flow of movement
In which we measure
We count the ticks of a clock
As it sways throughout history

Fading nevermore as the face gazes onward
In a never ending trance
Transcending the fabric of space
Urning to be denied its existence

Ignoring its pleas we lock it up
Dissect it into smaller parts
Smaller and smaller still
We give these fragments a name.

Days
Months
Years
The list goes on

As time starts to fade
We begin to question
why we did it in the first place
We ask ourselves
Is the measurement of time really worth it?

We focus so much in it that
We ourselves fell into time itself
Losing our immortal selves
We embraced a life of death and pain

And for what?
Just to have ourselves locked away in a cell?
Lost in the confines of which we call. . .
Time. . .

My mind has gotten so dark now
Only thoughts of death and self harm remain
I wish so badly it wasn’t like this
But I think it’s about time

I’m losing myself slowly
Been that way for months
I’m starting to spiral downward
Into a bottomless pit

Death now seems like the only way out
Cause if it persists any longer
I won’t know who I am anymore
I’ll just be a hollow shell

A shell full of love for someone
Who doesn’t want to be with me
A shell of pain and agony
A shell that will soon crumble

My life is about over
And there’s nothing I can do
To stop this ever growing pain
From causing great harm

My love will be eternal
That much I know
But knowing whether or not it is received
Is something I can’t wait for long

I’ve fallen into the self destructive path
Soon to become nothing but ash
My soul will always be yours
I just wish it was still the same for you

Slowly I fade
Into the black of death
Sorrow and despair take hold
As the life in me dims

I love you with my entire being
And this will never change
But I’m starting to get worse
Right in front of your eyes

Though you can’t see it
Because I’ve hidden it from you
It is happening quickly
Soon I will be no more

I hope you understand
That it wasn’t my choice
But I wish to the heavens
This wasn’t going to be

I think I’ve lost my sanity
There’s no turning back
I’ve lost the battle
My mind now shattered

The demons laugh
They poke and ****
Pushing me further back
Into my own dark mind

They call me names
Scream profanity
Making me hate myself
Even more than I already do

I just want to go back
To a time where I was safe
Protected from the demons
Who devour my mind

I lost sight
Of what I had
The demons came out
To ruin my life

They pushed me too far
This time there is no stopping
The actions in which will happen
To stop them once and for all

To those who they hurt
I am so sorry
I wish I could have stopped them
I wish you could understand

I wasn’t in control
I had no memories of what happened
And because of their actions
I lost my only protection

The light which shown through the darkness
The one who could pull me out of my head
But it’s too late now
I’ll never get your light back

They have destroyed your faith in me
And in doing so destroyed my will
I’m sorry but I’m not strong enough
To face this battle alone

So I surrender
I forfeit the fight
For how can I possibly win
When I can’t see anything but darkness