I've been waiting forever for you

I will be every where till you

Show me that

Time will take whatever is due

And you break your ties so clever it's true

Darling I......

You know what plagues me at night

Thoughts

Thoughts and the ever living darkness the brings them from the parts of my brain associated with stress

I however am not an insomniac

Like Good dreams I think deep before my slumber

And in that thinking what is to come of me occurs

Even with thoughts as rich as fresh soil nurturing a budding flower
I swirl into disbelief of what is to come of me

Will I win

Should I do

Will I not

Yes I must

Overlapping in a heart racing pace

It bothers me

I want to sleep

I have things to do

See while my mind stretches itself into far far reaches

My body must suffer

My body must suffer even when my mind isn't being stretched

I know it could be worse

And I'm grateful it's only here

Another thought

This endless loop

I'm in pain

Still I need more from my body

Achy knees whistling lungs

I truly don't have it worse as I hastily type these words of fear confusion and frustration

It can bring me to the brink of tears

Like my friends

How blissfully ignorant some of them may be wether they may be privileged lucky or just plain stupid I have succumb to the poor man's set backs

Tossing and turning

YouTube to facebook

What if I never make it

I don't know the outcome

I'm just afraid to move

And moving because if I stay still the fear of not moving will consume me in a manner most unpleasant

Oh the bump I must overcome to become a stronger withered man

A husk if I may

I no longer taste the air air or bare the fruit of knowledge

I've lost the battle

I do not crave knowledge

And knowing is half the battle

The battle I play in my mind

Which tonight at this time will be forever and reoccurring

Sleepless thought

No life has meaning

Search for meaning

Still no life

Seek life

Find the meaning

Trying to make something nifty
Life is simply
Too much at times to be handled gently
To catch the muse
And lose the sight of inspiration
Alas the same story
That we've lost before
To gain back in full stride
And then lost some more
The labored hearts' a chore
That the brain employ
Some where over the colors of the rainbow not seen by vibrant eyes
Or no eyes at all
we can sing some more in the silence the beckons the ominous feeling of living like a human being without knowing the actually meaning

The dreaded purple ice cream cone

A picture is worth a thousand words

Or so they come to say

But that smile in the photograph

I come to know as fake

I close my eyes and imagine it

The you it tends to hides

My decision to envision it

Makes me ache from side to side

What if the photograph

So delicate and quant

Showed what you really are

If only something faint

Would it change your at outlook on things

Or would it be the same

Because the photo is just a photo

A lie upon a frame

The truth behind a photograph

What is there really all to hide

There is no walking to the other side
Not for the desire I hide
For myself
My motive or drive
Today my birthday
An anniversary for living
The day
Earths birthday
Whatever Gaia shall look upon

Where the tiger roams
He cannot hunt the wolf
Be the omega
Don't allow alphas

I am as bad as you can make me out to be
You're as bad as everyone else
The more you change
The more you change

In the happiest times
Darkness lies ahead

For to know happiness
You have to know sad
You have to miss the happy
And cuddle sad as a best friend
It's the basic emotion

There is no such thing
As sad
Sad by itself leads to angry
Angry isn't the most horrific
Angry is sad
Sad is happy
Happy is angry
Take time to wallow in the darkness
To appreciate the light

But to that light we fall
We fall we fall
Because everyone fears
The devils handwriting

We all need feedback

I simply

Want to think deep

While my mind is empty

Sitting in all my wrong doings

And the people who've

Done me worse

Loved me better

And made it happen, somehow

You're visually perfect, but I'm looking for the mental image

To personally mix

To try and find the balance

What changes is the dialogue

The common misconception is that we all learn the lesson when we can only think of the future outcome that presently effect the us when will turn into the past

I am the object
Of my own demise
Surprise
I wish you wouldn't of heard me say it

I shut down and close you out
And I didn't know how stupid it was until now
But I won't go back
I don't regret a simple single thing

It's been awhile
Since I've sat and thought it over
My dreams aren't so sober
And the venom is still in the center left
Of my heart so I didn't die
In this weakened state I tend to stay awake

Unfortunately I took your love for granted
You, also used me to become stable so you wouldn't be alone
So we are our own enemies in each other
We can mix like oil and water

In the most delicate of moments
And the decadent situation

This is my last chance to reach through the wall without using my limbs
Before I'm slain by my own promises
And smack against the ground of reality

Don't lie the hard part isn't the first step
It's having to take the first step and the fear that comes after it

I don't think

I'm ready

Pound by pound you lose the weight. When you walk around

The sizzling ground melts the fat and burns the flesh

This is not the worlds weight or the suns heat

But its wearing thin

It leans on me

Under pressure

Broken bones and capillaries

Hammer or nail you still take damage

Are you going to be banged on

Or do the banging

Either way it wears thin

Which makes it a lot heavier then what was initially thought

Tiny little mini pieces

What secrets are you still keeping

Who would've thought

That this is the plot

To the horrible story

With a beautiful setting

Bleed today and tomorrow search for comfort

Experience what it means to be fully alive

If you know how to believe

And bleed

All I want to do is get high and dance

But not until first light

I need your empty love tonight

Because for some reason

It's the warmest thing I felt in awhile

Silence is golden

Words are dipped in uranium

Memories painted in platinum

Born just to die and feel

Can't tell whose doing worse

For what its worth

I'm still cold and sleeping silent

You know it means nothing

But the feelings I can't hide

And its okay if your gone before I wake up

I just want you to take the space in my bed

So I won't be alone

And reside in my eyes

Thinking that this might be the day that I die

Lots in grieving with no meaning in my happy thoughts

We need negativity

It's the only thing more potent than the potion of positivity

While we concern ourselves with the priority of support that positivity brings

Negativity is what makes up move

It's the faults we strive to perfect

In the aspect of perfect

Perfect itself is seen as positive to the point of negative outcomes

To pick on looks or physical attributes

To be stepped on

These are the negative effects of favoritism

That let humans know they are humans to other humans in the best of ways

It's the negative the humbles

And the positive that opens possibilities
Only to fall on the cushion

It's the negative that wraps the fear into a burrito and the positivity that plates it on hope

It fills us while the other gives flavor

And while you might disagree

I just talking about human equality

You can assume what you want you're probably right

This is a never ending story

A special heart broke apart is the downside of favoritism

To live today with a awfully wedded wife

Can coincide with the upside to fablism

Can you stand up with or aside a revolution

It's still a time of movement

This is the start of a revolution

In the mind of a mover who constantly dreams of destruction

Fail or win

Now that's its over

You can become addicted to the fact that you want it back

Just that very dream or memory

Can leave you so high

That a skydiving crash would feel like a descent towards pillowed daffodils

Now histamines flare up

Now swollen about to pop

You've never been so high

The perfect quality to qualify the high you have

But quantity Is the one thing no one can grasp

Have none to share none

If you don't have it for yourself first

You can't give something you don't have enough for even yourself

This is the blank meaning for inspiration

For inspiring an unborn child

Maybe it's the missing meaning

Blank blank blank

It still means nothing when nothing is there

So why take this walk

Why write lines the continue to feel like nothing

Why scream on top of the mountain of the faintest echo won't reach the mightiest of ears hearing to tell the world of an achievement
That no one fortunately cares about
An empty sentient being

It's more interpersonal than that

No love is given on the surface that doesn't come from within

From out and within

Let souls pierce you

Deep deep and deep

Sleep and set sail on that which spins and doesn't sink

Jump from tree to tree and let words be your leaf

Speak speak and speak

Speak when spoken to or speak to be heard

Her the slight jesters that make you think

Think think and think

The mind is a thing

A weapon a computer

A chip in a computer where hummingbirds and motherboards meet

Meet meet and meet

We seek interaction

Whether daily skirmishes with thy neighborhood or a nuisance on a foot so fleet

Fleet fleet and fleet

Run away from violent objections

Run towards the power to be the strongest version of you

Or what you could be

Be be and be

Be yourself when you speak greet meet and fleet

Act out your soul deep

In the crowded glass market

I become the bull

Before the bull

I the man

Before the man

I the child

The child accidentally destructive

Treads on the unknowing in the glass of doubt

Doubting the man

Who himself is encased in that same doubt

The man wondering how to be the man himself

The adult that gets pushed from his teen years

To the years of a young adult

Currently the currency of work inspires to aspire

But the dilemma of a wage so minimum

The quiet noises he makes to not wake the lion

To venture past the lions

From the glass that he did not break

To that walk ahead

But that walk

Can get lonely

People seemingly there

But the morphed man eyes not tuned to reality

Doubtingly

What can it do for a man

The man

Whose trying to become a man

Just to walk through the consuming circle

Waiting for the red

Before the strife

Take his life

Run past the lions screaming

And in the glass market
I become the bull

To walk a thousand miles

To take a thousand steps

First you have to be born and take your first breathe

No praise just don't scream

Directly at me at a thousand different octaves

Please see the id that requires asprin to aspire a better passion

To alleviate the headache

To know true love

Is to experience 1000 heartbeats

In 1000 situations

All at once

Few can only hope to feel that

What can feel right

And what can't be struck 1000 times

Three times the life with 333 in mind

Minus the 6 that didn't count

Plus the 12 that really mattered

And take off the 5 that will be forgotten

Maybe the rich one

Or one of the slums bums

Can question this one time

Of an aspiring poet

To write 1000 lines

But still they mean nothing

Nonetheless something

Will still push

5 by 20 incidents in a infants eyes

That will eventually happen 10 more times

And If you accept the challenge  

You have a 1000 tries to win

This is the last for the time being

1000 and done

To the last poem

Hello my fellow poets

I would like to say I've enjoyed writing and reading poems on this site and will continue to enjoy through my days.

Alas I will soon be going on a hiatus and will return after awhile, but before I go I would like to issue a challenge to all my fellow poets.

It's a collaborative poem challenge
It's very simple two poets pair up and write a poem no restrictions.

The rules are simple and are as follows:

1. The submissions will be from today till the end January 25th

2. The fellow poet has to be on this site.

3. Whoever uploads the poem their partner has to share it.

4. They have to be mentioned either in the title or side note.

5. Once the poem is uploaded send me a link so I can add it and you and your partner to the collab poem collection

6. What's a challenge without a prize, the winners will receive a notebook a pen and a hat

7. How do you win you ask. Well after the 25th I will tally all the views on February 2nd and message the winners.

Have fun writing and I hope to see many interesting collaborations

In this place full of preferences

I be the despicable one

To who wants someone like me

I can't find

I don't know many who would date

This kind of black guy

Or so the excuses go on

But I myself shun the gavel

For I repel the attraction of the darker brown

It's frowned upon

But past experiences give me a shivering nostalgia

So be in and out the gruesome

Actually

It's actually nasty

I lost hope in people

When I found out I was ugly

Because I have gap teeth

And god don't like ugly

Words I didn't understand

Sent me in a negative spiral

to place where i hated people's faces

And every other man

In many places

Of many spaces

To the old proverb

Don't judge a book by its cover

But I see so many random faces

To read the proverbial book

What my eyes seek some say

Condescending it may

Be seen right betwixt

A rock and a hard place

Still running in place

To make haste and waste the meaning of what it is to taste

Now I see we live in side the belly of a beast

And the roughest of diamonds deposit gold into the tree where only the tall can reach,but tell the short not to touch

And two birds in the bush is worth viewing than the one you can touch

Through the plot and good intentions scheming  

Am I a decent human being

I can love you just how you like

Will you be forced over the edge

Off the brink into the imagination

Can danger be what's there

Or what's not thought of

Side by side at this table

It's dusk as we stare and sip our coffee

You have what you want

I give what you need

This seems like too much

We indeed two separate beings

I desire backpacks and simple lore

You the less practical classy desire a financial security

That's not secure to me

It seems I will be the tombstone blockade

On your way to lifes luxurious destination

I your brain

I your heart

The clock strikes nine and I have to run

And I await the day you tell me its done

Lights and colors, Lights and colors dwindle in numbers

Set a step in coordination

Fully exasperated

nonsense passes by, through images

Lenses smudged by illusive thumbprints

Who are you

Are you speaking cordially

heart trusted intuition and guts mustered

Seeping into the depths of darkness

see a surprise unseen by eyes of seekers and juveniles

Founded a resolve

Sturdy foundation like a trunk of a tree

Feed me turds quench my thirst with poison

Wrap a child sleeping soundly in a blanket of lava

Let's follow the righteous side even when full of lies

Stray from a darker path were the light of truth is easier to find

Follow the good where everything a light

and turn so you won't have to face the knife

Inject a form of lies and cast the mirage of truth over your eyes

Soiled corpse lie in wait

sautéed by an armada of worms and snakes

Take what is taken

Love whats loved

When bulls stampede at clambering feet

If no bull present for the reason to fleet

Still await with a soulless rhythm

What we want

A name long forgot

Take the man before he pleads and kneels at the baby

Price paid for the difficulty never met

Shall you be sullied by the hypocrite

condensed in common sense

tattered by aggravation

Call me what I am as you stand for who I'm not

Take what i've been become remember what i forgot

Former souls lie and wait

to take a name the lie in wait

Soiled corpses desired for take

Be Somebody

Somebody

Fated temptress

The sway of your head in. The back and forth motion

Something that almost seems to be a talent

Commoner and empress

Eyes as deep as the ocean

Treading so gallant

The muse with a motive for *****

Just the simple ****

What she will do to follow

The sexually Venus

Every eyebrow to pluck

The **** to the swallow

Valiant bottled frame

With no good intentions

To be torn between woman and *****

She has her needs

And needs her wants

She won't stop

The devious ****

The truth right now

Is the truth I know

Unity is the reality that freedom couldn't bring

The greatest gift I've ever gotten

Is a reality check

Check mark check

Pay cash check

The truth I know

My worst gift I've ever gotten

Was a green paper

And the ideology that I could be anything and go anywhere

Oh the truth I know

For as a person the hardest math equation is getting something to equal when the scale is forever tipped


The currency of gift

Distinguish from the rift

The easiest thing I've done was breathe

For the struggle wasn't real as the life form unconsciously growing in the womb I wasn't the one to ensure my survival

The hardest thing I've done

Is decided to keep breathing

While I get penetrated

At the pinnacle

Of my pineal gland

And what its made up of

But the truth I know

I enable limits

Because the truth I know

I reach for what can't be reached

Because the truth I know

Oh the truth I know

Is the truth right now

I should've wrote it down

We should have learned

I can get hurt to

I am not immune to these waves of emotion

Utterly lost self control

A simple text

I was taken

Now I have an ex

An O is left in my chest

It's the piece you took

And you left me nothing to replace that

Which is in great fact

The reason I love you

And in that reason I've lost you in a pitiful way

Susceptible to the sicknesses

And that's crazy

Baby baby baby

Maybe if I didn't show as much affection

Gave you protection

Or let all things be free

But change this I can do

It hurts because it's real

Or naivety tool me for a spin

Left me in a dizzy spell

Casters magic

To a witch I know wasn't at first wicked

To the naivety you exposed with a condescending nature

I stay and remain to pace around

And its amazing to how I can reference you to everything

It's my fault for not understanding

And your fault for not accepting

Either or this chore was something your effort wasn't given

Or gave up on

That " I love you" isn't for me or anyone

You don't think I know I know what you done

Hearts collect

In a barren basement

The minds making

Where trinkets dangle

And you bare your fangs

So even if the all wasn't enough

My loving apparatus has a crack

Of all the pressure

Where your ghost haunts my memories

With the centipede nest

Followed by the butterfly of death

Or a sheet of white flower

To the relevance of every poem that's to pretty young and dumb

All the words I slew from my lips

And your acid tears

This will of addiction

With your art of rejection

This forever flu

62 cuts at negative two degrees

Is why I still love you

Just not in love with you

Eccentric

Visions

******

Merry Christmas Eve

I am a stone immortal

No work of erosion can seep through my cracks

Like I'm covered by the love of my mother in a Lacquer

Peep the sayings of old world negativities with a nonchalant dilemma

Riding this saddle ***** shrouded and denim and leather

You can not play the game

I will lead myself astray on a road born of dirt and blind footstep

I cannot believe or follow

I cannot fathom colors

I have a non existent black covering my gaze

Still I press

May I rest

The good die young They say

But I'm allergic to living forever

Still I am a stone immortal

Ever crack and every break you make from other stones rocks and pebbles

You will not

You can not

You couldn't even perceive to insist and persist the same or other methods to make me break

For every path that's walked I choose the one that will make me falter and dare I to attack

My stone is immortal with eyes as black as sun

Stick to me like toasted oats
I'll make it burn with poison oak

So believe me when I spit and slur my words to sound

Hear the echo less speech of kings yet to be

Then hear my roar raspy ruffled and deep

I'm a stone who can't see anyone cheap

This stone will attack the unsweeten with its iron side and pile drive

if you want the upper hand

Starve me till my saliva taste early sweet with calories all for me like the best snack or a favorite treat

I'm still the stone immortal see where I can't see the rich or cheap

I don't want to be

Him, over there showing his scars off like some badass


Or her over there the loner, but beyond the truth she has more skeletons in her closet than you

Or the other person in the corner
Hiding from the world and thinks it's fine, but daylight is burning

Or the guy whose in denial, doesn't want to learn and thinks everything is fine In the current situation

I can't keep up

Seek what we sunk

Time lacks patience

But to define myself as a whole person

Accepting these perfect flaws and let them worsen

I have to chose and unwillingly
Have already chosen

You think you can beat me

See my flaw is not revenge its spite its the passion of proving you wrong the makes it ignite

I gotta remember

I'm not one of them

I have to be something different

Something better than

A person that text and goes on social media more than a 9 to 5 job to fill an aspiration

But I can't be the one who mocks those who social "medialize" and make my own words up just to show how pathetic they are

By far

I'm the worst

I dislike favoritism

So I can't fully tolerate relationships

And don't have the patience for lovey dovey antics

Or just some pet peeves

You don't have to end it I will leave

Oh and the self loathing

What a hypocrite am I

I go with whatever works instead or what my true self wants

A color without colors

However like you on facebook or you who have accomplished an amazing feet some much that an applause is needed

You are not special

And those who claim to be tied to no soul and blatantly put Yan in my life and theirs

You're not special

And through this raving and ranting of useless words making the sentences and sentences that make phrases to let me borrow the holy power of the context of these words

You are not special

It doesn't make a difference

I'm never going to be different

Sweet like honey and milk
Only the smoke will appear in the mirror
Smooth like silk
I couldn't understand it any clearer

I wish i could stop the times i experience a profound sadness of unopened events of my heart and future self  in the span of time for things I haven't experienced yet

I couldn't bear anymore of the weight in my interior
Exterior
Inferior of all the things engraved in me

To think I am a fragile being constantly tossed in to a vortex ripped apart fished out and put back together

We are one of them

Thinking of a time only drunk and high questions yet

Still thinking sober thoughts of things you haven't decided to even have the time to think of yet

This is all still the same recital

Of things untitled

Stuck in guilt tattled by perpetual emotion she tries to find her devotion

She looks from face to face
Trying to find her place
While she secretly aches
To drown in his ocean

A runaway slave
Trying to find her grave

He makes the hours
In her head
Into minutes
Quickened hearts beat
As she seeks
A final home
to rest her bones

He reminds her that life is too short to find matching pairs of socks

Now she wanders on a terrain of rocks

Maybe it could've been

A smile overcomes her

Overwhelms her
But he compels her
Despite his lack of trust
For an honest open love

Arms open for that of a skeleton

They know each of the others relevance

His heart is hers to own

As he sits and cradles her unmarked tombstone

I have violent thoughts

I hate and hold grudges on you all
For not acknowledging me

And talking to me

Like my talk is cheap

But I can't let you all take control of me

I can only push myself to the brink

I can only break myself under pressure

You are just my psychological limitation

You are my negative motivation

But not why I positively persevere

I will not let you occupy a vacancy in my mind without paying an outrageous lease

I don't want to snap

Because control is the only thing i have this far

And if I do

I will give whoever is there everything

Every sarcastic remark thrown at me

Every unfair criticism

Every smug remark

Everything I didn't want to hear

And everything they didn't deserve

Beat me ****** with sticks and stones

Break every bone

Leave me conscious enough to tell me it's my fault

Then slander what I have left as a human being

What's a word without power

What's an idea without a motive

Watch the steps you tread

The steep path can lead you to what he or she said

While the truth discriminates

And the reality that we all search for doesn't exist

Freedom and unity can't be forced onto the same plane

Those with the power to send their malicious intent

You sully my docile side

So when tears form my rage and release my wrath on a stubborn mule of a man

By nature

I didn't really want to do it

Silently sobbing in the corner shackle as I have given the confession to the act I committed

Emotional distraught

Being taught

To never point the finger

Logically perplexed

Watching

These acts being committed

It angers me

So blame me

Longing for an intimate connection

But I don't have patience for emotional misconceptions

Hording what you call love

At the pinnacle is just numb

A mental blockage that needs a shove

To cooperate with the blind, deaf, and dumb

When you can see, listen, and communicate

Can darken what you're try to illuminate

Fickle misunderstandings dwell in physical connections

They oppose the facade of mental perceptions

Which lead the spirit to deceptions

If this is focusing because of the poetic logic

I only love you physical so you can put it mentally behind you

I'm scared of being in this position the rest of my life

Anxiousness tightens when thoughts of the future arise

Success scares me more for I suffer from complacency

In this frivolous pursuit

The journey is worth more than the destination

But its not worth the wait to travel forever

Choices choices

Why so many

Death ought to feel like this

Instead of the sweet escape it claims to be

I feel ill and a bit sleepy

As the saying goes

I'm sick and tired

But I'm sick and tired

Of being sick and tired

Living as a child was easier

Wishing to be older

Wanting to experience wanting to learn

Then when you get there

It was just another lie

The biggest lie

The only real lie

Now like me you're stuck between doing nothing, doing something, or doing everything about it

Whatever it is doubt it

Don't let it live

Because everyone has something to say

From June to may

You'll hear it all hoping for a simple happiness or a simple death

While every day you wake up absorbing the stress

And when you get to your destination it doesn't feel real

As most dreams don't

That's me everyday

Every night

No one knows what actually goes on

Even I can't figure it out

But the more I tend to reach or think about my success

The more it stresses me out

Autumn the struggle of orange in red flow with warmth before winter's might

I hit rock bottom once i hit the bottom of the bottle It's getting cold. And I'm just not alright.

Pursue me otherwise

till then I'll drink this bottle with numb regret

There's nothing I can do after your mind's made and your heart's set.

So in the end I enter fugue

And wonder if anything's real that I know to be true

Someone once told me the color of love is the color of Autumn leaves

But Regret's the only feeling I get when watching them blow in the breeze.

Disclaimer

I know not what I am

If only for a second I remember it would be you I would blame for my disorderly conduct

And just maybe, my thinking's corrupt.
I shouldn't blame you for my self inflicted pain, But it's a strain not to wonder If those love colored fallen leaves are missed by the trees they fell from. Or if you'll miss me when I'm done.

Now reaching my heart is harder than carving my chest open with a jagged knife while the Serrated edges my human away from my chest
And I scream ****** ****** from the mess

It wasn't supposed to be that way but I did my best.
That what hurts the most is knowing my best wasn't good enough. That I'm not as good as the wrest of the stuff that serve your escape. It hits nerve that when with me you had to close the drapes. Your ***** little secret, had to keep my voice hushed. But now your voice is shaking and the color from your face is flushed. But i doubt I'll ever know what it is you're afraid of
Leaf.

This wisdom I attained formed my common sense

Which is now a situational technicality
Faint laughs and dull quips

As i finish the last bottle in pathetic sips

I write this last sentence with the color of autumns blood

Maybe I wont fall for it like the leaf's every autumns season

For you to notice me

If you only knew

I mainly want to talk, but my human side lets off.
Images of my rough hands around your soft waist to let our souls mix and seep when our eyes meet.

To sweet delight of soft serve with every curve I follow

I only want to talk

Exchange another note of human emotions and social interactions

See we lack the capacity to physically understand

And leading you off isn't in my objective
I just get stiff with kisses on your neck
I can almost feel your hands on my back
Your legs tighten around my thighs

Endorphins rush when your back  curves and your chest touches mine
Temperatures rise, I can see all the signs

I still want to talk
Your interests interest me
Lets take a walk
If we stand still I'll examine your body
My heart will go lively
With electronic  sparks
I only want to talk
But when you laugh I get this shiver
A cold quivering
That you wouldn't notice

In an instance we are on the grass with a breeze blowing your hair
And I'm grabbing your ***
I don't want to move too fast
You then reach for me
A heavenly breath runs across my neck
I almost turn wild
A stone to the ocean
Oh how opposites attract

I just want to talk
However clever I might be how has your day been
Lets get deeper mentally
I'll exchange ****** innuendos lets see if you notice

I'm just a man in not trying to be a pervert
Then you smile and it takes awhile to adjust

My imagination turns rough
I envision us at a picnic a diamond in the rough
Shoes off and your happy
So I am too
You make to first move

Now I am excited and don't know what to do
You look at me
The eye contact  from green to brown
We stare then our lips touch
Our eyes close to love the moment
As these can't be seen
Emotions run rampant
And I suckle on your teet

But I just want to talk

11am

today i was sluggish

I ran a 6:45 mile

Beat my mile time

Benched 235

New max on bench

Almost have an eight pack

And somewhat feel unhappy

I've adjusted

My body is a temple

That society and culture busted

Warped by mocking of blemishes and dimples

Six pack well built

I fall in that circle

Mal nourished till I tilt

Collapses when i turn purple

Guided by past achievements

Visions of success

To forget what belief meant

Gain mass the more you digest

Calories, Carbs, and proteins

Vitamins, liquid, and BCAA's

Work hard

Workout harder

Appreciate where you were like other would if they are you

We are all victims turned into the very perpetrator we rejected

Look in the mirror

Change or accept

Fight or conform

Satisfy pleasure or  live in comfort

To be honest

I haven't felt a reason to be happy

I appreciate when times are good

But I'm still not happy

And i refuse to ruin someone's day

Or hid my emptiness behind a smile

And until I find what I am looking for

Tomorrow at 9am

I'll be at the gym

I hate you

The sum of all my being can't describe this anxious resentment 
I have towards you

Its not that I'm being obsessive

I can get over you easily

Its what you did that I can't stand

You and your Hippocratic oath

And nonchalant  pessimism

Do you know how much I cared

Can you even conceive what you did

.....of course not

And you're not sorry for it either  

For the most part

In your mind

You did nothing wrong at all

I guess snakes don't feel bad when they constrict mice to pop and stay and that position till its heart stops then gorges itself without chewing

What a circle of life

But why me

What satisfaction did doing what you did make it ok

Is this humanity

Ever memory now scrapes at me

Atleast I can see the signs

To avoid another like you

Even though it's not so simple

You sickening peace of ****

You don't belong

You've taken a piece and given me something I didn't want in the first place

Now every time I see you smile

Or see you 

Even a picture

Or a phrase that sickens me to the point

Drugs are my only salvation

Just to keep the pain away

Just to take the pain away

But that doesn't matter

It never will


So on those nights when I ache in my chest in curl in a ball and wonder if I  can let go or pay you back

I wish sweet dreams to the ones you haven't hurt 

And it is as my face appears

It is mangled underneath by acid tears

segregate me, but I am only human

I have to power to change a future

Peace, love, war, and violence

I contain it all with my thoughts and actions

I'm not whole from the apparent soul that consumes me

A fruitless tree only bears vegetables for me

And poorly salted meats  

Im not lost forever

I just lost my way

No one knows what it's like

Still Everyone shares the experience

But me, myself, and the person and the mirror

A rippling pebble cannot change the strangest tides

To try and try harder

To the brink of insanity

Its simply 

Who we are

And what we'll become

teeter on a negative edge

With 11 men approaching

Planing to cause some trouble

I'm not a lion fighting for survival



But Until I hit my zen mode

I'll return it 10 fold

This experience is universal

I pray it doesn't hurt you

Let's be hopeful one day

The scene is sweet like bundt cake

Lost without a purpose

Feeling a little worthless

Don't let the time fly by

Connect to the wifi

The circle of life is torture

Heed and maybe you will survive it

Because through the apple orchard 

We bite poison apples

Then speechless words are giving

To the birth names we are giving

A curse by the parents

It's not to tolerate  just shut up and accept it

I'm cursed to

Another thought slides through my cranial material

How will i sip this sour soup from those pitch black lips

And should I succumb to asphyxiation

The thrill of walking into a moving iron death trap

Thats where loves at

separated by opinion in the false dominion of unity

This is a test lab

And we're all **** rats

Still fighting for scraps

Pretend im a bug

And trends are a drug

Its still like raid toxic

Here it comes

The creeping feeling of doubt after that very decision

And every decision

But till that moment comes

I'm probably going to twiddle my thumbs

Forever alone in a mistake place

A unlikely outcome to real gimmicks

kind enough to accept ones faults

Entity


Im surrounded by catch phrased gimmicks

I'd rather be labeled fake then anything else

That piece a malleable plastic 

Worthless scrap

It tends to surround everyone that doesn't  understand its worth

Maybe im wrong

You're the realist of the real they say

You've hurt me

And buried me deep

Let me change

I  a toxic helium

These rich brewed tea

Tasteless as it seems
 
Ive been noticing 

You prefer coffee

So it appears to me

To be seen by an individual that isnt mean isnt something i prefer

So i will stay and remain

Forever

A 

Kind

entity

Love 

A acceptable social insanity

So when I force feed you paint thinner and put you in my fridge 

You stupid *****

It's only out of love

You should be grateful

I usually just feed the remains to the neighbors dogs

This is where sorrow is entitled

Welcome to becoming tomorrows idol

Walk down this isle

The first steps to many miles

Its too bad it was forgotten long ago

A social connection

Beyond the part apart from the scenario

A mothers protection

Left behind to tread a path never taken

Was it benign to begin with

The first nine ahead of me seem to think so

Too bad the tenth is an unlucky number

In this case

I fell and scrapped my knee

I hope it doesn't get Infected

Because back is a way for me not yet travelled 

And the choice or option isn't there

So follow me on a road yet explored

Lets meet a sensei and absorb the folklore he speaks

Or she speaks

Eat the knowledge 

Malnourished simpletons

**** and cut the middle man

Remember the journey less travelled 

And the destination of less worth

But less anxiety should stand *****

 Since it isn't known 

The first step away from home

Is A first step to the pilgrimage

On a black brick road never walked

I need motivation

A constant reminder to keep moving

Because I'm down

And I can't talk

Or atleast form the words I need to express

What's killing my unconscious happiness

I think my mind is getting writers block

I seem to be getting stressed

Random nights I wake to the dizzy heavy breathing consistently

How taxing it is to hold up 110lbs eye lids

I can fight it

Only for awhile

It seems

Though I get this iron sour bitter taste

Is this what I get for what seems to be a triumph in my perspective

Then victors truly get the spoils

To give everything

Wheres my toxic escape

Just for a moment

That moment I need to resist

That's what I told myself

I just want to breakdown

Every etched piece of me

I want to crumble

Just for a little while

I'll pick up the pieces while no one is watching

I promise

Please

Simple yet delicate findings come to mirror my emotions (m)


I have half a notion to hide from them, like I do my reflection (n)


The coarse expectations from peers leave me drowning (m)


And I know I can't go around allowing them to control me (n)

If I walk the path that isn't made for me then there is no light that dwells in the dim tunnel


and the trouble is ,my tunnel is supposed to end with you, You're supposed to be the light that shines on me and right on through . I'll be the prism of colors you yearn for when depression hovers over you

Just a Vegas city boy

And a Kansas city girl

Sometimes they are never home

And Sometimes it makes me feel like an unopened expired bag of M&N;'s

To be trapped in a body containing its own limits 

While others trapped inside an open bottle 

Both similar yet different

People in bodies trapped can't aspire to break what can be broken

Those trapped in a bottle can leave when they can shape themselves to leave the bottle that isn't closed

But can't comprehend the shape

What we seem to forget

Is we are limitless in a reality deemed by culture and illusion

To be produced and consumed 

To fit any shape but not move

You're not suffocating 

I've moved air through clogged straw

And still I stress 

And I digress 

Even when suicide is a mere option

A cowardly choice some say

Be glad

Because when it seems bad

It really is

Then hysterically submit to convulsions

And succumb to the shock

These are our motives place by our limits in a society that doesn't exist 

Like you

It's man made

I just want to play along
I just lost my train of thought
Maybe this hiccup they forgot
The spoon full of sugar we gaze upon
Not to be noticed 
Is the coldest
Time of year
Set of scenery
I'm not at a loss of words
I just heard them all 
To keep from the intent to ****
I have to try real real hard 
But someone is going to play my card
Call my bluff
Like I ain't tough
I bend not budge 
With every nudge
 the knife gets closer
They made me
This way that I am
A personified monster
Man made cluster
But with every ounce of strength
I hang on
But why restrain
what's killing me to contain
Why should I refrain
What's doesn't **** you makes you stronger 
But I can't hold on any longer

So what the **** am I suppose to do

Momma said don't let them see you break
Momma said don't let them see you cry
Momma said keep pushing life is hard
Momma said it's alright
But Momma isn't here to kiss my head and tuck me in at night

It's midnight another day I made it 
So in my room I cry
Momma said don't show them mercy
So tomorrow is the time I try 

How sad that every morning
I keep on mourning
The journey the my day should bring
It's as plain as 
The same old story
We tend to hear
And the hardest part is I want to run away
But I'm suppose to take everything with a grain of salt

Faceless expressions cross every path he'd seem to walk. A stagnant
Pressure within his walk of life. The same salty soup with minced carrots and peas you've had for 3 days because your just lazy and don't want to put the effort in changing that unproductive lonely life.

So it's me and soup
With the Reaper ladle
Life ran by an infinite loop
It can prove fatal

Continuously walking through bunches and crowds and crowds and bunches.

Suddenly a light force pushing on the left side caugiht his attention.

His eyes met hers as  her eyes met his. Dark hazel eyes deep and hypnotic caught his attention along with her lightly tan Rosie pink skin. She was wearing a grey beanie with a red scarf and light gray coat.

What a twist
Could love be faiths twine
Today in the mist
Of two that leave that ever so choking bind

A soft but tad enthusiastic sounds flutter from her pink lips.

" Sorry about that's I... "

She then felt a forward pressure like a quick palm or shoulder nudging her forcibly forward.

He caught her just as a reaction, a split second of perfect timing. She softly laid into his chest and felt his heart spike the increased gallop of motion and warmth it brought immediately aroused her.

They then stared for a second both contemplating on what move should be taken next

"My bag "

Her lips whispered out

He snapped back into perspective he looked behind him and saw it. He let her go and smiled. He took a couple of steps

" alright I'll play it cool I might not even get her number I'll just walk away after I give her bag back.
No no no do something don't be that stupid 
"

He had reached her bag grabbed it and turned around her smiled as there eyes meet. Her eyes bordered wide 
A confusion brought his mind to a pause. In seconds he felt as he'd been pushed he forgot her face and was immediately staring at the sky and right before he could even process why a flash then nothing came over him.

She'd screamed as the truck smacked his body into the air like a rag doll and slapped the ground effortlessly.
Shock came over her as the burly man stepped out of the car.

Like venom
Or a gun
Love can ****
It can be the victim
Oh how numb
Will it seem to get still

She felt an obligation to run over to her she dash the first three steps
Full speed, but the fourth step
That fourth and last step. The image of him quickly turn into a black yar street then a flash.

Beep beep beep
Beep beep beep

Calling doctor McCully your needed in room 492

Black slowly turned to curtains and cold and the smell of plastic she realized the  that she was I'm a hospital, but...what......happened
She wasn't she how she got or is even doing in an hospital.

The curtain opened a white suited man with black glasses appeared

" Hello Miss Bradley how are you, I'm doctor Rasshid I'll be you doctor until doctor Jameson comes back from his vacation "

" I'm fine I think "

He had told she she had fell pretty hard and suffered a bad concussion and maybe some whiplash. She's been unconscious for a week and might suffered amnesia.

A woman in the hallway started screaming and it caught her attention.

" excuse me doctor, what happened "

Doctor Rasshid looks over " Someone got hit by a truck and died on impact I think that's his girlfriend "

"Oh that's so sad I hope she'll be okay"


Love and tragedy
Seems to find us
At the most inopportune moments
Especially when bad luck
Can seem good all along

Sorry I can't be one of your subject

Is that what you want me to do

Sorry I can't be a little perfect

I'm Just that shallow to you

Maybe I am somewhat translucent

I can only let so much through

Sorry I'm not so as weird or different

It's not bad to blend in 

you

Don't have to serve as an image

Like everyone else wants to

You try to play the part

I don't have purple hearts 

You only tear me apart

Whoa oh uh oh oh

Whoa oh uh oh oh 

I'm not Your thing

I don't have puppet strings

This is a lost journey

If knowledge isn't what you yearn for be the jury

Follow the bricks and hope you reach home

Where ever it is

Whatever you call it

We can be portrayed as vicious predators

In the pursuit of a wild happy

Inhale when you die

Just to embrace the way of life

And when falling is the only chose

As it is from time to time

Fall forward

And put your hands out to touch the ground

Push up even when it's a million pounds

It's plausible

It's possible

Impossible

I'm possible

Crushed in a slow time racing pattern continuously moving backwards

We can only live while we lose

Emotionally losing our minds as we portray many personas like actors

In a lake bed who will forever chase the goose

What sound does the centipede make while it crawls in your ear

Try your best to stay alive

With all these failing circuits

Then realize it doesn't matter the situation

You still won't be liked

Like you use to be

Beauty is skin deep

And bones are lovely

So sit and let it burrow deep

My centipede

Even enthusiasm can heal

But not regenerate wounds by far

They just turn into scars

How deep the centipede seeps 

It won't make you weep

She hates her beautiful
Hide with make up
The natural women
Clouded by strangers
 Little blush is bold
Red lips to pucker

She hates 
Arguments
**** it 
The effortless spark of a lighter 
It's like music
A bird's chirp to signal the morning
Talking is just venting
She hates venting
She hates problems
It's doesn't take much
For the scars on her arms to replace
The nicotine taste
When they listen
To her speak
They reach for an item that can't be grasped
Getting set up to fail from day one
Living like Hell in a dream from a conscious state
She hates
Loving too much
Because then they won't love enough
Sigh
They will never get it
what's wrong with the women
Who she really hates when the mirror is an enemy
And everyone shares her reflection