You slid into my life,
easy as a knife through butter.
not like margarine,
of that I'm less keen
hanging out with you... ****** Nora
it's as easy as flowers via inter-Flora

You butter believe I'm here to stay

we're about half-way
and by this point, I'm sure you'll say
you wrote me a poem,
but I can't believe its not butter.
so come on Flynn...
Lurpak it in.

En point across eggshells
I tiptoe terrified around the point
Tireless trying to despatch any drama
I slip as I dance, Audible cracks

It’s been like this for a while now
Heart palpations, perpetually on edge
Panic attacks more frequent
Wait... they’re entirely new

Careful attempts to communicate
How I feel, frightened for firing the kiln
What will it be this time?
Interruption of calm converse circadian

Gaslighting? Guilt-Tripping?
Derailing? Tone-policing?
“I don’t deserve to be spoken to that way”
You say, as I crumble

Endless excuses and appalling accusations
You revolting repertoire maims me
Standing shattered, ******* fractured
fragmented as the eggshell environment I navigate

suspicious of my soul, I ponder the point
I take medication now, dose has doubled
The months you spent convincing me
a counsellor captioned me manipulative

Lies. Ladles of lies.
Thank god I know now
I had a plan in place
A time and space...

Delicately detailing
Now with unsullied sharpness
From alpha to omega
My swan song

Dark dances in my head
Occupying my occiput
Visual representations
My worst fears realised

It won’t get off
I know what it wants
Dancing indelicately
I can barely breathe

It’s lips paint a picture.
Near renaissance
I am seduced
“I want to die” (I say in my head)

It slinks away
Relief
I can breathe
I wish this still only happened in my sleep...

How many chances will I give you
Perpetual motion. I take you back
again

You profess to change
Relief! Though a temporary shift
again

Breaking news!
I've taken you back. Beguiled
again

How stupid can I be
Like Newton's cradle, predictably broken
again

Repetitive maladaptation
Fictional diagnosis come non-fiction
again

How many chances will I give you
before I choose myself
again.

I stop to breathe
and I see beneath
Down to the right
barely in sight

paddling by
my side
canal-side
Ducklings!

That was all it took
My world, un-shook
At least for today
I know I'll be ok.

Time to move on.
Yes, but what to?
I had searched and found my home in you.

What do I do?
Where do i start?
Where does it lead, but away from my heart.

Up in the air
chasing my emotions
Will I ever give up on these ridiculous notions

Of making it work
You've closed the door
what the **** am I supposed to do anymore?!!!

There is no better teacher than pain.
No better coach than sorrow.
As long as you make it through
'til tomorrow.

The passage of time
Perception disconnected
By a mind consumed

Understanding depth
light and dark tandem opposed
Panoptic balance

Night's untold beauty
Illuminating darkness
transforms time timeless

I’m feeling stressed
Or is it depressed?
Either way there’s a weight on my chest

Weighing me down
Forcing a frown
How and when will I come back around?

Out of this hole
It’s out of control
Trying to manage I go for a stroll

Away from it all
Away from the walls
To sit by the river, and breathe as it whorls

The looming dismay
Starts to make way
And finally I’m feeling like I might be okay

Still feeling so wired
I walk til I’m tired
Waiting until my feelings’ expired

A welcome detox
Now back to the box
The house in itself, a sick paradox

Be that as it may
I’m fine, as I say
I try to forget this is now everyday

I rest my head down
Too many sounds
Lying awake, my thoughts all unbound

Maybe its time for another breakdown...

Referencing wisdom
Chinese / Japanese / Other
you will encounter
a metaphor using trees
to impart knowledge
on confronting affliction

"bamboo that bends", or
"the oak that breaks in a storm..."
comprehendable?
yes, even agreeable
                                               - partially

Openness to change
I can appreciate... but
to destructive change!?
Therein, my inner conflict

To resist violence
and to fall instead of sway.
Stoic refusal
to accept ancient wisdom.

In how to remain
- the teachings of confucius

Lying, pondering
hearing groaning, resisting.
I now realise,
like the oak by my window

                                               - I will fall.

Watch along the horizon line
Past the trees and you will find

Through the skies being installed
Every high and every fall

Cloaked until again recalled
Nature once again redrawn

Clear for all who look to see
Our collective mother’s ECG

Public places
now empty spaces
free of all familiar faces

But there is an upside
a turn of the tide
away from environmental suicide

Shifting towards clean
Mother Earth more serene
thriving more than I’ve ever seen

Priceless bond debased
an eternity of penance
over feelings withheld

The moment I lost everything
I lost... everything

It all used to be so clear
Until my passion disappeared

I knew my direction every day
Until my ******* spine gave way

I coerced myself to counselling
Honestly ready to try anything

"It's not the end of the world" she said
As dark thoughts danced through my head

"What else makes you happy?"
"I guess I do love poetry"

I still feel empty.

The climate we face
The comments about race
The isolation of many
The wealthy top 20
The animals disappearing
The extinction we're fearing
The communities pull apart
When they need to take part

In mending the world's bleeding heart.

Scarf...
Without you, my neck would go cold

Love...
Without you, my heart would go cold

Passion...
Without you, my fire would go cold
and then...

Go out.

End of it all

End of it all?

The end of it all

What end of it all!?

The man had a fall!
That end of it all

The man had a fall?
What man had a fall?

The man down the hall
That man had a fall

The man down the hall?
What man down the hall?

The man down the hall
Who works at the mall
He was an oddball
The man had a fall
Down there he is sprawled

Down there he is sprawled
Down where is he sprawled?

Down where is he sprawled?
At the end of the hall
The end with the stairs
as i recall

Oh that man down the hall
He WAS an oddball
...Oh ****! The man's had a fall!!!
Have the police been called?

This ****** organism
Flowing with Lyricism
Endowed with Witticism
Maybe lacking in rhythm...
But not in favouritism
Look under the skin
Why the schism
What is the division
Needless criticism

Wait... did I just become the villain?

I watch my feet
It moves discreet
Flowing sand
I stand

It ebbs and flows
Comes and goes
movements twinned
enacted by wind

Mesmerised
Caught by the tides
The sea has come in
The moment... fin

In times of crisis
We’re all a bit lifeless
this Corona virus
Spreading minus bias

Isolated from all
government protocol  
So I sit, and I scrawl
head to wall, long haul

I get it... I do.
I fear my mind will stew
Clinging to screws
“Don’t come loose”

But to be sincere
Only one thing is clear  
Can’t wait to see’r
I need her near

Waves of sadness
Two metre madness
A Surprising vastness
Our towns a blank canvas

In times of of crisis
We rely on kindness
And I’m indecisive
But right now priceless

Our mobile devices  
...****