At long last I am legally separated
I have been officially liberated
While I wish only the best for my ex wife
I am determined to be single the rest of my life
A wonderful feeling sweeps over me
With the realisation that I am now free
But why do I feel just a little bit scared?
Maybe I am not ready, just not prepared

Now the lads were great, said it would be fun being single
They took me out so many nights, encouraged me to mingle
But it was a different world, something I had ever known
How did I answer a girl who asked if I “was in the Zone”
They laughed in my face when I asked “Would you like to dance”?
I was so far out of date sure I did not stand a chance
I had no pick up lines, what was this “banter” about
In the end I made up excuses not to go out

It's been six months now, worse than I thought
I cannot find the happiness I have constantly sought
And if there is one thing I have grown to hate
It's friends surprising me with yet another blind date!
To be honest I did not have a hope
I am not good with women, I just cannot cope
Though I have seen some ladies I would have liked to ask out
My nerves go to hell and I chicken out!

I have to admit I do not like being alone
But I would rather try sorting it out on my own
And though I know that my friends only mean well
Some of their blind dates were straight from hell!
Many of them I was pleased to send on their way
Just hoping the dog warden was not working that day
I will not use the word ugly, it is quite unkind
But now I know why they say “Love is blind”!

So I tried out the “Singles Club” scene
But got more depressed than I have ever been
There was so much pretence; the whole thing was a sham
I have never seen so much mutton dressed as lamb!
So I decided to give the dating agencies a try
And only found out how much people lie!
Then I thought I would have a go at Internet dating
But my lack of computer skills made it too frustrating
So I thought I might purchase a mail order bride
And I must admit the few I tried
Would have been happy to marry me, Yet;
I could not do it, they seemed so desperate!

I wondered what I was stressing myself out for
And resigned myself to the life of a bachelor
though when I'd see couples holding hands and kissing
I began to think that there was something I was missing
But then I met a woman one day on the bus
And something clicked between the two of us
We have being going out now for almost a year
And I am sure that is wedding bells I hear!!

Winter and Spring have long since passed,
cold wind, rain and frost belong in the past,
darkness thankfully no longer descends as fast,
long hot summer days arrive at long last!
Colourful flowers and plants, trees and shrubs
burst forth from hanging baskets, gardens and tubs
outside homes and shops, hotels and pubs;
brightening roadsides, roundabouts, parks and golf clubs.
Exams are over and school is finally done,
children everywhere mad to get out in the sun,
playing outside all day, having such great fun,
warm summer days being enjoyed by almost everyone.
People everywhere outside busy doing something;
weeding, mowing, watering, general gardening;
cleaning cars, washing windows, mending or painting,
or simply sitting out with the neighbours, gossiping!
Time for sunglasses, sun cream, getting a tan,
Wimbeldon, music festivals, holidays to plan,
ice lollies, ninety nines from the ice cream van,
water shortages of course and the annual hose pipe ban!
Time for day trips, sports, to picnic or sunbathe,
for the park or the beach, to swim or just wade,
to get burnt to a crisp or just relax in the shade,
for beer gardens, barbeques as the sun starts to fade!
People making the most of each sunny summer day,
determined to enjoy the sun, lap up every last ray,
each enjoying the summer in their own particular way,
“Long may it last”, people around the country pray!
For not getting a summer seems to be our worst fear,
but thankfully the summer seems to be finally here.
All around the country there is a party atmosphere
such a shame it cannot be like this all through the year!

It happens on buses, in restaurants, or on trains,
On my work break, in waiting rooms, or on aeroplanes
It even happens on holidays and on nights out too
It drives me absolutely mental but what can I do?

I always get stuck with the one person, (I never seem to fail)
Who feels the need to tell their life story, (in all its gory detail)
Is it something about me, or is it just downright bad luck?
What makes people like these think I could give one f..k?

I try my best not to engage, but I do not like to be rude
Though I want to say Shut Up! I’m just not in the mood!
They start to talk, I disengage, it’s a real battle of wills
But they carry on regardless, have they no social skills?  

I try to make it obvious I’m not the type who gives a sh.t”,
that I am not someone who cares, even just a little bit
But they miss all the signals, that much is obvious
As they carry on regardless, completely oblivious!  
  
Now we all have our problems but we do not feel the need to share
So what makes these people think a complete stranger will care
Is offloading to strangers for them some kind of great panacea?
Or do these people just suffer from acute verbal diarrhoea?

As they prattle on I nod, make all the appropriate noises
If there was a competition for talkers these people would win prizes
While amazed by the fact these people never seem to draw breath
I fight an ever growing desire to simply beat them to death

Some things you don’t discuss with strangers, should it require explanation?
But nothing seems sacred, no such thing as “too much information”
These people tell me intimate details about themselves and their lives
Stuff you and I would hesitate to tell parents, siblings or wives

They seem to think I am their counsellor, some kind of therapist
When God was giving out social skills, they were obviously missed
They have absolutely no boundaries, have never heard of discretion
I pity the poor priest who has to listen to their confession!

And women are the worst, lest there be any doubt
You would not believe the personal stuff they tell me about
They get very inappropriate, though I do the best I can
To remind them of the fact they are talking to a man!

Some of these people have meltdowns, lose the plot altogether
And a little part of me just wants to say “Whatever!”
But I look in their eyes, where I often see tears glistening
And despite all my best efforts, I always end up listening

Those I meet just once on trips, well they are bad enough
But those in my social circle think I am their new BFF
Even though when I bump into them I could not be much colder
It is never long before they start crying on my shoulder

And soon they’re sending friend requests to me on Facebook
And following me on Twitter, God they’re everywhere I look
No matter how I try I cannot seem to shake them loose
So now I am seriously considering becoming a recluse

While these people are annoying, I have to say I’m worse
Because I really start to care, what an awful ****** curse
When I should just tell these people to please leave me alone
I start to listen to their issues, so I cannot really moan!

We should have more time for those in need; that is my belief
and my listening to these people seemed to give them some relief
but while these people seemed much better, having got things off their chest
I am bothered by all their issues and find I am constantly stressed

So if you meet me now I might seem very unsociable altogether
But my experiences with these people have pushed me to the end of my tether
And so I have taken my mothers advice, (she obviously knew the dangers)
For she always warned me as a child; “Never talk to strangers!”

When men tell women they have the flu
That they have never felt so bad
The universal response, alas it’s true
Is for women to go stark raving mad!

Men with the flu are not taken seriously
By members of the opposite ***
Their illness the subject of great levity
Despite the debilitating effects!

Men are often told to simply stop whining,
(Like women never complain themselves)
Though it’s obvious their health is declining
They are just told to “get over your selves”

They tell us to grow up, be a man
suggest we need to grow a pair
“I work when I’m sick and so you can”
We are informed with a deathly stare.

We are told to man up, to stop snivelling,
They question whether we are men or mice
“Try giving birth if you want to know about suffering”
A phrase thrown at us more than once or twice.

They are always convinced it is just a cold
Though our temperature may be sky high
They are often adamant and will not be told
Though we feel like we’re going to die

Though sneezing and coughing like never before
Though our whole bodies are obviously aching
Sweating and shivering, every muscle sore
Yet they seem convinced that we are faking  

We are accused of being overly demanding!
They tell us not to be such a Mummys boy!
And though we might expect a little understanding
Most times they cannot even bother to try!

You would not think it was too much to ask
But it most certainly seems to be
though we are incapable of the simplest task
we can not get one ounce of sympathy

They accuse us of expecting a full time nurse
Though all we need is some loving care
But all the arguing just makes us worse
They never see they are being quite unfair

It seems that they really could not care less
they could not be bothered even trying
we feel bad enough but all this added stress
only makes us feel we’d be better off dying!

They accuse us of making a song and dance
Of making a mountain out of a mole hill
And really us men do not stand a chance
Unless we can prove beyond doubt we are ill.

Thank God for researchers at Stanford University
all men will forever be in their debt
They took the issue of men’s health very seriously
And studied the subject in depth.

They published their findings in 2013
Confirming the existence of the “Man Flu”
The research and conclusions are there to be seen
Facts with which no woman can argue.

It outlines facts you might not have known
Which may make you feel much better at once
It seems it’s men’s high levels of testosterone
That seriously weaken the immune response.

It is only because you are a real man,
because you actually have a pair
that you feel sicker than any woman ever can
it’s a scientific fact, so there!

So next time we get sick hopefully
Women might just believe that it’s true
Perhaps we may be taken more seriously
just in case we have the dreaded “Man Flu”!

The bad news alas, is that there is no cure
Though they are doing the best they can
So if your man gets the flu, ladies be sure
To be more patient,take great care of your man!

Stop counting the days,
start making the days count,
stop wishing your life away
or regrets will mount.
Remember life is for living,
make the most of every day,
embrace simply everything
that life throws your way.
Each day of life is so precious
a gift so truly wonderful
there is a certain onus on us
to live our lives to the full.
Yesterdays belong in the past
tomorrows are always a day away
Live every day like it’s your last;
Because it will be one day.

I remember once I farted, in a packed lift,
My two cheeks really parted, if you get my drift
I almost had a heart attack, the sound was so clear,
It was indeed a mighty crack, that everyone could hear.

Now everyone turned red, but I was really blessed
as nothing more was said, I presumed no one had guessed.
Some looked at their feet, others at the wall
But no pair of eyes did meet, no one looked at me at all.

But no one could deny there was an awful hum
And I had to wonder why I was cursed with such a ***.
Dear God, it was bad, worse than ever before
Was it the curry I had? I will not eat it any more.

On no! this can’t be happening, I felt my two cheeks part
This one much more sickening, what some would call a “shart”
Though I tried to look innocent, as detached as I could be
I knew what those looks meant and they were directed at me

We all held our breath, no one dared to breathe
We all faced certain death if the smell did not recede
We all wanted the top floor which was thirty stories high.
Would someone open the door or would we all be left to die

Thank God for ventilation, it really saved the day
For in case of flatulation it will take the smell away
Well I was so relieved, it was quite a close call
And I would not have believed what happened next at all

The lift it just stopped dead, a million to one chance
I thought I’d lose my head but instead I filled my pants.
I learned one thing that day, well at least it keeps me happy
I won’t get in a lift, No Way! without first putting on a *****.

The question has to be asked, “How hard can it be,
for a man to get a decent cup of tea”?
How can people get something so simple so wrong?
A question that has vexed me for ever so long.

Let me be clear, lest there be any confusion
I’m not into tea leaves or these fancy new infusions
Nor herbal or green, earl grey or the rest
A good plain cup of tea is simply the best!

I wonder why it is that people bother to ask
When they will not put any real effort into the task
Yes they are careful to ask how you take your tea
But what you get is something different, entirely

If there is one thing that really gets to me
It is being made a half cup of tea
I always opt for a mug because there’s never enough in a cup
But for some reason they seem incapable of filling it up!

After just two mouthfuls, Surprise! It is all gone!
I hate always having to ask for another one
All the effort they made has gone to waste
The whole experience leaving a very bad taste.

Making tea is a formula, very hard to get wrong
why so often served weak when I always ask for strong?
A small drop of milk please, how hard can it be?
But I often get tea in my milk, not milk in my tea

I do like my sugar and to tell the truth
I do possess an awfully sweet tooth
“three and a bit” I say when they ask
But is stirring it such an impossible task?

How easy can it be? Just move the ****** spoon
You were just standing there, what else were you doing?
And to see all that sugar sitting there at the end
Would drive the most sane person round the bend

Another thing I get really mad about
Is when people do not take the teabag out
And though the cup appears to be full to the top
You take the bag out and watch the level drop

You might think it’s funny but it’s certainly not
What to do with a teabag that is dripping hot?
A cup of tea is supposed to help you relax
Not be the cause of minor heart attacks

And the biggest evil, by far the worst
Is those who serve tea, knowing the teabag has burst
At the end you get a mouthful of leaves and grit
I do love my tea but wonder if it is worth it.

It got to the stage where I considered drinking coffee
But I was bamboozled by the variety available to me
Mocha or latte, perhaps a frappuccino,
Or maybe an espresso or a cappuccino

No, the idea of drinking coffee just left me cold
all I really wanted was a cup of tea truth be told,
Though I have been accused of taking this issue too seriously
There is nothing in the world quite like…. a decent cup of Tea!

It is New Year’s Eve
It is hard to believe
It has come round so fast.
Where did the year go?
No one seems to know,
How quickly it passed!
We got through another one
And what is done is done
we made memories to last.
Things we should not forget
But do not waste time on regret
It now belongs in the past.

There is no better time than this
To get together and reminisce
embrace the opportunity.
Time for a New Years Eve kiss
To contact people you truly miss
Sing Auld Lang Syne maybe.
Get together and celebrate
All the things that went great
And wonder at what might be.
A chance to seriously contemplate
To acknowledge and truly appreciate
Your good friends and family.

Through all your trouble and strife
Find the good things in your life
And concentrate on those.
Learn from any mistakes
Resolve to do what it takes
To make friends of foes.
Do not be afraid to forgive
Be much more positive
Life’s too short, God knows.
Whether woman or man
strive to be the best you can
as the year comes to a close.

For those you lost, shed a tear
cherish those whom you hold dear
love them with all your might.
For your sins seek absolution
Make a New Years resolution
A great chance to make things right.
Decide what you want from next year
Face the future without fear
A brand New Year is in sight.
Look forward don’t look back
make sure you have Mighty Craic
On this New Years Eve night!

Be sorry not for being yourself;
Be sorry for not being yourself

Without looking within
Can one truly begin
As a person to grow;
Ones mind to really know?

Without looking within
Truth is lacking wherein
Real truth not without lies,
But within us resides.

Without looking within
One is somewhat akin
To one who is half –blind;
Answers harder to find.
  
Without looking within
With honesty therein
How can one see the light;
Develop true insight?

Without looking within
Can one hope to begin
To attain peace of mind;
True happiness to find?

Dreams, hopes, wishes and aspirations
Will never amount to very much,
Without hard work and dedication
They will forever remain as such.

A quiet man
who does all he can
for his family,
That’s my Dad

A gentle soul
who dedicated his whole
life to providing for us,
That’s my Dad

A tower of strength
who would go to any length
to ensure we do not want,
That’s my Dad

Never says much
but his manner is such
that we heed every word
That’s my Dad

A guiding light
teaching us wrong from right
through his words and deeds
That’s my Dad

Extraordinarily gentle
not one bit judgemental
yet gets his message across
That’s my Dad

A gentle giant
forever reliant
always there for us
That’s my Dad

A reassuring voice
a great source of advice
when life proves challenging
That’s my Dad

Steady as a rock
when life gives us a knock
always getting us through
That’s my Dad

Never thinks twice
is quick to sacrifice
his own needs for ours
That’s my Dad

So full of fun
loves to see everyone
making each of us feel special
That’s my Dad

Worked hard for all he’s got
seems content with his lot
now he has finally retired
That’s my Dad

Now a Grandad
at which he isn’t half bad
the grandchildren all love him
That’s my Dad

Sharing his life
with our Mother, his wife
for many happy years
That’s my Dad.

Not always appreciated
we often left him frustrated
during our childhood years
That’s my Dad.

I can only aspire to be
half as good a Dad as he
there’s only one true hero for me
That’s my Dad

A fantastic Dad
none better could we have had
we are all so proud to say
That’s my Dad

A man I love
and thank God up above
every day for the man
That’s my Dad.

At last they are away off on holiday
We thought the day would never come
A free gaff for two weeks, Hip Hip Hooray
We are going to party and then some!!

Two weeks with no rules or regulations
Gone are the mind-numbing routines
Let the party begin, bring on the celebrations
Let’s live it up like proper teens!

There was a sermon about responsibility
But was anyone listening at all?
As for all that talk about maturity;
One might as well talk to the wall!

We can have our friends over for parties
Oh we are going to have mighty craic
Yes, we can do just as we please
At least until those two come back.

No more checking over our shoulder
To see who’s in and who’s out
Yes we can be just that little bit bolder
Knowing they are not lurking about

We can get up whenever we choose
Eat at any old time of the day
Maybe overdo it a bit on the *****
They cannot wreck our heads the next day

It will be two weeks of take-aways
No more being forced to eat healthily
We can have friends over for overnight stays
Ah God bless freedom and liberty

We can forget about washing and ironing
They are always are on our backs
Thank God to be free of constant nagging
We can chill out, really relax.

For there is always something they want done
Keeping up with their demands is tough
It’s never ending, it’s not much fun
It seems we can never do enough

But now for two weeks all that will desist
Absolutely nothing will be done
And though they left a “To Do” list
They have two chances; “Slim and None”

Two weeks without judgement and criticism
About everything we do and say
Two weeks of pure hedonism
Doing just what we want every day.

But all good things must come to an end
And though we really love them dearly
Their two weeks holidays will soon end
and our kids will have to come home, clearly!

Who in their right mind would choose to be a Mother?
For it is indeed a calling quite unlike any other
From the minute their children draw their first breath
Mothers are there for them right up until their death

They see their children as a gift from the man above
Feed them and nourish them, shower them with love
Watch over them, protect them, give them security
Let them know their Mothers love them, unconditionally
                                  
Mothers ensure their children have everything they need
Do absolutely everything they can to help them succeed
Praise, scold, and encourage them as they begin to grow
teach them all of the important things they need to know.

A Mother is on duty every single hour of every day
working the maximum of hours for little or no pay
gets very little thanks, shown precious little gratitude
in fact from kids a Mother gets mostly bad attitude!

Not one minutes break from the stress and the worry
Caused by kids who seem determined to grow up in a hurry
Who tend to question everything their Mother might say
Often accusing their Mothers of getting in their way.

Even when they cannot seem to do right for doing wrong
A Mothers love for her children remains forever strong
Mothers never give up no, no Mother will ever rest
All they want is for their children to be their very best.

Mothers guide us through childhood and our teenage years
There for us through good and bad times, laughter and tears
Often taken for granted, we don’t appreciate them as we should,
only realising how much they do for us when we reach adulthood

But a Mothers job is not done when her children are all grown
Even after they are married, have homes and children of their own
Mothers still worry and stress because they genuinely care
Ensuring their children know their Mother will always be there.

So if you love your Mother do not be afraid to say
You should tell her more often but especially on Mothers Day
While it is lovely to give flowers and gifts and such
They would mean so much more with a personal touch

For all she has done for you she deserves a big “Thank You”
It would mean so much to her to hear you say “I LOVE YOU”
though you may think she already knows it,  Say it anyway
because those three little words would make any Mothers day.

Do we, as a people, deserve to be critised?
Have we as a nation become so desensitised
to the plight of those among us who are marginalised?
Do we care nothing for the less well off, the disenfranchised?
Rents and cost of living as high as we have ever known,
numbers on the breadline and homeless have consistently grown,
so many suicides because people feel so desperate and alone,
how can we stand by and let this happen to so many of our own?
So many families torn apart and utterly devastated,
Far too many of our young people reluctantly emigrated,
People losing their homes, heartbroken and humiliated,
There is not much about this country now to be celebrated!

It’s true that during the recession most people lost a lot
But was it the booming economy that really started the rot?
Did we start judging each other by how much each had got?
Was compassion for our fellow man something we forgot?
Though going through hard times we still give much to charity
many services only possible because people work voluntarily
but the government rub their hands together with unashamed glee
Are they right to think our actions absolve them of all responsibility?
Though all of us are struggling, each with so much on our plate  
Should we not come together, do something before it is too late?
Surely the plight of these our people should prompt a national debate?
to ensure our government meets the needs of every last citizen of our state.
The frightening thing is, it could so easily be you or I
left unemployed or homeless, or barely scraping by
we cannot just dismiss it, the signs are all there
and if the present is anything to go by, will anybody care?

Fed up with your lot?
Focus on what you have got;
Not what you have not

Through trouble and strife
Find the good things in your life;
Concentrate on those.

How strong we can be
Only in adversity  
Can we truly see

Thank you Dad for everything you have done,
your hard work and sacrifice for everyone.
Thanks for everything you continue to do,
but most of all thank you just for being you.
Thank you Dad for taking time to care,
we really appreciate you always being there
at those times when we feel we really need you;
you never leave us wanting, always come through.

Thank you Dad for being constantly strong,
for being such a rock when things go wrong,
for making time for us, for always listening,
to the myriad of problems we constantly bring.
Thank you Dad for calming our fears,
for soothing words, for wiping our tears.
Thank you for never letting us give up hope;
for convincing us repeatedly we can cope.

Thank you for your guidance as we move along,
for teaching each one of us right from wrong,
for encouraging us always to do the right thing,
for the moral compass that guides our everyday living.
Thanks for your calmness, your infinite patience,
your common sense when faced with youthful exuberance!
Thank you for providing us with everything we need
for believing in us, giving us the tools to succeed.

Thank you Dad for never giving up on me,
for encouraging me to be all that I could be,
for your forgiveness those times I was absolute brat,
for your direction when I had no clue what I was at.
Thank you from my heart for being such a great Dad,
Thank you for the wonderful upbringing I had,
Thank you mostly for teaching me what it means to be a Dad,
If I am only half as good as you then my kids won’t do so bad.

Memories of times long past
Memories that seem to last
One thing I remember, it was special to me
Is the hideout known as The Loose Tooth Tree.

It was in a hedge where many trees did grow
It looked nothing special if you didn’t know
But for me and my pals it was something just ours
where we could escape for hours and hours.

It was completely covered with dark green ivy
Though the roots were loose, making it quite shaky
But once inside you were impossible to see
Ideal for a hideout we named the Loose Tooth Tree.

Though you could see out cross the fields everywhere
If you were quiet no one knew you were there.
Keeping it secret was just half the fun
An oath of secrecy was sworn by everyone.

Bits and bobs from everywhere made it our own
A great place to be, with the gang or alone
Jokes and stories were told, there was great laughter
And yes we discussed girls, and the ones we were after.

We had blackjacks, fruitsalads and bullseyes too
Time bars and curly wurlys that took ages to chew
A place to relax where there was no sense of hurry
We were so young sure we didn’t have a worry

We used it for cowboys and indians, hide and seek
The rare risqué mag there did we peek
Indeed it is where I tried my first smoke
When my pals were convinced I was going to choke.

We ambushed the boys from Clongowes when they came to town
Yes us boys from the Terrace gained some renown
It was all good clean fun, just fisticuffs back then
And didn’t it help us all on our journey from boys to men

We were Smiths and Nevins, Murphys and Callans
Dorans and Behans, Delaneys and Ryans
All from St Brigids and so proud of the fact
“No outsiders allowed” was a part of the pact

We had bags of crisps that cost only two pence
Wore platform shoes so high they didn’t make sense
Flared collars so wide we were in danger of flight
We had hair so long it often interfered with sight.

We listened to the Osmonds, the Monkees and Status Quo
We loved Abba and Gary Glitter (how were we to know)
We loved the Waltons, Top Cat and the Flintstones, yabadabadoo
Little House on the Prairie, Shirley Temple, and the Little Rascals too

Yes The Loose Tooth Tree belonged to St. Brigid’s Terrace
But as more houses went up other kids proved a menace
Two bits of wood and a nail, we all had a sword to fight
and peg guns proved effective if the aim was right.

We decided to make up a language all of our own
What we were saying others had no way of knowing
Not parents nor priests, not teachers or anyone
And we had such mighty craic, it was so much fun.

It was an innocent time, we were all boys growing
Our lives were changing without us really knowing
In the Loose Tooth Tree we were all good friends together
Making memories that would stay with each of us forever

It was during the seventies in my home town of Clane
Upon leaving ‘twas two decades ‘til I saw it again
To my dismay the Loose Tooth Tree was no more
But it will live on in my memory for evermore.

I decided to throw a sickie,
I thought; What the hell?!
But I knew it would be tricky
convincing work I was not well.
I’m not the type to take the Mickey,
I’m normally as good as gold
And I was feeling a little bit dicky,
if the truth be told.
I just needed a day off or two
but had used all my holidays,
And I knew I would not be up to
doing very much anyways.

When I rang, I coughed and spluttered,
convincing as could be!
I won’t be in today I muttered,
ever so hoarsely.
I think I have an infection
but I’m not really sure,
My stomach keeps retching
and I have a temperature.
I have not slept since yesterday
with a pounding headache,
I think coming in to work today
would be a huge mistake!

“That is totally unacceptable”!
was the unexpected response,
“You will be in so much trouble
unless you come to work at once”!
“You had better come in this morning!”
“This is just not good enough!”
“Or I will give you a final warning,
and you can pack up your stuff”!
“If you do not come in today,
don’t ever bother coming back”!
“if you are not in work straightaway,
I will give you the sack”!

I was somewhat taken aback,
I could not believe my ears
To be threatened with the sack
after working hard for years!
I think I went into shock,
I was suddenly left reeling!
I was in an awful ****,
Twice as bad I was feeling!
I could not help but stress,
I could not believe it was true.
So I went to work under duress,
what else could I do?

I was not long at my work station
when spark out cold I went!
Causing great consternation,
It was a major incident!
And when it was discovered
what had actually gone on,
before I had even recovered
the manager responsible was gone!
Thank God I recovered fully
after some rest and recuperation
and was able to retire comfortably
on my substantial compensation!

For all managers, a lesson
When people ring in sick,
You should never go off on one!
There’s no point getting thick!
You may be the one they fire
Where would be the gain?
And the target of your ire
may never have to work again!
You need to tread more carefully
In this litigious age,
You need to have the ability
To control your rage!
You may have a job to do
Lots of boxes you must tick
But if this is why they fire you,
Would you not be Sick?!

Day turns to night, crowds on the road,
Bonfires ignite, bangers explode.
Fireworks fly high, burst in the air
Dogs bark and cry, smoke everywhere.
Chinese lanterns float way on high
Flicker and burn, light up the sky.
Candle-lit pumpkins that terrorise
With wicked grins and evil eyes.
Cobwebs, spiders, vampires and bats
Ghosts and monsters, witches black cats,
Skeletons skulls, crosses, tomb stones
Look wonderful haunting most homes.

Children galore take to the street
Knock on each door, play trick or treat
Costumes vary, monsters and such
Some quite scary, some not so much
Bags big and small, buckets or tins,
Carried by all to keep treats in.
Getting goodies at every door,
Bars and lollies and so much more;
Monkey nuts, gum, fruit and sweets too  
Money from some, a coin or two.
Kids excited, loving it all,
Each delighted with their own haul.

Halloween treats like colcannon,
Barmbracks with a ring in each one,
Traditional games for everyone,
Snap apple great Halloween fun.
Scary stories of days gone by,
Horror movies to terrify,
Howls and screams, nervous laughter,
Many bad dreams for weeks after.
There is no other night like Halloween,
People more frightened than they've ever been.
A great occasion for young and old,
Cannot wait for the next one, truth be told.

Beautiful, breath taking views
Of vast volcanoes and bright blue seas
Scorching sun and high temperatures
Palm trees swaying in a soft breeze.
Through landscapes layered with black lava
White washed walls wind their way
Around gardens full of fantastic flora
Where lizards and geckos love to play.
Ships sail by beyond the breakers,
Planes pass over as they come in to land,
Promenades packed with holidaymakers
By beaches of beautiful golden sand.
Sun loungers and swimming pools
Hours of rest and relaxation
Siestas while the hot sun cools
Poolside bars for cool libations.
Spectacular sunsets in surrounding skies
Each day ending in such serene splendour
Reds pinks, blues, greys and turquoise;
Colours any artist would be challenged to render.
Pubs clubs and restaurants of such variety
activities that appeal to everyone
Local residents renowned for their hospitality
Make Matagorda a paradise second to none.

My wife and I went down to the pub
Just the other day
We thought we’d have a drink and a bit of grub
It was such a beautiful day

Everyone there was in great form
Having a laugh and the craic
But one man did not seem to fit the norm
My dear wife seemed taken aback!

He certainly seemed to be full of the joys,
But looked like he had one too many
he seemed a lot drunker than the rest of the guys
though appeared much happier than any!

I wondered why this was bugging my wife so
She seemed more than a little upset
I asked her “Is he someone you know”
Never expecting the answer I’d get!

She explained he was her ex boyfriend
From about eighteen years ago.
She brought the relationship to an end,
had not seen him for twelve years or so

At the time he was absolutely devastated
He seemed to take the break up badly
She felt guilty about his whole life being wasted
She told me ever so sadly

She heard many stories after they parted
About him out partying every night
She felt guilty he was so broken hearted
But felt she had to do what was right

She heard he took heavily to the drink
Friends told her he went quite mad
But not for one minute did she ever think
Things had got quite so bad.

Friends told her he never really settled down
Went through one woman after another
He seemed overly fond of being out on the town
Always in one pub or the other

Be God says I, after deliberating
Because she was almost in tears
“Are you telling me he’s been celebrating
For nigh on eighteen years”?  

Well it got so quiet you could hear a pin drop
The atmosphere suddenly got much colder
I started laughing, I just could not stop
For six weeks I got the cold shoulder!

The day proved a valuable life lesson for me
I have since learned to keep my mouth shut
The only problem with that, unfortunately
Is that now I have nowhere to put my foot!

Is it not strange, it seems so to me
How much women change after matrimony
When we went steady for every date
She did not spend hours getting ready, was not always late
She was more than happy with the smallest present
She never once nagged me, was always so pleasant.
She always looked great, stood out in the crowd
Always telling her mates how I made her so proud.

A love life so fantastic, every single night
Though marriage seemed drastic it all seemed so right
Yes I was her king and could totally understand
Her constantly hinting I would make a great husband.
I eventually said Yes and we strode down the aisle
All was joy and happiness, for a short while
But then it all went wrong, very unhappily
The honeymoon did not last that long, regrettably

Her nagging was incessant, she was always in a strop
I welcomed the silent treatment; it made the nagging stop
She spent more time out shopping than she did with me
Never stopped ‘til she was dropping, I was facing bankruptcy
Yet when we were going anywhere, (which became a rare thing)
she never had a thing to wear, which meant even more shopping.
Our love life was non existent; she never cut me a break
She seemed to have an almost persistent, night time headache

She let herself go, some days not even getting dressed
She put on a pound or so which had her constantly stressed
She started comfort eating and took to the wine of a night
There was no point in my speaking, it always ended in a fight.
Try as I might, she never seemed to be satisfied
It seems I could do no right, though God knows I tried.
There was nothing I could say, even less that I could do
I thought fondly of our wedding day when our love was true

She never seemed to think of me like she did before
though hand on heart honestly, I could do no more
I tried absolutely everything but it was all in vain
Told her I would do anything to have her love me again
But everything she loved about me, she now seemed to hate
She treated me like I was the enemy, it was all too late
So I walked out the door thinking what an awful shame
vowing never to get married anymore, thanks all the same.

Is it not strange, it seems so to me
How much men change after matrimony
When we went steady for every date
He spent hours getting ready, always looked great
There were always flowers, cards or a present
He listened to me for hours, was never unpleasant.
Always so cavalier, caring and kind
Calming my every fear, easing my mind

A love life so fantastic, every other night
Though marriage seemed drastic it all seemed so right
Yes I was his queen, the love of his life
Which made him so keen to make me his wife.
I eventually said Yes and we were wed
I could not have guessed how he would wreck my head
Where did it all go wrong, it’s a mystery
We were not married that long, perhaps you could tell me.

When did the Boys appear, I would love to know
When they went out for a beer did he always have to go?
He turned into a slob, an awful sight to see
He spent more time in his job than he did with me.
He always seemed so grumpy, I never heard him laugh
When I talked to him I was jumpy, he often cut me in half
Our love life got so boring, I thought it might improve
It was only farting and snoring that made the earth move

The weekends were a nightmare, he was stuck in to the telly
It sickened me to see him there, all dishevelled and smelly
Watching football and racing, though he could never pick a winner
Leaving me to do the shopping, then serve him up his dinner
Around the house he was useless, he never did a tap
He always made his excuses, he talked some amount of crap
He treated me like a maid, he had no respect for me
And all the promises he made I remembered bitterly.

He never seemed to think of me like he did before
When he forgot our anniversary I could stay silent no more
When the mood was right I tried my best to explain
But all we did was fight, it was all in vain
All the things he loved about me, he seemed now to detest
I could not make him love me though I tried my level best
So I walked out the door wondering if I was to blame
But then I married twice more and each one was just the same.

Watched over by magnificent ancient trees
though perfectly placed to capture the sun
surrounded by walls of multi coloured ivy’s
there lies a paradise second to none.
Bright vivid colours, shades and hues
only add to the general splendour
yellows, pinks, oranges, reds and blues
colours any artist would be challenged to render.
There are lilies, marigolds, roses and petunias
creepers and climbers racing down and up
geraniums, pansies, lavenders and begonias
grass peppered with daisies and buttercups.  
All day butterflies, wasps and bumble bees
work tirelessly alongside one another
relentlessly searching for flowers that please
flitting constantly from one to the other.
A wide variety of flowers, plants and shrubs
burst forth from hanging baskets, flower beds and tubs
providing shelter thus becoming teeming hubs
full of worms and snails, insects and grubs.
Birds rear young nesting in trees and bushes
foraging for food amongst the growing throng
blackbirds, finches, pigeons wrens and thrushes
together creating truly melodic birdsong.
A place that transforms long after night fall
when nocturnal creatures have hunting to do
field mice and hedgehogs from the undergrowth crawl
while the odd wary fox occasionally passes through.
Alas for many the garden becomes just another chore
far too busy to see it can offer so much more
never making the most of the opportunity to see
what a wondrous, thriving paradise a garden can be.

A hairy ball of energy
Who loves to run and play,
Whose tricks and tomfoolery
Would brighten any day.
Almost hyperactive,
Without doubt lively,
Incredibly inquisitive,
Exploring constantly.

Chewing on everything,
Peeing everywhere,
Not fond of house training
but slowly getting there.
Extremely mischievous,
Just wants to have fun,
Loves to get pets from us,
Each and everyone.

Yapping so excitedly
At everyone and everything,
Such an incredibly funny
Lovable little thing.
Who looks at us imploringly
With great big brown eyes
That we fell in love totally
Should come as no surprise

This lovely little puppy
Right from the start
Became one of the family,
Captured every ones heart.

Do you think about me every day?
Am I always on your mind?
Each night do you kneel and pray
For one day me to find?
Do you wonder if I look like you,
Have your personality?
If I like the same things you do?
Or if we differ completely?

Do you search for me in others faces
Certain that you will know me?
Do you love going to new places
Hoping there is where I will be?
Do you constantly worry about me?
Wonder how my life has been?
Does your heart ache longingly
For a life that might have been?

Do you worry that you may never
get the opportunity to know me?
That we should be apart forever?
That my face you may never see?
Do you have difficulty coping?
Have a yearning that never goes away?
Do you never give up hoping
That we will find each other someday?

Do you feel a painful gaping void?
That you are somehow incomplete?
Do you feel a longing deep inside
For the day we eventually meet?
Do you question why we had to part?  
Worry I may have forgotten you?
I hope the answer is yes with all my heart
For these are all the things I do.

Standing here on Earth
Both Sun and Moon in the sky
Who, what, where, when, why?

When kids all got in the bath together
or used the same water one after the other
When kids wore hand me downs whenever
clothes got too small for a sister or brother
Remember...
When kids actually ventured outside to play
with their friends the whole day long
Not play with gadgets in their room all day
which seems both unnatural and wrong.
Remember...
When kids actually did what they were told
well… most of the time anyways.
When they were actually punished if they were bold
and were not long about mending their ways
Remember...
When kids treated their elders with some respect,
took heed of what they had to say;
When the last thing any adult would expect
was to get cheek from kids anyway.
Remember...
When kids did not simply just get their own way
(have parents taken leave of their senses?)
when kids had basic rules they had to obey
or face the consequences
Remember...
When kids got what they wanted when you could,
but had everything they needed
When No was a word every kid understood
and a word they heeded.
Remember...
When kids did not expect to be handed everything;
they knew stuff had to be earned.
Kids doing chores, around the house working  
How else would they have learned?
Remember...
The last thing kids need is to be spoiled rotten,
it does them no favours at all
We were not spoiled, or have you forgotten;
And it did us no harm at all.

After the moment of my death,
When I have taken my last breath,
Will there be those who mourn for me?
Who will grieve my passing sadly?  
Those who cherish my memory?
In whose hearts I will always be?

My dying wish is only that
Beyond words in an epitaph,
I be thought of once in a while
and draw a tear or cause a smile,
That some always remember me
should be my lasting legacy.

For those whom I now leave behind
I pray that life will treat you kind,
That you live your lives to the full
for Life can be so wonderful.
Your guardian angel I shall be
from now for all eternity.

The mist meanders through the copse
Beside the bridge over the brook,
Where both daffodils and snowdrops
Emerge everywhere one looks.
Watched over by weeping willows
Amongst other old ancient trees
A babbling brook gently goes
Winding through woods and valleys.
Further and further, on it flows
Below bridges both old and new,
Meanders through fields and meadows
Blanketed by the morning dew.

All through an awakening park
Warmed now by a weak winter sun
Night creatures leave only their mark,
Bedding down now day has begun.
Silence surrenders to bird song
A sure sign that day is dawning
Lo and behold before too long
Casts of creatures greet the morning.
Dawn gives way to a brand new day
Leaving a slight sense of sorrow
As magic moments slip away;
A different dawn tomorrow.

Are not all of us human?
Do not each one of us bleed?
Despite race or religion,
gender, colour or creed.
Does ones nationality,
****** orientation,
Or ones disability
Make them less of a person?

Are not all of us children,
Some ones daughter or son?
Does not each one of us mean
So very much to someone?
We are all so different
So unique and wonderful
Who have from the first moment
Lived our lives to the full.  

Can one life be more precious?
Mean less than any other?
What gives any one of us
The right to **** another?
No, nothing can justify
Killing of our fellow man
No matter how hard we try
Not one of us really can

For life is a gift given
Not by either you or I
It is not our decision
Who should live and who should die.
Who are we to pass judgement
On how other people live?
We must be more tolerant,
Must learn to live and let live

The sad skeletal remains
of once magnificent trees
stand scattered on the terrain
as far as the eye can see.
Soaked by snow, sleet and rain,
Blown bare by cold winds each one;
Frozen time and time again,
Warmed by a weak winter sun.
Branches like bony fingers
Protruding towards the skies
Where birds like deaths harbingers
Lament with long lonely cries.

Gliding gracefully across the night sky
Inevitably earth bound
A solitary star succumbs and dies
Devoid of any discernible sound.

Slipping silently from way on high
Falling freely toward a fatal tryst
Burning brightly for the blink of an eye
Soon sadly ceasing to exist.

A hazy sun low in a cloudless sky
Of the most wonderful shade of blue
The only evidence of a cool night gone by
Lies in a blanket of sparkling dew.

Cobwebs glisten in the morning suns rays
Like diamonds in delicate lace
Silky trails sparkle where snails made their way
Sunlight capturing each delicate trace.

A stillness apparent in unmoving trees
Casting long shadows everywhere
Undisturbed by even the softest breeze
As a crisp coolness pervades the air.

Magpies, pigeons, and crows take flight
the first slow stirrings of the morning
Each one welcoming the morning light,
The sunshine bright and warming.  

Leaves of yellow, red, brown and gold
Reflect gloriously the morning sun
Creatures stirring, growing ever more bold
As another Autumn day has begun.

A full moon suspended
In a slate grey sky
Wisps of clouds illuminated
As they drift casually by.

Stars sparkle brightly
Un-obscured by any cloud
The Milky Way packed tightly
Where thousands seem to crowd.

Aeroplanes criss- cross the skies
For far off cities bound
Cats and dogs night time cries
The only other sounds

Moths and many other creatures
Flutter furiously in the light
Spiders crawl from cracks and fissures
In their element at night

A serene and soothing silence
Steadily descends
Night in all of its magnificence
As yet another day ends.

Are we nearly there Dad?
Is it very far?
Oh he is going to drive me mad
We had just got in the car

Are we nearly there Dad?
Have we far to go?
Oh God this is bad
We had only gone a mile or so

Are we nearly there Dad?
Is it far away?
Why don’t you take out your i-pad
There must be games you can play

Are we nearly there Dad?
I really have to ***
I know this is sad
I think he’s doing this deliberately

Are we nearly there Dad?
Is it much further?
I’m losing what patience I had
I will be done for ******.

Are we nearly there Dad?
This is taking a long time
Please, please stop asking lad
Before I commit an awful crime

Are we nearly there Dad?
This is not much fun
You are getting on my nerves a tad
Please give it over Son

Are we nearly there Dad?
I am feeling very sick
Just one more problem to add
I am at the end of my wick

Are we nearly there Dad?
I am really bored
I hope this is just a fad
He might stop if he’s ignored

Are we nearly there Dad?
He asked rather sleepily
If he sleeps I will be glad
I thought, rather guiltily

Are we nearly there Dadeeee?
He started to whine
Why must he keep on and on at me
I really feel like crying

Are we nearly there Dad?
I said yes, five minutes more
It was a white lie, what a cad
But at last, I heard him snore.

Are we nearly there Dad?
I said "yes son, eventually"
“I just want to go home Dad!!”
he began screaming incessantly

Are we nearly there Dad?
Louder and louder he screams
It’s been years since those trips we had
But I still hear him in my dreams!

Are we nearly there Grandad?
my grandchildren ask me now
these days I don't find it too bad
I've gotten used to it somehow!