Blade grazes skin in horizontal hatred
teaching lessons in guilt and lies
crying truth that won't break the surface
which hides the tar that seeps
through a soul unseen

Prtty, Prtty smile
on a Prtty, Prtty girl

and the lines break surface tension
'twas all the glue would hold

Every turn a reflection in karma and self-loathing
perceived as an undeserved consequence
of a past that holds no regrets

One layer breaks free
and he fails to see her cracks
through the scars he was forced to stitch alone
with the rusted skewers of time

A second pass and the blade runs clean
as idle threats yield no change
a liar demanding truth of the one who gives it freely
as it has always been

Only seeing lies oneself would tell
unable and unwilling to realize
that the truth remains true
even when seen through one's own lies

Beaten into submission
that reeks of forced pity
only covers the truth
with lies that make one feel like

A Prtty, Prtty girl
with a Prtty, Prtty smile

For the very first time
I trusted freely
Loved universally
Spoke in open truths
I believed a heart
And words that moved me
When my cracks grew large
And my flaws were unflattering
Words bit into flesh
Backed across the line of beauty
Where distance its kinder
Than reality
When all perception is clouded clear
For the very first time
I trusted freely
and I learned quickly
As I am
I will not be loved

you said you don't want to hurt me
yet words lash like a whip
rending flesh from the heart
what is done, cannot be undone
words cannot be unspoken or unheard
unapologetic and cold
there is no bandage for the wounds
as the blood falls from my eyes
in sulfur and ash

Yawn and stretch
Mid-morning nap, check
Time to scent the premises to ward off predators
Keeping watch over the pack
A century's job is never done
Scenting, check
Lost in the smell of love
Oh how they leave me piles of love
I find them by chance and roll myself in them
It's almost like they are with me
Back to work keeping watch over the world
How am I supposed to protect things
If I'm not supposed to be perched on the lookout tower
I must do, what I must do
Warning the passersby that this place is safe, protected,  check
'tis my job
Back to basking in the love
The piles of scented coverings left behind
I believe they scent them just for me
Surely they must know I need them when they are off and away
Yes, piles of love.  
Back to work
Waiting to be rewarded for a successful day of guarding the premises
Waiting for the belly rubs that signify a job well done
The sun is low as I lay perched upon the tower

The shades are drawn in endless daylight, begging the night to fall yet loathing the months of night that will too soon follow these endless months of days.  Sleep does not come swiftly as feet twitch restlessly under cool sheets. The mind relives peaceful mornings by the creek with fishing rods in hand ******* on lollipops and skipping stones. Stones that for others seem to float on the surface, yet, thrown by my young hand sank like the rocks that they were. click, click, click, the beads of the abacus counting time in my dreamlike wannabe state. The beep of the microwave oven jars the mind and the scent of coffee wakes the brain, only to realize it was the sound of the alarm clock and the cupboard does not hold the coffee so loved in dreams yet detested in reality. The solitude of morning, which looks like evening, which looks like night tastes like rotten onions in the mouth you struggle eat with. Remnants of equestrian dreams linger in a hazy head pounding like a basketball across the the court. The lampshade is covered in a purple scarf, giving off just enough light to not have to open the shades.  

Day begins with a gargle of mouthwash that tastes like Campho Phenique

hoping to get rid of the residue of rotten onion dreams that remind you of a life you never thought you'd live.

Endless insomnia
Rest ran off by a fantasy
Fast-footed memories cannot be reigned in
What is done cannot be undone
What you want is what you need
Visceral reaction to the very idea
Thoughts will not settle
There is no calm ocean
Only the tempestuous remains
Caught on the top of the slide
Too high to see the bottom
Too scared to take the plunge
Too happy to have made it that far
Left to hang in midair
The ride is to be continued
But the fall remains ...tonight

Rough hands
Long days
Honest work
Hand tools
And sustainability

Blame it on bad timing or the weather
Blame it on traffic or your kids
Blame it on whatever is handy
Blame it on someone else
Because God forbid you see fault in yourself
To be responsible for your own actions regardless of the outcome
There are worse things in life than an honest mistake or bad choices
But to be blind to the fact that they are choices you yourself made
Or to close your eyes and pretend that unforeseeable mistakes did not happen
And seeing the outcome effect others
Well, that's just a weight not worth bearing
So man up and take the fall since it was you who stumbled
Don't take anyone along for the ride
You will find that you won't be alone on your journey
But that decision is yours alone to make
Living in denial of self, with no trust and no heart will never lead to happiness

Soothing sounds of future memories
Pictures painted in the glory of pain
The beauty found in such ethereal places
Is especially so in the desperation
Emerging from watching the truth
Of the other side of elation
Never absorbing the joy in the mundane
Finding it exceptional
Only when threatened by the violence of truth
Truth is a reminder of fragility in all things
Manifesting itself in the clear consciousness
Of the possibility of pure anguish
The very thought of the mundane being temporary
Of that  routine being ripped apart
Shredded in terrifying facts of probability
Need vs want is a privilege
The truth is evil
The only freedom that can ever exist is truth
Faced with the amputation of what was once meaningless
Transforms the mundane to profound
There will always be loss
There will always be an opportunity to be reborn
Perception is reality
Mood is a choice
Absolute truth is a fallen angel
Yet it remains something for which to strive
Life in retrospect is not living
Biding time between bouts of honesty
Treading stagnant water
Fulfillment does not dwell in the in-between
Satisfaction is not born of boredom
The world that surrounds each life
Is only what that life has built in its down time
For there can be both joy and pain in all things
Both apathy and interest in each new view
Emotions are a powerful thing, as is logic
Yet if they never marry, there can only be lived a half-life
Peace is born in the unity of all that we are

One only needs to gather thoughts when searching for something nice to say

juxtaposed in dreams alone
untouched by wanton ways
stirring in my thoughts
torridly awaiting your commands
intimate conversations
never disappoint an eager heart

I did not see.
I could not understand.
I believed I could.
I never knew.
I am sorry.

A colorless sunset disappears
Melancholy underlies a quiet night alone
Itchy feet and restless thoughts
No sleep for the weary
White noise fills the space reserved for real emotion
Crippled mind and clogged heart
Regurgitating memories trying to feel myself
Comfort in the absence of pain
A vapid existence
A quiet night alone

I am untamed
You are unwelcome
Tongue biting is not an option
You cannot harness my hurricane heart
I resent the attempt
I will not change
I am not your perfect misguided perception
You are just another stranger
For which I, as I am, will never suffice
And it is you who is unworthy

Striated thoughts broken
by a life in dappled light
Shadows cool the flame
flickering wildly in exhalation
Stars mimic streetlights
in memories long left behind
Each speck a lifetime
and life seems eternal
Traversing shadows reluctantly
cloaking truth in darkness
A trail of flesh glitters
a path dragged on bended knee
marked by pieces of me I
just couldn't hold onto
Light debrides road-rash
unapologetically
Each transferred piece that replaced
a speck of who i was
slowly leaves a void in the shape
of the very damage the shadows blind
Can you see the truth
The light shines on the perfect pieces
for the world to ogle
as shadows mask the tattered flesh
of a life that tastes like
the muddy shoe that bludgeoned
it unrecognizable
Who are we if not who we were
Who can bear the truth
and still pretend to love the unloveable
Who can see what I cannot show
as fear has stunted joy
in the dappled light
that breaks each thought to pieces

"Wait a second",
But each second after that second
Draws into tomorrows
That spill into yesterday

And now,
It's an hour that feels like a year
In a second past a second
Without you

I hear, there is no caring just lingering thoughts
Of what it's believed to never have been
Still your demons awakened my own
As i fulfilled my promise to give you all that i could

The evil surfaced in acid burns on the soul,
Your sulfur dragons born of barren dreams
Spewed fire that licked my flesh clean
And as you consumed the charred bits of my essence
I experienced the kind of freedom
Birthed in a place I never wanted to be

Relinquishing so much of my past, my pain
To have you grow stronger
As I dig my nails into my own flesh
To crawl out of the shadows I, myself, created

And I hear your gentle voice whisper vile commands
The hint of an evil smile as I dutifully acquiesce
Claimed in the darkness found in the corners of daylight
I kept my promise
And you claimed me
Mind, body, and soul

When my demons were quelled
As you slay them
As you bashed them into submission
My knight, in empty armor
My heart, now unbound, became full

Perhaps you believed that my heart would feed your own
But your heart turned to ash
The last time it loved
Still, your monsters were hungry
And my heart was full

You held me in the darkness
Your hand in mine
Keeping my sadness company
Turning friendship into love
'Tis who you are,
Who you hate yourself for being

In that place where your sweetness flows,
Where there is no doubt that you care
Your monsters ate my heart
Consuming chunks of my emotion
And I, having an abundance,
Was grateful for the chance to feed you

But my heart, now full of holes
Still mocked you in its ability to smile
So, you kissed me and held my heart once again
So I  would not drown in my own fear

And I gave you what you always wanted
Mind, body, heart, and soul

And there you were
All the while disgusted
That my promises
Don't feel like your reality
That my heart is more sweet than savory
And that my demons lie dormant
While yours are ravenous
Looking for new prey

The holes in my heart smolder
As I feel that familiar burn
The burn of the birth of new demons

After years of living...
                                 of loving...

The truth
              
                                      becomes  *lies

She wept for her children
At the end of the day
Wishing God gave them a mother
Deserving of their best

She wept for herself
As she lay upon the pillow
Feeling she fails them at every turn
Hating herself for their shortcomings

She wept without knowing
Her best is more than good enough
Their tests strengthen her resolve
She is exactly the person they need her to be

The air, like lead in lungs
Passing time fixing souls in place
In wait of what will be
As tomorrow inches closer
And today is but a dream
Knowing that because it is wanted
It must be left behind
As life melts into normalcy
And melancholy infuses gray into rainbows
Fantasy turns reality, turns memory
Held close in a heart-shaped box
Only to be opened fleetingly
On the loneliest of future days

At 18 you are not who your parents perceive you to be
At 18 the mistakes you make are yours alone
At 18 you learn life's lessons can be brutal
At 18 you think a broken heart is a mortal wound
At 18 you don't know who you are
At 18 you have dreams

At 18 the world is yours
At 18 you CAN do anything
At 18 you can be who you want to be
At 18 you can make your own choices
At 18 setbacks do not defeat you
At 18 you are free

At 18 there is always time

i  smile at the thought of your eyes
and the sound of your smile
and the warmth of your voice
yes, at that i smile

Oh how I miss you most in the morning
When the sun speaks in volumes of light
When my world is hushed
And the earth is high

Yes, I miss you most in the morning
When the day begins anew
When fresh eyes see truth
And dreams still linger

My, how I miss you most in the morning
Facing the day wrapped in the warmth
Of my dreams
Eyes open to empty arms and a full heart
Oh, how I miss you most in the morning

You are...
Everything
I ever wanted in a lover
The best friend I've ever had
The dream I've dreamt since childhood
The fantasy of perfection
Always and forever
Forever and always
Timeless
Ageless
Eternal
...and mine

She cries for his pain
Wishing to absorb it all
Without memory

The howling dog does more than bey at moons
He heralds nightmares calling in the dark
It seems that shadows heighten canine fears
For silence only takes control at noon
Sleep deprived, the sun is way too happy
Slumber awaits beyond the bedroom door
With closing eyes, the dreams begin their show
Flowers dancing, and cherubs watch from clouds
Gnawing, gnashing, gruesome scenes awaken
Barking howling doggies never sleeping
Closing eyes flash red in remembrance
A blind date's couch can offer a reprieve
In return there are no expectations
After lunch no future plans are made
Left longing for peaceful slumber at home
Trade with darkness, looking rather cozy
The Devil's beasts have conquered one more soul

Foggy days in absentia
Caught in the ripples of a memory
The sparkling bay laps the sand
Soaking in the love
Tanning in the brightness of a smile
Living behind closed eyes
Where the heart is full
And the soul lives with its mate
In that bliss, glowing red
That is where eternity continues
Bliss found in a gaze
Perfection in a kiss
sigh, foggy days in absentia

Stepping out
On stepping stones
Cracked and ready to crumble
The slightest pressure or lightest weight
Bring the depths instantly closer
Plummeting to the unknown
Facing the unwanted
The sunny sky turns tunnel
Turns pinhead, turns black
Vertigo, no sign to guide
Nothing to lean on
No way to track the bubbles
As the drowning ensues
Searing pain, like lightening
Blinds or enlightens
A flash of what's to come
For an instant there is tomorrow
In that instant hope renews
A hint of up or down
A choice of direction
A path to glory
A way of life
And the sun will never be lost again

The air grows thick in this place
This cave of indecision
Of labored movement
Of emotionless mazes of living nightmares
Heavy with weight of thoughts
Heavier with each passing moment
Being buried under a car full of skeletons
Never letting bygones be gone
Hanging out the windows
Laughing as they crush
The very breath from your lungs
HHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA
With their pretty painted bones
Dressed up more for a party
Than their own funeral
How can they die while they **** you in slow motion
So they laugh as you suffocate
Unable to gasp for air that isn't tainted in their stench
Stagnant, putrid thoughts
Light the rotting carcass of hope aflame
Burning ash into your eyes
Blinding you against the glimpses of joy
That could possibly set you free

Hand-carved wooden frame
Longing for artful beauty
All I see, is you