“Have a cup of tea, it’ll all be OK”
No matter the problem, that’s what they say
Whether you’ve lost your cat, your keys or your Nan
“What you need is a brew”, not some help or a plan.
Got a paper cut?
“I’ll make a ***.”
“It’s nice and hot..”
In massive debt?
“All soon forgot.”
Mourning a pet?
“It’ll help a lot.”
It’s as if that milky brown solution
Held inside the resolution
To every problem ever cried
And yet it tastes like a bare-faced lie
“Have some tea, it’ll be OK”
Will it make all my problems go away?
Will it fix the famine or end the war?
Will it house the homeless or feed the poor?
You’re telling me dried vegetation
Is the answer to my agitation
“I’ve stubbed my toe!” “I’m going blind!”
Drink up, cheer up, never mind!
If it were true, can you even dream
Of a world where tea can fix a melted ice cream?
A cuppa here, a cuppa there,
The end to all the world’s despair!
But we’d eventually run out of space
There’d be a great big global tea-growing race!
The cost of tea would go sky-high,
Only the wealthy could afford to buy
The medicine, the wonder drug
Your future secured in a polka-dot mug.
I simply find it hard to believe
That a soup of steaming boiled leaves
Has the unlikely power to relieve
Even the very most naïve.
But don’t you worry,
Have a cup of tea, it’ll all be OK..
Thought I'd have a cuppa
to assuage my carnal thirst
I didn't know what I should drink
who I should have first
I thought of my friend Jack
Daniels to his friends
Life of the drunken party...
But it's only 9am
Then I thought of Harvey
who'd come in from the coast
But i really do not like him
'coz he's a milquetoast
Ah! I know who's perfect!
Tho I could be wrong
But he's tall, dark n handsome!
So very hot and strong!
He's uplifting! RICH!
He makes my heartstrings tug
He is bold yet mellow...
... and that good lookin' MUG!
Yes. I think I'll try him
he's got get up and go
He's the deep and "brew"ding type
he's my cuppa joe!
For a friend... to liven up her day!
The question has to be asked, “How hard can it be,
for a man to get a decent cup of tea”?
How can people get something so simple so wrong?
A question that has vexed me for ever so long.
Let me be clear, lest there be any confusion
I’m not into tea leaves or these fancy new infusions
Nor herbal or green, earl grey or the rest
A good plain cup of tea is simply the best!
I wonder why it is that people bother to ask
When they will not put any real effort into the task
Yes they are careful to ask how you take your tea
But what you get is something different, entirely
If there is one thing that really gets to me
It is being made a half cup of tea
I always opt for a mug because there’s never enough in a cup
But for some reason they seem incapable of filling it up!
After just two mouthfuls, Surprise! It is all gone!
I hate always having to ask for another one
All the effort they made has gone to waste
The whole experience leaving a very bad taste.
Making tea is a formula, very hard to get wrong
why so often served weak when I always ask for strong?
A small drop of milk please, how hard can it be?
But I often get tea in my milk, not milk in my tea
I do like my sugar and to tell the truth
I do possess an awfully sweet tooth
“three and a bit” I say when they ask
But is stirring it such an impossible task?
How easy can it be? Just move the ****** spoon
You were just standing there, what else were you doing?
And to see all that sugar sitting there at the end
Would drive the most sane person round the bend
Another thing I get really mad about
Is when people do not take the teabag out
And though the cup appears to be full to the top
You take the bag out and watch the level drop
You might think it’s funny but it’s certainly not
What to do with a teabag that is dripping hot?
A cup of tea is supposed to help you relax
Not be the cause of minor heart attacks
And the biggest evil, by far the worst
Is those who serve tea, knowing the teabag has burst
At the end you get a mouthful of leaves and grit
I do love my tea but wonder if it is worth it.
It got to the stage where I considered drinking coffee
But I was bamboozled by the variety available to me
Mocha or latte, perhaps a frappuccino,
Or maybe an espresso or a cappuccino
No, the idea of drinking coffee just left me cold
all I really wanted was a cup of tea truth be told,
Though I have been accused of taking this issue too seriously
There is nothing in the world quite like…. a decent cup of Tea!
— The End —