It haunts me,
The presence of her absence
her voice, only exists in one place
and that place, is my mind,
a place of noise
Her smile, engraved in my mind
she cannot speak anymore,
for she has a tongue, but no voice
she cannot show herself
for she has a body, but no life
she is not here anymore
but her soul lingers on
the crusts of this home
and on the crusts of my heart

- Kaya

It was like the shift
from noisy waves
to silent streams
that flow smoothly
over the calm chaos

The waves now have
settled to silent streams
with sunken ships
from the strong damage

-Kaya

***** Tuesday, I write to you,

this time, help me stay afloat in this pool of life

for I, I can't swim being a messenger for my head

and my feet, I am parting - I'm parting for two escapes,

I'm parting - to put myself together,  

now tell me ***** Wednesday, what's in store 

Do I need to write to you as well, again?



- Kaya

Her stiff hands held
a needle and a thread
look up to her eyes
they are open doors
not white but deep red
wipe your tears, she said
wipe my dry eyes,
I am unsteady, unhinged
I have no tears to shed

-Kaya

I counted two days as one
I made the waiting,
of days of 20
to days of 10

The wait was unbearable,
you could tell-
Being 1617 miles away from you
but my heart still beats
In your home

-how am I still breathing-
how am I still alive

sometimes you need
to lose your heart
to feel alive

- Kaya

"I need warmth" she said,
as she fell into cold blue sea
with monstrous waves
fighting each other
for peace,
the sea is at war

- Kaya

There are times in life
When we fall down,
We try to get back up
But, we can't
People walk over us
And with each step
We get pushed,
Deeper and deeper
Into the ground
We may be fragile
And it may be impossible,
To get back up
But as years pass
Everything will take a turn
And soon, we will rise
Out of the pain
And nothing,
will remain the same
And in the end,
We will be happy again
We will be happy again

-Kaya

I see a sphere
it is like one that is,
but not like one that feels
this sphere, is vulnerable
it is colorful but thin
easy to puncture and see
the things that lie within
the colorful skin
i'm afraid it will lose color
and lose what it has once been

-Kaya

Hello, my friend
A friend who decides
To stay with me till the very end
I would like you to meet her
but, she crawls beneath my skin
And lives in the crevices of my mind

It's been awhile
Since I've seen you
you left me alone for a few months
but I wasn't lonely
I didn't expect you to visit me again
you must have missed me
my good old friend, depression

-Kaya

from skin to flesh
and blood to bone  
from sound to silence
and wind to dust
from book to page
and sharp to blunt
from food to medication
and a house to train stations
and years to an unforgivable  
day,
I wish to someone 'a good day'

-Kaya

As death stuck
to our bare skin,
like dirt on a humid day
we learned to spell peace,
we learned to spell love,
we learned to spell unity,
o how we wish, we had
nothing to regret
o how we begged to forget
o how we wish, we could
bring back the gone,
to a safe house
with a bed to sleep
and not a grave
to rest in peace

- Kaya

o mechanical world
we are the grease
to your machines
that hold you
for "ease" of "living"

how does one manage life
with great difficulty
we beings, are just being
but are we beings, truly living
in this world where the self
is not who we really are
but who they want us to be

-Kaya

"Pop!" The sound of excitement
as the head of my enemy got off,
the last and most satisfying noise
that I thought I'd ever hear
but, I have lived through
just to hear it again
again, again and again
"Pop!" The sound that awakened
me and my fear
not so satisfying this time
maybe, this is the final one
hopefully, this is the final one

-Kaya

the pigeons here, they aren’t afraid
of the feet that walk past them
on this grey street,
they are aware of our stories
the places we go and the faces we meet
they are aware of the soggy tissues
that fall above, from the balconies
they are aware of the life and stories
that live in those used tissues - they examine it,
a tissue for a moment in the past,
they think, I believe, they know and hear the emotions in those tissues that dry and travel around in these streets,
they know the secrets and seen faces, that even our close ones, could not
and so
I don’t mind the falling objects
I don’t mind the speeding cars  
I don’t mind the distant face
that caused these distant scars

these pigeons, they see us from afar
they know my heart, they know your heart

-Kaya

Breakfast at night
in denial of the days end
I cannot think of tomorrow
for there is no such tomorrow
I think I could spend

-Kaya

I wanted to be
I wanted to feel
I wanted to see
things as vast as a sea
in my pursuit- I lost myself
in this vast sea
I cannot see myself
find, or even be myself
deep down in this deep sea
i have lost myself to what i wanted
i could not see
i could not feel
i could not be
I have dissolved into these monstrous blues
I have become bait to these monstrous blues
I have become part of this deep sea
that i have always dreamt of- and now
I am afraid, I am not who i am
who am i, I asked again
In these million waves
the sea is in me
salt in my blood and bones
i am lost in myself- i have drowned
in this voyage of life

-Kaya

"You are like a train", they said
"you take us to places quickly
and show us beautiful sights to see
but sometimes,
you make us sick to the stomach"

-Kaya

breathing in and out
breathing in and out
so many words
the beginning and ending
of the worlds words
the eternal loop from
word to word and to
the sound of silence
the sound of silence that overlaps
a lot of beginnings and endings
of words words and again words
a lot of words and voices
a lot of talking, talking and talking

a lot of a lot of things
the sound of eyes closing
lids clashing, open and shut
open and shut, open and shut
foots hitting the ground
left and right, left foot coming after the right and the same over and over and over and over and over the
beginning of the breath that goes in
to the ending of an exhale, breathe out and in and out and in  
wind over wind, that speaks and speaks and speaks to me
and at last the last clashing of the lids
eyes shut to blank silence a vision less vision in a tubular void
in the dark, and sound of silence
getting louder and louder and louder
it is never quiet in my mind and self that envies the ability of a needle in a clock
to move on second to second
and not dwell in the past

-Kaya

In times of torment, cries
and wide eyes in sleepless nights,
we fight with not our red fists,
but with our white minds

The days felt dark
like one without a sun
where you'd see nobody
except a man with a gun
you are stunned
from head to toe, numb
having no where to go
no where to run

-Kaya

I loved with a heart
That was ever so bright
Your words cut it sharp,
Now, I have holes in my heart
Hell sure did visit me, that night

-Kaya

Even your hottest hell, won't burn
I won't be fooled by
your burnt sympathy
I won't be fooled by
your rotten love

-Kaya

I'll sit here, like dead meat
I'll lay here like an obnoxious presence
Flys surround me not to disturb but,
to remind you of my dead existence

I'll sit here, as a corpse that sees,
as a corpse that breathes,
as a corpse that hears and feels
I'll sit here, in patience
as your hell slowly drips
into my heaven
I'll sit here, as my heaven
slowly drips into your hell

O, you must be glad
I could surely tell
I'll still be here, to watch your frown
turn into a vicious smile
I could surely tell, that you have
been waiting for this all this while,
For all your life

-Kaya

9pm, 10pm, 11pm, 12pm
I want to reverse time
12pm, 11pm, 10pm, 9pm
and - i crave to reverse time
9am, 12pm, 10pm, 1pm
stop - now nobody move
just look - just look as
i lay like stale food,
waiting to poison you
under your consent,
you, the person i speak to,
the person i see - as i stare
into the mirror
you - you stale food
i stare at you - i know you, Miss inhu'man'
"Miss inhu'man'"
Men and women to the world
Men and women of the world
stare into mirrors, I'll come through
like stale food - stale food into the mirror
flies around me, now buzz buzz buzz
give me company, within this solidarity
I see you, I see me in you
i am the men and the women around me
i am my stale food
i eat myself off the ground
the flies like audience,
they buzz buzz buzz like an applause
i consume and i consume and i consume - my reflection
my reflection - i present to you again Miss inhu'man'
the person - the performer -  in the mirror - in the crowd
as i continue to feast and feast
until the last of me
the flies, buzz and buzz
as i lay, as i screech
the last sound in me

Kaya SS

How could you pray in peace
and expect fortune
when you've destroyed
a creature that is unborn

How could you **** someone
in the name of the person
who told you not to ****

how can you sleep without worry when you discriminate yet recite words of bringing peace and unity

how can you be happy
when all you do is be someone
who speaks but doesn't do

-Kaya

It was the kind of light,
that reminded me of my shadow
It was the kind of light,
that shined over things
that I wanted to forget

-Kaya

Dear places of the world
I wish I was there
I wish I could be everywhere
Breathing the same air

-Kaya

It's their sadness
which saddens me,
not my own
I hear them cry
when i'm alone

-Kaya

we were like dying leaves in autumn
we even fell with beauty and grace
to our deaths, only to be stepped on
and have every dry vein in us, crack!
until we become dust, that the living
world breathes in, to feed off our death
and to feel alive

-Kaya

Under the moon, I stood
The only thing
Close to me
Was my shadow
Casted by the light

I didn't know
What I was feeling
I didn't know
how an empty sky
could amuse me
I realized that,
there is beauty in
everything we see
It only takes a special eye
To witness the truth
hidden beneath the lie

-Kaya

A vague memory
of heaven behind me
I'll walk up,
I'll walk straight up with
cold teeth that shiver
blue gums, that bleed
cold nights with white sheets
and white eyes that don't sleep

with fire beneath my red feet
that bleed, bleed and bleed
Follow my footprints
don't be mistaken
for they do not lead

-Kaya

I did not grow up
I just realized that,
everything you have said to me
everything you have done for me
are just lies
I have come this far,
to just realize,
that everything was a lie

I did not feel the same way
I felt trapped in flesh,
that i don't belong
I did not want to change
but i was forced to
Now, i have become mad
and you don't know why
But, you would if you knew
that i realized,
Everything was a lie

-Kaya

We used to sit together,
And watch the sun go down,
And feel the winds slide
over our thin skin
now, it's just me watching
The sun go down
As the wind speaks to me

-Kaya

Her voice, a cool,
striking breeze that sweeps between mountain passes,
travels across oceans,
and all the way here,
to the places that surround me
Causing shivers, on my blank skin

- Kaya

The grounds seem wet
like the last layer of a years flood
or the beginning of a light drizzle
I cannot tell, I cannot tell

-Kaya

A thousand paper cuts
to hollow lungs- a void
mass loss of blood to blue
like blue ***** cricketing through
the vast red ocean

-Kaya

Dear skin, I'm sorry you feel a certain way
it's just that today,
the rays of the sun, you once knew has gone away,
and is unaware of who you are
and your pain,
I'm sorry you have to face
the ignorant new rays
just bare with it, for today
and I'm sure that
it will go away

-Kaya

You were the tear,
that dried up on my face
The tear, I refused to wipe
I let you sink into my skin
and then into my soul,
Blind, I was, A fool, I was
I waited for you for years!
Hoping you would come back
But now I know,
You didn't just swim away
You drowned- all the way down
You drowned, Deep deep down

-Kaya

Help me eat

this grain of life

my back aches, terribly

from this immortal strife



sit with me

on this legless chair

let us relate

let us share

we shall live

in the same air

let us combine

our melting despair



A life that tastes good

but doesn't satisfy hunger



- Kaya

you stood upon a bright light
with innocent sparkly eyes

but all  your truths
were nothing but utter lies

all that walks
and all that fly's
were nothing great in your sight

smiling at passers
with hatred inside
you were nothing but an imbecile
with an extreme pride

you are a thought of superiority
but reality, inferiority

the person you were
made the person you are

and all that you want
can't be reached, its far

now all that you want can't be reached
its far

-Kaya

Are we alone
in this universe
or is there someone
or something watching us
while we’re asleep
or are they right in front of us
even at this very moment
What if our eyes just can’t see them
Who are they
and what do they want
Were we created by them
Is what were going through everyday
just a test
Are we insignificant to them
Or do they feel,
the same way we do?

-Kaya

My life began with an a
and then, it moved on to a b
and now it is not on a c
but back to an a

-Kaya

As the day comes to an end
I crave for an hour more of peace
Before the thoughts of the night
take my lungs away
While I still try to breathe

-Kaya

That was the day
When I couldn't move
That was the day
When I wished
My life wasn't this way

-Kaya

I guess we are all drawn to a certain  light and sometimes, that light, is darkness

-Kaya