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199 · Jun 17
Wrist Cutter
eliana Jun 17
I slit my wrist to erase the pain.
you look at me and think I'm insane.
My eyes turn red, bleeding my tears,
and still you try to protect me from my worst fears.
Look at my scars, then you will see
why I can't seem to go around and fake happy,
yet you tell me you love me, that you'll forget,
for I'll soon be gone, and I'll be your greatest regret.
So let me die, broken and scarred,
I can't deal with life, it's getting far too hard.
Everything's gone wrong; it's not worth trying,
so leave me alone because I feel like I'm dying.
I don't want you to worry,
because my life is ending in a hurry.
I'll be fine and happy, you see,
for death is what I wished for and soon it will be.
ive been having the urge to relapse but i havent so im glad!
178 · Jun 4
Battle Scars
eliana Jun 4
People don't realize what they're saying, they shout "wrist check!" And laugh, not understanding the feeling of unsticking their clothes from their body in the morning. They say "Let me scan your barcodes!" Not understanding the feeling of your skin breaking and knowing you did it to yourself. They'll never understand the guilt that comes with it, the feeling of failure, and the pain being the only thing you can feel. They won't understand why you did it, and neither can you. They won't understand. They will continue to shout these things not knowing what's underneath your shirt. They won't understand that you will have these reminders of your past on wedding day, they will be there forever. People don't realize what they're doing when they grab your wrists and turn them over and shout "what's that?" People don't get it. They will never.
um i wrote this a little while ago and uh its like a perspective of someone who cuts and people constantly bring them down for it. any tips please lmk <3
174 · Jun 23
Be The Spark
eliana Jun 23
Be strong and have courage
Soar among the stars
For you have a purpose
Be as bright as a wildfire

This is a message
For the damaged
For the broken
Even with your wreckage
God will help you to be outspoken

Be brave and kind
Be a light in the dark
Let your light shine
Be the spark
152 · Jun 19
someday.
eliana Jun 19
Someday you will cry for me
Like I cried for you.
Someday you'll miss me
Like I missed you.
Someday you'll need me
Like I needed you.
Someday you'll love me,
But I won't love you.
144 · 5d
One Look
eliana 5d
As I stand on that muddy grass field,
The roar of the cheering crowds
Is all I seem to hear.
No specific voices; it's all just a blur.
The only person I really notice
Is the yelling of my coach.

As I go to challenge the ball,
I think, "I want my coach to be proud of me."
The ball is at me feet, I have to be quick.
I dribble up the side of the field,
Cut in and cross, one touch,
From another player, and goal!
I know my coach is proud of me
From just one look.

Walking to the car,
Ball in hand, covered all in mud,
I receive compliments on a great game.
I say thanks, but all that matters
After the game winning goal
Is that one look from my coach.
feels like my life is over. only a a year to recover but thats a year of doing nothing. injuries ****.
142 · 2d
If I Could
eliana 2d
If I could catch a rainbow,
I'd do so just for you
So you could share its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.

If I could, I'd buy an island
You could call it your very own,
A place to find serenity,
Where you could be alone.

If I could take your troubles
I'd throw them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me.

'Cause I can't buy an island
Nor catch a rainbow fair,
So I'll just do what I do best:
Be someone who's always there.
i havent had any motivation or energy to write but i pulled myself together to write this one for lyle. i have read your recent poems and i wanna try to cheer you up. You have been there for me and I wanna be there for you.
137 · Jun 21
Eye Of Fire
eliana Jun 21
Your eyes are fire.
Their image burnt into my soul,
Scarred by beauty.
79 · Jun 5
Misunderstood
eliana Jun 5
You say you understand.
Oh do you now?
Do you know what its like to feel abandoned or betrayed?
Do you know what its like to be the one out of billions as a  mistake?
You don't understand, you just don't.  You don't know what its like to sit at the dinner table eating steak, acting like I am not about to just break. I try so hard to act like i'm this happy jolly kid who has an incredible life and family. But deep inside, Im this teenager who is falling apart day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. Do you not realize what you've done to me? What you are doing to me? You keep me away locked up like im a cage without a key. Why cant you just let me be? So many questions i have that you can't answer, so many things that i can't fathom.  
Oh if only I wasn't a mistake.
i wrote this right now. i had some feelings i had to get out but ik  its not my best.
eliana Jun 17
Awaiting the news, we feared the worst and hoped for the best.
Life was about to put my family through an unforgettable test
Mom came in, evidence on her face, that granny wasn't okay
"Wita has cancer" mom cried.

I didn't sleep that night, that night was one of the worst
I have been to a funeral before, but I feared wita's would be the worst.
I cried myself to sleep, and little did I get
I wasn't ready to lose my  grandma yet

After the countless treatments and medicines,nothing seemed to work. I visited Wita in her bed, and I don't mean to be rude
But seeing her like this scared me, she looked like a skeleton decorated in tube.
It was exceptionally difficult not to cry, but I tried oh so hard.
I walked over, hugged Wita tight, and held her hand hard. I didn't want to leave her side.

I said in my head: Wita I hope you get well soon, I know you'll be okay
It's okay to be scared, we'll visit you everyday.
And when you get home, things will change, we won't ever fight, it's true.
Wita never give up, keep on fighting...
I don't want to lose you.

As her eyes closed, and she took her last breath
That was the moment my heart dropped, and I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't.
I hugged her for what felt like forever, cried on her, and quickly did time pass.
I never wanted to stop saying "I love you" for fear it would be the last.

Suddenly I was being pulled away, being told it was gonna be okay.
That was the worst day.
I miss you wita, may you rest peacefully ❤️🕊️ . Cancer *****!!
79 · 5d
I Love You
eliana 5d
I love you.
I truly do.
For all I've put you through and made you ask "Do you even love me? Do you??"
I'm sorry.
I love you so much.
So much to the point where I'd rather not tell you how I feel because I know that it would break you.
I can't show you the things that I go through.
The demons I face.
The never ending race.
The situations that make my heart beat race.
Because I truly love you.
i cant let her see the real me. because there shouldnt be a reason that im feeling this way. i love you nena.
78 · 5d
Untitled
eliana 5d
You and me alone
Madness of world locked away
Peace and quiet reigns
another haiku. i was thinking of my grandma. ❤️🕊️
76 · Jun 21
Love
eliana Jun 21
I am over you.
Then my eyes meet yours once more,
and I fall in love.
cant keep my eyes off of him
75 · Jun 19
A Simple Plan
eliana Jun 19
Simple Sam was a simple man.
He lived each day by a simple plan.
Enjoy your life and live while you can.
Make each day count and take a stand.

Stand on the left or stand on the right,
Whichever one you think is right.
Live each day as if your last.
Life's too short and gone too fast.
but life isn't always that simple. or is it?
eliana 7d
You came as a ray of light,
Made my life cheerful and bright,
Showering your affection over me
So that my face was full of glee.
Taking away my complete loneliness
And giving me back all the happiness
With a Midas touch of your care
To keep me away from despair.
I'll never leave you midway,
And tales of our bond people will say.
I wrote this poem to tell my best friend that her support and care during a period of loneliness and despair has helped me to regain happiness. though we are apart this summer, i look forward to seeing her soon and hanging out more.
eliana 5d
To me, you're like an angel, sent by God above,
To cleanse my soul of sadness and fill it with love.
You are my inspiration, and I want to thank you,
For without you, I don't know what I would do.
You've changed my life around
And turned my frown upside down.
You have shown me the way
So that I will never stray.
For this I want to thank you again,
For staying close by and being a friend.
And to end this off, I just wanted to say
That if you need a friend,
I'll be there till the very end.
its only been a year since we became friends but i hope we are best friends forever. i hope we all stick together.
63 · Jun 21
Every Day
eliana Jun 21
We've all been through thick.
We've all been through thin.
We've all been to the light
And back to the dark again.

Every day is a struggle.
Every day may be a new fight.
Every day may be a game,
And every day may leave a new scar.

But never forget that every day is new.
Every day is an adventure waiting for you
60 · Jun 20
Everyone Is Searching
eliana Jun 20
Everyone is searching
for the missing piece in life.
The key to unlock the door
and steal back all lost time.
Searching, looking, restless,
scanning every crack and crevice,
lying awake at night,
dreamless, empty presence.
Your broken heart
from years and years
lets laughter fall onto
your deaf ears.
No happiness is enough.
No joy can be felt.
Everyone is searching
for something to heal themselves,
yet no medicine is strong enough,
no key can ever be turned
to give us what we want the most,
to give us what we yearn.
The thing we want is an illusion.
Our perceptions are distorted.
The Snow Queen's looking glass
when it dropped and shattered.
All is worth what we rate it,
all ranked by how we place it.
Chasing what cannot be found
instead of choosing to be content.
Wanting what we do not have,
a dream that cannot be,
a masterpiece of mirages,
all too soon we believe.
When will we begin
to accept what is here?
The present day in which we live,
not the past or future.
When will we stop searching
and decide we don't need more?
Only then we will find
what we've been looking for.
The good you have is here,
yet you keep looking on,
never realizing what you had
until it is gone.
60 · Jun 17
Forever Grateful
eliana Jun 17
I don't think you will
Ever fully understand
How you've touched my life
And made me who I am.

I don't think you could ever know
Just how truly special you are,
That even on the darkest nights
You are my brightest star.

You've allowed me to experience
Something very hard to find,
Unconditional love that exists
In my body, soul, and mind.

I don't think you could ever feel
All the love I have to give,
And I'm sure you'll never realize
You've been my will to live.

You are an amazing person,
And without you I don't know where I'd be.
Having you in my life
Completes and fulfills every part of me.
i love you bestfriend and im so glad i met yu 💗.
58 · Jun 21
Tell Me It's Okay.
eliana Jun 21
Tell me it's okay
To just want to cry.
Tell me it's okay
To never say goodbye.

Tell me it's okay
To be afraid to be strong.
Tell me it's okay
And that you're comin' along.

Tell me it's okay
And that you're staying by me.
Tell me it's okay,
And that this life is meant to be.

Tell me it's okay
To feel how I'm feeling.
Tell me it's okay -
The way that I am dealing.

Tell me it's okay -
That there is a reason for it all.
Tell me it's okay,
Even if I fall.

Tell me it's okay
To lose control today.
Tell me it's okay.
Just tell me it's okay.
58 · Jun 23
Contemplation
eliana Jun 23
Be careful with that.
Well, it's running in my vein.
The devil on my shoulder
Is nestled in my brain.
Every time i think about it,
Im boxed in underground
Eluding all the answers
As I buy another round
Walking past the mirrors
Im not looking at myself
Im staring at the noose
Thats hanging from my shelf.
There could be a comfort there.
A certain kind of peace.
While I'm stuck inside this chapter,
I am lost within the crease.
pt 1.
56 · Jun 21
drafts
eliana Jun 21
im gonna be posting all my drafts i currently have so yea poem dump i guess..
56 · 3d
imagine
eliana 3d
Imagine yourself
Alone in your head.
You're hanging, dangling
From a silver thread.

Empty, alone
With the monsters within.
Internally screaming,
You just want to give in.

Now imagine that's you
Every day, every hour.
Forever sinking
Like a wilting flower.

You try to tell your dad
And you try to tell your mom,
But they say you're being silly,
You've just got to move on.

Because teens don't know sorrow
Nor the hardships of life.
They're just kids with imaginations
Just looking for attention, right?

You think that there's none
Who knows how you feel.
You're just so alone,
But the feelings- they're real.

Useless,
Neglected,
Forgotten,
Distressed.

Alone,
Afraid,­
But mostly
Depressed.

And you're friends,
They go on
Like nothing has changed.

"They must not care,"
Your thoughts whisper,
The lies in your brain.

You can't escape it,
Trapped in your own skin.
You're ugly,
You're hated,
But you mask it with a grin.

You hate what you feel,
So instead you feel nothing.
Your insides are numb,
Your confidence crumbling.

You look to other things
To stop the pain.
Like cutting
But it gives you no gain.

And the people around you
Shout abuse your way.
"You're hurting yourself, stop it!"
That's all they ever say.

No matter how you plead
That you're broken inside,
They turn the other way,
They run, they hide.

They say you're just foolish,
It's all in your head.
What they don't know is inside
You're already dead.
another draftt
53 · 6d
Last Whispers.
eliana 6d
In the quiet of my room  shadows creep  
A heavy heart  a soul that weeps.
Time ticks slowly like a fading light  
Each breath a burden  each thought a fight.
The mirror shows a face I barely know  
A reflection of pain  a heart full of woe.
Whispers of darkness fill the air  
A lonely echo  a deep despair.
The memories linger  like ghosts in my mind  
Happy moments lost  so hard to find.
Friends and laughter  now distant and pale  
In this heavy silence  I feel so frail.
I write my goodbyes on a crumpled page  
Words spill like tears  a heart in a cage.
I long for peace  for a way to escape  
But fear grips my heart  a tight  aching shape.
The stars outside seem to dim and fade  
A world without me  a choice I’ve made.
But deep down inside  a flicker remains  
A whisper of hope  amidst all the pains.
I think of the love that I might leave behind  
The faces that cared  the ties that bind.
But the darkness is loud  it drowns out the light  
And I’m lost in a tunnel  no end in sight.
I remember the laughter  the warmth of a hug  
But shadows are heavy  and the world feels so snug.
I wish I could see the beauty out there  
But my heart feels so tired  too weary to care.
In these final hours  I search for a sign  
A glimmer of hope  a reason to pine.
Yet silence surrounds me  a blanket so cold  
I long for a story that’s yet to be told.
So here I stand  at the edge of the night  
With a heart full of sorrow  and dimming light.
But if someone hears this  if someone can see  
Know that you matter  and you’re not just like me.
Though my journey is ending  yours has just begun  
Hold on to your dreams  face the rising sun.
For life can be heavy  but love can be found  
Seek it in shadows  let hope be your sound.
53 · Jun 18
Circle Of Life
eliana Jun 18
Life is a carousel, always going forward, never going back.
Existence is a hard thing to keep when you stop trying.
To live a life, you must want to live.
To want to live you must find a way.
When all hope is lost, you must stand tall.
When all others retreat, you must prevail.
You are the conscience inside your head.
You create your own destiny.
Life is a very hard thing to keep
When your life does not always go the way you plan.
Fight for your life and the right to keep dreaming.
If you feel you were gifted, share your gift.
If you feel you were cursed, fix it.
As you get older, your life becomes a challenge.
Who are you?
What do you want in life?
What will you be?
What is your purpose in life?
If you worry, these things will turn into burdens.
But if you hold on to them in the back of your mind,
All of the answers will come in time.
Life is a carousel, always going forward, never going back.
Look to the future, not to the past.
52 · 5d
Your Wounds
eliana 5d
Time doesn’t heal wounds
to make you forget.

It doesn’t heal wounds to
erase the memories.

Time leaves you with a scar
to remind you of how you fought through it.

Time leaves you with a scar
to remind you of how you bled

and how you survived.

You survived.
i feel im not so good at short poems as i like to express as youve seen in my past poems, in lots of words but im trying to give it a second chance and see how creative i can get.
51 · Jun 19
if.
eliana Jun 19
if.
but if i was that person you told me not to worry about
would you have fought harder?

if i was the girl you wanted and not the one you "settled for"
would you have stayed?
would you?
50 · 5d
loneliness
eliana 5d
Aching heart and mind
Needs touch of a caring soul
Yearning company.
this summer is not the best ive had out of all the years. just want time to go by fast.
50 · Jun 22
Loneliness
eliana Jun 22
I am lonely.
I cannot say that
I have always been alone,
although
now I know
fate meant for me to be this way.
I have nobody.
I would be wrong to say
someone would care,
if I tried again to destroy myself.
The effect would be massive
only if I was perfect.
It's untrue that I could have worth,
even if I tried.
I am less than beautiful,
nobody can convince me that
I am right where I'm meant to be.
now read from bottom to top.
i dont really do these types of poems only because im not good at them but i just wanted to give it a try again.
49 · Jun 16
my world
eliana Jun 16
Roses are red, Violets are dying
Outside im smiling and inside im fighting
With all of my fears that keep telling me to stop trying
And all night long i have been crying because im scared of hanging and dying.
Cutting my wrists like its nothing but i just wanted to feel something
My family doesnt care but i think i just found someone who might dare.
Dare to tell me to stop all this sadness and finally feel some real happiness.
eliana Jun 21
There will be dark days,
when you feel alone
with your aching heart
but that doesn’t mean
you will always be.
The sun will always
peer through the clouds.
Let its light show you
the love you have forgotten.
to lyle, ive seen that you seem down by ur poems so may this help and to anybody else who needs it! 💗
eliana 5d
I could skip a heartbeat, and I would survive.
I could be in a car crash and still be alive.
The clouds could fall out of the sky.
The oceans could disappear and all turn dry.

These things in life are all bad, I know,
but there's far worse things, just thought you should know.

Life would not be the same without someone like you.
You're there when I need you to help me through.
Through the good times and through the bad,
Be them happy or be them sad.

I don't have to be with you to know you're there.
We don't have to see each other to know that we care.
We could be apart for years upon end
and still remain the best of friends.

Life goes on, and people change,
And through it all, our friendship shall remain the same.
That's such as life and how things come to be.
Just thought you should know how much you mean to me!
wish she knew she saved me from such awful things. i hope to be there for her in the way she is there for me ❤️
48 · Jun 21
Life Of A Poet
eliana Jun 21
pen and "P"aper
poems and qu"O"tes
     writing's th"E" refuge
                  tha"T" gives me hope
         it release"S" the hurt

  and feelings o"F" pain.
           It clears "O"ut  the worries
               that d"R"ive us insane.

                       I'l"L" forever be grateful.
                  Noth"I"ng compares.
      For all that I "F"ace,
        poetry is th"E"re.
glad i discovered poetry.
44 · 5d
Untitled
eliana 5d
Sometimes I hate my body
But sometimes I feel like a hottie
It's unpredictable how I feel
The feeling of hated can easily steal
It feels like such a crime
But I guess I'll have to take it one step at a time
To relearn to love myself again
Maybe I'll feel like a ten
Having something of my own
Wishing I didn't feel so alone
To feel more confident in that bikini
Sometimes I wish I was just a little more skinny
It's hard for me to see other girls look the way I want to look
But in the end I don't want jealousy in my book
They say the prettiest thing a girl can wear is confidence
I wish I had more of that.
havent had much energy or whatever to write but i wrote this. some people struggle with how they look and how they look to others and I sometimes feel like that so I understand.
44 · Jun 16
untitled
eliana Jun 16
Someone once told me " A woman who gives birth doesn't make her your mother. It's the nights they spend caring about you, looking out for you, giving you a roof to live under."
My mom REALLY lacked that.

It hurts so bad to sit back and think about all the times we had spent together, laughter filling the room but in reality it was just a face. A mask.
A mask who hid the woman that birthed me. A mask that hid the fact that maybe you shoudnt have had me if you lacked what it takes to BE a mother.

Yeah you bought me fun toys at the dollar store, told me to play video games if i was bored, but you didn't protect me.
You didn't protect me from the shouting and slamming between you and him.
You didn't protect me when you crashed into those bricks.
You didn't protect me when I was beneath the bed hearing glass smash.
You didn't protect me mom.
You just didn't.
Now you face the consequences of your actions and maybe, just maybe you'll regret having made such dumb, ignorant mistakes.
idk if this even counts as a poem but yeah. i miss my mom and i hope someday i will reunite with her. any feedback pls and thxs!
43 · Jun 21
The Darkness
eliana Jun 21
You would never know it,
The constant pain I feel,
Because in the light of day
It almost isn't real.

Sure, I'll play, I'll laugh,
I'll sing some songs,
But that pain is always lurking
Because it's been here all along.

And when the darkness comes
With its all-consuming power,
It slowly takes my soul
Hour by dreadful hour.

But they tell me that I'm strong enough.
They swear that it gets better.
They say, "If you can just hold out
and bear this stormy weather."

They tell me, "You will be happy one day.
All you need do is fight."
But what they seem to forget
Is after each day comes the night.

And so I act along.
I play my part
While this crushing darkness
Slowly breaks my heart.
soon.
42 · Jun 20
if i thought
eliana Jun 20
If I thought for just one moment that this would be my last breath,
I'd tell you I'll love you forever, even beyond death.
If I thought for just one moment that your face would be the last I'd see,
I'd take a million pictures and save them just for me.
If I thought for just one moment that your voice would be the last I'd hear,
I'd listen attentively and promise not to shed a tear.
If I thought for just one moment that your touch would be the last I'd feel,
I'd embrace you and know that this has all been real.
If I thought for just one moment that my heart would beat its last beat,
I'd thank the Lord for allowing us to meet.
to my bestfriend. i wish i could show her this but im just to scared lol none of my friends know i do poetry.
42 · Jun 23
Mood Swings
eliana Jun 23
My head is not right today.
I have no idea why it's this way.

It switches from one thought to another.
I feel like I am being smothered.

I can't finish just one thought.
In a group is where they are brought.

I'm under so much stress.
There are things I should confess.

Some people say I am so strong,
But in reality, they couldn't be more wrong.

The outer part of me puts on that smile
While the inner me has been dying for a while.

I hate this part of my disease.
It literally brings me to my knees.

From a great mood to nasty as hell.
Which it's gonna be, I can never tell.

Most of the days I can push through.
Today I don't know what to do.

It comes with no known trigger.
It's not going away; it's only getting bigger.

Bigger, louder, and extremely strong.
I wish I knew what was wrong.

I want to cry, but I don't know what for.
I hate this disease; I don't want it anymore.

I get these terrible pains in my chest.
Feels like the Lord is gonna lay me to my final rest.

Will these feelings only last for today?
'Cause it feels like they will never go away.

In reality it will not.
A life sentence is what I got.

I could be flying high in the fluffiest cloud.
Then, bam, I crash onto the ground.

I wonder if people truely understand
What really goes on in my land.

How could they when even I don't?
How could they when they simply won't?

This not only takes a toll on me,
But it affects my friends and family,

Especially those days I cannot hide
The deep dark depression I feel inside.

Some days I'm just not strong enough.
Some days are just too tough.

But most of the days I seem to manage
To get through them without serious damage.

Well at least to others
Is what I mutter

Things aren't usually this bad,
But you won't know which I have had

'Cause that is what we do.
We pretty it up for you.

I can't keep that clear thought in my head.
I'm done with this crap; I am going to bed
i inherit some traits from my mother who is bipolar and as i am a little bipolar myself, the constant stress from others is tiring. There are emotions and feelings i cannot control but some don't seem to understand that.
eliana 4d
The plates will still shift
and the clouds will still spew.
The sun will slowly rise
and the moon will follow too.

Life’s beauty will continue
to flourish all around,
but now you are gone,
these birds have no sound.

And my heart does not beat.
It is still inside my chest.
My tears keep on falling
and my head will not rest.

But I have no choice only
to move through this life.
Endlessly attempting
to fill this longing that is rife.
draft
41 · 7d
Dear Mom
eliana 7d
Dear Mom,
Have you forgotten?

Sitting, waiting, hoping

Where did you go, Mom?
Did I do something wrong?

Lost, lonely, sad

Are you really gone, Mom?
I waited...
I'm with my grandparents now, Mom.
I have a room now.
Are you there, Mom?
Can you hear me?

Tired, crushed, defeated

Started school again.
It's my birthday, Mom!
It's okay, I don't need a birthday card.

Broken, lacking, sorrowful

Broke an ankle, Mom.
Got a school award.
Are you happy?

Undefined, sinking, heartbroken

Went to the school dance, Mom.
Had my first relationship!
Do you miss us, Mom?

Warped, torn, tangled

You're really gone now.
Why?
I'm moving on now, Mom.
I miss you.
I love you.
Goodbye.
i lied mom. i cant move on. i will look for you again one day mom but for now, its goodbye.
41 · Jun 23
Relapse
eliana Jun 23
​I am
Cold to the touch.

I wanted
Too much.

The world in my hand
I was hoping to clutch

I was searching for meaning
My demons convening
In need of the feeling
That kept me from healing

AND SET ME APART.

The only thing beating,
Inside of me, screaming,
From choking to breathing
My heart was left, bleeding.

Collapsed on the pavement
Cement of the basement
Writhing,
I repent.

On this linoleum floor
My angels are dying
And still,

I want more.
pt 2.
41 · Jun 23
innocence lost
eliana Jun 23
I don't like it when people fight.
My mom and dad do every night.
I lie in bed and pretend to be asleep.
My mom looks in; I don't make a peep.

Sometimes I wish I didn't live here.
I'm a little girl who only feels fear.
When I go to school I put on a big smile.
I pretend things are fine, and it works for a while.

But there are days when I am very sad.
When I've been called names and told that I'm bad,
Then I keep to myself and hide my shame,
For I don't really know who to blame.

I'm scared to have friends come over to play.
I never dare ask if my friends can stay,
For I don't know when they will start.
I'm just a little girl trying to be smart.

The dishes breaking, the yelling, the shouting.
Their fights are ever so mounting.
I'm the innocent victim who feels rejected
Instead of feeling loved and respected.

But maybe if I wish really hard
The memories will ease and I won't be scarred.
When I awaken, maybe my wish will come true.
Out with the old and in with the new.

A new way of living for my parents and I.
There'll be no more tears for the little girl to cry,
But it's really ******* children to grow up like this.
They'll look back on a childhood they really missed.
i tried to write in the perspective of my little self and the childhood i had, and older me looking back at it.
40 · Jun 21
Nobody Knows
eliana Jun 21
Nobody knows it's empty,
The smile that I wear.
The real one is left behind in the past
Because I left you there...

Nobody knows I am crying.
They won't even see my tears.
When they think I am laughing,
I wish you were here...

Nobody knows it's painful.
They think that I am strong.
They say it won't **** me,
But I wonder if they are wrong...

Nobody knows I miss you.
They think I am all set free,
But I feel like I am bound with chains,
Trapped in the mystery...

Nobody knows I need you.
They think I can do it on my own,
But they don't know I am crying
When I am all alone...
longing for a lost love.
eliana 7d
To have your last name
makes me ill.
You make me so angry
I want to ****!

I hate your voice
and the thought of you.
You were never there
when I needed you!

You're inconsiderate,
you're a lazy slob.
How could you do
what you did to mom?

It's like you don't
even accept me.
What kind of father
can you be?

You're stupid for thinking
that I'd forgive
what you did to me...to mom... to grandma.
How do you live?

Do you regret?
I hardly doubt.
I bet that I'm
the last thing you think about.

Don't lie to me.
I know I'm right.
I don't want you
in my sight!

Stay where you are;
don't bother.
You're lousy - I hate you
You're not my father!!

But that's okay,
you see,
because I don't need
your love!

You've forgotten
me before.
Go ahead...do it
some more!

LOSER! ****! - I hate you
you're not my father,
and guess what,
I'm no longer
your daughter!
while ive never thought to "****", at times when i was grieving my father being in jail, i hated him for quite some time and hated talking to him over the phone and hearing him tell me he misses me and loves me, thinking it was lies. i still have times when he calls it just disgusts me but im trying my hardest to not hold a grudge. i love him still but hes just not the same in my eyes.
38 · Jun 21
Blessed
eliana Jun 21
I've never wished for fortunes,
I've always prayed for better things.
I'm happy and contented,
Never wanting to live like a king or queen.

I've never craved for riches.
Why should I waste my time?
Possessions are only borrowed.
All I want is peace of mind.

Money can't buy you happiness
Or make your dreams unfold.
Your loved ones are your wealth,
Not pockets filled with gold.

As long as there's food on the table,
A roof above my head,
I will say thank you, Lord,
My life has truly been blessed.
Amen!
38 · 6d
Summer!
eliana 6d
The sun is out.
The children scream and shout
All about.

There is no more school.
Everyone in the pool!
No more looking like a fool.

They run outside,
Find places to hide
And bikes to ride.

Everyone is having fun
No rush, no places to run.
Relax and play with anyone.

No one is stressed,
No more weight on their chests.
This is why summer is the best
freedom of finally being out of school and being able to do anything. Going out whenever, not having to wake up early, hanging out with friends. These are all things I think of when summer comes to mind.
eliana Jun 23
Ice cold
frozen home
psychotic tone
I'm in a coma with Osmosis Jones
I should have known
That if I got to blown
I'd be stuck here all alone

Lesson learned now it burns blue
Like a dry ice brain freeze mentally abused
Split paths loyalty or love so much to lose
Better choose young blood before the devil comes to you

Click clack. Click clack. Click clack.
a reminder of the past
The golden apple god forbid me to grasp
Temptation took its toll and consumed me. . .
And cast the Devil's curse ~ he had me at last
My soul changed
Hell's chorus sang
His reaper came
And unleashed his chain
I strip you of all you love
Walk the earth alone in the dirt and the mud . . .

I put the blood in the jug
Now solitude is the only friend that has my back
It creeps on me as I lay ~ a ghost in a box
Tic Toc. Tic Toc. Tic Toc.

I hear laughter as I lay purple and blue
My eyes see red
Swollen half dead
Stabbed in my bed
By the spear of destiny . . .

Two maidens rise
The sun and the moon
They see right through my disguise
The black thorns embedded in my heart by my own devices
One too many vices
Forsaken by reality
The black thorns consumed me
Set me me free
I pleaded
Put an end to this monstrosity by ending me...
I should have known they would pity me
Instead they cleansed the beast in me

The sun shined her rays and warmed my home
I cannot bring them back, but your loved ones gave me light so you'd never feel alone
The moon gave me a voice to battle my insanity
I cannot take your pain, but speak and your words will grant you serenity.
I thanked the sun
And fell in love with the moon
But she lived in the sky and left too soon

So now I speak to her with poetry
Standing here hoping she'll notice me
But till then I'll keep using this gift
for better or for worse,
for richer or for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
I will turn pain into strength
eliana 5d
Despite the storms,
beauty arrives like
it was always going to.
Despite the darkness,
the light returns.
Despite your loss,
your heart will be
full again.
Despite the breaking,
your heart will feel
like it belongs in the
land of joy once more.
This is how it will
always be. Keep living.
37 · Jun 17
Not What I Seem
eliana Jun 17
We live in a generation
Where the lack of verbal conversation
has made all of us blind.
We all hide behind
our shiny, protective screens
where what words truly mean
is blanketed by lighthearted connotations
followed by a lack of punctuation.

But those lighthearted phrases
Cause others to go through phases
Where the light is stolen from their hearts.
They see what others call jokes
as simply a hoax
to disguise with lies
the darkness hiding behind their eyes.
It is intended to hurt,
to prove their worth
and to unearth all your insecurities.
While some go through phases
others get caught in mazes
that drag them ever deeper
into the fiery flame pit of self hate.

This self hate, they do not appreciate.
They let themselves bite the bait
instead of getting the story straight.

We live in a time where the muscles of our thumbs
are stronger than the muscles of our minds.
Enough so that our eyes are blind
to the downfalls and issues of mankind.
“If I can’t see it, it isn’t there.”
Oh, but our satellites, those things up there?
And the tectonic plates below us where
some of the greatest destruction brews without a care.
...Those exist, right?
You can’t see those.
So you shove those away,
like a box of old clothes
and make way for your own
delightful fantasy you call your own.

“Life is hard.”
You don’t know hard,
until you see the scars
someone gouged into themselves
to escape the iron bars
weighing them down to life.

You don’t know hard
until you see someone’s mutation
from normalization
to one of pure starvation of love,
and devastation,
because they were a victim of miscreation.

You say you’re not bullies,
but you destroy someone’s life with relative ease,
tearing down their fragile shield of protection
and steering them in the wrong direction.

Just a simple word, directed towards someone,
“Stupid.” “Fat.” “Ugly.”
Can remove a person’s life completely of glee,
make the light vanish from their soul,
and make their life seem like the Dust Bowl.
There is no “making amends.”
So the next time you open your lips
and put your hands on your hips,
before the words roll off the tip
of your tongue,
Look into their eyes
and be willing to compromise
because you don’t know how they feel inside.
Sometimes it is better to be silent than to be heard
because the tragedies caused by the spoken word
are better left unheard.

Everyone has dreams,
and everything is not what it seems,
and before you see the streams
of tears running down their face
as they scream in frustration
that their life is a state of desolation
you’re better off being silent,
than violent.

And just as everything is not what it seems,
I…
am not what I seem...
37 · Jun 21
Silent Healing
eliana Jun 21
How hard it is to heal a broken heart.
Everything seems so dark,
And it seems like the stars even lost their spark.
Loneliness just pulled me apart.
It even killed the dreams I have in my heart.
Now I see the light because I learned to write,
Giving the silent healing I need to free the sadness I was hiding inside.
everything that i cant voice is written and expressed through writing.
37 · Jun 21
Life Without You
eliana Jun 21
Me without you
is like a leafless fall,
a snowless winter,
and a flowerless spring.

Me without you
is like a colorless rainbow,
a sunless day,
and a starless night.

Me without you
is like the ocean without a wave,
the beach without sand,
and a flameless fire.

Me without you
is like a book without words,
a man without a face,
and a child with no name.
life without the person you love.
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