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10.1k · Jul 2012
Sex
Kevin Eli Jul 2012
***
Your skin doesn't lie,
Your lips don’t either.
The soft touch of hand,
Upon body,
You give in.
Sweat, spilled wine and swoon,
Your heart skips a beat,
Only to match mine
In sync.
Lights on, lights off.
Beat harder,
Breathe faster,
Using our bodies to see each other.
Stop and go
Holding our breath,
Gripping the sheets
Until it’s over.
7.4k · Jul 2014
Chasing Waves
Kevin Eli Jul 2014
Summer sun and car rides.
We drive with Third Eye Blind and Oasis telling us where to go.
Which beach do we jump on today?
Doesn't matter, I'm counting the waves.
We came, found that peace and left our stress.
Sifting sand through laughter and digging holes with hands.
What else could we ask for in life?
That moment. Go find it.
Let's get back there.
7.2k · Sep 2014
Black White & Grey
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
Leaving the seduction, comfort and sins of suburbia is no easy task
For those spoiled to the point of sickness.
Privilege and entitlement.
Sadly, unable to survive...
Where are we?
6.7k · Apr 2013
Insecure Delusion
Kevin Eli Apr 2013
To choose to listen to the voices in my head or the whisper in my heart.
Blinded by my own hand most of the time.
The roller coaster turned into a merry-go-round.
I knew where I had ended up, but I didn't see the start.
My thoughts are off and running again...

Round and round,
I feel this creeping monster run down my spine and gnaw at my center.
I am terrified of it.
I let it go on forever.

...I finally looked inside and asked,
"What the hell do you want from me?"

"I just want you to know that it's me, which is you.
Just trying to tell you that you need love, that's the truth."

I need to stop crucifying myself to feel alive.
It's selfish.
Kevin Eli Jan 2016
One early morning along the quiet forest floor, a little mushroom popped it's head out of the ground. Looking in wonder, he pushed passed the dead leaves and dirt to reach for sunlight below the canopy.

"STOP!" said the forest. "You have been unruly. We have seen you try to grow with discord and disregard, denying the order. And what are you, alien? Identify as plant or animal!"

The little mushroom responded, "But I only did as you did; made a home. Like the rooted trees pillar in our leafy halls, as the moss nestles among the rocks, or how the birds nest in their hollows, why am I so different? I am both you and me."

The forest inhabitants pondered. In this time the mushroom grew and died. It took too long for the trees and the birds and the moss to agree by the time their fellow forest friend had passed.

The trees, too slow to interrupt, cried out to all, "What have we done?!  we may not have thought him as beautiful as the rest of us, but the mushroom was a part of this forest!"

As a parting token, the little fungi grew a network of strands below the trees roots to support them all, feeding and protecting them even in death.

With it's dying breath, it dropped it's spores, to which would grow bountiful among the forest floor, among the trees and the rocks and moss. They had not known it, but the little mushroom was a part of a greater fungi, miles across. It had been there as long as the forest, keeping the trees company since time began, before humans, before us.

Only the trees had the knowledge to understand the little mushroom, but their voices were too quiet, too slow. So the trees let the mushrooms grow in their branches and on their logs to give them a home.
4.7k · May 2016
Witness For The Flowers
Kevin Eli May 2016
Warm summer blooms from the cold spring
When rain falls and snow melts
Flower petals show off their life and vibrance
Roses don't care for November
While the orchids dream of summer nights
Few violets will have memory of winter
Yet I will remember them all of my life
Kevin Eli Jan 2016
Delayed response to ground control, oh how I was crying.
In retrospect, I was just shallow; like an astronaut only watching
himself as the rest of the world kept steadily spinning.
Impersonal up here, never caring about winning or losing.

The star charts that mentors showed lost to what my mind followed,
A winding path through this sacred space which I unhallowed.
I didn't flinch at blastoff; it wasn't bravery, it was me being a coward.

Sweating in a far away bed, steel round walls with no decoration,
Straining my mind fighting the moments of suffocation.
Spots in my vision, distortion and discoloration.
Seeing stars I glimpsed my comet on exhibition.
I would have to come back around. It was just a matter of my rotation.

Retrospect from ages back and to beyond where we will have gone.
Black holes made that can never be filled, endless they came, endless they will come. To touch down in glory, or stay on the run. Life is just a rocket that departs from the sun. The rest isn't lost, it just hasn't been done.

So as we eventually drift into deep space and age becomes our dawn, remember to look out the window and wave to the passerby's.
They will cheer you on.
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
So we say as we play, under moonlight or day
That we can learn to love and live oh,
I feel this movement now, creeping into my bones
My lungs inhale, I sing, Oh.

We have each other, at the end of the game
We don't worry about the scores as we play
We just twiddle the time, and write down these rhymes

So we laugh as we play, under moonlight or day
That we can learn to love and see oh,
I feel this now, this movement in my bones
My hips swing then I sing, Oh.

We have each other,
We don't worry,
We just twiddle the time
Write down these rhymes, Oh

So we say as we play....
That we can learn to love and live this love,
Oh yes.
Kevin Eli Jan 2013
I admitted every wrong thing I have ever done.
ALL OF THEM.
I had to give the grand list of all of my resentments, fears, harms, and ****** misconducts I had ever committed in my life and tell all of it. All of the gory, gritty, *****, uncomfortable wreckage and baggage a person carries that you would never tell anybody, not even your best friend or wife.  Not just that, I had to find the resentments I had in my life and discover where the fault in my actions had me at fault...
I will not go into any detail about what I said on that mountain that day.
All I will say is what I found out about myself.
I had realized that every resentment I had was because I did not get my way, that people didn't do what I wanted them to do, and that I couldn't have complete control. All of my fears came from me not being able to to control these situations. This fear was born because I wanted to be accepted and if I wasn't, I had to find a way how to be accepted, no matter what. Through my pain, I created a fear of other individuals in which I wouldn't let people close to me. I was hurt by the girl I lost my virginity to and in turn, I treated women like they were all objects, and used them, out of fear that I would be hurt again if I didn't treat them badly first, or treat them as they “deserved”. If I didn't like what happened in a situation, either with a job, a girl, a friend, or anything else, I would turn it into a resentment and blame others. This roundabout of negative reinforcement in my actions created a long and downward spiral which to this day has governed my actions to put on a mask. Behind that mask, was an illusory person that would prey on others or target and focus on things I wanted, regardless of the repercussions.

It was explained to me that I had the unnatural ability to get what I want from people through reading and listening to them, and was able to do it very quickly. Within ten minutes of talking to me, I could know your personality, your insecurities, your desires, your strengths and your weaknesses.  As an example, when I would see a girl I liked, I would unknowingly look at her, target her and find her vulnerabilities, likes, dislikes, habits, turn-ons or anything I could find out that would help me get what I wanted. I would use these things to my disposal and manipulate this person, upcoming situations, or other parties to create an atmosphere or climate which I could have control of and then ****** this person through mind games and lies to get what my sick mind wanted.

Now hearing this about myself and coming to the realization that this is the way I have behaved in every relationship I have ever been in, I was horrified. My immediate reaction was that I had just envisioned and compared myself as a cult leader, a serial killer, as a mob boss...
As a predator.
I knew the only thing I could do in my heart at that moment was exactly what the program I was in called for. Complete honesty and desire to be relieved of these defects of character and how to do what I could with these skills to help others for good. I asked what I should do... He said, “Pray”.

I asked the universal force I understand to be the creator of all things and myself to give me the strength to do with me what I could not do for myself. To let these things wash away and give me the strength to change the things to come which I could not in the past, and let me walk through life as a person I want to be. I ask for vision as I write this to remember what I have learned and not let it slip away or be buried by fear and self-hate. To let myself be okay within my own and do what I know is right. Just when I wake up tomorrow, I'll remember.
Kevin Eli Jan 2016
Brandon,

To see you grow up and turn into the man you are is a gift... A young man, smart, kind, thoughtful to others. I have no criticisms to offer you in regards to the path and choices you have taken and made. I feel swelling pride for you as I write this and cannot wait to see and hear the adventures you will embark on in your life.

Having you as my cousin touches me and reminds me that I have an impact on the world, and for as long as you have looked up to me as your older cousin, I will always feel a sense of responsibility and caring for you, invigorating in purpose, which helps craft the home in my heart. Seeing time pass as sand in an hour glass, I can only glance in retrospect and see the years and times as a family you have shared with us; if it were a scoreboard, a test, the sum of all of your actions: a resounding win or success story on all counts. You are a gift to those around you and your happiness and caring will change this world for the better as it already has changed mine. Thank you for being my cousin, but more so for being the person you always are. You are a blessing and a light. Don't ever let anybody tell you otherwise or believe differently...

To end my letter to you, I will leave you with this: I can't wait to grow old and share more time with you; to go fishing, to go camping, to carry on our family's traditions and dinners which are so special among families, to share this chance to be alive and breathing, and to share our hearts with others. Go forth Brandon. Go forth and share your love with the world. Light your torch and burn it. I love you Brandon.

Your Cousin,
-Kevin
(For His 18th Birthday)
3.6k · Sep 2014
Playing With Guns
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
Bad like a habit, we had to have it, I can't stand it, it's just like gold to a bandit.
Well you take, what you get, when you do what you do.
It's okay, I won't give up on you.
Don't you fret, bout the mess, you don't have to wear armor.
No more, no more my amour.

~^~~^~

And when all is said and done, and we are both long gone,
Lord knows you were the only one.
And when all is said, then undone, fights we lost, or we won.
They'll know we just liked having fun playing with guns.
Playing with guns.

Put it down, pick it up, breathe again, take a plunge.
Holes in these eyes, and this skin, I see you naked, now don't give in.
And you fell how you fell, I understand that you feel down.
Freedom and prison don't mix very well, do they now?

~^~~^~

And when all is said then done, and we are both long gone,
I can't wait to see what we become.
Old souls, ghosts or angels, supernova-omegas.
They knew we just liked having fun playing with guns.
Making big bangs playing with guns.

Having fun playing with guns,
We're just having fun playing with guns.
Having fun playing with guns,
I know we're not the only ones.
In memory of Lacey Weitz, the love of my life. 02/26/90 - 03/25/16. Rest In Peace my angel..
3.3k · May 2014
Terror & Horror
Kevin Eli May 2014
Blindly crawling, ****** kneed, trembling.
Feeling in the darkness, the murk and muck on the floor covers knees.
Breath uneven and scared, terrified again.

There are no doors, no windows, no others.
The cell has no features, only walls with no color.
An expression of the mind, an image of nightmare. Empty.

The lack of content is what scares.
Air so thick, one would choke, but I can't open my mouth.
Nothingness pervades. Wades through the thoughts to another corner.

With but thy blood and fingernails, messages are cut, carved and scraped into the grey concrete of these walls, words begging to not be forgotten.
Messages mandating weak memory to scribe.

This is my mind. This is where each day I reside.

In terror of the world, I am not inside.
in horror of the things I think, or thought?
I know not nor remember what I do, I am scared.
Naked, afraid and trying to remember the lessons I learned so long ago.

Goose-bump covered and huddled in the corner.
Hands wrapped around my knees, crying, shaking.
Dead inside, hollowed out. Nobody home.
Betrayed again...
By myself.

Beside myself.
A mind is a horrible place to be trapped...
3.3k · Dec 2012
Shedding This Old Armor
Kevin Eli Dec 2012
I find the tragedies of people so heartbreaking. Addiction is misunderstood, and this has become my understanding.

I realize that this disease is not about drugs. Drugs are only a symptom of addiction or the "ism". Some people do drugs, while others collect things, suffer endlessly in painful relationships, others obsess over things they cannot control.

The real beginnings of many of our problems comes from far back in our lives starting with childhood and upbringing. We are told that we are expected to be a certain way and that we must follow the examples of others. Even though we should believe that adults that abuse us are wrong, we internalize it and find it to be our faults. “What did I do wrong? I shouldn't have done that. I must do better next time.” I have looked inside of myself and translated that this life terrorizing issue is hard to understand, yet simple.

We have a personality we have grown up with and created. An ego represented by coats of armor that we put on. We put on a new layer of armor each time we are hurt or learn a lesson. Eventually these suits of armor start to get so heavy, we cannot move, we cannot breathe. We try to walk around and be true to ourselves but our defenses make it nearly impossible. We only want people to see what we let them to and tell our true nature to shut up. We think our true selves aren't enough to be loved and isn't worth showing people. We become ashamed of what we actually are underneath. Our Egocentricity takes over and creates that facade we want people to see.

There are several walls we must break down in order to free ourselves of the thousands of layers of armor we put on over our lifetimes. We have the first wall: our personality we present to others. We must know it and see ourselves for what we actually are. There is nothing wrong with you. You are a wonderful human being that is deserving of everything life has to offer. The second wall is the big brute who bullies you at any cost to keep himself alive: Self-hate. It is your greatest critic, your manipulator, and your source of evil. You must look at your self-hate as a black dog behind you that is always barking, looking for attention, undisciplined and untrained. Wild, vicious and dangerous, it will do anything to get what it wants from you and does not love you. It will beg and give you those puppy eyes, but it is always lying to get what it wants... In front of you is another dog. Your true self. It is a little puppy that has not been nurtured or given attention in a long time. This puppy does not bark, it does not cry. It just wants your unconditional love as it has for you.

You must not ignore the black dog behind you. It must be stared straight in the face and you must say NO. This is where the last wall and line of defense against your true nature and love for yourself hides: Fear. You are afraid that this desperate black dog will bite you when it doesn't get what it wants. It will bark so loud you cannot hear anything and you are afraid of being ripped apart and die if you do not give it what it needs. Yet, this dog has a hidden chain attached to it you have never seen or knew about before. It cannot get to you if you don't let it near you. You must make the deep and soul searching decision through great fear and with courage to never give this dog what it wants again...
Turn your eyes forward...

See the little puppy in front of you? It looks at you with those big eyes filled with the desire for you to love it and take care of it. That puppy is you... Don’t be afraid of the work it takes to raise that puppy, because it will grow up slowly yet surely and be your undying companion; always guiding you to the happiness you deserve. Give it some water, some food, your love and take it on walks.
This is you. This is your puppy. If you can learn to love this puppy and nurture it, you will have found you love yourself. When you can love yourself, you can then love another...
The suits of armor come off and you can finally move away from that black dog behind you forever. The love you found will flow into you. You will be able to live with freedom, unchained from your self-hate and fears. Nobody can say you are a bad person anymore. You have taken such good care of that puppy that you don’t need anybody's approval. Your own puppy is happy, and he loves you unconditionally. It is unconditional love for yourself.

Everybody has this armor on and everybody has different weights on their shoulders. It is up to you to decide when to break free. I will pray for you all in the mean time. Please pray for yourself and others.
And as you do, remember to love freely.
3.1k · Aug 2014
Golden Moment
Kevin Eli Aug 2014
Is when you wait for that perfect time of day.
Somewhere between 4:00 and sunset when the light gives perfect sight.
Follow your rule of thirds and keep your aperture right.
More than your skills, art is within the eyes.
Which through experience and passion, just like film;
Both develop over time.

Just for that precious moment.
3.1k · Aug 2012
Opiate For Your Masses
Kevin Eli Aug 2012
Bow before his majesty
Give your soul and innocence to his divinity
Make your offering, practice your sacrifice
Hope for infinity
You were lied to,
The warmth is ice.

Trade your time for a place
To an entity without a face,
Remember...
Never throw your freedom to their greed and disgrace.

**** yourself, **** your neighbor
Don't give a **** about your loves and labor.

Kept in your heart, the hate you harbor
Will never get you farther,
Than the shoes of our fathers
Release your demons
Roll back your eyes
Crack slow a stoic smile
You will never fit in those shoes,
For they span for miles.

Remember,
God has no soul or soles,
He's just lying in the bathroom, crying,
half conscious on the tile...
2.7k · Aug 2014
No Shelter Here
Kevin Eli Aug 2014
It starts in other countries, in other states, in other cities. We see it on the news. It doesn't affect us. When it happens to somebody we know, we grieve for them, but we won't look them in the eye.

Only when the pain and surging, suffering tide of the escaping masses comes to break down your door, will you then say, "There is no shelter here. This is MY home, stay here no more!"

And they will all cry,
"No, it is YOU that has no shelter here! Why did you look away when they went for your neighborhood?"

Yelling back as you remind,
"Did you not turn them away the same as I, to deny them brotherhood?"

By then it's too late.
Misunderstood, we run but can't hide.
There will be no shelter here.
2.4k · Jul 2014
The Masochist
Kevin Eli Jul 2014
When I was with her,
I never felt so alive, nor dead.
I never felt so much love, nor so alone.
I never felt so much pain, and so much joy.
I never knew how strong I was, nor how weak.
I never knew what I could do, nor what was out of reach.
Still can't see a difference between loving her and torturing me.
2.2k · Mar 2015
Our Silent Symphony
Kevin Eli Mar 2015
When I walk out my door, I hear the birds sing in silent symphony.
At the bus stop, the sounds of low humming engines and rolling tires.
Outstretched clouds of pure white follow horizons.
The percussion of rain clinks on boulders, drumming quietly.
Bee's wings play muted notes on flowers, sweetly collecting.
There is so much more than radio static and dull ads full of ditties.
Nature's ensemble invented the beat, rhythm, and the harmony.
2.0k · Nov 2014
Winning The Race
Kevin Eli Nov 2014
From last to pulling first, underdog all the way
David is beating his Goliath, winning with his gains
Took a down to make an up, slim grin, courage and experience
Finally it's now payday

Found the energy drink of emotion
That liquid juice of intense life
Drives the will forward, giving confidence
He's moving up the ranks

Seen the errors of the past, this will is strong
The crowd is cheering, wings outdrawn, this takes no effort at all
Can do this for weeks, can't feel pain anymore
He's going for first, silver won't cut it

Whether it's a wish that's chased, A life trying to be made
The distance is relative, infinite space, in the face
Bull-rushed, heart of a child and beat of a bass drum
Nothing is stopping him now.

Started knowing not where to finish, relentless
You gotta give credit to those who go the limit
Insanity or determination,
Looks like he is finally winning his race

...I'm feeling lucky today
1.9k · Jan 2014
Silhouettes In The Corridors
Kevin Eli Jan 2014
I have beautiful nightmares still to this day of our times together.
I see her face, of which I do not like to recall but nevertheless, blindingly unforgettable.
Just the burning ashes and shadowy silhouettes that dance in the corridors of my mind between darkened doorways and buzzing lights.
No wind, growing still air and a stench of old sketch books and burning lighters.

Some things you wish you could forget, while others, you wish you could remember.
1.7k · Sep 2012
The Blood of Jerusalem
Kevin Eli Sep 2012
A Playground that doubles as a bomb shelter.
Words of hate painted on a missile.
Freedom and peace doesn't exist when your neighbor wants to **** you...

Happiness after sadness, survival feels like madness.
The bus stop burns as you go to work and pass it.
A school, turned into a pool of blood, piled **** and rubble.
Whoever calls this the Holy Land is full of ******* and troubled.

The tears and the pain make you numb.
I just want a bullet in my head, so it would be over and done.
There is nowhere to run, even though we are scared...
Will this ever end? If we all only cared.

Freedom... Fair.
FIGHT.

Fight for your life,
Make your children fight for all human rights.
A future without war, without bodies, without burned shores.
Ask them to give their lives, for a world without horror, guns and mortars.
A land without borders, prisons, our hate and our horrors.

For Love,
Eternal and forever, each day will be born.
Pray for Jerusalem,
So we can all go home...
Together.
Palestinian or Israeli, Christian, Jewish or Muslim; we all have the same right to be loved and pursue happiness.
1.7k · Jan 2013
Roses On Our Grave
Kevin Eli Jan 2013
Roses on your grave..
You bang your head against the wall until you bleed, and even then, when your blood is screaming at you to stop, you keep going. You fall to the ground and lie there exhausted and slip away. Only when you are close to death do you ask for help.
The color red turns grey.
You pack your bags and head to the next wall. Expecting to break it down, you don't change and faint once more. Your blood begs your wounds to heal, to see the repetition. You knew though that it would just be the same. The true definition of insanity.
Cold from downpour crimson rain.
The scene is that I am crying silently without tears, looking through a glass wall at you, helpless.
I bang my fists and head to break through to save you, but all I do now is bleed.
You must always nail yourself to the cross you carry and bear.
I fall down, sob and pray.

There was nobody there, there was no glass. Nobody could hear.
I never knew it was me.
Nothing but a mirror, a mirror...
I was putting roses on my grave.
To those that suffer, may you find your way home...
1.7k · Apr 2014
Love Agape
Kevin Eli Apr 2014
Like a blind date on wedding night,
You came before me once again.
This time, you said you loved me...

We drove and talked, you smiled
And told me everything I needed to hear.
Not what I wanted to, but what I needed.

You're changing, and I like it.

Ride with me once again,
Until the red wine is gone
and sweet nothings are said.

I admit I still love you too.
Yes, we can start over again...
Time can't change some things though.
1.6k · Mar 2013
Blur
Kevin Eli Mar 2013
I see you looking into the mirror
Look a bit closer, see a bit clearer
I see you lying, holding back from crying
Look at me now, look at me now

Cuz I see your reasons, you have your demons
look at me now, look at me now
I see you're dying, you're ******* lying
Look at me now, just look at me now
Blur

Just as I saw through all your fears
You're still here, standing in tears
Mention your name, tell me your game
Just look at you now, just show us how

I see you lying, you're ******' dying
Look at me now, look at me now
Holding back from crying, I caught you lying
It's all just a blur,
A blur

Cuz I see your reasons, you have your demons
look at me now, look at me now
I see you're dying, you're ******* lying
Look at me now, just look at me now
Blur

Blurred, Blurred, Blurred, Blurred, Blurred, Blurred, Blurred
*BLUR
I caught my ex in a lie several years ago. She was supposed to see me perform, and I wrote her this song to **** her off, but she didn't end up showing up. Instead she lied about coming and was getting banged by two guys that night.

Funny how ironic and true the lyrics were.
Sincerely for you, *****.
1.6k · Jan 2013
Third Eye
Kevin Eli Jan 2013
-o-0-o-
With my two eyes closed, the third sees beyond the edge of the horizon.
Keeping us within its sight, unopposed.
In the center of the energy, I experience an alternate path that has not been disclosed.
Unending, undivided.
You are not alone, this symphony plays for us both, and this Universe we interpret will provide it.
Keep digging, diving, deriving, speaking, seeing, hearing, feeling, believing, sensing.
Unrelenting, still unconditional, yet undeniable, so undefinable, and indescribable...
Yet Loving
1.5k · May 2014
Negligence
Kevin Eli May 2014
Once I was at a house party in the highlands, I got very drunk.
We were skateboarding on the large tennis court up on the top of the extravagant property which did not belong to any of us.

I was trying to do a trick and the board flew out from under me and rolled out of control into the center net. I didn't know it, but I broke both bones below my wrist clean across.

When I fell, I was initially disoriented.
I remember everybody letting out a big gasp or "Oooh, ouch."
I staggered to my feet and tried to assess the situation.

I started to feel dizzy and fell back over.
I think two people helped me back up and got me sat down in a chair.
I remember the feeling that I was blacking out and couldn't breathe.

"I think I am going into shock." I said to everybody around me.
"I think I might need some medical attention." I said immediately after.

Nobody really paid attention.
"You're fine." Somebody said.
I shook my head as to say no, but to no avail. Nobody was listening.
"I need an ambulance"
I passed out again.

At some point, I woke up and drove myself home, drunk and with a broken arm. Nobody wanted to give their good time to help me, even though I knew everybody and I desperately needed it...

The terrifying part about this, is that it has happened before.

Know who your friends are
Know how cruel and negligent they can be.
Know how little drugs and alcohol care about you.
1.5k · Sep 2014
Overwhelming Universe
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
Time and space in which we think we are.
I wonder where it ends, and the beginning starts.
Somewhere past the infrared,
Between the black and ultraviolet,
The vibration's hum is endless, but seems so still and quiet.

Heat from suns and cold, empty distance
Keeps perfect balance for our existence.
A symmetry for simple structure
Expanding in explosive nature.
Life is sparked in the darkness.

Pressure buckles under construction,
Mountains skip and oceans boil
Struggle for substance in the morsel
Whether microscopic, or colossal.
Evolution keeps threading the needle.

Vicious fire, ice and flying rock
Versus a little blue bubble, that one day will pop.
It's too much to take in, like counting raindrops
Appreciate the beauty and forget-me-nots.
Because one day, this might all stop.

What an overwhelming universe.
1.5k · Jan 2015
Altruistic Asshole
Kevin Eli Jan 2015
I sit here contemplating altruism.
I wonder why I get frustrated when there is no reciprocation.

Teach a man to fish, he will steal all your business.
Give a beggar coins, he can only buy a pint of Guinness.

I'm ******* tired of this ****. Somebody is living their dreams by taking mine away. I'd rather be beaten and hit than give up one more day.

Like trying to play guitar for others, just to be told "You ****".
I try to ignore the deterring phrase, "You'll never make a buck".

Teach a child love and tolerance, he will be abused and stepped on.
Give a loser a second chance, he will steal from you when you're gone.

Altruism doesn't exist. It's in my nature to share this exhibit.
Too bad it hurts me, feels like my belief is somehow complicit.

I hope I can see what I should give, and what I should prohibit.
Judge my charity, my gifts, my intentions, these words from my lips.

You call me an altruistic *******... But you're just a selfish *******.
1.4k · Apr 2014
#SlutCompetition
Kevin Eli Apr 2014
Generic Asian food dish picture, drunken Vegas selfie with my betches, #cheatedonmyboyfriend, picture of my ******* on top of a mountain on the only hike I've ever been on. Have you seen the gap in my thighs? Almost as big as the gap between my legs. Lots of visible beverages, this is our club! (no idea I'm borderline alcoholic). I want a real man #imafuckingliar
This is how I feel about social media.
1.4k · Oct 2014
I'm Trying
Kevin Eli Oct 2014
I'm trying to get off the floor
Hard and painful to break through
This selfish, superficial glass ceiling called corporate.
I have no choice but to sit and sacrifice to it.
Why is it always about money?

No room for the artist, the poet
No time for the writer, nor the dreamer.
I know I need to be at this nine-to-five
If I ever want to afford my paper and pencils.
Determined to write through this candlelight

But when you take the time to look at my face, or stare into my eyes
You will see a river flowing with such grace and force
It will flood your world and make you cry.
With such emotion in a moment of infinite love
That you will feel like you were ready to die.

I have thoughts I want to share with you, if you have the time.
I'm patient though, at least I'm trying.
We struggle to be heard, but we are not alone... Not by a long shot my friends and loved ones.
Kevin Eli Jan 2015
I'm having a dozen dreams a night; fluid and lucid.
I prefer this imagination and fantasy in my bed.
It's a lot of fun, also terrifying,
All in black and red...

Deep diving indoor pools with oil rigs and sea monsters.
I butterfly and sidestroke across the unfathomable chlorine waters.

Gliding downstream through swampy, vine-roped forests.
I end up in mangrove lakes, a canopy of bright glowing mushrooms.

Zombie hordes making me hide in closets at my parent's house.
They never break down the door, I don't understand why they carouse.

Being in a place without time, space, colors, physics or floors,
Talking to people I barely know, with no names or faces. Am I bored?

Sitting in my underwear on a dock, waiting for the bus
The others don't even seen me, but the cute girl next to me does.

I learn to fly, jump off a roof, start falling, then forget.
I twitch in my covers from a concrete slab, comical to wake up dead.

Sometimes I just sit in a cave with a reflection of myself
Talking to my ego; arguing and reasoning with nobody else.

Every time I close my eyes and lay my head,
I feel like a mad-hatter, locked in wonderland.
1.3k · Nov 2014
That Itch
Kevin Eli Nov 2014
Scratch it out, scratch it into a tree.
Put it down in history, or erase it from memory.
Just don't go insane, you know it's not necessary.
;-)
1.3k · Mar 2013
Camaraderie
Kevin Eli Mar 2013
The band plays
Arms in the air while feet stomp the ground
Girls cross the dance floor like a caravan
The music still plays since I said goodbye long ago
It's the same party, different people.

Thick cigarette smoke stands still on the patio.
A glass of white wine swirled in hand with delight
The joy, the laughter, the old friends say hello
One by one with stamps or wristbands on tight
They all come eventually but some will never go

I remember this circus from long ago
With its memories and moments I so dearly hold
If you ever find the door and need a ride home
Just wait until tomorrow's sun gives enough light to see the road
Don't worry about missing the show
The band still plays
1.2k · Jul 2014
Accountability
Kevin Eli Jul 2014
The difference between a civilized society and anarchy is accountability.
Personal quote.
1.2k · Apr 2010
Orchid
Kevin Eli Apr 2010
An Orchid
Simply ******, arresting petals
I'm drawn and intrigued by the asymmetrical
Expressions that gave me this breathless impression.
How do I retrieve a demon so beautiful that the angels in heaven
Forgive and forget
The day I cursed such a corolla
.......................I want you...........................
..................I want to free you....................
pollinate your mind, so in time, you will forget the crime we confide
To never remember such a slow chlorophyllian life... with such little strife...
Falling petals
Never die
- From ME
1.2k · Sep 2014
11
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
11
Addiction doesn't go away, it just gets put on the shelf.
1.1k · May 2014
Tracks
Kevin Eli May 2014
Rusted train tracks slip down the road, winding into the fog.
Memories of old shows and carnivals brings me back to a time when I thought cotton candy and hot dogs were sacred.

I reach into my pocket to find twenty-nine cents.
The change from the Coca-Cola I bought that day when I was traveling for the first time alone. Three hours, Los Angeles to San Diego.

I remember my mother and father telling me to cherish the time we had together on our family vacations. I was never afraid of flying or got sick in cars or boats, but homesick? I was always looking for my origin.

In the final hours before sunset, tumbleweeds tip-toe and roll across those tracks which travel to all roads and counties, residing at this final crossing.

I didn't wait for the train to arrive before I started walking.
1.1k · Sep 2014
I Didn't Like That
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
I'm gettin' tired of tellin' everybody how bad she treats me now.
I keep hearing myself buzzing round and round,
Like a disgruntled honey bee, who can't find his hive nor his queen.
I'm a broken record by now, you know what I mean.

So I sit here on this dry, sunny day,
Drinkin' whiskey and singing the same song when I play.
I guess I just wanted her to hear me say.

I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.
I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.

She came in looking like a sin, struttin' past my way
looked me over then said, "You shouldn't gawk that way".
Then I stood up, gave in and took her home anyway,
She slipped out before the light of day.
So I say,

I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.
I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.

When you look she's divine, then find out she's a demon.
You wake up in the middle of the night,
She's got you hollerin' and screamin'.
What do you get when you love a razor with the body of Venus?
You just say,

I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.
I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.

I'm goin' back home now, done with her anyhow, anyways.
Find some land with horses, sheep, orchard trees and some cows.
This bee don't care no more 'bout his queen or the colony.
Before I left, I shot her down, then ran from the felony.
Don't do what I did, but I meant when I say,

I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.
I didn't like that, no. I really didn't like that.

I really didn't like that.
1.0k · Jan 2012
Ten Years To Learn
Kevin Eli Jan 2012
At home on a ledge; Kids.
Remember to stay on the right, look through the scope, never forget your passions, your childhood, mother earth, family, how the sun sets in the west, the bottom, vital link of the chain, the journey, not the destination, the gift of life, neighbors, and strangers, your best friend, heaven above.
Dig for the sky, feel the ripple, slow roll, and mountain waves.
Reflect the days, spinning praise, our place in nature, your off-ramp to work, your on-ramp to happiness, and the little things we forget…
1.0k · Mar 2013
Wander
Kevin Eli Mar 2013
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Time flows, just like wind, water and our blood inside of us. Just let it go.
1.0k · Feb 2013
Silent In This Moment
Kevin Eli Feb 2013
I live in fantasy
A soul on the water
Waking up evermore to glistening shores

Mist rises high from the warm suns rays
No picture could capture the millions of words
This isn't fiction, it's true.
This is just my morning view

A flower blooms blood red and sky blue
While a hummingbird wakes up and drinks its dew
The mountains which rise around my quiet lake stand silent and listen
Give nothing but their smiles for miles.

The wind never blows before noon, holding this scene still
Moments like this happen every day for me.
Just close your eyes and dream of this far land I live in.
You can be here, you can discover this.
Just close your eyes to see.

Sometimes we say more by saying nothing at all,
and sometimes we do more by doing nothing at all.
Kevin Eli Jan 2015
Surmounting expectations create competition with me and my companions.
People now bumping into each other from exponential expansion.
Existential Conundrum.
It happens.

You have to get a job, be better than everyone else.
You gotta get rich, but donate and be "selfless". Be an entrepreneur with millions that saves dolphins, bungee off the Eiffel Tower with the Prime Minister of Ireland.

Can't help but feel like we were born in a sandbox with too much expected from us, with such little, never promised rewards.
Cardboard presentations with glitter and glue, high scores on the whiteboard.
"Mom, please... I'm bored."

A Mr. or Mrs. Perfect, immune to hangovers and pressure, while keeping a 4.0 who must always be "in the moment", in full control.
Yeah, right. Maybe with a rich football coach who lets you smoke and dope if you run a ball and don't choke... Pray you don't grow old and dash his championship goal.

So when I feel my life is diminutive, worthless with no conviction, I just tell myself that I helped people I never remembered or knew. Nobody really has a clue with all this media, race and religion. Whether you think it's science, fact, or fiction, It's just a temporary illusion of your imagination.
Kevin Eli Jul 2015
Dough, a food, unleavened bread
Ray, a frequency of light
Me, the self, the id or ego
Far, a distance long in length
Sew, a thread joined by a needle
La, a french word that's feminine
Tea, a leaf steeped in hot water
And it brings us back to dough.
Circle song done in the backyard between a bunch of friends. They're ******.
987 · Sep 2014
Vicarious
Kevin Eli Sep 2014
Eye on the TV
'cause tragedy thrills me
Whatever flavour
It happens to be like;
Killed by the husband
Drowned by the ocean
Shot by his own son
She used the poison in his tea
And kissed him goodbye
That's my kind of story
It's no fun 'til someone dies

Don't look at me like
I am a monster
Frown out your one face
But with the other
Stare like a ******
Into the TV
Stare like a zombie
While the mother
Holds her child
Watches him die
Hands to the sky crying
Why, oh why?
'cause I need to watch things die
From a distance

Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
You all need it too, don't lie

Why can't we just admit it?
Why can't we just admit it?

We won't give pause until the blood is flowing
Neither the brave nor bold
The writers of stories sold
We won't give pause until the blood is flowing

I need to watch things die
From a good safe distance

Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
You all feel the same so
Why can't we just admit it?

Blood like rain come down
Drawn on grave and ground

Part vampire
Part warrior
Carnivore and ******
Stare at the transmittal
Sing to the death rattle

La, la, la, la, la, la, la-lie

Credulous at best, your desire to believe in angels in the hearts of men.
Pull your head on out your hippy haze and give a listen.
Shouldn't have to say it all again.
The universe is hostile. so Impersonal. devour to survive.
So it is. So it's always been.

We all feed on tragedy
It's like blood to a vampire

Vicariously I, live while the whole world dies
Much better you than I
By: Tool (10,000 Days)

Written by Bryan Adams, Justin Chancellor, Maynard James Keenan and Danny Carey.

[Likely the only song lyrics I will ever post that I do not own.]
967 · Oct 2013
Sitting By The Phone
Kevin Eli Oct 2013
Waiting for the call that will never come.
I die inside every hour, every minute.
I reach across the couch to grab my phone.
Before I pick it up, I pull back my hand as if denying myself the disappointment I already know.

She never lied to me, she never hurt me.
I guess she just didn't want to hear "I love you" from me.

Can't eat, unable to cry, barely able to sleep, too depressed to drink.
She doesn't know how much I hurt, and I don't want her to know either.
I'm tired of it. I can't take another crack in my heart. It will break.
So I sink into my couch, phone on the other cushion, staring somewhere at the air between the TV screen and my face.

I just want relief in somebody's arms.
I "though" she never lied to me, I "thought" she would never hurt me.
963 · Apr 2014
She Makes Me Smile
Kevin Eli Apr 2014
Yellow painted walls. This place makes me smile.
As she sits there by night studying, her dress flows elegantly in the wind
That is blowing through the balcony door.

Polka dots in black and white, she bites her pencil tip.

She makes me smile.
954 · Jan 2015
The Blink Of An Eye
Kevin Eli Jan 2015
I want to bathe in the instant
Be inspired to be alive
Inside a second
Feel around in it
See the frames
My film roll is developed
But I only see blurred lines
941 · Jan 2015
Guinevere
Kevin Eli Jan 2015
She tests her own being.
A legend loved by all.
With her and Lancelot betraying
Destiny, the kingdom would fall.

Can we rewrite love?
Can we rewrite scripture?
Can we rise above?
Can we find our picture?

My dear Guinevere,
No more nights of tears,
Make the right decision,
Please, my lady, my dear?

We had a perfect plan.
We should have rode,
We should have ran,
We should have never spoken again.

Tearing down her future
They would burn her at the stake
As love and loyalty shared no shelter
Their dreams together, they couldn't make

It's now too late
It's now time to cry
It's now the last goodbye
It's not like you didn't try

But lest we die...

My dear Guinevere,
You have nothing to fear,
Your Lancelot is here.
This love story will withstand the years.
939 · Dec 2014
A Man I Never Met
Kevin Eli Dec 2014
My Grandmother told me stories
How she lived across the street from Bugsy Siegel's mother in Brooklyn
If you knew my family, it's hardly believable.
Mobsters near the family, I was told "things always fell off the truck."
I guess Great Grandpa Willie made it by, must have had good luck.

Berger became Bock, Grandma Marcia married Joel, my Grandpa.
He left Brooklyn for the Air force and they moved to Arkansas
East to Midwest, to West....
Grandma went with him, they finally rested in sunny California.
Willie would have been proud of Joel when he served during Korea.

William Berger passed away, I never knew him.
We now have scholars, businessmen, artists and athletes
It's iconic how living here will shape your reality
The memories and moments of a family to which we clutch
Softly being recorded, my family history shows how much he loved us.

A mysterious, touching legacy was left over time.
I'm sure my grandmother keeps pictures and pages I will never find.
No matter what, whether he was honest, hardworking, or in crime,
I know he did it all for his family, prosperity or depressing times.

I was told he had a lot of courage, and always made friends
I wish I could have seen his face, I wish I could have met the man.

Grandma says I look like him.
936 · Feb 2014
The Collector
Kevin Eli Feb 2014
I am a collector.
Some would say I am good.
Others would say I am lucky.
A few who know me would say I'm a *****.

I couldn't care if I bang you.
I just want your number.
I'm just feeling the need to be better
Than everyone else.

To know I can get your girl, or that one over there.
My presence is bigger and I'm more important, you should care.
To know I could sleep with a celebrity's daughter.
The paparazzi would obviously look at me if they caught her.

Trust me, I can beat you at whatever it is.
I might be lying, A bluff; hit or a miss.
I've done someone like you before this,
A dozen times or more.

Bottom line ladies and gentlemen:
Know not just who I am,

I make myself look like a rogue and a roar
For fear of finding my role.
Collecting people and demanding more
Because I am afraid of who I am.

It's alright to be me.
I am nothing more.
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