“Have a cup of tea, it’ll all be OK” No matter the problem, that’s what they say Whether you’ve lost your cat, your keys or your Nan “What you need is a brew”, not some help or a plan.
Got a paper cut? “I’ll make a ***.” Laptop caput? “It’s nice and hot..” In massive debt? “All soon forgot.” Mourning a pet? “It’ll help a lot.”
It’s as if that milky brown solution Held inside the resolution To every problem ever cried And yet it tastes like a bare-faced lie
“Have some tea, it’ll be OK” Will it make all my problems go away? Will it fix the famine or end the war? Will it house the homeless or feed the poor?
You’re telling me dried vegetation Is the answer to my agitation “I’ve stubbed my toe!” “I’m going blind!” Drink up, cheer up, never mind!
If it were true, can you even dream Of a world where tea can fix a melted ice cream? A cuppa here, a cuppa there, The end to all the world’s despair!
But we’d eventually run out of space There’d be a great big global tea-growing race! The cost of tea would go sky-high, Only the wealthy could afford to buy The medicine, the wonder drug Your future secured in a polka-dot mug.
I simply find it hard to believe That a soup of steaming boiled leaves Has the unlikely power to relieve Even the very most naïve.
But don’t you worry, Don’t dismay, Have a cup of tea, it’ll all be OK..
The question has to be asked, “How hard can it be, for a man to get a decent cup of tea”? How can people get something so simple so wrong? A question that has vexed me for ever so long.
Let me be clear, lest there be any confusion I’m not into tea leaves or these fancy new infusions Nor herbal or green, earl grey or the rest A good plain cup of tea is simply the best!
I wonder why it is that people bother to ask When they will not put any real effort into the task Yes they are careful to ask how you take your tea But what you get is something different, entirely
If there is one thing that really gets to me It is being made a half cup of tea I always opt for a mug because there’s never enough in a cup But for some reason they seem incapable of filling it up!
After just two mouthfuls, Surprise! It is all gone! I hate always having to ask for another one All the effort they made has gone to waste The whole experience leaving a very bad taste.
Making tea is a formula, very hard to get wrong why so often served weak when I always ask for strong? A small drop of milk please, how hard can it be? But I often get tea in my milk, not milk in my tea
I do like my sugar and to tell the truth I do possess an awfully sweet tooth “three and a bit” I say when they ask But is stirring it such an impossible task?
How easy can it be? Just move the ****** spoon You were just standing there, what else were you doing? And to see all that sugar sitting there at the end Would drive the most sane person round the bend
Another thing I get really mad about Is when people do not take the teabag out And though the cup appears to be full to the top You take the bag out and watch the level drop
You might think it’s funny but it’s certainly not What to do with a teabag that is dripping hot? A cup of tea is supposed to help you relax Not be the cause of minor heart attacks
And the biggest evil, by far the worst Is those who serve tea, knowing the teabag has burst At the end you get a mouthful of leaves and grit I do love my tea but wonder if it is worth it.
It got to the stage where I considered drinking coffee But I was bamboozled by the variety available to me Mocha or latte, perhaps a frappuccino, Or maybe an espresso or a cappuccino
No, the idea of drinking coffee just left me cold all I really wanted was a cup of tea truth be told, Though I have been accused of taking this issue too seriously There is nothing in the world quite like…. a decent cup of Tea!