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Aug 2014 · 905
haunted by memories
CommonStory Aug 2014
It seems you'll be inside of my head 
Until I lay dead


Until I die
You whisper to me you can't make me leave
Goodnight
Sweet dreams
With the memories 
That turned into enemies of imagery
Everyone like a bomb
That douses me in exploding shrapnel
To the memories that I can't let go
And won't let me forget
That haunt my every movement
That invade my daydreams 
That bring me to my knees in tears
If you love me let me go
Because they are the sharpest knives that reopen my scars
And every time I'm torn apart
You've found a way to burrow to my heart
From there to my mind 
Those memories aren't kind
And until they shovel dirt on my corpse
I guess it's my fault for remembering what hurts
The mind that gathers pieces of the forgotten memories
Aug 2014 · 1.1k
bold blood in chains
CommonStory Aug 2014
Please don't **** me

I'm begging for mercy

But I refuse to say sorry

My apology will just be pure denial

Can't you see it's been awhile

Long time coming

I'm still running

Please oh no

No no no god ****** no

I put your name in vain please don't condemn my soul

But they want to take me away

To a place we all will end up

But not like this

No no no

I still won't say I'm sorry

I'm worried

I still haven't been let free

Singe my flesh 

disfigured me

Oh me me me

How ugly me

I'm a monster just unshackle me

So many faces

Pretty faces  but I'm just suffering

Why me me 

Where's my apology

I'm still not sorry

Until you do right by me

No no no ****** no

Skin is burned

Heart is cold

Soul is gray

Why the burden

Keep it burning

But don't **** me

I am begging

But I won't apologize

I won't say sorry

Spare me please

Yes I'm a monster

But you have no right to shackle me

I can't breathe

Let air in

Let me see

It's dark and I'm scared

And I don't care 

Cuz I am a monster

And I won't say sorry

No no no

Where's my apology

Let my bloodline weep and weep for me

But I'm not sorry

And I don't care

Fear has stricken me

But I'm not sorry

Do your worst and I'll wait to bleed

So set me free

But I'm not sorry
CommonStory Aug 2014
I follow you by the love I've conceived

My ears and eyes follow your lips

Only pictures cure my loneliness when your gone

Your home, pick up the phone

I'm not obsessed

I hope I'm not clinging

I just walk around supported by ghost

No one is really near me

I guess I've hit my limit at the point of erosion

Couldn't you see the decay

Receiving many scoldings

They all say it's just a critic and a harsh opinion

Obviously it's true 

no one like sugar coatings anymore

bitter, sour, and spicy seems to be what they want more

I want the sugar with a little bit of sour, a dash of something bitter,
And of course the spice

Yet I crave another simple item

It's you in my life

And the day I realize you and them can't be there or can without my notice

That's the day I'll still walk this road

Remaining at my loneliest
- My loving apparatus
Aug 2014 · 914
The Give and Take
CommonStory Aug 2014
You got to let them know you love them

But what of the love in return

You got to tell them they're beautiful

But what reminds you of the beauty in you

Sometimes I feel invisible

I guess it's part of depression

It gives me a tempting aggression

How lonesome

How horrible

How sad 

How dull

Whisper sweet nothings

Predictable quiet sugar

Diabetes

That picture perfect

Nothing but a facade in a portrait

See those smiles

That's not you

See those moments

They aren't yours

They aren't mine

I wish

Maybe I could try 

But the suttle depression kicks
In

That corner looks awfully nice

I guess for now I drift in a lonely bliss

And sleep

Just

Sleep
- My loving apparatus

© copyright Matthew Marquis Xavier Donald
Aug 2014 · 975
Value
CommonStory Aug 2014
I'm tired 

Of people

Friends that complain about their true friends

I can't be friends with all of you

Simply because you show none back

To value someone at a higher state

Hurts you at any rate

To treat you special 

Even if it's all at the same level

I should be a quiet ******

At least interactions would further interest me

I'm tired of unanswered text

Or accommodating to your standards

I could be the one that make you laugh

But you want that ******* over there to do it 

Not me

Why 

Because I'm not him

Hey I'm a funny *******

I just gave a minor coin value

Me and old abe

Either way the penny is still earned or saved

I dislike how you cry every day he is gone

Don't get me wrong I understand you miss him

No I've never been in love 

I guess I won't understand

I won't understand how to hold certain people over others regardless of the binding situations we are put in

I won't understand that loving everything and everybody for what they are is so **** hard

On the other hand it is a contradiction

A hypocritical statement

Because at the end if the day

When living good noble and kind is a dangerous way to live

That means I'm a badass

But why value all as a million bucks

When you just a penny of a dollar
© Matthew Marquis Xavier Donald

- My loving apparatus
Aug 2014 · 644
The effect it causes
CommonStory Aug 2014
I'm infatuated with an indulgence that is a poison for me

At times it's the best medicine 

Other times it leads to diaries of pain

It makes me gaze at the graying rain

it can cause smiles

It can make me drink awhile

I need it close

And at times I push it far away

It's warmth lets my skin roast

It makes me whisper lies and scream truths no matter what I say

It helps me live a little

And I know it kills me a little more everyday

It can cure a deadly ailment, and cause it all at once when it's done

It teeters me on the border or sober and high

Resistance and addiction

Sickness and medication

I need it want it and can live without it

What about you
-My loving apparatus
Aug 2014 · 777
My loving apparatus
CommonStory Aug 2014
A product of peace and propaganda

God of nothing

Hope, but don't expect too much

Chewed up and spit out

Like a favoured gum

Acknowledgment is lacking the knowledge if passion

Binded by free chains 

Silently screaming

I hope there is a lesson learned in all this *******

A vision of greatness

Despite arousing statements

We man hear then our trouser snake lifts

My heart beats fierce when I see your face or hear your name
I try not to let it, it just happens,
My brain has forgotten
But the memory or stored in my loving apparatus
Ever picture and caption
I remember what happened

The better I make you feel the more you ignore me
The **** is annoying

Patients is a virtue it won't hurt you a little bit
Practice the preaching
It's still all simple ignorance

You just want the reassurance
That you're beautiful
That you're smart 
That you're awesome
Or that 
Things aren't that bad 
Then you ignore us and that 
Isn't really a heavenly match

Say hi to the sunrise

And For mercies' sake

Let it die if you knows it's bleeding
-My loving apparatus
Jul 2014 · 822
I don't care
CommonStory Jul 2014
I don't care

I will not care 

For I've learned my lesson

I will not bow like a lowly peasant

I will not dip my fingers in boric acid hoping I can save you from the burning ashes

Just so you can walk away

Unscathed, and do it again

Then show no love for me

I want you  to be happy

But at my expense

Is this what you call happiness

For shame

And shame once more

That's why I do not care anymore

I don't dive in rivers deep

To break my hands and feet

Have my lungs collapse and save your life

Just for you to do it again

Im no hero

I'm human

But you might as well be a villain

Maybe I'm not chosen

For your notice

So I can warm you heart

So it won't remain frozen

I am not going to watch you weep just to pick you up at your feet

To catch you while you fall
And break the bones that support my knees

Just so when I fall

You don't catch me
 
Or at least put a pillow out

I know burdens can be heavy and make you sink

I'm not evil oh no no please

Look at the scars and the way I bleed
And the tears that have stained my cheeks

I will not love you back

To make my soul a darker black

I'd rather rip out all my hair

And be lonely and at despair

Then to love you anywhere

I don't Care
My broken loving apparatus
Jul 2014 · 3.4k
Pretty, young, dumb
CommonStory Jul 2014
Pretty, young, dumb
Follows many cheap inspirations
Walking with an influence
influenced by others
In the right place at the right time
Just in the wrong direction

Looking for the horizon
With a vertical point of view
Suffering from escapism
A natural reality
Taking quiet steps
Down something like a stairway

Hopeful while walking
Pretty young dumb
Doesn't fall and get imprinted
With a loss of steps
With many cracks and depths
Then the pretty is gone
And it's just young and dumb

But young and dumb
Suffers from a disease called age
That captures us all
From night and day

Far less the beauty
And so far from young
Lets just hope in good faith
That you don't remain dumb
I suppose it's something we all hope
Jul 2014 · 531
Death clock
CommonStory Jul 2014
There comes a time when we waste away

What will you do before decay

"Do it"

Heavy breathing and the shake of the trigger hum under the shallow gasp

"Do it!"

"School, home, people I just can't."

Drops of sweat trickle down her forehead and around the barrel


Inner problems

We all have them

Some we can't resolve

Others tend to evolve


An intense pressure is relieved as skin meets blade

It's almost uplifting

She can feel the blood curve around her wrist and drip

1 slice more

2 slices more

" I'm not a ***** I'm not I'm not "

Blood and tears meet in the sink and mix to a sweet elixir of life that Will never be tasted

More liked under lived and wasted


Pain

How so crude and pleasant

Inflicted and delivered

Physical and mental 

Who and where

Doesn't the situation matter

Do you care


" SHUT UP!"

The echo stopped suddenly 

"You little *******, that's why your dad left "

A Sharp pain shot through the little boys' heart

An angered response

" It's not my fault he hurt you "

A bottle flew across the room cracking the boy in the face

The sound of broken glass filled the room

" STOP TALKING, do you know what I"

" WHAT THE ****" 

the boy shocked holding his bleeding head started to mumble

" you said you said you said "

The mom stunned and dumbfounded just stared awaiting a loud response

" You said YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER HURT ME"

The mothers' eyes widened in shock in fear

" YOU LIER, YOU DON'T LOVE ME. I HATE YOU" 

the boy ran out the house, the house was silent after the boy shut the door until a screeching car followed by an oh my god

The mother then realized


We all have a time

A time to give 

A time to go

Pain is a crime

We feel it to live

The struggle has flow

Tick tick tock

Tick tick tock
Jul 2014 · 720
Real world dark corners
CommonStory Jul 2014
In a world full of darkness

Aren't we all blind

Or do you seek the truth

Truth seeking dummies

I've seen dim reflections

Fathom a non existence

As you read in and between the lines

Imagine the voice I speak

We seek

We want when we breathe

I seethe trying to make it better

 

In a world full of darkness

I'm not expendable

More flexible or malleable

With heavy retention

Seen for the unhurt ugly

Some say pretty hurts 

Who are you to say it does or doesn't

A lier until proven guilty

Sweet water can still be sour milk

The tang of value 

The value of people such

The people I value to much

Such naive imbeciles

Don't cry for I love you

Even though I can't see you


In a world full if darkness

Let there be Iight

Let the stubborn flourish with good wits

Let it be and be what prospers

Turn rocks into smooth stones

Walk on the warm ice

devalue contradictions 

Admit when wrong or right


And if not


Remain that dim stained light in the stained dark room
Those eyes keep'em closed
For the world a pretty called ugly
I suppose
Jun 2014 · 664
You
CommonStory Jun 2014
You
To see you for you

The pretty face

Sculpted by fairies in a timid place

We equipped make up

But oh oh oh natural 

The hormones of a different women

Hot cooking

Where I'm looking

Kisses to you

The taste if that blue moon

Moon moon moon

How quaint very soon soon soon

I've donned to be inspired

Motivated by smiles

Determined all the while

Few few few

Look and taste and feel

Like you you you
Only you just you for you
Jun 2014 · 817
To let love go ( haiku )
CommonStory Jun 2014
I love you
You broke my tiny heart
Goodbye love
If you love someone or something you have to let it go
Jun 2014 · 2.8k
To kill a bluejay
CommonStory Jun 2014
To **** a bluejay
Give it soda
Lots of soda
They can't drink that ****
They will try to burp and die in the process
Fun fact of the day
Jun 2014 · 1.1k
perspective
CommonStory Jun 2014
I'm tired of not being understood

And having to understand others

Can I be understood

Is it me or you caught in the loop

Now I'm getting mad

How many paths will cross

Before it's created a loss

A loss is a loss

No matter how much you lose by

****** we can't meet on levels eye to eye

You know what **** this

*******

You and your ideologies

You and your idealistic hypocrisy

Yes I'm irritated 

I don't know who isn't being understood

I will not submit without compromise

Well atleast what's fair to me 

What's that

What's fair to me isn't equivalent

To what you call righteous justice

In your mind

Well I apologize for invading your happy place

I'm physically depressed my doctor said

And mentally needy 

That's why I'm so confused and use you 

But I'm still not understood

And refuse to understand when to me

It's accepting something my persona doesn't go by

Or is it tolerating what I deem incompetent 

My grin mimics a cold grimace

Am I wrong

My arm hurts

I'm holding a grudge, but it's really a half full cup of water in my that I've been holding for 14 days

And now I'm thirsty but can't quench my thirst because my arm hurts

Aaaahhhhh

I just want an answer my heart can accept

Is that to much to ask

Or is it selfish of me
I need a new perspective
Jun 2014 · 1.9k
intoxicating pleasantries
CommonStory Jun 2014
It's starting


Puff puff


Drink drink


Just a little to start


A tingle euphoria generates through my body


Hahahah 


How heavenly


What a draining relief has come


Laughable ramblings through the groups


Fickle chat


Random silences


A leveling effect has come


Teeter todder invisible waves rub across my body


How invigorating


The tingle Slowly shifts into a numbing pulse


I didn't notice


How nice


Then it fades away


Like a butterfly in a suns rays


Sweet intoxication
Jun 2014 · 804
To you who I don't remember
CommonStory Jun 2014
Dear you


You who I don't remember

I didn't try to forget you

As I forgot others

You just slipped away like a meal I had yesterday

No offense

And I apologize if it was taken

I know the feeling

And it wasn't on purpose

The funny thing is 

I've tried to forget other's

To no avail

And I only remembered you

One day on the bus 

When I saw your face and remembered

You remembered me


I could tell by your face

And I know now why we didn't talk

Not because of a useless conversation

Or a phone number to keep in touch

Not because of misplaced hate

More like disturbed feelings

I hurt you and I am sorry

And you hate me now

I hope I am human but the feelings I feel

Aren't hurt by you

And not to say I don't care

But by next week you won't be there

And I've been in your position and have been forgotten

So I'm human by nature and wrongfully rotten

To you who I don't remember

And for those who don't remember me

Out of sight and out of mind is where we will always seem to be
Sincerly,

Yours to forget
Jun 2014 · 285
If I have to
CommonStory Jun 2014
If I have to find forever alone

I shall become a fierce animal when I find home

If I have to live a life where I don't feel alive

Can I deprive another to to end my dependence

If I have to find happiness

In the pursuit does that mean I search miserably

Crawling among daisies and daffodils

Just to be stung by bees 

Do those bees die feeling fulfillment

Does the floral arrangement leak beauty but attract danger

If I have to get you to love me

Would it be worth it

Trying sometimes isn't 

Forcing would be a better option

But I don't really mean it

If I have to make you smile

And I smile in return

If I have to turn you on

Does it seem to just appeal

If I have to break your heart

Will it be on purpose

Is it only that much worth it
If I have to 

Should you to
Only if I have to
Jun 2014 · 587
All I got
CommonStory Jun 2014
I crave honesty

Though I weep to it's side effects

I've seen the ******* and many lies

Can you tell from my bitter eyes

Accepting and tolerating

The truth with the lies

I'm turned immortal by a stone dragon

Cursed to be reborn from                     A phoenixs' ashes

Just to be held close

To know it never felt close to love

Because love never felt so good

Which is what made it an enemy

I turned my back to the knife right at me

Hoping another entity maliciously pierced me

Situations change but don't lie to me

This love is all that I got

And when the escapism fades

All I'll have is the shirt on my back
gullible situations
CommonStory Jun 2014
To be broken

Without repair

Is a game without a token

To have been caught and snared

I've got a bad habit

We all do

A favorable habit

Let it forward and ensue

The smile is a trap

With all the warning signs

I guzzle the drugs

To take the plunge

And shift through the wreckage

Piece it together with perpetual guilt

We can't cure the sickness

When it's cold before you hit the ground

Let it snow let it snow let it snow

Hopefully the cold will numb it

As it did before

Then when summer comes to melt the ground

Pick me up as you did before

Broken and battered

Repaired and bruised

When I jump again

Maybe just maybe

You won't put me together

And help me again
Humpdy dumpdy
Jun 2014 · 1.2k
The will of addiction
CommonStory Jun 2014
Not you again
An achy yearning rises in my chest
You show up out of nowhere
The hairs on my body stand
Won't you go away
Lips crack and dry
Maybe just one
I lick my lips
One won't hurt
You only need one every now and then
Unconscious actions lead me to the door
One that's all
Dopamine rush
I look up
"Big Al's smoke shop"
It won't be bad
No no no
It's relaxing
No no no
It won't hurt
No no no

" Hey yo"
My head turns
" Are you going in or what?"
I glare back at the store
" Nah"
Sigh

addiction averted
Jun 2014 · 8.1k
the art of rejection
CommonStory Jun 2014
A simple cafe
The woman with the latte
I see her
Those peach pink lips
Your jeans fadded blue
Blonde curly hair
Skin so fair
Oh the things I would do

Across the room
Her Carmel colored skin
Brown long hair
Breast perked so
Coke bottled body

And you
Oval shaped eyes
Sun kissed freckles
so fun sized

Burgundy bleached hair
Suckulant grape lips
Thick curved waist
Coffee hazeled eyes

Eyes....
She pierced my sight
I glanced back
She knows I'm looking
My deviant thoughts
Tension rises
Three seconds four and five
I break contact I head to the door
Stumble
******
She's at the door
Our bodys touch

"Hey do you dance"
I so dance
Respond
"Yeah I do"
" well you should meet my boyfriend
He does to"
******

Friend zoned
May 2014 · 1.7k
To mend a broken heart
CommonStory May 2014
To mend a broken heart
You have to follow an ignorant soul
To follow that lowly soul
You need patience
Why patience
For ignorance
Why ignorance
Why not
To mend a broken heart
Understand its s fickle and frigid thing
It creeks When it opens
It locks When it closes
It's conceded One way
And submissive in others
To mend a broken heart
Another heart is needed
To mend a broken heart
You have to break your heart in the process
May 2014 · 924
skittles instead of blood
CommonStory May 2014
What*  if  you
Thought  all  happy  thoughts
It's  better  than  A  crack  *addiction
May 2014 · 531
Midnight suffication
CommonStory May 2014
My eyes open
I'm dazed
Silence, nothing
I inhale
Clogged suction
A shivering static vibrates through me
I exhale
A short whimper
The tightness and heavy feeling strike My chest
My body stiffeness then numbs
The rustle and whiswtle turn to a dying gasp a hissing howl
My eyes close
"Where's My inhaler?"
Shifting hands like cilia feel through the dark
Panic
Adrenaline
Suddenly an L sharped item in my grasp
"Shake" "shake"
"Puff" "puff"
Exhale
Sigh
That sudden euphoria
Relaxation followed by a loss of  conciousness
Sleep and dream

Waking in water
May 2014 · 4.8k
Asthma
CommonStory May 2014
I can hear it
The whistle and rustle as air surrounds and fills the sacks of my lungs
I can feel it
The heavy tightness of my chest with every exhale
I reach in my pocket
"Shake" "shake"
"Puff" "puff"
A sudden relief of my lungs smooth muscles loosening
Dopamine fills my body
Sigh
I exhale and walk away happily daunting the next oncoming of an attack by its hazardous side effects

A fish out of water
May 2014 · 723
Paper thin
CommonStory May 2014
Paper hearts
Coated in sugar
Sweet simple art
Lightly tread on edges thin
Living through warm smiles and dormant memories
Forever and ago we will reach fin
Side by side
Lightly caress to break my stationary casing
Barely close enough to confide
Hoping everything
Leaves a beat
An exigent effort to remember
Living by friable motions
Break with rain
Torn apart
You can't wear me down
I'm sustained by something paper thin
Stopping my heart with a touch at a time
May 2014 · 558
A diamond when rough
CommonStory May 2014
Sweet intoxication
Take me on a ride today
I'm not addicted to You
I'm influenced to move Efforts to understand and compromise
This is not one-sided
I know                          
You know
It's not self sustaining              
Alas in language we suffer verbal fractures
Cruelty has no color or age
To be evil is to live
If I had you upside Down
In the basement of my house
A bat aimed at your mouth
And a ***** on a drill aimed to penetrate and violate
Would you apologize
In this world you can die if you give a ****
Saying sorry is to simple
Predicaments placed by selfless actions
A definition of Nativity at it's finest
Apr 2014 · 479
Goodbye Love
CommonStory Apr 2014
Goodbye love
Fragile like a paper heart
It's still there but torn yo pieces

The touch of a playful shove
Winding falling to the ground like art
I' am glass shattered in a thousand pieces

Now my best wish, is just a beautiful memory
We soar like we're chained together by a flock of feathers
I can quench your thirst with this bottle of love

To bad you've found another, turned me into an enemy
Soft touches feel like the warmth of leather
Another morsel I hunger for so goodbye and goodnight love
Apr 2014 · 824
Poison
CommonStory Apr 2014
To be alone
Curled in silence
Loved by darkness
Appreciate by one's thoughts
Muddle by one's skin
Far from home
An equivalent to minus
invoke an inner artist
Only to entrap what wants to be caught
A dim emotionless cycle
Does it break when you scream
A simple fall from a tree
Smoke till you need
Choke on the free
Black minds follow the core of the white heart
don't patronize me
I don't want the advice
Right now I want to hate life
You make me bleed
Your my own enemy
Give me the reason to leave
It's just poison
Apr 2014 · 772
Diabolical Mercy
CommonStory Apr 2014
Alcohol only understands alcoholics
**** for stoners
power for politics
dark knights for the jokers
I casually forget
that I casually forget
What reason to resent
connect to the tempt
let it rip like a blade through the skin
unphased by the sin
An abysmal of interest
still bewildered by abashed movements and contemptment
plaugues by immortal sins
of mortal men
we are only equal by the hierarchy we rule by
actions and reactions do or die
unpleasent motives inflicted pain by mere touch
I trust my eyes are clouded by the logic in my mind
Shift to an undisposable appetite
set a riot after night
Excuse my Vocalization
take it how i meant it understand Veberalization
I am a ***** man
look at my ***** hands
Dull minds
Dull minds
Take your influence
make your influence
reality checks save lives
end lives with escapism
Uncaged birds with clipped wings
Freedom just isn't free
I am at your mercy
No matter how diabolical it can be
Apr 2014 · 800
Writing from a suicide
CommonStory Apr 2014
If I wrote suicide note...
It wouldn't be a love letter
If I wrote a suicide note
Would you be in it
Would it sadden your conviction
Would you be my hopeful light that made me leave with a smile
If you read the note
Would tear ducts flow
Would you caring make a difference
Woul I be pushed aside or would it be more delibrate
If I wrote a suicide note
Do you think I would end it
Would life crush me to the point
Thyat I would morlly want to end it
When you read it and the truth spilled out
Could it make or brake your attention
My hateful restitution
My loving resolution
What would be the reason
Today or tomorrow
If you wrote a suicide note
Would i be in it or make the difference





Have you ever thought every consequential second me just exsisting or emotions thick as resin
Would you cry knowing I did. The guilt would it **** you that I lived and you weren't around to care or do anything about it. If you were there and tried as hard as you could and love me with warmth and not responsibility as I would you. I left it in the note as my best and worst
Apr 2014 · 696
Butterfly of death
CommonStory Apr 2014
I'm afraid of affection
Exerted through many faults
My skin torn from limbs
just to regenerate.
My shell grows thicker
Beautiful butterfly of death
Cure me with poison
From the lethal remedy
To move forward I put faith in my feet
My legs crumble like cookies
If only I had to leap
To stare and wait till no one is looking
I've never seen the dark side of love
It is blind
I've never experienced the lighter side if hate
With my eyes opened wide
My kindness is a curse
The kind that gets submerged
Right before the purge
clip the lovely wings
And we all fall down
Dread not the bitter moth with the lurking eyes
It's not the beauty
It's the death of a butterfly

— The End —