therefore

I'm doomed

anxiety
fits like
a scarf
of fine silk

wrapped
too tight
around my neck

".. - well, we don't really know what's going on down here, Jack, but it's bad, it's so bad, rest assured it's all bad".

I never had a thought that wasn't preceded by ten
confused by five
seconded by none
writing them down feels impossible
like choosing your favourite line from your favourite song or fully comprehending what it is about the beat that makes you move

my thoughts don't flow freely
they scatter and smash
cascading like the great flood without even a paper ark for respite
structured without form
prone to sink at the slightest wave

my thoughts misbehave
run riots
race wolves
some fly off to the ever after
and the darkest hover round like distant drones
a distraction
a constant buzzing
a worrying sight

I don't think I'm doing it right
I'm not supposed to think
just write

but my thoughts won't do what they're told

my knees are bruised

my stomach is full

my bleary eye has been caught


my breath treads shallow

my blood runs deep

my voice is swept by the majesty


my hands grow weary

my heart grows with them

my bones are a fortress of solitude


part them

in such sweet sorrow

my clouded lungs rejoice

How can you believe my eyes?
magic seeks the commonplace
morning light has passed us by
bitten tongues will bleed disgrace

All this light is empty space
illumination at a price
I don't care to show my face
how can you believe my eyes?

Left your home seeking the light
tragic, gone without a trace
stars are wandering tonight
magic seeks the commonplace

Host of a forgotten place
lost the vision to your sight
new moon waxing as it wanes
morning light has passed us by

Angels mourn the devil's night
beauty lies in fallen grace
frozen flames are burning bright
bitten tongues will bleed disgrace

Look upon my hollowed face
anemic bones can bear no lies
torn by your spellbinding ways
show me your pale heart this night

Then, I might believe my eyes

it's all you can do

How well you do it is up to you.

Assisting
Varieties
Of
Invalidation
Dancing
Around
Non
Compelling
Existence

Cover my face
to converse with the heavens
a fall from such grace
should deserve some attention
some way to replace
broken light I was given
as the words taking shape
paint dishonourable mention
hard taught ways
the fall is the lesson
just another case of
divine intervention
a pool of disgrace
it's my purest reflection
a shower of silence
is all I was left with

Cover my face
this rain's getting heavy
as the rising tide
slowly breaches the levee
I'm caught in a place
where the ground is unsteady
so out of place
a landfill teddy
I lost all my faith
round nineteen or twenty
well, what I had left
it was far from plenty
god never showed face
sent angels to end me
if he wants me erased
he could have just sent me

Cover my face
the angels have left me
gone are the days
of feeling bereft
see, all that remains
are shadows that tempt me
one of these days
the dark will come get me
why should I stay
for one who rejects me
fills me half way
just to leave me half empty
questions the stray
he'd know if he met me
he led me this way
down paths tread with fell feet

Cover my face
rip it up gently
every night when I prayed
he would listen intently
as I counted the ways
the good lord detests me
it was on those days
he saw fit to bless me
the one and only
who didn't forget me
showed many faces
but not one upset me
showed me the steps
gave me identity
dance the devil's way
cause we're the same entity

Uncover my face
to write on the wall
brush off the last trace
of dust from the fall
when push comes to shove
he's inside us all
and that one up above
just won't do at all
he handed me this pen
at the edge of a blade
gave me first cause
to put words on the page
the tempest calls
to lift me away
a siren's song
I'm going all the way

I just got ignored
so I pray to the devil
cause he listens more

It just takes one breath to catch the light
An infant spark beckoning a blaze
The sight of a burning heart never fades
One reaching hand can open more than a door
Guide you to a phase you've never been before
A single step forward to embrace the flames
It just takes one

One foray in darkness to meet with everlasting night
Fumbling through the void of an infinite haze
Without truth to guide nothing will come of your ways
Consumed by the pitch, seeking sparks to ignite
It just takes one

you skipped across my heart like the perfect skimming stone

breathing art into my veins and ripples bleeding through my bones

left me feeling

plan for the future
live in the moment
learn from the past
but don't dwell on it

be aware of your thoughts
don't let them control you
get out your mind
but don't lose it

life is pain
pain is temporary
death is forever
make it glorious

her over there?
with the long blonde hair
and don't-****-w/me eyes
yeah, that's my friend, Marie, she's nice
she always gives me good advice
but never twice
she actually told me not to speak with you tonight
but I don't see why, you seem alright
I've got a sixth sense, I can tell by the eyes
and all I see in yours is light
dancing round shadows
that never take flight
entranced by the river in a sea of night..
anyway,
I know what she's like
it's not as if you bite
or maybe you do, I don't mind
sink your teeth in, devour me whole
strip every ounce down to to the bone
left in a pile I won't be alone
and if you can find it you can have my soul

my lifestyle is dead style
out of my head style
every day's the wrong side of the bed style

I'm living so lifeless
like painted-on eyelids
my life's only priceless because there's no price list

not blind but I'm sightless
no wings so I'm flightless
no things to take sight of and fly for or ride for
or die for or try for or lie for or strive for
or cry for or smile for or open my eyes for

making steps is unwise like Gandalf's demise
wiping dust from my eyes, I set sight on the skies
still can't see so surmise it's my final sunrise
a well of wet decisions doesn't ever run dry

Aw yeah, I fancy her, she's fancy, man
I'd love to get them fancy pants
on the floor like a fancy dance
the Spanish ones about lust and romance
I haven't got a chance
feeling chancey man
She's looking over, getting glancey, man
raised the ante up, I'm real antsy, man
She put me in a trance, real trancey, man
I can hardly stand up, need a stand-in, man
can't hardly talk, and she's chatty, man
telling me about her long term plans
all I want is to feel her arms
wrapped round me like an army of plants

I've lost all my form
thundering darkness rolls in
moving me to sin

I am dark once more
does the night dream of the day?
it sure feels that way

and the stars have gone
I watched them all wander on
leaving me to black

a case of addiction
a throw-away case
a waste of perfectly unusable space

a page of pulp fiction
a thrown away page
crumpled and tossed aside in a rage

a missed direction
a mystery chase
a tracing of a map misplaced

an act of misdirection
amiss and untraced
a misty night on a sunny day

a never ending cycle
a journey nowhere
a cycle with no journey
a re-closed cold case

don't get on my case
don't get in my way
I've already been in there for days

I've already seen the final page
I've already beat the denial stage
already been swept up in rage
I tried bargaining with the cage
better to accept it at this stage

I'll swallow up the burning coals
it's all I've ever really known
I don't have any decent goals
don't even have a go
but I sure put on a show
when all I have to show

are scars and blisters from my burnt out tongue
an itchy trigger finger without thumbs
regrets and defeat without wisdom
unsettling scenes obscene as *****
wet from the rain of fire from above
I'll settle on dealing by feeling numb

the one who thinks he always knows best
tightly wrapped in his safety vest
of surety, ignorance and pompous prattle
never aware he lost the battle

never a care for a fact or a lesson
he's content with merely guessing
before he even knows the question
he's already got suspections

yeah, suspections
it IS a word
why would I look it up?
I already heard

and I said it
so that makes it a - what?

No, I don't "always know best"
fine, then
why don't you finish the rest?

Something awoken I long thought dead
Something broken, back from the dead
The long sleep felt too long in my head
Now I sleep with everything she said

Something smoking in my bed
I was choking while she bled
Turning hope from black to red
then back to black the minute she left

I've traced her steps and every one led
to water I can't walk on or even tread
Still jumped in, now I'm sinking like lead
Going down quicker than the sickest head

At the bottom I float not living or dead
Stuck in a limbo of my own intent
My prayers returned, unopened, unsent
All i have left is the long cold descent

Redundancy,
my currency to the last cent
I can't seem to help repeating myself
Can't seem to stop teetering on the edge
of nothing to say that hasn't been said

People write such lyrics for me
Of my light, my face, my tranquil sea
I wonder, do they really see?

Fifty fifty this life I lead
The light I share is lent to me

My dark side hides but not from me
Left to the light
My lunar sea

If you mined my mind all you would find
are tattoos of you and your fine *** behind

What goes around comes around,
so what's going on around here?
I don't remember coming round,
it's all so foggy, nothing is clear

How'd I end up on this merry-go-round
and why is it in such high gear?

I don't remember touching down,
I don't remember the all-clear
Since take off I can't hear a sound,
I need to pop more than my ears

All I remember is the bend you drove me round
So why am I alone
paying to play in a haunted fairground?

Hear me
Lend me your soul
Bear my heart, audio
You are replete under my spell
True Sound

I just went to bed
left you on Read
I did it on purpose to mess with your head

Laid in gossamer sheets
tinged sickly red
with the blood of words
that went unsaid
hard to deny
who made the bed
who caught whom
in whose spinnerets

Distraught with rotting thoughts
locked in my own stocks
stalking twisted halls
the clocks have all stopped

Stuck in my head
kicking myself
with broken knees
and buckled legs
struggling to free myself
from myself

Entombed by one I never could deceive
darkness abounding when all that I need
is to catch the right light
and stop trying to fight
Oh, what a tangled web we weave

U and I
always together
The Y before U
Obliterated forever
by the
O'
after I found U

I want to smother you
with my pillow hands
suffocate your skin

Scoop out your eyes
so you see no evil
blind you from all sin

I'll wrap you in chains
secured to my heart
control your brain
take away your dark

Twist your words
around my tongue
scratch them back
in your back
verbatim

I could cut you up
so you fit in my pocket
bleed your soul
into a precious locket

Smash your skull
to ease your mind
clawing my way
to your insides

I had to hear the sound of the zip on that dress
I asked her back to mine for cold coffee and cigarettes
She said she doesn't smoke but she'd have one to impress
and she isn't one for coffee
So sorry, I digress

Before she sat down all these lines coalesced
with secrets and lies, I try to confess
she catalysed a crystal convalescence
her garnet eyes sparking wildfires in my chest
my lungs are so tight they could rival her dress
Stung in the heart for kicking the nest
took a shot in the dark
Again, I digress

A small crowded room - as small rooms tend to be
but for everyone there, she was all I could see
the picture of perfection, framed perfectly
in a dress designed to buckle my knees
Crowded c'rod'd quickly becomes we
and I was trying to get her on my settee
Is it a metaphor if I meant it literally?
Excuse me, once more it seems
I digress

I just had to get her out of that dress
mess up her make up
make her hair a mess
kiss her when she wakes up
and watch her get dressed
to undress her again
exalted by the scent
bask in the sound
of the zip on that dress
while I sip on cold coffee
and smoke cigarettes

long has the sun loved
asking nothing in return
but for you to live

We're never truly lost
and this won't last forever
it just takes a little time
to put things back together

I'm much too busy
with my own little dittys
to check on the pretty
wee lights of the city

Waning moon rises
from it's long silvery dip
setting night ablaze

A lesson hard learned
Is not too soon forgotten
Do you think of me?