It's true you've never gone this far before
But this isn't exactly new
I want to trust you again but
That's easy to say and harder to do
For nearly three years I put up with petty flirting
An uphill battle, a tiring journey
I got lulled into a false security
Believing you to never really hurt me

But you did.

Where do we go from here?
I'm trying to figure it out but through all these years,
I've never had to forgive you for something this huge
Something I'm not even done hurting over -
I don't know what to do.
I'm scared, so scared this wont be the last,
And if I'm to go on the past,
Then it'll be no time before you're back.

You said the easy thing to do is to forgive you,
that love makes us weak.
Then why is this so ******* hard?
Why is love the only thing keeping me on my feet?
I think, your love is weak and you don't know who I am.
No more putting up with your stupid fans.
No more flirting or hugging or studio dates.
One more and we're done
I'm not accepting any more mistakes.

I'm so tired.

The kind you have to fight to heal from everyday,
while faced with the one who brought the pain..

I felt it in my heart,
With every touch and every kiss.
I knew it in my gut -
A twisting sickness.
Now here we are,
The edge of forgiveness.
Trying to heal,
Despite the fear you'll repeat this.

That little voice inside of me-
Hope is what I'll call her.

She wants to see the best in things-
I'd wish she'd never bother.

If I decided to change my password tonight,
You may take that as a challenge;
A beginning to a fight.

If I told you to give up your password right now,
You may take that as a joke
And laugh out loud.

So I did what I thought I had to do--
Now the rest is up to you.

I dwell in my past so often,
I forget I'm in the now
I wish and long for people
Who, for a while, haven't been around
I put aside those who want me
To remember those who don't,
It's time I said I'm sorry
And let go of the rope

Don't tell me that you can't see it
I was never there and I can feel it
Her fingers in your hair --
Ten daggers piercing my heart
I feel it still and I'm trying to breathe
But it's tearing me apart
My lungs are filled with the poison
That she left lingering on your skin
You say it's all harmless; you're only friends
Then why do I feel so afraid?
Like any minute you'll be walking away?

Lets go back down stairs
Lay in each others arms
And love without a care

I have these ideas but they wont come out
I stop myself
before I get too loud
thoughts,
better left unspoken
acted upon would leave me broken
shattered,
like glass under pressure
jealousy,
it drives me to be better

but better than who?

*you

I'm still mad at you
for getting on with your life
unlike mine
stuck in time

I'm still mad at you
for all of your success
unlike me
a total mess

And all I want is to be your friend
once again
but I cant

And I know I'm not alone
just gotta pick up the phone
call a few people and
they'll be there

But its not them who understand
no one knows me like you can
I cant explain it
And I really hate it

If I don't
Take charge
Of my life

I'm afraid of
What I'll lose

Myself

But most
Importantly

*You

I should get up and do something
Shower or at least comb my hair
I shouldn't lay in my bed all day waiting
But I just can't seem to care

Every day that I do nothing
Is another day lost to despair
I feel so sluggish and tired
Maybe there's nothing for me out there

I miss you.
Why do I feel guilty to say that?
Why does it feel wrong?
What's going on?

I miss you.
You, who I've made the center of my life.
I miss you
You, who will grow to hate me in time.

Afraid to live.
Afraid to die.
All I'm sure of is I miss you.
I'm sorry.

I miss you.

I'm only half a person without you
And that's okay
It's alright to need you the way I need to
And that's every day
I was born solely to find my soul mate
And never let go
You're my other half, my true love, and together
We're whole

I always wear a mask, but I tend to forget it with you
Masks are used when I'm scared of others spying the truth
The only truth I know is that with you, I am purely me
A me that likes to sing and spit and laugh and smoke some ****

eyes closed
body swaying
mind open
music playing

...

You're the kindest person I know
Selfless and strong

Even when things look low
You'll know right from wrong

Don't give up hope
Don't try to belong

Be exactly who you are
Be you or  *die young

of all the words I've written
of all the words I've said
you continue not to listen
*I wish I was dead

I never asked to be born this way
Maybe if I was consulted I's be okay
But I wasn't - I don't know what to say
My times running short, my choices limited each day

* * *

You said you think I'm brave
because I can speak my mind
I don't think I'm brave
'cause if I were I would've taken my life

* * *

I'm a coward of the worst kind
One that uses a mask to hide behind

* * *

It's so easy to forget when I'm with you
You make me happy just being alive
But the moment you leave
and I'm left on my own,
My thoughts scream at me
and there's no where to hide

* * *

*Practice make better but I've
     been practicing for years.
Nothings gotten any better, in
      fact all my fears
Are only getting stronger, and
     I'm fighting back tears
'Cause they say practice makes
      better, but I don't think I could take another year.

I don't think I'm going to do it
But something isn't right
I was able to ignore it before
When there was no hope I might

I don't think I'm going to do it,
A part of me wants to let it out
I'm scared of what will happen next
But I'm just so full of doubt

I don't think I'm going to do it
But something just isn't right
Before I met you, I thought about it
Tried it out once or twice

I don't believe I have to courage to do it
This is something you will never know
I just hope my mask doesn't slip up,
Putting my true self on show

Stand tall and unafraid
As we take back the night
Do not fear the darkness
For it's only lacking light
Let your light shine through you
And guide you through the terror
These men do not rule the world
Just because they see us as fairer
We are mighty and as one
We will overcome
Together, we'll set a blaze so bright
Together, we'll take back the night

I see you walking around
With your head held high
Like you're above everyone else
Because you're such a bad guy
That's why you got a tattoo, right
To remind us all you're dangerous
Well here's a news flash amigo  
You're as dangerous as my ****

Interesting -
My experiment
Was a failure