In those words
On an empty page
That you would write
For me
I found a heart
Strength forged
From molten iron
Cooled by frozen blood
It's beauty never fully beheld
Until the muse
Broke a welded seam
And fire poured
Love on an empty page
And I saw you

Eyes closed and frozen time
A place so warm and free
The pain of today erased
Future ceases to exist
There is only that moment
Behind closed eyes

Behind those eyes of blue-gray-green
Lies a heart of which is seldom seen
Though hard for some to realize
There's a world of pain behind said eyes
From drama of torn childhood
From doing bad but being good
To grown up tears of discontent
From words once spoken but never meant
And now with empty bottles past
With clarity one hopes will last
Can be seen a glimpse of inner peace
Of eager joy which begs release
Though years of numbness linger still
Denying freedom to laugh at will
A perfectly polished yesteryear
Cradles everything the heart holds dear
The memories of warmth and fun
Tarnish easily out in the sun
When walking backwards leads you blind
One can never leave the past behind
The farther away the better it seems
Even the nightmares look like a dream
Now, when walking heel to toe
Facing the way you want to go
The road's less bumpy for the ride
Obstacles faced with longer strides
The light behind those eyes still burns
As chapters end and pages turn
The book continues day by day
Joy slowly rises come what may
Living is what makes us strong
To do what's right when we've been wronged
And though that pain may never die
There's no place left for it to hide
It's worn dull by loves embrace
Displaced, in time, with joy and grace
And then those eyes of blue-gray-green
Will sparkle new with brighter sheen
For a heart that's swelled to greater size
Will be foretold behind those eyes

Gramma always had cookies in her cookie jar
No one ever ate them but me
The jar was her self-portrait
The silvery bun was it's lid
The slight clanging of it as it opened or closed
The smell of it
Even the thought of it,
filled me with joyous anticipation
of its internal goodness
When I was sad, or did a good job
When I worked hard, or was a good helper
When I was sick, or had a rough day
But particularly when I was in trouble
That is when it was most special
She would sneak me off to the kitchen
With a steady hand, like that of a surgeon
She would lift that lid slow and steady without a sound
A feat I have yet to accomplish
Then, in silent winks and sideways glances
When the coast was clear
I got to choose a decidedly undeserved treat
It was in the belly of that cookie jar
That I learned that she would always love me
No matter what

That cookie jar, abandoned and dusty upon a shelf
Recently found and cleaned
Laid in wait upon the table
It had been weeks sitting silent before my visit
I noticed it the moment Ma opened the door
Before the hugs, "hello"
We reminisced about that old empty jar
The jar that never matched her kitchen
The one that was poorly painted by hand
To her its beauty was hideous
She obviously did not know the secrets it held
Our secrets, mine and Gramma's
Happy to be rid of it,
The torch has been passed
As it takes its place of honor in the center of the counter
I notice that its yellow dress and red apron
Match my yellow walls and the red flecks in my curtains
It is at home in my kitchen
Even if my kitchen was purple
Now, its lessons of unconditional, eternal love
Are to be bestowed, unknowingly to my children
They will learn just how much a cookie can fix
And the secrets that are kept deep within
The belly of the cookie jar

elephants stomping on my head
laugh as they draw blood
fragmented ideals scatter in the wind
as trampled dreams mix with dust

cemented in 'supposed to'
hiding behind other people's 'shoulds'
jackhammer disappointment
crushes bones with broken boundaries

play me a song
to make it look pretty
and I'll pretend to dance
with you in foggy yesterday's

karaoke soundtracks
to a stranger's tears
that leave the heart blind
tripping acid just to see in forgotten colors

breathing bacteria
from the soles of shoes
wiped on my forehead
as they said, 'hello'

a mosaic of skull puzzles
grouted in the remnants of the ****
left behind as everyone
just walks away

shadows smell clean in dark corners
where colors are left to die
in clouds of expectation
leaving truth buried in the ruble

...of who they thought I was

This fool believed the words once spoken
The dancing heart tells lies
Floating on the wind for an hour or a day
Worries blown away in a sigh
Thoughts of maybe tickle the past alive
Awakened memories, revived

I will wait
blindly scraping through each day
on skinless knees
clawing through with bloodied fingers
searching for the truth to clench to

I will wait
in the bowels of a twisted mind
bending flickers to shadows
in endless search of the light
that teased with relentless promise

I will wait
for this Hell to freeze my bones brittle
buried in glacial daydreams
of a time that day meant
I could feel the warmth of the sun

I will wait
for the accidental happiness
that covered me like a puddle I fell into
while stumbling through existence
simply drawing breath

I will wait
in jagged darkness for the only reality
that makes sense of this place
for in that union is peace so pure
it washes the universe in light

So, yes, I will wait
an eternity of gaping wounds
bathed in the brine of silence
never giving voice to the grated truth
of the best part of who I am

A change of scenery and a new life.  An innocent beginning, as all beginnings seem to be.  Still, after all these years remnants of that incipience still remain.  

A new adventure
Packed, moved, unloaded, emptied
All but for a few

Boxes with pieces of me packed away and disregarded.  Never to bask in the sun or live in all their glory.  Too little too late.  Like a lost retainer straining to fit shifted teeth, they no longer belong to me these bits and pieces.  

Long since forgotten
Secrets held within their walls
Hiding shattered dreams

They had gone unnoticed for so long.  Yet, the secrets of how I came to be the me before you, remain in those dusty boxes, so neatly stacked and so easily overlooked.  They may no longer fit the puzzle, but they are still part of the picture adding splashes of color and bringing zeal and

**Artful shading
To my self-portrait painted
in hues of joy and pain

A life lived in black and white.  No time for middle of the road.  Lines drawn straight and narrow.  Passion, only with rules.  Love, only as stated.  A heart filled with admiration, adoration, and caring.  Nothing missing from the list of "supposed to".  All boxes checked off. I's dotted and T's crossed.  Perfect on paper, perfect to onlookers, perfect in bed.  Never a thought of something missing.  All boxes checked.  Not able to settle into a life.  Unable to blur the lines.  Must be good, always good.  Mistakes happen, but not on purpose.  Not by choice.  

Always the good one
Right is the only option
Mistakes...still happen

Before we fully become, life is full of confusion.  Who we are and what we do are enmeshed within our surroundings, our perspective, our emotion, and our lives.  Pulled together, yet fighting every step of the way.  Beyond our understanding of purpose or passion.  Afraid of everything we are as yet unable to understand.  Trying to get through to the next phase without falling too hard.

Peers skew vision
Rules confine the innocent
Love hides unnoticed

Grown into a life of checks and balances.  A nice life, a good life.  Loved by many, yet alone.  Always alone.  Able to love, willing to love, believing love is what is being lived.  Unseen circumstances. Friendships remembered.  Longing, pulling toward one another.  More than passion could ever be.  More than who we thought we were.  The need to be right, to do the right thing, is stomped unrecognizable by emotion.  The past melts into the future.  Is a life unfulfilled, yet loving, enough to maintain, or is love supposed to be so full of passion that it takes you outside the box?  

The thought of a life
A love left unrealized
A world in a cage

A chance to live in happiness. Fires burn in body and mind.  No sorrow, no regret.  Pushed by one into another.  Two hearts alone run to each other.  Holding fast to all that is real.  Yet casualties will line the road forever tainting all that could be good.  Checks and balances. Pros and cons.  Does one give up happiness to maintain the perfect facade, the perfect family, the "perfect" life?  There is no perfect.  There is only what is.  The possibility of happiness could be short lived.  Hearts broken and bridges burned.  Broken families, broken lives.  Happiness could be tangible.  Happiness could be real.  Pros and cons.  What price shall be paid.  When should love lose and happiness not be a goal?  Choices, pain, there is no fairness.  There is no black and white, there are no boxes in which to fit.  

Straight and narrow life
Checklists, I's dotted, T's crossed
Thwarted by passion

a limp body
carried in broken arms
to a funeral pyre
hidden in the woods

tinder, salt-saturated
won't catch
drowning in the perception
of failure

life flows out
and seeps in
healing in unfettered
emotion

exhaustion bleeds thought
cracks fuse invisibly strong
still feeling both less
yet more, somehow

pyre lays unlit
as the heart dreams ablaze
in lost memories
of a life not yet lived

one without the other
cannot exhale
breathing in all the nothing
looking for the only thing

not knowing what or where
but the when is now
as wood sits on the ashes
of what came before

in the jolt of drowning
on overflowed tears
it flows out of each
and into the other

cracks fade
accidental truth is never an accident
too tired to continue
it was found where it lay sleeping

patient and blind
sprouts into the best
of unseen possibilities
the day you carried me in silence

Chasing the wind to learn its secrets
Whispering in your ear just out of touch
Following the mystery that it uses to tease
Inescapable longing lures enticingly
The world forgotten on a summer breeze

Hues of blue and gray
With a succulent sweetness
That begs to be savored
In the briny waters off the sea
They lead a life unseen
Scavengers in warm water
A lazy afternoon
Wire mesh and day old fish
Chicken necks on a string
Baited traps dropped in left in wait
Edgewater shallows and a lot of time
One by one they come
Chasing that string to the shore
One by one they come
Pull up the trap and catch what you can
Fill the bucket with sweetness
There is nothing quite like
A blue crab Saturday afternoon

I know you

I know you because I am you

I see myself in your eyes

I wish I was who you believe me to be

I wish I knew me like you know me

You trust because I have proven to be trustworthy

You believe in me because I have yet to let you down

You love because you perceive the good in me

I am not evil, but I am not perfect

Flawed and broken, am I still beautiful?

Across the room a subtle glance
Victims of bad circumstance
Hoping you would take the chance
Yet, nothing changes
The makings of a great romance
But time estranges

There you are just out of reach
In my mind there is a speech
Of how your heart I will beseech
I still, can feel you
The words you say I will impeach
I know the real you

The one whose kindness from the start
Has torn my faded world apart
And shown the truth to half a heart
There's so much out there
Happiness you do impart
With how much you Do care

Still it's like just yesterday
So close and yet so far away
I need you in my arms, to stay
That's my suggestion
I want you each and every day
There is no question

So sunshine mornings I have seen
Because there is no in between
The love we feel has always been
Our worst disaster
If only kisses dared to mean
Forever after

Green, in varied hues
Lush and earthen, nature sings
Mother is reborn

Oh My Darling
My life, my love
You are all that I am
Everything that I can be
Without you
I am naught
At times we are at odds
Though my love remains
I long for you,
When you seem distant
I am wholly lost
Left to fester in my head
With you at my side
I am whole
I have sacrificed my sanity for my emotions
To feed my dearest love

Kicked into the mud
Stomped on
Submerged
No river in which to cleanse
Caked on completely
Perfection disappeared
Becoming one with the woods
A product of environment
Born for greatness
Forged into......nothing

No marble stare as cold as ice
Can be found inside your gaze
For it is there that heart's desire burns twice
And your eyes set me ablaze
❤
Hazel hues of wanton need
Make my cheeks flush crimson red
And make my deepest parts take heed
As you lead my love to bed
❤❤
You see me as a vision
An angel of your very own
Through a tarnished crooked halo
A pair of horns has grown
❤❤❤
Still, you see in me perfection
In fact, I am your missing piece
And I pray with everything I am
That your love will never cease

So much locked within bubbling at the surface
Pinholes of strain attempt to release pressure
Its immensity can't be touched by a million such holes
Desire to discard the cloak grows with every breath
But the fear of being unveiled and naked prevents it
As the molehills burn and the fires are extinguished
Mountains emerge in silence, born of the forgotten ashes
Smoldering embers give rise to the unfathomable
Gargantuan by comparison and seemingly unstoppable
Can such enormity be reigned in,
Or will trying be a harsh lesson in futility?
Never give up or knowing when to do so
Holding tightly or letting go
To analyze or forget
No clear cut paths in the forest of self-destruction

Change
On the horizon
Pockets are empty
Black meets blue
In hues of the pain of yesterday

Change
In hand
The vending machine's empty
Six miles out of reach, out of juice,
And out of gas

Change
The television channel
Vapid Anchors are empty
Teleprompter madness
In full make up and air conditioning

Change
Her mind
Her heart is empty
Abused by the fallacy in the word love
On the lips of liars

Change
Of venue
His smile is empty
He feels the souls too deeply
There is no one here to notice the smile isn't real

Change
A life
The Child's eyes are empty
The streets are kinder
Than the junkies who sold him for a fix

Change
The world
The people are empty
Media drones brainwashed
Into apathetic zombies

That is how to stop
                                         Change

Everyone is in a mood
Happier when unhappy
At home in wistful, lamenting desire
Everyone is emotional
Though we truly are emotion
Everyone has a reason
To feel what they feel
And some of us
Feel what we feel
Feel what they feel
Feel what we would feel
Feel what they should feel
Feel what we want them to feel
It is those of us who can feel to the extreme
Who can fill up a universe with tears, bleeding hearts, and love
Yes, it is the few who can find the beauty in pain
The joy in sadness
The comfort in the last wistful breeze of the season
The rare few who are gifted with depth of emotion
It is those who we call poets

Piggies at markets
Piggies at home
Piggies eating cows
Starving piggies crying

One foot steeped in reality
the other testing the waters on the other side
The side where fantasy comes alive
And there is truth in dreams
A world of possibility that tempts and taunts
where dreams, once thought dead,
are resurrected in full force
The power of perhaps shades all views
It beckons to follow as it flutters beside
Reflecting all the things ever wanted
the shackles of reality feel like a lead weight
tethering you to who you never wanted to be
Responsibility removes true choice
Yet dreams yearn for release
Opportunity bangs the door down
and shakes the shackles free
Left between shadow and light
Lost between the good of both sides
split in two by desire and need
time stands still in purgatory

heart pounds like crashing thunder
at the mere thought of the idea
blood burns hot
and time stretches through space
our eyes meet...again
and steam fills the air
a quick lean without a flinch
and electricity breathes life
into a wink and a nod
and the nerves rise
a smile, and blood rushes to the surface
hands gracefully glide over flesh
chain reactions need no words
a gasp and a sigh
attest unspoken passion
lips meet and sparks fly
as breath is stolen, so is a kiss
then so is one more
dancing tongues and fireworks
synergy and floods
blood drains to fill
and fills to feel
the heat rises
taking with it the knowledge
that tomorrow is when "never" comes

You're all i want,
and i want all of you

Crystal ***** ignite a dream long thought erased by time
Reflections show nothing more than truth perceived by emotion
Yearning for a life in Technicolor, belief is based on hope

I awoke in a dream
Surrounded by a bilious familiarity
Angry shades of the drying blood of hope
Caked over venomous fangs of discontent
Stagnant shadows of effluvium
Emanate from the molten flesh
Of this creature I seem to know

But how, how do i know this putrid soul
This being, born of irascible acrimony
Seething breaths sear my senses
As I feel the pounding heart
Scream within it's chest
Aflame with the atrocities it has incited

Yet, in it's gentle eyes there is no malice
There is only the reflection of an angel
Gossamer vestments blow in the stillness
So effulgent in the darkness
Again, familiar and uncomfortable
It's eyes bore into mine that reflection of heaven

I could not see myself in those eyes
That gaze seemed to hypnotize in its polarity
As I floated unseen, I looked at this being
Seething miasmata while reflecting a seraph
Acidic tears of truth fell from within my poisoned soul
As the creature and the reflection merged in the bluest flame

And transformed my spirit into flesh
I am both the reflection and the being
Living the anguish of the truth of what I am
Fighting every  moment to be less than and more than
Pretending that I do not embody the dichotomy of bile and bliss
Seraph and succubus
The truth and the lie