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Little Azaleah Sep 2017
laughter sounded through the day,
smiles so bright it blinds
but as the night looms close
-- the clock closing in to 12:ooam --
the night is filled with silence
& loneliness creeps
into her heart & soul

Happy 19th birthday.
Let's not give up, there's too much to lose now. We'll be fine -- atleast we should try. Be happy. Be strong. Don't give up. Please don't.
Little Azaleah May 2017
The lights shine on me,
I can't seem to hide.
This is too much for me,
I can't seem to breathe.

God, save me,
Please don't go.

The walls are closing in,
There's no space for me.
This is too much for me,
I can't seem to breathe.

《 e.i 》
Little Azaleah May 2015
Have you ever have this feeling
where you feel like your heart is breaking,
while at the same time,
it's like one of your limps were torn from your body,
like walking on fire and broken glass,
like being stabbed repeatedly,
like being punched in the guts,
like being betrayed by someone you trust your life to.
It's all of those, but altogether at the same time, at the same moment.
This feeling was never instant,
it's long-lasting.
Do you know this feeling?
it's what I'm feeling.

{ E.I }
Little Azaleah Jan 2017
A figment of her memories
His voice was once thorn,
Now a slur in her thoughts.
He was once so clear,
Now a blur in her heart.

{ e.i }
Little Azaleah Apr 2018
"You were a siren,
A rare beauty uncompared
who beckoned the unsuspecting me -
of love, lust & happiness -
I was in a trance
Unknowingly in danger -
For I never noticed you were pulling me in,
My feet dipping in along the shore
And before I knew it,
I was drowning in the coldness -
Your blood red kisses bringing me life
that I would die without."

< e.i. >
Little Azaleah Apr 2017
I had screamed till my voice turn hoarse,
My heart almost leaping from my chest,
The thought of death crossing my mind,
The memories of my life flashed by,
At that moment,
Nothing felt lighter than then,
As I never felt so free.

《 e.i 》
Little Azaleah Mar 2015
No, it's not the fact that I'm heartbroken,
that you're with him.
It's the fact that you didn't tell me
something so important,
even when you knew how I felt.
I feel betrayed, back-stabbed.
And here I thought you were my friend.

- { E.I }
It hurts.
Little Azaleah Jun 2017
He stood bare naked
under this unwanted attention.
He was vulnerable,
Left to be fed to the wolves.
He smiled through it all
Whilst carrying a heavy heart
And sunken eyes.

《 e.i 》
How he must be breaking inside.
Little Azaleah Dec 2015
You are beautiful.
Even with the bags under your eyes from your many sleepless nights.
Even with the stretchmarks on your thighs that you hate.
Even with scars you bare on your skin when you just wanted relief.
It didn't matter if you aren't the prettiest girl out there but to me, you are the most beautiful, with the most beautiful soul that is the only one that matters to me.
Even if you think yourself as crazy and odd.
Even if you only wear sweat pants and ratty t-shirt you always wore.
You are beautiful.
Never let others say that you aren't.

Little Azaleah Mar 2016
Though she may be smiling,
do not be misled.
Alone she could be crying,
with words left unsaid.

Little Azaleah Jan 2018
the world used to be so clear & bright
yet now, it became so blurry & unclear
like standing in the middle of a fog,
like driving through heavy rain

Little Azaleah Jun 2015
"** Books are like drugs.
They help me forget the pain of reality, even if it's only for a moment. "

- {E.I}
Little Azaleah Oct 2015
As she slowly moved away from him,
Her lips parted from his,
He felt like he couldn't breathe.
He couldn't inhale the air around him,
Like she was his lifeline.
His only hope in living.
Without the air that is she,
He felt like he was drowning,
Pulled down into the depts of the water.
Like he couldn't live without her.
At that moment,
As he stared into her blue eyes,
He knew what he was going get into
And he was falling fast.

Little Azaleah Nov 2018
Here's to the sleepless nights
and tired eyes.
It'll be beautiful
when you wake to sunny skies.
Hold on,
on to the better days.

- e.i.
Little Azaleah Apr 2018
over the hedge,
over the gates,
over the tall looming trees,
the bright blue sky
where birds flew free
(i wish that was me.)

; e.i
Little Azaleah Feb 2016
We met today at the coffee shop.
We talked, we laughed, even if it was awkward.
You told me how you still have feelings for me,
the same way I do for you.
You told me of our bittersweet past;
with the sun setting behind me, the wind breezing pass us and the sound of the waves crashing,
it was magical.
You told me that I was beautiful,
despite me only wearing a sweater and sweatpants.
It killed me how you look at me
with those twinkling eyes and the smile I love so much,
like I was the world, like I was the one you hold dear.
But you're not mine.
Not anymore,
you have another in your arms.
It was wrong, but
I wish things were different.

I wish we had another chance.
Little Azaleah Jun 2017
Devils whisper in his ears,
Of death threats and hatred.
Now, there he laid,
With a slow beeping of his heart,
With his soul gripping to live,
And his mind weakening.

《 e.i 》
Dedicated to my happy pill, please be okay.
Little Azaleah Jul 2019
I keep it high.
I keep a laugh.
I make a smile.
I compartmentalise.

11 days into July.
Life has took a turn.
A loss,
a sudden death.
I compartmentalise.

House filled in darkness,
echoing shouts of anger.
I'm trying to compartmentalise.

I keep it low.
I keep it buried.
I make a smile.
I compartmentalise.


{ e.i. }
Little Azaleah Mar 2016
It's okay.
I shed a few tears,
but it'll be okay.
At least you know.

- E.I
Little Azaleah Sep 2016
Darling, never grow up.
Stay as you are,
never let the darkness of life change you.
Be strong,
no matter the weight on your shoulders.

Little Azaleah Sep 2018
one more day
one more day,
i say waking every day.

one more day
one more day,
we'll get through today.

one more day
one last day,
we'll be okay.

< e.i. >
Little Azaleah Jul 2015
"Oh my love future husband, I'm fine, I'm okay. But I know you know that I'm only lying. The world throws every challenge at me and somehow I thought I couldn't actually take it anymore. But then, I thought of you; of how you're somewhere out there praying to Allah for me to be okay. And so, for you, I'll be strong. I'll take every single thing the world throws at me. May it be heartbreak, grief or sorrow, I'll take it, stand tall, and simply make them let me be stronger. I know that everything happens for a reason, and every journey and hardships that I faced will somehow but for sure will lead to you and your love for me.
Oh my dear, I can't wait until the day that our paths cross and you become the one to hold my heart dearly forever.
Oh my future husband, every hardship I'll face will be worth it, I'll be a better woman, for you. I know the road is long and it'll be hard to continue moving forward but I'll always remember that the end of the road, you'll be there waiting for me, when Allah wants us to finally meet, and every pain I've felt before will soothed and ease just by the presence of you next to me, and then I'll finally understand the reason why I've gone through all those hardships and trials.
Oh my darling future husband, I'll stay strong, I'll stand tall, until you're here by my side. Until then, I'll continue on moving forward and accept every trials Allah gives to me."

- { E.I }
A reply to a poem I've read on instagram.
Little Azaleah Feb 2016
When they drag you down,
don't let them be the end of you.
Pull away,
brush yourself off,
and keep on moving forward.
Don't stop.
You've gone so far to give up now,
so keep your head up high and believe that
you'll achieve greater.

- {E.I}
dedicated to my favorite actor, S.S.
Little Azaleah Aug 2015
Don't be in a relationship just because you're not used to being alone. You have friends that'll be there for you to support you just like a girlfriend/boyfriend would do.

Don't be afraid to be alone, because one day, you'll be alone and no one can be there for you but yourself, so don't get used to having someone there and just be independent.

Don't use someone who probably takes you seriously when you're only using them because you never been alone before. If you really love someone, then you would've tried your best to communicate with them and not lose your feelings for them after not seeing each other for a while, because if you love them, distance won't matter.

It's okay to be alone because someone out there, will one day, be there for you and you for them until the end of your life.

{ E.I }
Don't let them think it's love, because what you're doing? You're just using them.
Little Azaleah Jun 2017
Wore his hat so low,
You can't see his eyes
As one would know
The eyes are the mirrors of the soul.

《 e.i 》
Little Azaleah Jul 2015
I ignore this feeling of hunger.
So that it won't hurt as much.
So that I won't feel the hollow pain,
inside me.

{ E.I }
Little Azaleah Aug 2017
Don't expect me
to succeed without failing,
to walk without falling,
to swim without drowning,
to run without tripping.
I can't do it perfectly.
Don't expect me to.

{ e.i }
I'm a human with an average IQ, with average abilities.
I will only continue to disappoint until I am able to stand on my own.
Little Azaleah Mar 2015
As soon as those words were said,
the mask she's worn all her life
starts to crack.
With every bit of word they say,
her true self began to show,
her true ugly self.
But they didn't know though,
that there was ever this side of her.
She would always smile,
she would always laugh.
If only they had look closer,
close enough to see her smile faltered,
close enough to see into the windows of her soul,
they would see
the girl that was filled with
insecurities, and sadness.

- { E.I }
She was breaking.
Little Azaleah Apr 2015
Sometimes, I want to sleep forever because
the dreams I had of you staying is better than the reality of you leaving.

{ E.I }
Little Azaleah May 2015
It's weird how you can easily forget something you thought that mattered.

{ E.I }
I forget the little things that mattered.
Little Azaleah Jul 2015
As you held my gaze to yours for the first time,
I tried to stop myself from looking away from your loving gaze.
As you held my hand for the first time,
I tried to resist letting go and wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans.
As you held my body close to yours for the first time,
I tried to calm down to stop the rapid beating of my heart.
As you press your lips against mine for the first time,
I tried to stop myself from lifting one of my feet off the ground.
As you start showing your eternal love to me for the first time,
I tried to stop myself from shying away from you as no one has ever loved me as much as you.

{ E.I }
Little Azaleah Apr 2016
Oh, my dear love.
Don't break the secured heart.
They are strong,
But even they, will tear apart.

Little Azaleah Feb 2015
You are my best friend.** When you're upset, I'll be there for you to be a shoulder to cry on. When you're unhappy, I'll be there to make you laugh with my horrible singing and lame jokes. When you're heartbroken, I'll be there with a shovel to bury the heart breakers alive. Even if you're far away, I'll be there to remind you of home. When you are sick, I'll be there to take care of you even if I myself got the flu. I'll stay with you when nobody could. When you fall, I get you up. When you need someone to talk to, call me even if it's 3am on a school day. When we're 70 and forgetting, I'll be there to read you of our written journey. We'll laugh, we'll cry, take silly goofy pictures, we'll probably even fight, but that'll just make us more closer. We'll stay together till we're old and grey.

{ E.I }
I miss you.
Little Azaleah Mar 2020
so scared of hurting,
she never pick a flower
before she's certain it blooms.

so scared of hurting,
she wears gloves to touch
before thorns could ***** her.

so scared of hurting,
she rips out hopeful weeds
before it could grow into dandelions.

_ e.i. _
Little Azaleah Feb 2015
I know that she's hurting inside,
I know how much it's killing her,
but she didn't show it.
She continue to held her head up high,
and face 'em straight.
She was strong enough to keep it in
no one was around to see her fallen tears.

{ E.I }
Gladiolus, the flower of strength.
Little Azaleah Aug 2016
I always
tried my
best to embody
you want
me to be
you don't
seem to see.

The words you say hurts me more than anything.
Little Azaleah Aug 2017
I see you have walked away in short notice,
Nice to know how much I worth to you.
Just another easy target,
Another girl in the list,
Another heart to play with.
I shouldn't have let you in
in the first place,
I should have known we are just a detour off the main road.

{ e.i }
Little Azaleah May 2015
I'm no good
I don't deserve you
because I would wish for the person you like
to have someone else,
Just so you
could finally notice me.

{ E.I }
Little Azaleah Feb 2016
You don't know how I feel but that's okay.
I wasn't planning on telling you anyway 'cause right now, there's too much on our plate already.
This feeling I'm feeling now will dismiss slowly, and it'll be okay again.

{ E.I }
Little Azaleah May 2015
Anyone will do,
As long as it's not you.
As long as he'll comfort me,
when you didn't.
As long as he kept me warm,
when it gets cold.
As long as he stays with me,
when you left.
Whether it's your kisses or embrace,
whether it's your love or smiles,
I don't want them anymore.
I don't need them anymore.

{ E.I }
I can so much as replace you just like you had replace me.
Little Azaleah Jun 2015
If only I had taken
those last few steps
towards you,
I probably would have
had the courage to say
a simple 'hello'.
But instead,
I'd chicken'ed out
and let her get the chance
to say them instead.
And now;
I've lost my only chance
to ever be with you.

{ E.I }
If only I had closed that distance between us.
Little Azaleah Nov 2015
I wish
You would have not
The other way.

Little Azaleah Oct 2015
I Wish
You could
Hear what
I really want
To say.

Little Azaleah Sep 2015
It doesn't matter how much they push you down.
It doesn't matter how much it hurts as they hit you till bleed, with bruises and cuts all over.
It doesn't matter how painful it is to just get up on your feet and move forward.
when you reach to the end of the line;
what you wanted, what you dreamed of,
will be there waiting for you.
every hardships and sacrifices you've made now seems worth it.
Just don't give up,
even if the challenges you had then were unbearable.

{ E.I }
Every darkness has it light.
Never give up.
Little Azaleah Sep 2015
Even if you keep on dragging me back, pulling me down, I'll only keep on shooting up like an arrow towards the target.

{ E.I }
Believe in yourself no matter how much life is trying to pull you down.
Little Azaleah Sep 2018
that fleeting feeling of fluttering butterflies
as they caught your attention
in that short moment of walking by,
in that short moment of seeing eyes
like the short moment of waves kissing land.
your thoughts momentarily filled with the "what ifs"
"what would it be like"
"how your life will be like"
Oh, what an innocent feeling that is.
those moments before knowing a person.

{ e.i }
Little Azaleah Oct 2015
I fake a smile
So he won't see
The pain I feel
Within me.

Little Azaleah Jan 2015
I** remember how we met,
you were there sitting behind me and how I never noticed you.
You would tell me about how my childish ways caught your attention.
I remember the letters we would exchange between classes,
telling how much we adored each other.
Those late night calls and voice recordings we sent,
you would say I was beautiful even with my messy hair.
The songs you would sing,
the laughs we shared from the jokes we tell no matter how bad it was.
I remember the strolls we used to take,
and how your hand felt warm against mine.
The flowers you'd give randomly,
and that smile I adored.
This is the memories of you I remembered.


{ E.I }
Hidden message.
Little Azaleah Jan 2015
My room.
Filled with things that I adore.
Captured memories within frames.
Books filled with many lives I've lived,
and still yet to born.
The closed boxes in the corners, in the dark, (trying to be) forgotten
Of memories I can't fathom.

My room, my sanctuary.
Where the facade breaks.
Where tears falls freely.
Where I lie bare.
Free from lies and expectations.
With the wish of a love that is honest.

{ E.I }
Little Azaleah Jan 2015
I thought I've moved on, until I saw you did.

{ E.I }
Oh, how much it hurts.
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