You don't know this yet,
but I'm gonna meet you
in a few days
and on the 13th of December
you'll let me be yours
My mother will hate you
for a couple of years,
but I'll leave the house
i grew up on
just to be next to you;
all the hard work and sleepless nights
will be worthwhile
Sixty months after that,
we're going to get married
on the 18th of June,
and our children will be happy,
I'm aware of all this stuff
because, twenty three years later,
I'm still in love with your laugh,
your jokes, your rants
and changing moods
I'll always be thankful
for that first conversation we had
eight thousand, three hundred
and seventy seven
Happy fathers day
For the memories we've shared
To the ones we will go onto create
You're my idol due to:
Your persistent positive attitude
Despite all you've gone through
Perfection doesn't exist
But you're pretty damn close
It's due to you I strive to be happy
It's due to you I'm not fully broken
Thanks for everything
Dear Dad I love you
Dear Dad you make me proud
Dear Dad these thoughts are written on my soul
But rarely said out loud.
I wrote this for my dad who was terminally ill at the time, he died on the 16th May 2012. I still see him slowly reading it and then smiling.
Dear Dad my angel
Dear Dad my shining star
Dear Dad my guiding light
Shine on me now from afar.
This verse I added after he died and it was included on the service card at his funeral.
Sad times I suppose but that is life and life also includes immense positivity and joy.
the grey just comes sometimes
other times I think myself into it. I wish I could think myself out of it just as easily.
I loved her and I love him because of every way they are different from you
every way they love me differently and better than you do. than you know how.
father's day shouldn't be like this. it shouldn't be a time like this. I don't want it to always be like this.
I don't want my kids to grow up in a house knowing there are days in a year mom won't be able to get out of bed
knowing those days are connected to a man that is nothing like their father. a man not capable of growing up enough to teach his children anything intentionally.
I don't want an anxiety attack to be forever hanging in the shadows for me exact days a year. I want to love and be loved without feeling like you're in the room telling me I'm doing it wrong.
I want you to be my daddy. that's all I've ever wanted.
but instead, I've gotten Anthony.
and because of that, I will always be the 5th grader you bullied. the one you made to feel less than. the one you showed over and over again that she couldn't be herself in your presence.
and now at 19, I deal with the consequences.
I face the realities.
I will never come out to you.
I will never run to you when my heart is broken.
I will never get to ask you if your grey is the same shade as mine.
I will never get to ask if you've ever gotten so far into it that it seems like a shade of black. I won't get to ask how you got out of it. how I get out of it.
my children won't know you in the ways I want them to.
my children won't understand. I won't give them a father who would make them understand.
sometimes I want to wish you away. other times I am grateful for the lessons you have taught me. I wish I knew what kind of time this was.
There are traces of you in the rainbow
Wisps of your watercolor palette,
paint the mystical sky
The Song Sparrows’ warble reminds me of
your melodic whistle in the summer breeze
and, the resolute silence your grounded
soulful solitude implied.
There are traces of you in the rivers,
where water falls cascade from higher skies
Where the soul of ancients climb up with sacred salmon
swimming within the inherent blood of my soul
Where ocean waves find peace
as they reach some untamed distant shoreline
I hear the sound of your voice roar
in the passing thunderstorm
Your love light shines like a moonlit troubadour.
There are traces of you in the garden;
many heirloom roses expose your fragile side
Among the abundant blossoms,
it’s effortless to imagine you here
Your peaceful spirit adorns this lovely space
where unconditional love resides.
There are traces of you in the moonlit night
Glimpses of your shining heart
are found in the infinite stars
Your aura is like the harvest moon’s angelic halo
A beacon of compassion for the indifference felt
by the imperfect and never enough
There are traces of you
in the early morning’s dew drops,
in the amazing grace of the setting sun
Your thoughtful pondering
evolved from life’s vast journey
An air of ardent calmness,
quieting the fear and emotional fray.
There are traces of you in an old song
You fought for the light of truth with love,
with the fidelity of an iron fistful of mercy
in a velvet glove ... The kind of muse
that left me proud to be your son.
There are traces of your heart and soul
as your treasured memories grow afar
There are traces of your loving spirit in my smile
Your devotion always walked with me the extra mile.
An ancient spiritual essence lives in every breath I take
The merciful surrender of an unfinished journey,
left traces of your verve in the depths of my soul
Those traces of love’s grasp make this life worth living
Infinitely, eternally, spiritually whole.
There are traces of you in this mirror
I see your vivid reflection in my eyes
Your every breath will always be cherished
Your life’s traces remain in my marrow,
in the soul
of the teardrops in these eyes...
traces of ... Harlon Rivers
I would've given birth
Instead, I did
What Dads do.
I rocked you
Til my future shook;
Watched you til
I couldn't look.
As you changed,
I changed too,
To do the things
That Dads do.
You were bathed,
Dressed and fed;
I loved you so much
I was saved.
If there's credit,
Well, I get it,
For teaching you to read.
I took the blame
When you got bored
With school's ABC's.
I followed you
In all your roles,
First to clap,
Last to sit;
I taped it all,
From start -
I taught you
How to tie a lace,
Ride a bike,
Golf and skate.
When time arrived
For you to drive,
You came home alive.
I took in stride,
By example taught
I couldn't internalize,
I dropped my guard
With my eyes.
When Dad's do well
It's a double edge,
The future wedge.
Desired you too.
I don't dismiss
What mothers do,
But when Dads do well,
Both lose you.
Every day I've lived my life
You've been there by my side
Through hugs and hopes and dreams and fears
When I've laughed and when I've cried
I have such happy memories
Of beaches, rock pools and sun
Of too much ice-cream, camping in the rain
Of long summers full of fun
It hasn't always been a breeze
There've been downs along the way
But you've always smiled, no matter what
And kept those clouds away
So thank you for the work you've done
With tired nights and long drives alone
It's meant we've always had a house
A place we can call home
35 years you've been a dad
You're a pro after all this time
Though I'm sure you've had a bit of help
Either from Mum or from the wine!
Of all the dads in all the world
I'm so proud that I can say
I've the best dad there's ever been
I love you, Happy Father's Day!
I'm no longer the son
of any earth bound man ;
in an inconsolable moment
i saw an angel fly away
with tear filled eyes
an awakened sigh opined
a flock of seagulls
soar upon winged wind
white bird climbs
so very high
the shallow surface
of the inshore sky
as if a beckon to follow
as if they know the way
of the sea
summoned back home
the Pacific Ocean wind song
segued into the call of the wild .
June 18, rivers 2017