From lots of laughter, splashing and playing, and sharing memories
to it
coming to an end.

We may have the same eye's
but I use mine differently

We may have the same heart
but I use mine differently

I'm Different cause I do things differently
I'm different cause I wear things differently

I may stand out differently in many ways
but I love it
and I love being different

I Am Different

I slit my wrist to erase the pain.
you look at me and think I'm insane.
My eyes turn red, bleeding my tears,
and still you try to protect me from my worst fears.
Look at my scars, then you will see
why I can't seem to go around and fake happy,
yet you tell me you love me, that you'll forget,
for I'll soon be gone, and I'll be your greatest regret.
So let me die, broken and scarred,
I can't deal with life, it's getting far too hard.
Everything's gone wrong; it's not worth trying,
so leave me alone because I feel like I'm dying.
I don't want you to worry,
because my life is ending in a hurry.
I'll be fine and happy, you see,
for death is what I wished for and soon it will be.

Those beautiful eyes,
That once contained happiness,
Are now raging with anger,
Clearly displaying that the flame within you is now untamed,
Taking over as if it's your master and you are its puppet.
The cuts on your arm,
Match the ones on your heart,
Leaving scars of remembrance.
The shadows you now live in,
Consume the new you,
Gradually crushing the source of life........the pulse of what used to be.

Someday you will cry for me
Like I cried for you.
Someday you'll miss me
Like I missed you.
Someday you'll need me
Like I needed you.
Someday you'll love me,
But I won't love you.

The sun is out.
The children scream and shout
All about.

There is no more school.
Everyone in the pool!
No more looking like a fool.

They run outside,
Find places to hide
And bikes to ride.

Everyone is having fun
No rush, no places to run.
Relax and play with anyone.

No one is stressed,
No more weight on their chests.
This is why summer is the best

If I could catch a rainbow,
I'd do so just for you
So you could share its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.

If I could, I'd buy an island
You could call it your very own,
A place to find serenity,
Where you could be alone.

If I could take your troubles
I'd throw them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me.

'Cause I can't buy an island
Nor catch a rainbow fair,
So I'll just do what I do best:
Be someone who's always there.

Imagine yourself
Alone in your head.
You're hanging, dangling
From a silver thread.

Empty, alone
With the monsters within.
Internally screaming,
You just want to give in.

Now imagine that's you
Every day, every hour.
Forever sinking
Like a wilting flower.

You try to tell your dad
And you try to tell your mom,
But they say you're being silly,
You've just got to move on.

Because teens don't know sorrow
Nor the hardships of life.
They're just kids with imaginations
Just looking for attention, right?

You think that there's none
Who knows how you feel.
You're just so alone,
But the feelings- they're real.

Useless,
Neglected,
Forgotten,
Distressed.

Alone,
Afraid,­
But mostly
Depressed.

And you're friends,
They go on
Like nothing has changed.

"They must not care,"
Your thoughts whisper,
The lies in your brain.

You can't escape it,
Trapped in your own skin.
You're ugly,
You're hated,
But you mask it with a grin.

You hate what you feel,
So instead you feel nothing.
Your insides are numb,
Your confidence crumbling.

You look to other things
To stop the pain.
Like cutting
But it gives you no gain.

And the people around you
Shout abuse your way.
"You're hurting yourself, stop it!"
That's all they ever say.

No matter how you plead
That you're broken inside,
They turn the other way,
They run, they hide.

They say you're just foolish,
It's all in your head.
What they don't know is inside
You're already dead.

Does love only happen to the lucky ones,
or is it instead the tricks of the world that conspire within.
Can one be fully happy where there is love
or does love do like the wind
which continues to blow on end
Because with out it how can there be a beginning
as many Christians we know the beginning and the end
Genesis 1&2
But in this world so few can ever know the feeling...
the feeling of love; real, pure, true love
So its only true to ask does love only happens to the lonely ones.

Your eyes are fire.
Their image burnt into my soul,
Scarred by beauty.

How do you sit down and talk to your sister
and tell her that her Daddy has gone?
It's easier explaining the meaning of death
and why people die and draw their last breath.

But Daddy, he's gone to no peaceful heaven.
Instead he's in prison and serving a seven,
so how do you sit down and tell your own sister
the whys and the reasons her Daddy has gone?

"Listen, sis, you'll need to be strong.
Daddy has done something terribly wrong.
He's gone into prison for quite a long time,
and this is what happens when you commit crime."

"Daddy still loves us, he'll phone and he'll write,
ring you to wish you goodnight and sleep tight.
We can sit down together and write him a letter.
It'll make Daddy smile and make him feel better."

I tried telling my sister with emotional tact
the truth of the matter, but you can't hide the fact.
Her Daddy has gone and has gone for a while.
You can't say it with flowers or manage a smile.

So how do you sit down and talk to your sister
and answer her questions why Daddy has gone?
All you can do is just tell him your way
and pray to the Lord he'll be home soon one day.

You and me alone
Madness of world locked away
Peace and quiet reigns

these stories we wear –

scars,
stretchmarks,
wrinkles,

are wrongly labelled
as imperfections.

but aren’t they such beautiful,
courageous signs
of how we have lived?

My head is not right today.
I have no idea why it's this way.

It switches from one thought to another.
I feel like I am being smothered.

I can't finish just one thought.
In a group is where they are brought.

I'm under so much stress.
There are things I should confess.

Some people say I am so strong,
But in reality, they couldn't be more wrong.

The outer part of me puts on that smile
While the inner me has been dying for a while.

I hate this part of my disease.
It literally brings me to my knees.

From a great mood to nasty as hell.
Which it's gonna be, I can never tell.

Most of the days I can push through.
Today I don't know what to do.

It comes with no known trigger.
It's not going away; it's only getting bigger.

Bigger, louder, and extremely strong.
I wish I knew what was wrong.

I want to cry, but I don't know what for.
I hate this disease; I don't want it anymore.

I get these terrible pains in my chest.
Feels like the Lord is gonna lay me to my final rest.

Will these feelings only last for today?
'Cause it feels like they will never go away.

In reality it will not.
A life sentence is what I got.

I could be flying high in the fluffiest cloud.
Then, bam, I crash onto the ground.

I wonder if people truely understand
What really goes on in my land.

How could they when even I don't?
How could they when they simply won't?

This not only takes a toll on me,
But it affects my friends and family,

Especially those days I cannot hide
The deep dark depression I feel inside.

Some days I'm just not strong enough.
Some days are just too tough.

But most of the days I seem to manage
To get through them without serious damage.

Well at least to others
Is what I mutter

Things aren't usually this bad,
But you won't know which I have had

'Cause that is what we do.
We pretty it up for you.

I can't keep that clear thought in my head.
I'm done with this crap; I am going to bed

To have your last name
makes me ill.
You make me so angry
I want to ****!

I hate your voice
and the thought of you.
You were never there
when I needed you!

You're inconsiderate,
you're a lazy slob.
How could you do
what you did to mom?

It's like you don't
even accept me.
What kind of father
can you be?

You're stupid for thinking
that I'd forgive
what you did to me...to mom... to grandma.
How do you live?

Do you regret?
I hardly doubt.
I bet that I'm
the last thing you think about.

Don't lie to me.
I know I'm right.
I don't want you
in my sight!

Stay where you are;
don't bother.
You're lousy - I hate you
You're not my father!!

But that's okay,
you see,
because I don't need
your love!

You've forgotten
me before.
Go ahead...do it
some more!

LOSER! ****! - I hate you
you're not my father,
and guess what,
I'm no longer
your daughter!

Some feelings are shallow, some feelings are deep.
Some make us smile, some make us weep.

Some we love, some we don't.
Some we'll savor, some we won't.

Some grounding, some uplifting,
Some long-lasting, some constantly shifting.

No matter what feelings I'm feeling today,
I know tomorrow is only a day away.

Nobody knows it's empty,
The smile that I wear.
The real one is left behind in the past
Because I left you there...

Nobody knows I am crying.
They won't even see my tears.
When they think I am laughing,
I wish you were here...

Nobody knows it's painful.
They think that I am strong.
They say it won't **** me,
But I wonder if they are wrong...

Nobody knows I miss you.
They think I am all set free,
But I feel like I am bound with chains,
Trapped in the mystery...

Nobody knows I need you.
They think I can do it on my own,
But they don't know I am crying
When I am all alone...

Oh baby.
You say words, words you don't understand.
"Why can't you just be happy!" "Just let me be free!"
You say in a silly voice.
If only you knew what reality was like.
That there's rarely rainbows, even on rainy days.
That the sun isn't always shining, and instead is hiding.
That there aren't unicorns flying up and around.
That not everyone is kind.
Oh to be a kid again.

I love you.
I truly do.
For all I've put you through and made you ask "Do you even love me? Do you??"
I'm sorry.
I love you so much.
So much to the point where I'd rather not tell you how I feel because I know that it would break you.
I can't show you the things that I go through.
The demons I face.
The never ending race.
The situations that make my heart beat race.
Because I truly love you.

I don't like it when people fight.
My mom and dad do every night.
I lie in bed and pretend to be asleep.
My mom looks in; I don't make a peep.

Sometimes I wish I didn't live here.
I'm a little girl who only feels fear.
When I go to school I put on a big smile.
I pretend things are fine, and it works for a while.

But there are days when I am very sad.
When I've been called names and told that I'm bad,
Then I keep to myself and hide my shame,
For I don't really know who to blame.

I'm scared to have friends come over to play.
I never dare ask if my friends can stay,
For I don't know when they will start.
I'm just a little girl trying to be smart.

The dishes breaking, the yelling, the shouting.
Their fights are ever so mounting.
I'm the innocent victim who feels rejected
Instead of feeling loved and respected.

But maybe if I wish really hard
The memories will ease and I won't be scarred.
When I awaken, maybe my wish will come true.
Out with the old and in with the new.

A new way of living for my parents and I.
There'll be no more tears for the little girl to cry,
But it's really ******* children to grow up like this.
They'll look back on a childhood they really missed.

As I stand on that muddy grass field,
The roar of the cheering crowds
Is all I seem to hear.
No specific voices; it's all just a blur.
The only person I really notice
Is the yelling of my coach.

As I go to challenge the ball,
I think, "I want my coach to be proud of me."
The ball is at me feet, I have to be quick.
I dribble up the side of the field,
Cut in and cross, one touch,
From another player, and goal!
I know my coach is proud of me
From just one look.

Walking to the car,
Ball in hand, covered all in mud,
I receive compliments on a great game.
I say thanks, but all that matters
After the game winning goal
Is that one look from my coach.

Roses are red, Violets are dying
Outside im smiling and inside im fighting
With all of my fears that keep telling me to stop trying
And all night long i have been crying because im scared of hanging and dying.
Cutting my wrists like its nothing but i just wanted to feel something
My family doesnt care but i think i just found someone who might dare.
Dare to tell me to stop all this sadness and finally feel some real happiness.

Someone once told me,
"You’re shining. Even if it doesn’t always feel that way."
I in fact, have been feeling that way.

I sit and think about all the pain and problems I've gone through.
Thinking before, "I'm so done. What am I gonna do.??"
I now say to myself "I am so strong for keeping up and fighting my hardest. "

"I'm
so
proud
of
you."

To me, you're like an angel, sent by God above,
To cleanse my soul of sadness and fill it with love.
You are my inspiration, and I want to thank you,
For without you, I don't know what I would do.
You've changed my life around
And turned my frown upside down.
You have shown me the way
So that I will never stray.
For this I want to thank you again,
For staying close by and being a friend.
And to end this off, I just wanted to say
That if you need a friend,
I'll be there till the very end.

Hand is falling
Everyday, I grab a pen or pencil.
With it I scribble words all over a page or two.
It becomes a pattern, a routine.
I read and write, every night.
Till I had enough.
My hand is falling
Change pen color n highlighter,
To mark up important things.
It's too much for my hand!
Hand is falling off!
Oh,
When will this end? Perhaps it'll end with I leave?
Or will it end when I've had enough?
My poor hand.
My hand is falling off!!

You say you understand.
Oh do you now?
Do you know what its like to feel abandoned or betrayed?
Do you know what its like to be the one out of billions as a  mistake?
You don't understand, you just don't.  You don't know what its like to sit at the dinner table eating steak, acting like I am not about to just break. I try so hard to act like i'm this happy jolly kid who has an incredible life and family. But deep inside, Im this teenager who is falling apart day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. Do you not realize what you've done to me? What you are doing to me? You keep me away locked up like im a cage without a key. Why cant you just let me be? So many questions i have that you can't answer, so many things that i can't fathom.  
Oh if only I wasn't a mistake.

How hard it is to heal a broken heart.
Everything seems so dark,
And it seems like the stars even lost their spark.
Loneliness just pulled me apart.
It even killed the dreams I have in my heart.
Now I see the light because I learned to write,
Giving the silent healing I need to free the sadness I was hiding inside.

Be brave.
You already are.
Look at what you've made it through.
The wounds of your past have healed.
The seemingly endless chapter has ended,
And those bruises have faded.
The battle, you survived,
And you are still here.
Be brave.

Dear Mom,
Have you forgotten?

Sitting, waiting, hoping

Where did you go, Mom?
Did I do something wrong?

Lost, lonely, sad

Are you really gone, Mom?
I waited...
I'm with my grandparents now, Mom.
I have a room now.
Are you there, Mom?
Can you hear me?

Tired, crushed, defeated

Started school again.
It's my birthday, Mom!
It's okay, I don't need a birthday card.

Broken, lacking, sorrowful

Broke an ankle, Mom.
Got a school award.
Are you happy?

Undefined, sinking, heartbroken

Went to the school dance, Mom.
Had my first relationship!
Do you miss us, Mom?

Warped, torn, tangled

You're really gone now.
Why?
I'm moving on now, Mom.
I miss you.
I love you.
Goodbye.

A dreamer, that’s what she was.
Most people just float on, barely surviving the torrents that life throws their way.
But she was a dreamer.
She lived for the love she read of in books.
She lived for the adventure she found in their pages.
She loved for the sake of never being loved in return.
For she was a dreamer, and dreaming she was.

A dreamer, that’s what she was.
Most people just carry on, refusing to acknowledge the pain that chains them down.
But she was a dreamer.
She was trapped by her expectations.
She was trapped by her desires.
She lived for a life she would never live.
For she was a dreamer, and dreaming she was.

A dreamer, that’s what she was.
Where as others awake when their dreaming is done,
She was trapped by her dream, violently torn,
Between wishing, waiting, wanting, watching…
In search of a life that could never be hers.
For she was a dreamer, and dreaming she was.

A dreamer, that’s what she was.
But how long can she chase her dream,
Until it becomes a nightmare?
Is she a dreamer stuck in the dreaming?
Or just an addict chasing the feeling?
I was a dreamer…until life caught wind of my dreaming.

As the fireworks
Burst around in
Circles and all the
Different designs, the
Evening gets longer. So cheers
For all the
Good times we've
Had.
I wouldn't trade them for anything. It's
Just so bitter sweet.
Kids having the time of their lives,
Lost in time.
Memories in the making.
Noises of the summer.
Overwhelming excitement in the air.
Patriotism, the red, white, and blue.
Quick little moments fly by.
Relatives and friends having a blast.
Smells of good ole homemade cooking. Just some
Toasting and traditions along the way.
Unbelievable love and sacrifice.
Visioning every night like this one.
Water balloons flying in the air.
eXpectations of the night, blown away.
Yelling and singing every word to every song.
Zoned in on honor and enjoying life on the 4th of July.

I've never wished for fortunes,
I've always prayed for better things.
I'm happy and contented,
Never wanting to live like a king or queen.

I've never craved for riches.
Why should I waste my time?
Possessions are only borrowed.
All I want is peace of mind.

Money can't buy you happiness
Or make your dreams unfold.
Your loved ones are your wealth,
Not pockets filled with gold.

As long as there's food on the table,
A roof above my head,
I will say thank you, Lord,
My life has truly been blessed.

I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me,
So I wore a mask that always smiled,
To hide my feelings behind a lie.

Before long, I had many friends;
With my mask, I was one of them.
But deep inside I still felt empty,
Like I was missing a part of me.

Nobody could hear my cries at night,
For I designed my mask to hide the lies.
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling,
For I designed my mask to be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears,
And behind all the comfort were the fears.
Everything you think you see
Wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day
I was slowly dying.
I couldn't go on,
There was something missing..

Until now I'm still searching
For the thing that'll stop my crying,
For someone who'll erase my fears,
For the person who'll wipe my tears.

But till then, I'll keep on smiling,
Hiding behind this mask I'm wearing.
Hoping one day I can smile,
Till then, I'll be here...waiting.

Aching heart and mind
Needs touch of a caring soul
Yearning company.

You came as a ray of light,
Made my life cheerful and bright,
Showering your affection over me
So that my face was full of glee.
Taking away my complete loneliness
And giving me back all the happiness
With a Midas touch of your care
To keep me away from despair.
I'll never leave you midway,
And tales of our bond people will say.

I am over you.
Then my eyes meet yours once more,
and I fall in love.

This ink, it runs.
This paper is stained
Tears run free as
I'm stuck in a daze.
I put this pen to paper,
To write the words
This voice can't deliver.
My heart is heavy
With pain and despair.
Can't breathe.
I'm fighting for air.
My mind is spinning
At the speed of light.
This pain in my life
Has clouded my mind.
The thoughts are deafening
Of my life you took away,
But after all my
Heartache,
Someday I'll be okay!

I beg to you.
I cry to you.
I wait for you.
Do you even care?
Are you even listening?
I mean i've been getting closer to you more than ever.
I've been doing better for you. For me. For my family.
But hey,

Not ever your best is enough.

Time doesn’t heal wounds
to make you forget.

It doesn’t heal wounds to
erase the memories.

Time leaves you with a scar
to remind you of how you fought through it.

Time leaves you with a scar
to remind you of how you bled

and how you survived.

You survived.

I lie awake tonight,
Wishing of things I can change.
I try to convince myself,
But it's all so strange.

Is it me,
Or is it you?
Do I try,
Or are we through?

So long we've shared
Just to walk away.
But so much hurt
To want to stay.

Why do we do this,
Try to hurt the other more,
Only to watch one
Walk right out the door?

I love you so much,
Yet I push you to the point of breaking,
But why do you play with my heart
And never stop taking?

Is this the end
Or a new beginning?
Only one can guide me
When my head is spinning.

Don't push,
Don't try,
Don't stress,
Don't cry.

That is what plays
Over in my head
As I try to close my eyes
And just go to bed.

I'm tired.
Tired of the constancy,
the constancy of judgment.
Tired of hiding,
hiding who I really am.
Tired of trying to stay strong.

I'm tired.
Tired of pretending,
pretending to be happy when all I want to do is cry.
Tired of not being able to let go,
let go of all the pain and emotions that consume me.
Tired of feeling worthless.

I'm tired.
Tired of being put down,
put down by the people I felt closest to.
Tired of dreaming,
dreaming of a life I will never have.
Tired of not being good enough.

I'm tired.
Tired of remembering,
remembering how I used to be so happy.
Tired of the blame,
the blame I put on myself daily.
Tired of the anger.

I'm tired.
Tired of crying,
crying in the shower so nobody can hear.
Tired of the fear,
the fear of being judged, hurt, and alone.
Tired of failing.

I'm tired.
Tired of holding on when all I want to do is give up.
Tired of being tired.
Tired of being me.

Sometimes I hate my body
But sometimes I feel like a hottie
It's unpredictable how I feel
The feeling of hated can easily steal
It feels like such a crime
But I guess I'll have to take it one step at a time
To relearn to love myself again
Maybe I'll feel like a ten
Having something of my own
Wishing I didn't feel so alone
To feel more confident in that bikini
Sometimes I wish I was just a little more skinny
It's hard for me to see other girls look the way I want to look
But in the end I don't want jealousy in my book
They say the prettiest thing a girl can wear is confidence
I wish I had more of that.

Little eyes, they are always watching
As I go through fields of sunflowers and clouds of crows
They see everything I do
Little eyes

Little ears, they are always listening
As I whisper words that I throw around like pebbles into a river
They hear everything I say
Little ears

Little hands, they always do what I do
As I pick up the burdens of this life and hold them tightly to my chest
They copy everything I do
Little hands

Little mouth, they always talk as I talk
As I cast my words into a sea of disregarded lies and careless feelings
They say everything I say
Little mouth

Little feet
As I walk down the highways of shadows and allies of sunshine
They follow me wherever I go
Little feet

Simple Sam was a simple man.
He lived each day by a simple plan.
Enjoy your life and live while you can.
Make each day count and take a stand.

Stand on the left or stand on the right,
Whichever one you think is right.
Live each day as if your last.
Life's too short and gone too fast.