laughter sounded through the day,
smiles so bright it blinds
but as the night looms close
-- the clock closing in to 12:ooam --
the night is filled with silence
& loneliness creeps
into her heart & soul

《e.i》

The lights shine on me,
I can't seem to hide.
This is too much for me,
I can't seem to breathe.

God, save me,
Please don't go.

The walls are closing in,
There's no space for me.
This is too much for me,
I can't seem to breathe.

《 e.i 》

Have you ever have this feeling
where you feel like your heart is breaking,
while at the same time,
it's like one of your limps were torn from your body,
like walking on fire and broken glass,
like being stabbed repeatedly,
like being punched in the guts,
like being betrayed by someone you trust your life to.
It's all of those, but altogether at the same time, at the same moment.
This feeling was never instant,
but
it's long-lasting.
Do you know this feeling?
Because
it's what I'm feeling.

{ E.I }

"You were a siren,
A rare beauty uncompared
who beckoned the unsuspecting me -
of love, lust & happiness -
I was in a trance
Unknowingly in danger -
For I never noticed you were pulling me in,
My feet dipping in along the shore
And before I knew it,
I was drowning in the coldness -
Your blood red kisses bringing me life
that I would die without."


< e.i. >

You are beautiful.
Even with the bags under your eyes from your many sleepless nights.
Even with the stretchmarks on your thighs that you hate.
Even with scars you bare on your skin when you just wanted relief.
It didn't matter if you aren't the prettiest girl out there but to me, you are the most beautiful, with the most beautiful soul that is the only one that matters to me.
Even if you think yourself as crazy and odd.
Even if you only wear sweat pants and ratty t-shirt you always wore.
You are beautiful.
Never let others say that you aren't.


{E.I}

"** Books are like drugs.
They help me forget the pain of reality, even if it's only for a moment. "

- {E.I}

As she slowly moved away from him,
Her lips parted from his,
He felt like he couldn't breathe.
He couldn't inhale the air around him,
Like she was his lifeline.
His only hope in living.
Without the air that is she,
He felt like he was drowning,
Pulled down into the depts of the water.
Like he couldn't live without her.
At that moment,
As he stared into her blue eyes,
He knew what he was going get into
And he was falling fast.

{E.I}

We met today at the coffee shop.
We talked, we laughed, even if it was awkward.
You told me how you still have feelings for me,
the same way I do for you.
You told me of our bittersweet past;
with the sun setting behind me, the wind breezing pass us and the sound of the waves crashing,
it was magical.
You told me that I was beautiful,
despite me only wearing a sweater and sweatpants.
It killed me how you look at me
with those twinkling eyes and the smile I love so much,
like I was the world, like I was the one you hold dear.
But you're not mine.
Not anymore,
you have another in your arms.
It was wrong, but
I wish things were different.

{E.I}

I keep it high.
I keep a laugh.
I make a smile.
I compartmentalise.

11 days into July.
Life has took a turn.
A loss,
a sudden death.
I compartmentalise.

House filled in darkness,
echoing shouts of anger.
I'm trying to compartmentalise.

I keep it low.
I keep it buried.
I make a smile.
I compartmentalise.

---

{ e.i. }

one more day
one more day,
i say waking every day.

one more day
one more day,
we'll get through today.

one more day
one last day,
we'll be okay.

< e.i. >

"Oh my love future husband, I'm fine, I'm okay. But I know you know that I'm only lying. The world throws every challenge at me and somehow I thought I couldn't actually take it anymore. But then, I thought of you; of how you're somewhere out there praying to Allah for me to be okay. And so, for you, I'll be strong. I'll take every single thing the world throws at me. May it be heartbreak, grief or sorrow, I'll take it, stand tall, and simply make them let me be stronger. I know that everything happens for a reason, and every journey and hardships that I faced will somehow but for sure will lead to you and your love for me.
Oh my dear, I can't wait until the day that our paths cross and you become the one to hold my heart dearly forever.
Oh my future husband, every hardship I'll face will be worth it, I'll be a better woman, for you. I know the road is long and it'll be hard to continue moving forward but I'll always remember that the end of the road, you'll be there waiting for me, when Allah wants us to finally meet, and every pain I've felt before will soothed and ease just by the presence of you next to me, and then I'll finally understand the reason why I've gone through all those hardships and trials.
Oh my darling future husband, I'll stay strong, I'll stand tall, until you're here by my side. Until then, I'll continue on moving forward and accept every trials Allah gives to me."

- { E.I }

Wore his hat so low,
You can't see his eyes
As one would know
The eyes are the mirrors of the soul.


《 e.i 》

Don't expect me
to succeed without failing,
to walk without falling,
to swim without drowning,
to run without tripping.
I can't do it perfectly.
Don't expect me to.

{ e.i }

Sometimes, I want to sleep forever because
the dreams I had of you staying is better than the reality of you leaving.

{ E.I }

It's weird how you can easily forget something you thought that mattered.

{ E.I }

You are my best friend.** When you're upset, I'll be there for you to be a shoulder to cry on. When you're unhappy, I'll be there to make you laugh with my horrible singing and lame jokes. When you're heartbroken, I'll be there with a shovel to bury the heart breakers alive. Even if you're far away, I'll be there to remind you of home. When you are sick, I'll be there to take care of you even if I myself got the flu. I'll stay with you when nobody could. When you fall, I get you up. When you need someone to talk to, call me even if it's 3am on a school day. When we're 70 and forgetting, I'll be there to read you of our written journey. We'll laugh, we'll cry, take silly goofy pictures, we'll probably even fight, but that'll just make us more closer. We'll stay together till we're old and grey.

{ E.I }

I know that she's hurting inside,
I know how much it's killing her,
but she didn't show it.
She continue to held her head up high,
and face 'em straight.
She was strong enough to keep it in
until
no one was around to see her fallen tears.

{ E.I }

I see you have walked away in short notice,
Nice to know how much I worth to you.
Just another easy target,
Another girl in the list,
Another heart to play with.
I shouldn't have let you in
in the first place,
I should have known we are just a detour off the main road.

{ e.i }

I'm no good
I don't deserve you
because I would wish for the person you like
to have someone else,
Just so you
could finally notice me.

{ E.I }

You don't know how I feel but that's okay.
I wasn't planning on telling you anyway 'cause right now, there's too much on our plate already.
This feeling I'm feeling now will dismiss slowly, and it'll be okay again.


{ E.I }

Anyone will do,
As long as it's not you.
As long as he'll comfort me,
when you didn't.
As long as he kept me warm,
when it gets cold.
As long as he stays with me,
when you left.
Whether it's your kisses or embrace,
whether it's your love or smiles,
I don't want them anymore.
I don't need them anymore.

{ E.I }

I wish
You would have not
Looked
The other way.

{E.I}

I Wish
You could
Hear what
I really want
To say.

{E.I}

It doesn't matter how much they push you down.
It doesn't matter how much it hurts as they hit you till bleed, with bruises and cuts all over.
It doesn't matter how painful it is to just get up on your feet and move forward.
Because,
when you reach to the end of the line;
what you wanted, what you dreamed of,
will be there waiting for you.
And
every hardships and sacrifices you've made now seems worth it.
Just don't give up,
even if the challenges you had then were unbearable.

{ E.I }

that fleeting feeling of fluttering butterflies
as they caught your attention
in that short moment of walking by,
in that short moment of seeing eyes
like the short moment of waves kissing land.
your thoughts momentarily filled with the "what ifs"
"what would it be like"
"how your life will be like"
Oh, what an innocent feeling that is.
those moments before knowing a person.

{ e.i }

I fake a smile
So he won't see
The pain I feel
Within me.

{E.I}

I** remember how we met,
you were there sitting behind me and how I never noticed you.
You would tell me about how my childish ways caught your attention.
I remember the letters we would exchange between classes,
telling how much we adored each other.
Those late night calls and voice recordings we sent,
you would say I was beautiful even with my messy hair.
The songs you would sing,
the laughs we shared from the jokes we tell no matter how bad it was.
I remember the strolls we used to take,
and how your hand felt warm against mine.
The flowers you'd give randomly,
and that smile I adored.
This is the memories of you I remembered.

?

{ E.I }

I thought I've moved on, until I saw you did.

{ E.I }